How do you get over a crush?

[Anonymous]

I started liking this guy in the beginning of the semester. He was smart and helpful and I considered it a harmless crush since he didn't know me. However, one day we got introduced for a group assignment and talked to each other. He was nice to me, even for the next assignment (which was a two people project), he himself asked me. In that assignment he did most stuff but told people we both worked equally. We talked for hours over that assignment, and even beyond that. However, there was nothing personal in the conversations though. I didn't think too much about the crush, just got a bit nervous whenever we met in person. It was a lot of meeting and he initiated the conversation most of the times. In fact we sat together for most classes. Others must have noticed it as well, when he was absent during a group meeting his best friend in the campus asked me: "do you know where he's? Has he told you where he has gone?"

Now the pre exam semester break has started and we won't see each other for few days. We talked 2/3 days ago over something. Today a new girl who'll be having classes with us from next semester asked me about a paper and mentioned that she asked him before me and he said that he'll talk to her about it when he has time. It seems like nothing, but I'm mad at myself. I got jealous of her and that's so stupid. He probably is just a sweet guy and it's me who has been having a crush since freaking August. How do I get over it?

[Bitter_Sweet94]

I don’t rush it.

I give myself space to feel it, then I start taking my power back slowly.

I pull my attention off them, remind myself of the parts that weren’t actually a fit, stay busy with things that make me feel grounded, and let time do the heavy lifting.

Eventually the feeling fades, and I end up seeing the situation more clearly than I did when I was inside it.

[Asker]

That's a really great advice. When we like someone we exaggerate the good facts about them and forget the parts where they don't fit. You're very right.

[Bitter_Sweet94]

Exactly.

Attraction makes us romanticize the parts we want to see.

But once the emotions settle, the picture gets more honest.

That’s usually when we realize what actually aligns, and what never did.

[Nikki1989]

Don't have them. You are no longer a child.

[Alex-Snow]

Maybe just ask him out for a casual date and see how it goes? Try something besides just school work to be with him. Ur thoughts?

[Asker]

Yes, but I'm afraid of ruining the friendship. What up he's just a very nice man and this behavior makes him dislike me? He's genuinely nice, in the beginning I once missed two days of classes due to sickness and he texted me finding out my contact info from the group to check on me.

[Asker]

*what if

[Alex-Snow]

Well you have to find a way to be with him outside of school. Doo you follow each other on socials? Maybe try some hints with him that you like him or compliment him on something. You will not ruin the friendship

[Asker]

I did compliment him on study related stuff. The other day there was an event going on in the town and most people went there. So he asked me if I wanted to come with him and later added that others will be there too. But I was a bit unwell that day so I said that. So yes, that was one chance. But see, we are residential students, we live inside the university campus. So yes, we have to meet each other plenty of times after the classes.

[loveslongnails]

Find another one. Crushes are like subway trains... there's another every 15 minutes.

[Asker]

Lol, I wish it was like that, but so far in my life I've had only two crushes.

[loveslongnails]

Obviously you're not doing it right. LOL At your age, you should have had at least a dozen by now.

[Asker]

Yeah. I very rarely like someone, the last one was 3 years ago.

[Asker]

I meant the one before this. He didn't know anything either and we weren't friends so it wasn't awkward.

[loveslongnails]

Well, I don't know what to tell you except having a crush on someone who never knows, never has a clue, then moves away before anything every happens, seems like a colossal waste of energy and time. Why don't you act on one them in the future? You've got nothing to lose.

[Asker]

I mean, I'm afraid that he'll dislike me. He was exceptionally nice to me, he helped me every time I was doing something I was bad at without even asking, texted me taking my number from the group when I was absent to know if I'm fine and supported my work publicly. I don't want him to dislike me over a crush.

[loveslongnails]

If your happy with just being "liked" when you want more, then keep doing what you're doing. You'll NEVER get beyond that if this is your plan indefinitely, but if you're ok with it, you got it.

[loveslongnails]

* typo... you're

[Asker]

I understand that. My fear is getting disliked, ruining the friendship etc etc. But I get what you mean.

[loveslongnails]

if you TRULY wanted just to be "friends", you wouldn't be describing your feelings as a "crush", would you? A "crush" has a romantic element to it and a longing for something more than just a friendship.

I am hearing you and thinking you're kidding yourself on every level around every turn. If you're afraid of losing whatever friendship you have by exposing your feelings, then stop pining over the guy and accept your own decision!! Then look for a love interest.

Also ask yourself this: when he meets someone else, marries or moves away, and you lose touch, how valuable will your current friendship end up being? It will have no value, and you will left with the memory, wondering "why didn't I do something when I had the chance?"

So make a decision here, girl; truly accept the friendship idea and wherever it leads, which could be nowhere in the long run, or make your play. If you get rejected, you'll end up where you most likely would have ended up anyway... without him or his friendship because he'll find someone and live a life with her.

[Asker]

I understand all that you've written. Today I was in a big trouble after a miscommunication at my department, and he came by hearing about that from someone else and stayed with me for almost an hour talking to me. It was nice. Let's see how it goes on, I'll let the semester end first.

[loveslongnails]

What does letting the semester end first have to do with anything at all? You're just kicking the can down the road. LOL

[Asker]

No, we have exams from next week. Neither acceptance nor rejection is a great thing at this point, both can distract me and affect my grades. Thus, I'll let them pass peacefully first.

[In_Trance]

Get under someone else

[Asker]

If you mean it that way, I'm sorry, but I've zero experience on that field. Besides, I don't get crushes easily, once in every three-four years it happens. So, can't have another crush easily.