Jealous because girlfriend is snapchatting other guys?

[Anonymous]

Okay so she's going to college next year which is great I'm super happy for her and she made a group chat and met a bunch of new people but ever since then she started snapchatting a couple different guys which I don't really understand because she has me. It's been constant for the past couple weeks and I brought it up once a little bit ago and she thinks that I don't trust her but that's not what its about. I feel like she would feel the same way if I was doing that but she doesn't know what jealously feels like because I dont snap any other girls out of respect for her. I know if I brought it up again she would probably say something like "do you not want me to make friends?" or something like that. And again thats not what its about, i think occasional snaps are perfectly fine but when its constant especially when she has a boyfriend I just personally dont think its right. What should I do?

Updates

+1 y

Okay so just to update this I completely trust her which some of you are saying I dont, its that I dont trust these dudes. Pretty sure she and I both know what their intentions are so there's no point of even letting it get to that point so why talk to them in the first place?

[btbc92]

One thing you have to remember is that she is your girlfriend, not your wife. Therefore you can't tell her what to do, but at the same time she needs to equally respect your desires as well. Even if you won't do what she is doing now, and you never done any of that before the point is you are responsible for what you feel and how you approach this situation.

She is allowed to make friends and do however she pleases within reason. But you need to control that jealousy, or don't be in this relationship. What I believe she needs to do is put an equal amount of effort with you as she is doing on snapchat. But if your becoming insecure due to her speaking to mainly guys, then it's your call. She isn't going to stop. However, I see this as both your insecurities as well as you feeling emotionally neglected. I believe that you taok to her one more time and this time reword jealousy with lack of emotional bonding will help her realize where she is failing and you lacking. Once again, you cannot force her to stop speaking to guys. Let her handle her affairs and you need to handle yours. But if it ever comes to a point where it crosses the line, then she either cease contact with them or your going to have to break up immediately.

[btbc92]

Update: Regardless of what Asker, she made the choice to talk them knowing this [I'm just going by what you said] is what they are or could be after. If she's entertaining them, then again, why are you still hashing over it instead of doing something about it? You either talk to her about it, dump her if she continues after you said no, or deal with it. Not trying to sound mean, but this is not our issue if you allow this.

[mimzy19]

You are so right! She would react the same way, actually worse, if she was in your position. Shshh, I hate that. Try and tell that it's not about not trusting her, its about you feeling unspecial since she already has you and yet she's talking to other guys. I always find it funny how people in relationships still need opposite sex friends. Like wtf, what is a guy and girl supposed to tall about? The weather? Fucking no. They'll always be someone flirting. I have experience in this, guys never wanna be just friends with girl. Only a handful might be okay to. You gotta be straight with her, if she doesn't understand and pulls the "you don't trust me, you don't want me making friends, their just friends don't worry about it" card on you, that just means she's double minded, which is never good in a relationship. by the way, you don't talk to other girls while having her, do you?

[truthbeknown]

thanks for backing me up!!!

[mimzy19]

@truthbeknown no problem. Hope everything works out for you guys.

[mimzy19]

Oh oops, I thought you were OP 😂 nvm that last part lol and you're welcome.

[MistQueen23]

Agree with this 100 percent. People in relationships dont need tons of friends of the opposite gender. I thought I could trust my boyfriends guy friend and he ended up trying to talk me in to sleeping with him! Can't trust anyone now days...

[mimzy19]

@MistQueen23 So true! You gotta be super careful these days

[Asker]

I agree, thanks for the advice!

[Asker]

And no I've never talked to any other girl the whole time we've been dating unless like someone texts me a question about school, work, etc. but thats literally it

[mimzy19]

Then she's definitely doing the wrong thing

[mimzy19]

@lord_chilled That's always seen. One girl I used to know who had a boyfriend at the time used to hang out with a guy a lot. Used to say that he's like a brother when her boyfriend used to say that he feels uncomfortable with the excessive interaction (hugging, playing around, going out to the movies, etc.) He decided to break up due to other reasons that ruined the relationship. She was in a relationship with the "so-called brother" a month after. I had to post under this since I couldnt post under the other opinion, because she blocked me 😂

[lord_chilled]

I think she didn't like her fantasy being questioned lol..

Yeah, its messed up. Im lucky i wasn't very emotionally involved with that girl yet.
I have a fragile ego and i would have let this completely eat away at me, if i would have continued it.
I recently kinda walked in on them making out and they abrubtly stopped and looked as if they had been caught. I realized that i actually didn't care at all, i was over her. But they probably tought i still had hopes.
Anyway, things would be a lot easier if people tried to understand thwir feelings more. And if they stopped acting like every "other option" or "eye candy" is just a friend

[mimzy19]

@lord_chilled I'm so sorry you had to go through that. What she did was very scummy. That just solidifies our theory. I hope you find someone who cares and is all about you. No one should go through being cheated on.

[lord_chilled]

Its alright.
Im over it.
And thanks a lot. You say you were with your boyfriend for 6 years. That means you started at 14. That is so sweet. It gives me hope. I wish you and ur man all the best as well

[mimzy19]

@lord_chilled thank you so much

[hrlalal]

she's starting at a new college she must be nervous about not knowing anyone you know pre new school jitters. she is mostly likely feeling more confident and excited about going after meet people that go there. let her get to have that experience. if it's too much snap chatting have a conversation with her not an argument or telling her she can't do it. just tell her it bothers you a bit and feel her out. but try to see things from her side it's a new chapter and she's excited so try to join in on her excitement for her

[Maypai]

An important thing in relationships that A LOT of people don't understand are sacrifices that you make to make your partner happy. Not only that, but respect. She needs to respect the fact that it bothers you that she frequently snaps other guys. If you're not snapping with other girls for her sake, she REALLY needs to appreciate that and do the same for you.

[Asker]

Thats exactly how I've been thinking

[lord_chilled]

If only more girls were like you

[truthbeknown]

Sorry, I totally agree with @rushthesand. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Once she is in college and around other guys all the time she will simply love the attention and making all kinds of new friends. You know as well as I do that those other guys are only chatting with her for one reason! Your girlfriend is still in that giggly innocent phase and hasn't realized yet the hole she is digging. All you can do is be the best boyfriend you can be so she has no reason to venture out and start finding another guy more interesting. I know this pisses you off and you have every right to voice your displeasure, but the more friction you cause the more likely you will push her away.

[HoneyButterCup525]

I disagree with you on this. If your with someone it should only be that person. Why chat with other guys when you have a boyfriend already? And the hole she is digging she will find it out for herself and realise her own intentions were wrong.

[mimzy19]

@HoneyButterCup525 💯

[HoneyButterCup525]

Thanks @mimzy19

[MazeOfLove]

From a relationship coaching lens, here are my thoughts.

I agree with you that there's a difference between meeting new friends and Snapchatting the same couple of guys over and over. BUT, if she doesn't see anything wrong with it then you two might just have different irreconcilable views. What's more, you must deal with the fact that she's going to college and will see a whole, new experience. This will likely create more strain with more Snapchat and more new friends. All to say, this 'problem' is bigger than the current Snapchat deal.

[Anonymous]

You should def feel weird about this! She doesn't realize how lucky she is to have a boyfriend who respects her by not talking to tons of girls on social media like my boyfriend does -_- I tell him I dont like it but theyre "just friends" when you are in a relationship you dont need a lot of "just friends" of the opposite gender I think... and if she is constantly talking to them then be strong and tell her straight up you dont like it. I know how guys try to start talking on snapchat... they think they can get away with stuff on there cause it disappears...

[JustThat1Guy1980]

If you have a gut feeling something isn't right, then something isn't right!!
Work on finding a replacement before your caught off guard and completely broken hearted.. twice I've had that gut feeling and both times it was right!!

She is working on an upgrade, nothing you can say or do will stop it.. prepare now.. make the first move to replace her..

Trust me brother, I've been there a couple of times and boy did I look stupid. All while I was saying to myself "it's nothing" and "if you say anything you'll just look controlling"..

Take control and move on..

[lord_chilled]

You have good reason to be concerned. Tell her what you feel and dont puss out. Be strong, a bit pushy if you have to.
She is just taking advantage of you because you dont speak up.
If she is not understanding and reacts negatively, you are with the wrong woman, buddy

[Maik567]

Gonna need a little bit more details, like does she snapchat with them while you two are together? Do you know what type of snaps they are and what they talk about? Just tell her how you feel about this and ask how she would feel if you were constantly texting other girls.

[Asker]

Yeah ill say that and I don't know once in a blue moon she opens them when I'm around but most of the time she kinda hides it because she knows it bothers me which I dont understand because if she knows it bothers me then she shouldn't do it?

[Maik567]

Okay that hiding shit is fucking suspicious, I mean if she know that it bothers you then she should be open about what kind of messages they are.

[Asker]

That's what I'm saying

[CrystalChild]

What sort of "Snapchats" were they? Were they like flirty ones just to these guys or normal fun ones everyone can see? If she's flirting with other guys before she leaves to college I doubt she will stay faithful. If it's innocent with everyone then you're just being overly sensitive

[IceCubedude]

A short stoy, my friend has a hot girlfriend, he used to be really controlling at the begging and he still kinda is, she has a job and he hates it when she talks to other men or texts other men, he made that pretty clear many times and lied and fought with her, and because of that she never talks to other men, she never texts or responds to other men htting on her becuase she knows she will lose him and he will get mad.

[Anonymous]

Stop being fag man.
1) she will cheat on you to an extent. The degree I don't know. Snapchat is the platform for cheating nowadays
2) She's testing the waters. She probably hasn't done anything yet but all these guys giving her attention added to the fact she will be nervous to start will be a recipe for disaster.
3) remember one thing even the nicest of people cheat. You might think your girlfriend is in capable but there's a good chance she will just make your decision on your future now

[WoOolfy]

Iunderstand You but if You don't talk to her about it again than You can do anything. Maybe chat with girls so she gets what your talking about.
Sorry You're going throw it... :/

[snowangle]

Dude, just because they have penises doesn't mean she's going to bang them. It's very possible to have friends of the opposite sex with no feelings and/or attraction.

Say you were dating a bi girl. Would you be uncomfortable with her having any friends at all?

Anyway, bottom line: I understand you're jealous, but the more you bring it up to her, the more you risk pushing her away.

[truthbeknown]

No offense, but you are a bit naive and too quick to assume everyone is friendly and only out to make new ones. Guys are after girls for relationships and sex, period! I am sure he can trust her, but he can never trust them! All it takes is for them to have a little fight and those other guys are the first ones she talks to and they start to brain wash her into thinking her boyfriend isn't any good, she needs to leave him, he doesn't respect her and so on. Because of those "friends" she is now second guessing her relationship. Next thing you know she is meeting up with one of them "just to talk." Emotions get out of hand because the friend plays the game and becomes this open armed shoulder to cry on. One thing leads to another, and the next thing you know she is calling her boyfriend crying because she just had sex with another guy!

[snowangle]

@truthbeknown Are you under the impression that girls cannot think for themselves and are not accountable for their actions? Other guys are just an evil outside presence who do nothing but try to steal your girl? Yeah, don't blame them for your poor helpless girlfriend's choices. Bottom line, a good girl will be faithful no matter the temptation. If you trust her, you have no reason to worry.

This coming from a girl who has had guy friends basically her whole life. Never once have I cheated or thought about it. And it's very possible for human beings (yes, men included) to enjoy others' company without wanting to bone them. Give guys a little more credit.

[truthbeknown]

I am sorry to blanket everyone with my opinion, I know that is not the right thing to do. But sadly, in the last 10-15 years of my life I seen more and more "good" people turn bad. I am happy to hear you have never had any problems. It restores some faith I have in humanity. Please respect my age as having more life experience than you and maybe what I say may have some merit. Sooner or later you will start to see more and more people, even your own good friends, will start to let you down and leave you hanging. People suck! The more faith you put into thinking all them can be trusted, relied on and will have your back will lead to extreme disappointment one day.

[mimzy19]

@truthbeknown I agree with you 💯 whilst being a girl.

[Asker]

@truthbeknown YES!

[lord_chilled]

Sorry to burst your bubble, but your guy friends have tought about fucking you. Hard. Have a good day!

[snowangle]

@lord_chilled Funny how thinking and doing are different things, eh? ;) Have a good day too!

[mimzy19]

@lord_chilled Funny how you still categorize a guy who wants to fuck you to be "just your friend".

[mimzy19]

Oops sorry @lord_chiiled. That was for @snowangle

[lord_chilled]

Yup, its all up to you. one "yes" from you will make the difference disappear

[mimzy19]

@lord_chilled exactly 💯

[lord_chilled]

@mimzy19 you are younger than her and already realized that. She is probably ignorant about such stuff...

[snowangle]

@lord_chilled Nah, I'm sure it's passed their minds at some point in our years of friendship, but now they're all in happy relationships! Sometimes friendship and someone's company are more important than lust (if you're smart and not just a walking penis, that is). :)

[mimzy19]

@lord_chilled she seems like she is. And I've had experience in this matter before, took me only one experience to realize it. Its so obvious and clear. Tbh I have to admit, girls are so delusional at times. Don't understand until they take a huge L

[snowangle]

@mimzy19 You had one experience and now all guys are the same. Sounds familiar.

Don't know why you all are so determined to regard men as simple-minded dicks with legs. Give them some credit! They are capable of simply enjoying others' company. 😂

[lord_chilled]

They sure tought of banging you when they were single. Now that they are married, they bang their wives and rry best not to think of you. As for female company, they have their wives. As much as i know women, i dont think many of their wives appreciate them spending much time with you.

Now , they either respect that, or do it anyway.
Now , trick question:
If they are. married and their wives dont appreciate them. spending time with you , and rhey atill do it, why do you think?
A: they wanna fuck you
B: they like your company
Clue: they could get company from their wife

[lord_chilled]

@mimzy19 yeah , sometimes we need to learn the hard way. Young men can be pretty delusional as well,,

[mimzy19]

@lord_chilled very true

[mimzy19]

@snowangle keep telling yourself that sweetheart. I've been with the same guy for 6 years now. Guys know what guys think. If im uncomfortable with my guy's girl-acquaintances, he tones down the interaction and vise versa goes for me. And plus, i said it only took me one experience to realize the truth, never said i only had one experience. I nip the situation before it becomes a problem. And isn't it *snowangel, not snowangle? Sorry for sounding like an ass, I just had to say it. Your username was annoying the shit outta me.

[snowangle]

@lord_chilled LOL. So when someone's in a relationship, they don't need friends anymore right? They get company from their partner, so apparently they don't need it from anyone else! That's hilarious.

I know it's hard to believe, but some people just aren't insecure about their relationships. If I started dating a guy, I wouldn't expect him to cut off everyone in his life who possesses a vagina.

[snowangle]

@mimzy19 My username is spelt that way intentionally. It was an inside joke from 7 years ago, when I made this account. Sorry it bugs ya 😂

[mimzy19]

Pfft 😂 never said that, don't put words in my mouth. People can have as many friends as they want. But I never understood why guys who have gfs need female friends and why girls who have bfs need male friends. You have a bf/gf, they legit are the source of advice, love, sex, company. Wtf do you think a guy in a relationship can talk about with a female friend? And wtf can a girl in a relationship talk about with a guy friend. The weather? No. Someone will always catch feelings or begin to flirt. And plus who do you think the people in relationships will go to when their relationship has problems? That's right. Girls will go to guy frienda saying, "you're a guy, give me advice about my bf". Guys will go to female friends saying "you're a girl, give me advice about my gf". Tenderness will be shown, feelings will be caught, bullshit will be done. Answer this: what can guys and girls in relationships exactly talk about with their opposite sex friends?

[snowangle]

@mimzy19 Wait, you're 20 and you've been with the same guy for 6 years? So any other experiences with guys were when you were.. 14 or younger? Geez, no wonder you had jealousy issues at that age! I'm more used to dealing with mature adults.

[snowangle]

@mimzy19 I talk about plenty with my guy friends. Shows, movies, music, school/work, current events, and yes, our relationships. Same stuff you'd talk about with any other friend.

[mimzy19]

😂😂 thought you would bring that up, since you have no other argumenta to back yourself up with. I'm talking to a wall. I'm wasting my time. Bye.

[mimzy19]

Oh and you should stop using the "insecurity", "jealousy", "equality", "freedom", or "not allowed to have friends" cards when talking about thia topic. They're such cliches.

[snowangle]

@mimzy19 Yep that's what I thought 😂 Nice talking.

[mimzy19]

Are you sure you're 24? Your argue and debate as if you're about 15-16 😂 I've debated with more intellectual people who are only like 16-17. And yet you're still stuck within irrelevant borders 😂 I feel bad for you. Oh and you can say whatever you want after this love. Don't expect my reply. Most pitiful debate I've ever had in my life 😂 Have a nice life.

[lord_chilled]

You still need friends. Same sex tough. Regarding opposite sex friends, you will have to make a few sacrifices. You dont have to cut someone completely out (unless that person is a threat) but you need a limit.

I have learned that for women, time is a thing. If you spend more time with your female friend than your woman, you can kiss your relationship goodbye. As for men, time is important as well, but i think worse than that is physical proximity. If you are too touchy feely with a guy friend , you are headed to splitsville.
I once had a girlfriend (well we were still in the stages of becoming gfbf) and i found she had this guy whom she hugs, plays with and sometimes calls over to her plave to chill.
I took a step back in the relationship.
Around 10 days later they became a couple.

Same girl now doesn't want him going out to clubs, doesn't like him talking with other girls and always wants him to be around.
Same girl who was adamant that he was "just a friend" when i asked.
Go figure

[snowangle]

@mimzy19 Thought you were done, but I get it, you gotta have your last word. Not surprised there.

@lord_chilled Yes, I'm afraid that does happen sometimes, probably with a more immature crowd. Me personally, I wouldn't be entertaining a new guy if I had a thing for my friend. An adult should figure out their feelings for their friend before attempting to bring a new person into the picture.

I think you're right with your theory though - time vs physical proximity. But how do you figure that physical proximity has to do with snapchatting (back to the original question)?

[lord_chilled]

There is no direct connection.
But if she is spending a lot of tike snapchatting with other guys, that will raise concerns in her boyfriend.
Physical proximity may be a guys number one fear but, other factors like spending time matter too.

[truthbeknown]

Holy shit you guys, I have like 40 notification from this back and forth tennis match, LOL!

[rushthesand]

errr yeah i don't think relationships like that usually last through college... sorry

[morgan27]

Be chill about it. Trust her until you have proof not to. Guy friends are goo to have, let her live a little.

[Loadedgamer]

Just be happy she's not fucking a black dude... yet.

[Nuala]

Omg, she made friends! Someone call the cops!

If it's not about you not trusting her then what is it about? Because it sounds like you either don't want her to make friends or don't trust her to...

[Loadedgamer]

Most guys on snapchat send nudes to women.

And women send nudes back.

Lol do you really think women who are dating only send dog filters to their friends on SC, and are innocent and sweet.

To be honest she probably wants the big dick dude who wrote this question.

[snowangle]

@Loadedgamer All I ever send on snapchat is either pictures of my dog, or of food 😂 Literally never been sent a nude on there.

[Nuala]

@Loadedgamer
I snap boys on Snapchat all the time and I have never sent a nude.
Not all women are sluts.

[dogsteeves]

As long as cock don't go into the vagina you should be fine

[BertMacklinFBI]

start snapping other girls. just do it.

[Gray_Wolf]

Careful man it sounds not good lol