My boyfriend isn't inviting me to his daughter's birthday party. I'm confused, help pls?

[kokisnj]

I've been dating this guy for almost a year now. Things are getting serious between us. Her mother is throwing a birthday party for his daughter and he's not inviting me to go with him. We always go to invitations and places together as long as our schedules work...
He told me this yesterday and I was surprised and even told him how he didn't even bother asking me. He said he thought I might not want to go, which is crap!!! But he's still going to go without me. He didn't invite me even after I said that.
Im having really hard time processing this. I need help. I wouldn't do that if it was me who's in his place. Why in the world doesn't he want me to go with him?

[Anonymous]

Obviously because his EX is the one throwing the party.
Maybe his ex doesn't want you to be there, or maybe she doesn't even know about you? if she hasn't met you yet, of course we don't want his kid's bday party to be your first meet. if she has met you, then maybe she doesn't want you to be there. Her friends will be there too and you don't want to deal with them either.. Or it just your boyfriend trying to prevent any drama. you say you are not a drama person but maybe his ex is.
Unless you know your boyfriend AND his ex for a long enough time and you guys (his ex and you) comfortable with each other.. If this is not the case, then you should not be going. Unless I'm total cool with my boyfriend's ex, I wouldn't want to go either.
Just ask him to have a small bday party with you and him and his kid only. That would be nice and his kid will love you more.

[RJGraveyTrain]

It could just be that he doesn't feel it's appropriate. I know people will hate me for saying this but sometimes it isn't.

I don't know how close your are to his kids, if at all, but when it comes to a guy or girl introducing a new partner into their preexisting family unit, it's the comfort of the family first that is taken into consideration. He might feel awkward about having you around his ex, his kids, and the family, and may just be trying not to step on anyone's toes or push boundaries.

If it bothers you that much just ask him directly what his reasoning is.

[SarahsSummer]

i agree

[kokisnj]

I asked and he said yesterday that he'd be happy to take me and then today he said he's going by himself and he said in just finding fault in him for asking why he didn't invite me to go with him. I'm just so confused

[Brooksbaby93]

I would say it's because his ex is there and its there thing I know it's hard but I kinda get were he's coming from on this. I have two kids and I don't know how I would fill about icon ting my so to my kids birthday if that makes sense. But he's also in the wrong for hiding it from you I think you should talk to him aND really as why he did it.

[Yeeagerbomb]

If it's his daughter and you're not the mom, where is the mom? Will she be there? If so, that'd be awkward for him. If the mother has passed away, maybe he doesn't want his own mother to scare you away? I won't bring girls around my mother for a very long time. She's judge mental and annoying and has scared many off. Ask him why...

[OlderAndWiser]

Because he is concerned about drama between you and his ex.

[kokisnj]

But he knows I'm not a drama person and we only say hi and that's all... never have been any drama...

[Fuentes]

But his BM could be all about drama, funny i said the same

[OlderAndWiser]

@Fuentes Being a "step-parent" is all about having responsibilities and no privileges and it is easy to become frustrated with that.

[kokisnj]

I can really see that coming, not fun! :(

[Fuentes]

I have a girl im seeing with three kids lol she's so bad tho and been mistreated and dumb for havin three kids lol nd i have one and i would never bring her to my Bm's house cause i knoe how my bm is lol and i hope shed do the same even tho id beat her baby dad up lol

[kokisnj]

@Fuentes lolz you're funny. I agree on the maturity thing though.

[Fuentes]

Lol thanks

[AperolSpritz]

Do his know his ex? Have you spent enough time with his daughter for her to be completely comfortable around you?

My ex partner and I have a little girl. Who he dates is none of my business, but no way would I let someone I wasn't sure she was 100% happy around come to any special occasion.

Maybe he just doesn't feel it's appropriate.

[kokisnj]

He introduced me to her less than a month after we started talking!!! I even babysit her for him sometimes, take her to the mall, have took portrait pictures for both of them and just her alone when I had her by myself one of the days

[AperolSpritz]

Maybe he just doesn't want cause tension. That's the most likely reason

[Betty13boop07]

He could still be seeing her without you knowing. It’s never okay for your boyfriend to make you feel as though how she feels is more important. He has a say so too when it comes to their child. If you’ve met the child before it shouldn’t be an issue. If she starts drama at her kids party that’s on her. He’s allowing her to have a say so in who can be around when it comes to him and the child during events or celebrations like this. Not okay!! If he’s doing this now he’s going to continue doing it.

[GoldMeddle]

That would probably be really awkward and might lead to tension and fighting between him and his ex and you. I would do the same thing if I was in his shoes. It's her birthday and he doesn't want it ruined by drama.

[SarahsSummer]

I think you should respect the potential for awkwardness of you at his ex'es house. Awkwardness for him, for the ex and for you. If you have relationship with his daughter, celebrate another time with her and your boyfriend.

[kokisnj]

It's going to be at some church building or something but not at his ex's wife. I wouldn't have bothered if that was the case

[SarahsSummer]

marriage or not, there was a prior relationship that created their daughter. I really dont think it needs to be about you and your needs in this situation. Respect your bf's wishes for a smooth birthday party and celebrate her another time. Is this stemming from an insecurity that he'll get back together with her if you are not there?

[kokisnj]

Hahaha nope! He's been divorced for 11 years and there's no way he's getting back together with her. But as someone that's planning a future with me, I'd expect to be involved in this kind of events that have to do with his daughter. I've friends in same situation and they go as couples, not biggy! I just can't see why he's having a problem with it.

[SarahsSummer]

How old is the child and how old is your BF? You were in high school while he was getting divorced?

[kokisnj]

She's turning 13 and my big is 38. I know he's a bit older than me.

[SarahsSummer]

you should respect his decision on this. He's doing it for good reason.

[kokisnj]

It's not like I'd make drama because I'm not invited but he didn't give me any legitimate reason and it just don't seem right to me you know

[SarahsSummer]

maybe you should calmy ask him why?

[Fuentes]

Well this could go three ways, his daughter said she dont want you there lol cause the mom coached her to say that so he doesn't want to hurt your feelings & their is him knowing his baby mom is trifling and her family is as well so he's just keeping u safe or their is him thinking he has a chance with his BM again lol

[kokisnj]

Well, he's been divorced for 11 years and I don't think there's anyway they'd get back together. And I'm close with his daughter... I've replied on a couple of replies about this...
May be protecting me? But I'm not convinced with that, I'm having those gut feelings :/

[Fuentes]

U can be close with the daughter all u want but not every mother is going to be mature and ok with that at all

[thewho1975]

perhaps he is just protecting his daughter and feels its not the right time for you to be present yet, its probably difficult for him to have to say that to you to dont forget

[kokisnj]

He introduced me to his daughter just a few weeks after we started talking and I help him a lot with her... I tutor her sometimes, babysit her, take her shopping... a lot more... I was even the one to tell her and help her when she started getting her first period a couple months back, because her mother is a waste of skin and selfish and never even thought her simple things like that...

[thewho1975]

oh right i see why you are confused now, is there a worry for him perhaps that there is a possible conflict that could occur? and he's worried about his daughter picking up on it if it did happen?

[kokisnj]

There shouldn't be any conflict or drama as far as I'm aware of you know. I don't think his ex would make drama but even if she does, I won't be engaged! We probably would say bye to his daughter and leave.
When he told me he was going, I asked him right away how it didn't cross his mind to invite me. He said may be I wouldn't want to go and he was lying! I know there's more to it as to why he didn't bother asking but then he said he'd love for me to go and when I asked the time today, he said he'd be going by himself 😳
He can be honest about it if it was a legitimate reason, that's what confusing me. And then may be we could've discussed why and I'd have moved on.

[thewho1975]

he's in a spot with it for sure, definitely there is more to it but it really sounds to me like he's been asked not to bring you and he is trying to avoid any issues both on the day and down the line, id say to him please be honest and i promise i won't protest or repeat anything i just want to understand so i can respect the situation rather than wonder about it?

[kokisnj]

I'll do that for sure!!! Tnx

[thewho1975]

Anytime, almost certain you got nothing to worry about! best of luck

[EDBrown07]

That's weird considering y'all have been together for a year... Did he even go to the birthday? Was it even on the day he said it was?

[kokisnj]

The birthday is tomorrow. It's weird because we're in a serious relationship even planning future together... and I'm close to his daughter... that's what is really upsetting me. May be I expected too much?

[EDBrown07]

So you have a good relationship with his kid and you know his baby momma?

[kokisnj]

I know her. It's not like he's introduced me formally but whenever we go to pick up his daughter or something and her mother is around, we say hi to each other. And that for me is fair enough and just fine

[EDBrown07]

If there has never been any beef between y'all (you and the baby momma) then I don't see why you weren't invited. You have been apart of his life for a year and have been around the child. This just doesn't make since to me.

[TadCurious]

I actually think it's more appropriate that you not be there. And that has nothing to do with you as a person but just out of sensitivity for the reason for the event: your boyfriend's daughter.

[Anonymous]

This whole party is for his little girl, it's not about you. Maybe he just wanted to spare her any discomfort, because it's going to be awkward enough with just him there with all of his ex's family.

[Anonymous]

I suspect the birth mother invited him... and that's it.

TBH, split parents don't even do that much all the time.

[kokisnj]

Well, it definitely is the mother because she wouldn't let her daughter invite him without her approving it and I don't think his daughter is the one that invited him. But they've both have different lives and why is it a problem to have me as his date? I've seen people done it a lot and I don't think I'm being unreasonable. I'm not sure if I'm just overreacting or any of what I said makes semse

[Opinion Owner]

I understand why you're hurt. But I wouldn't take it as him not including you. It's more like his ex not including you in a party she's hosting and that's not so shocking. If you two get married she would, I hope, invite you. As it is she is likely downplaying the extent you'd be there for the daughter not just as 'his date' (because you don't get to bring a plus one to a kids birthday). Maybe she's not that aware or maybe she's not wanting to reinforce it in case you leave or maybe she's a little jealous and is goi g to accept it as it happens but not be pushing it forward.

[Jessica1987]

How is the relationship between him and his ex. Maybe it's not a you thing, but a her thing? She might have not wanted you there? I don't know do you and her have an ok relationship?

[kokisnj]

They've been divorced for about 11 years... And they both have different lives. She's been married I belive 3 times after him and it's not like they care about each other as like who's dating who you know

[Jessica1987]

Maybe just tell him how it makes you feel and then leave it alone then. There's a reason he didn't invite you and just as long as he takes you around his friends and family and his child then you have nothing to worry about. Maybe he feel uncomfortable with the situation

[kokisnj]

I've tried explaining that but it didn't work. I'm going to wait a little bit until I calm down a bit and I'll tell him how it really making me feel and how it looks like to me... Tnx for the help!

[Anonymous]

Probably as his ex doesn't want you there and he wants to keep the peace for his daughter

[NajemEddine]

why would i have my girlfriend and my baby momma in one place

[Tscales]

She told him not to bring you so 1 of 3 things.
1. He’s not ready
2. He’s still messing around with her,
3. He’s trying to hide something

[Genkirocket192]

Might be the pressure of the mother

[Anonymous]

Maybe the mother doesn't want you there?

[Anonymous]

Maybe a hookup with the ex.

[Anonymous]

Just turn up anyway