Feeling emotionally disconnected from my boyfriend at times?

[Anonymous]

It might be because I'm still kind of concerned about letting my guard down and potentially being judged after a year of this relationship. I'm not sure if I'm the only one feeling like we aren't as emotionally intimate as we should be. Or he does too. I've never asked. But he never shares his weaknesses with me or his worries or anything else. I usually don't either. So it feels like there's sometimes this wall between us and its frustrating. It wasn't like this in my previous relationship. I was so open to my ex since the beginning and he was less guarded than my current bf. Im totally over my ex. I love my current bf. But what's this weird feeling of emotional intimacy disconnect? How can I fix it?

[Bubblesi]

I have very little experiencebwith relationships but I know a lot about emotional detachment. Siple advice is to startbtalking about it. It's not easy. Sometimes you have to push yourself or even have a stiff drink (no more than one!) to get yourself to do that but ir gets easier. I find that if you become vurnerable tu the right person he/she usually reciprocates in the same way.

[Scorpio510]

Hi can we talk about this? Emotional detachment?

[blunttalker]

The problem is fear of intimacy, it happens in relationships, i could talk about it but i think it's more clear in articles that you can google. Just type "fear of intimacy in relationships" and there's your help!

[Asker]

I looked it up. Thanks for the tip!

It seems maybe he might be a bigger component of this issue. I have no problems with emotional intimacy with my friends. Other people. But he never tells me his weaknesses. His worries. He always just wants to talk about happy things. Happy plans. Happy ideas. Never negative. Never the worries. Never the struggles. Never the previous struggles. Future fears. I think him not sharing is making me shut down too. He always comes off as "perfect" without problems so how can I feel free to share my problems in such an environment.
But. How do I break down his wall?
Or isn't never gonna happen :(

[blunttalker]

The wall was built by him andd youu, so someone needs to be bold and break it down. I think you can do it, you're more daring. It will be scary at first. But it's a step. When you tell someone about your weaknesses, problems, etc, the other person feels less judged, like he's not the only one with problems, so he'll open up, most likely little by little. So just start little by little, break that wall down little by little. Everyone's imperfect, flawed, lacks of knowledge and certain skills, has problems and makes mistakes, so yeah, revealing your whole self is scary, it makes you vulnerable, but that shows strength, letting anyone you're human too and you're not ashamed of your life.

[Anonymous]

You're probably not completely comfortable around each other yet or else you wouldn't care if you were judged by him. If you want to be more open with him then sharing this concern would be a good place to start.

[Asker]

It's because he never shares his worries or vulnerabilities with me. He's always affectionate with me and says he loves me but how deep can it be if he won't truly show me his vulnerable self. Just frustrated :(

[Opinion Owner]

Then he's the one not comfortable enough with you. I would say that maybe he's just not the type to share feelings, but I feel like everyone does if they are around the right person. Maybe there isn't anything that he is too stressed out about right now. Still, I think if you want him to open up, you're going to have to start by being the one to do it first.