Boyfriend insecure... should I stop playing games?

Question

Ever since the start of our relationship, I've enjoyed playing games with him, which I know I shouldn't:

1. I took ages to respond to his messages

2. Never really complimented him or stroke his ego.

3. Rarely reply back to his "I love yous"

4. Never text him back when he texts me good night and good morning.

5. Read his messages and questions, but never respond for days.

6. Pretended to block him once and he started panicking.

7. Spoke about how attractive other guys are and how attractive my exes are.

8. Kept picking up fights and making break up threats, to which he pleaded me not to.

9. Didn't really flirt back.

Now he thinks I don't love him the same way he loves me and he is upset and insecure, I feel really bad because I thought being mysterious and playing hard to get worked. Now I feel that I have hurt him. He doesn't believe me when I told him how much I love him, What should I do to show him I love him so much? He is really attractive, chivalrous, polite, sweet, caring, protective (he said he would protect me with all his life) kind and very loving. Although I've spoken about hot guys (and he was really jealous every time), he said he only has eyes for me and I'm the prettiest, most intelligent and amazing girl he has ever met. He never talked about other women. I feel so guilty, what to do?

serious · Accepted Answer

I don't understand why women think that playing hard to get will work on men? I mean it rarely ever works, 95% of the time it will fail, it will backfire on you and the same thing has happened with you as well.

Men just dislike these kind of games, men dislike women who play hard to get, eventually they will give up on such women. I don't understand from your post it's clear that you are doing everything possible to make him feel insecure, you make him jealous you doing everything possible to hurt him. You mention about other guys, how attractive they are and so on, you threaten him, don't respond to his messages and so on.

I mean your entire post indicates that you have doing everything to disrespect him.

I mean these are not the traits of an ideal girlfriend. It's possible that your boyfriend might be already of the insecure type and so why would you as a girlfriend want to trigger his insecurites even more? What kind of a girlfriend would do that?

I mean as a girlfriend, you should try to understand him, you job is to make your boyfriend feel as secure as possible, you should make sure you never hurt him. That's what an ideal girlfriend would do, however you have not been doing anything like that.

However you are really lucky to have a boyfriend like him, he really sounds like a true man and it's really surprising that he still hasn't broken up with you, I mean he surely is a person of soft heart, and is forgiving towards you.

Please learn from your mistakes and stop playing these games and don't do anything to hurt him by any means, otherwise eventually he will break up with, believe it or not one day that will happen and that day you will regret it.

It will be your loss.

raio81597 · Accepted Answer

I personally would of dumped you a long time ago, that's really low and callous, I don't know who gave you that advice to do that to him, if it was a friend, dump them as a friend, they put you between a rock and a hard place. I don't blame him for being the way he is with you. He'll probably not trust you ever. You have got a lot of amends to make. Keep in mind that your actions and behavior does not speak to high quality, or character, or morals, or integrity. It sounds to me like it's really you who is insecure and not deserving of a guy like him, this is someone's behavior when they have low self esteem and self worth, it's not what a healthy person would do.

MaskedSanity · Accepted Answer

You shouldn't have gotten into a relationship in the first place, considering how immature you are and incapable of understanding how hurtful your behaviour was without him actually voicing that.

Where did you get all this idiotic advice from? Has it ever crossed your mind to consider how YOU would feel had he been using exactly the same tactics thinking it would make him seem "mysterious"? Putting yourself in someone else's shoes should be the first guide on how you treat people around you. If you wouldn't like it, what makes you think others will?

He won't believe you and rightfully so. You acted completely disinterested, what did you expect?

Do you want to mend the relationship? Tell him exactly what you wrote here. That you got a stupid idea from somewhere that it would make the relationship more interesting and didn't realize how your actions were affecting him and TRUTHFULLY APOLOGIZE.

Don't try covering your ass by just being nice from now on. Accept your mistake, come clean and tell him it was very immature of you and you now understand that it was a terrible thing to do and that you're truly sorry.

The correct foundation for a healthy relationship is honesty and the ability to humbly accept one's mistakes in order to avoid repeating them.

THEALIster · Accepted Answer

Welp, i believe if you truly love him you should go on Google and type in how to love a man, and how to keep him, how to make a man feel secure, and masculine, & more importantly how to not be insecure for yourself... Because unless he's told you he's insecure he's probably not, he's probably so secure with himself that he can be himself in a relationship and open his heart because he's the one with pure intentions, & he believes you have pure intentions to. If you already told him what you've done and he wants nothing to do with you, move on for good and start focusing on yourself, and how to be a better you, learn from your mistakes.

mooky06 · Accepted Answer

You sound like a horrible person. Playing hard to get shouldn't happen when you got the guy. Omg I feel really bad for your boyfriend.

You need to see him and apologise and tell him why you have been acting stupid. You need to tel him that you wanted to be mysterious and that you were playing hard to get. And promise him that, that shit is not going to happen again. It's his choice. If he leaves you, I don't really blame him.

eatspaghetti93 · Answer

you sound like exactly my current girlfriend. she did the same things (even worse stuff but I doubt she cheated on me, not saying you cheated on your boyfriend either). I could take it for 2 years. 6 months ago I realized how bad she treated me. gonna break up with her on Tuesday.
once he's gonna realize how bad you treated him it won't matter how hard you're trying, the love will be gone by him and he won't feel happy with you. sorry, you screwed up and this is exactly what you deserve for what you did to your boyfriend.

Mesonfielde · Answer

So not only disrespect him with manipulation, you are actually surprised he thinks you are disinterested after having done EVERYTHING in your power to make him think you are disinterested. Blocking him for fun, refusing to reciprocate affection, blatantly ignoring him... That's just disrespectful. Are you sure you are emotionally mature enough for social relationships?

Anyways, @maskedsanity already told you what to do, but I don't think it will help you grow some empathy and become more considerate of how your actions affect others. That needs a whole new perspective that seems to be unknown to you.

joeb73 · Answer

the damage that you have done way never be totally repaired to the point it was before you started playing the games. i just hope you learned we are fragile and do have feelings. the only thing i can suggest is stop the games and treat him with the love and respect you should have be giving him all along. hopefully over time ye starts to beleave you truly love him

JuicyBrain · Answer

On what planet would that seem like a good idea? You should read what you have written and facepalm yourself several times. That must be the most stupid behavior I have ever heard of. It is inconceivable that he has let you do this for so long without dumping your ass. But really, tell me. What on earth made you think this was a good idea?

MG-TOW · Answer

Problem is that your whole relationship is based on games and lies. Basically you already fucked it up. Someday he will realize that he loves the idea of you and not the real you. I might sound harsh but within games you can never see the real person.

The big question is that is the real you worth loving? If you think so and you are confident enough stop playing games. If it is not, still stop playing games because he deserves better.

godfatherfan · Answer

Why would you do something like that? it isn't funny. It shows was a truly immature child you are. If he had any self respect he would dump you immediately.

dudeforchicks · Answer

Admit your mistakes to him and start becoming an honest woman. In a relationship, you have the privilege to experience life with somebody else. Thats a beautiful thing. Don't waste it, nurture it.

Hungry_Shark · Answer

Girls like u get dumped and then cry all their lives... where are all the nice guys have gone... keep doing ur behaviour... and soon u will get dumped by this dude

SarahsSummer · Answer

There's a huge difference between being mysterious and just being a bitch. It's time to start gettng honest with him, opening up and sharing.

xXiTacoXx · Answer

You weren't being mysterious. You were being an emotionally abusive cunterella that's a poor excuse for a girlfriend. He deserves much better than you.

Sixgun77 · Answer

Why would you do this? News flash: most people hate when people play hard to get (which you've gone way beyond), and prefer people to be honest. Good luck fixing this. If he really loves you you might be able to repair the damage, but only if you really love him. This is bad, really bad. I rarely ever get a phone number or a date, but I'd rather be single and suffer through being alone than put up with what you've done.

Blonde401 · Answer

This behaviour is why he's insecure. You're a complete asshole for treating him this way, he deserves way better and he probably will never trust you as a result because of these games.

Anonymous · Answer

You're a piece of shit.

This will probably get deleted soon for "being too offensive" but it's true and I want you to read it and take it to heart as long as it remains posted, then I hope someone else takes the time to repost the same message, because it's 100% true. You make women look bad, and you bring shame to human beings everywhere.

Again, you're a piece of shit.

Anonymous · Answer

You are a fucking bitch! Your are a insecure and immature person and that's why you play games...
If I was in your bfs place I would have dumped you so early in the relationship...

Seriously girls like you in my opinion are weak and dumb...
No wonder he feels not loved... I hope he dumps you.. Cause he is one weak ass guy for putting up with your bullshit... But that's only because he loved you...

Blueeyes81 · Answer

Stop acting like a kid for starters. Stopping the games and making an actual effort in the relationship should be a good start.

Azara · Answer

How did you guys end up in a relationship in the first place? I dont see the incentive on his part if you were really doing this from day one?

DBAOracle · Answer

Like seriously? Why would you do this to him? The guy does all of this for you and that's your response? You're just not so great of a person to date in all honesty...

Prince_teddy4u · Answer

You're bad girlfriend. Don't play anymore games. Just love him and bring him back.

CHARismatic110 · Answer

You should never play with people's emotions like that. Not cool at all.

Anonymous · Answer

You realize that those feelings of guilt? They're deserved. And more. You've treated the guy like absolute dirt.

Boyfriend insecure... should I stop playing games?

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