How do you get over a long, recurring crush?

[PaulAtreides]

there's a girl I know from my early teens who I went to school with and ended up in the same university doing a similar degree. I've always had a thing for her and every few years I try pursuing her again and every time it amounts to nothing. we've made out and messed about once, but that was like 5 years ago.

I know I'll never actually get a chance to date her properly, I'm not what she's looking for and she's also one of my sister's best friends so that's a problem too.

So I guess the real question is how do I get over her / forget her when I'm constantly seeing her on campus or through my sister.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried asking her out before? If not then maybe ask her out on a date. If she says no then just go out with other girls. Meet new people get new hobbies or improve your skills with current hobbies. Find things to distract yourself.

[PaulAtreides]

I've asked her out a few times. most recently last year.

problem is we have lunch occasionally anyway when we can, because we are friends above all else. so a date is really no different to our regular lunches, when you account for her lack of interest in me.

[Opinion Owner]

all honestly if you want to get over her maybe you should stop having lunch with her. This is confusing because you said you want to get over her and forget about her but it's hard because is your sisters friend and you go to the same campus yet you occasionally have lunch with her?

If you truly want to get over her and forget about her stop getting lunch with her and cut off all contact. Then if you want to be her friend give it time to the point where you don't have feelings for her then reconnect with her. But honestly that could be stupid because you could end up getting feelings for her again.

[PaulAtreides]

I have classes with her, it's not like I can avoid her. I want to get rid of the useless romantic feelings without losing her as a friend. she's a great person, I just want to be able to appreciate that without this stupid unrequited emotional attachment

[jasonstav]

Your best bet is to try find someone else and get close to them

[PaulAtreides]

@jasonstav I've dated like 6 people over the years other than her. so finding other people hasn't worked, yet

[jasonstav]

Lol then have you tried to put your hand on her face and just kiss her and tell her how you feel

[PaulAtreides]

read the OP. we've made out and messed around in the past, for one night. nothing after that though.

[jasonstav]

Yeah but you can always bring that back, ask her how she felt that night

[jasonstav]

Start flirting with her a bit and work out in the gym and she will start finding you more attractive and make yourself more interesting

[PaulAtreides]

She's practically repressed those memories, apparently. that indicates shame, or at minimum, a level of displeasure at the memory

[PaulAtreides]

also, gym is stupid advice. I've been competing nationally in my sport for 8 years, so including the gym hours and the actual hours training, that's not the problem

[Blurgiflr]

Distance yourself. And try to look for someone else. If she doesn't like you, then she's not the one for you.

[PaulAtreides]

I've had other people - and I'm aware she's not for me. intellectual awareness =/= emotional detachment.

And I can't distance myself without changing universities. which is not happening

[Blurgiflr]

You can, it's all about control. Dont talk to her. Avoid looking at her. Interacting with her. Keep telling yourself you have to distance yourself from her. You eventually will.

[jasonstav]

Get closer to someone else that should break it away

[jasonstav]

And if she really has feelings for you she will get jealous at the fact that you found someone else and let her feel the space of your presence not there anymore

[PaulAtreides]

I already know she doesn't have feelings for me. I've discussed my feelings for her, with her. we both know I have no chance

and regardless, I have dated other people over the years, still keep wanting her.

[jasonstav]

Then win her over

[PaulAtreides]

There is no "winning" her over. I'm not right for her, I can accept that.

[jasonstav]

Oh, ok then your best bet is to force those feelings out of you, you need to find someone that really connects to you the same level you connected to her in order to loose interest

[PaulAtreides]

I actually had someone like that. Sadly they died about two months ago. so yeah.

[jasonstav]

Sorry to hear that 😣

[jasonstav]

Explore the university you are at more there must be many girls interested in you

[PaulAtreides]

My field is tiny and mostly male dominated. STEM degrees aren't great for dating prospects

[jasonstav]

Tinder? 😀

[PaulAtreides]

Got it. Too socially retarded to start conversations

[jasonstav]

Me as well 😪 I'm kind of in the same situation as you