How to sleep over at a guy's house without parents knowing?

[Anonymous]

I have been dating this guy for the last couple of months and we have really taken the time to get to know each other without rushing into anything. But now I feel like it's time for taking things further because it feels right.

I'm 18, but not really allowed to have a boyfriend for my parents who are overly protective, but I really like this boy. I don't want to lie to my parents, but I know what they will say if a tell them the truth, they will scream and get upset.. how can I get away with this? Should I just tell them that I'm going to a friend's house, but if I do, then my dad will drive me to make sure that I'm really sleeping over there. What should I do?

[btbc92]

You don't want to lie to your parents yet you want to sleep over knowing that they may potentially kick you out for lying and sleeping over at a boyfriends to um, have premarital sex? Yeah, you're not going to get away with this. It is NOT the right time for it because your not married and your in your parent's house. They are not being overprotective. They don't want you doing it and that's that. You would choose a boy who your not even going to marry over your parents who you can't replace. Not smart. Either respect your parents or get a job and move out. If i had a daughter who did just that, she would be out the house and not coming back in. You want him that badly: Get married. Because sex is a marriage and you will regret it once it fails down the road.

"but I know what they will say if a tell them the truth, they will scream and get upset" Trust me, they would be more than scream and be upset. Be a woman for once and do what is right. Don't lie. Control your hormones and wait. Because if you have to try to lie, I guarantee you, you losing your virginity is going to be a waste. If you can wait this long, you can wait until your stable and out the house and get married to him. This is the first sign of a relationship ready to fail.

[davidshaw]

believe it or not, not everyone has sex after marriage, in fact, most don't...

[btbc92]

@davidshaw

Not my problem if she ends up in trouble later on in life. People who are doing that are fooling around and not being serious. Has 0 to do if people want to wait or not. I just said. Sex is a marriage. Illegally of course. Either way, if she ends up in serious trouble which she will, that's the end of the games playing.

[davidshaw]

I've had sex before marriage, and I didn't end up in any trouble. For one, I was protected, so nothing bad can happen otherwise. Who said sex had to be serious otherwise? It feels good, so enjoy it. Sex isn't a marriage by any definition, and as long as it is done by two consenting adults, is not illegal in the slightest

[btbc92]

So you take it as a joke. See you don't already see what you already did yourself. You don't even have your 1at sex partner. Sex is not to be used for pleasure only. And not between just two consenting adults. Sex is a marriage because it is something that is spiritual not just physical. Every time you enter into a female you become ONE with her and she becomes your wife in spiritual matters. Bit since you never gave that person your heart, of course your going go say what you say. But in the end she gets hurt emotionally. Condoms cannot protect you from that.

[btbc92]

You'll know in a few years wondering why you have so many failed relationships turned sexual. You don't have an emotional connection to the girl you have a connection with the dopamine from the sex act itself. Detachment causes problems later in life and effect your family life too if God forbid you end up having children. Trust me, you do hurt yourself in the long run because you only see it as something physical. But now what about the ones you left behind? I've spoken to people especially girls who ended up hurting because of those choices and now have a hard time trusting men or finding a guy to marry.

[davidshaw]

no, I don't see what I 'did to myself' because nothing negative happened to me, get over it, my experience. Never said it was only used for pleasure anyway, ofc it's used for procreation as well, but there's nothing wrong with sex as just pure pleasure, otherwise it wouldn't feel pleasurable in the first place...
I agree that it is more than just physical, it's emotional, but that's completely different to marriage which is religious and/or a legal matter only. Love sometimes lasts forever, other times it doesn't, also a natural thing. Love can wax and wane as well, I did love her, thank you very much, but we eventually grew apart, just like a lot of love, friendship, events etc. Just how life works. I'll eventually find a wife I can settle down with forever anyway. Condoms can't protect me from emotional damage, no, but they can't protect me from life either, and emotional pain is also just as natural as sex

[davidshaw]

Thankyou for dictating my life, in which you know jack shit about. I don't regret any of my sexual experiences, they were moments where I could improve myself mentally and physically as a lover, better that then giving myself up to my future lover I'll spend the rest of my life with, without any experience and therefore a shit lover over all. I gained largely good experience from this, but by the sounds of it, you haven't, which is probably why you sound so intense and judgmental. At least I can chill out in a relationship...

Again, I never said I was detached during sex, far from it, and most of my breakups have been largely painless and mutual, so again, you can stop telling me what my life is about. And that stuff about god isn't going to work on me, I'm atheist, but let me ask you this.

If god made sex one of the most pleasurable things on earth, then why is it a sin to enjoy something that he created? I'd like to see you argue that one

[davidshaw]

also I wouldn't be trying to make a moral argument, when you claim that you'd kick out your daughter from your house, for good, simply for having premarital sex?

"If i had a daughter who did just that, she would be out the house and not coming back in."

If it really matters to you that much, talk to her about why it's bad to have premarital sex (in your opinion) and to forgive her

[btbc92]

@davidshaw

First of all, I don't have to dictate your life. If that's what happens and it's the truth, then at least own up and admit that's what happened. See you just admitted that there WERE moments, then WHY you didn't do it, yet you don't regret it? You're already acting crappy by your actions alone. Do you honestly think any woman you encounter wants to hear how you 'could have done this' and 'I could have done, that'?

The difference between you and me is I KNOW Better. You act like you don't. Or you don't want to. And that perfectly okay if that is how you see it.

"If god made sex one of the most pleasurable things on earth, then why is it a sin to enjoy something that he created?" He made it for MARRIAGE ONLY. Otherwise, you're a fornicator. And I'm not judging you. The Bible and his word does.

"If it really matters to you that much, talk to her about why it's bad to have premarital sex (in your opinion) and to forgive her." Oh trust me, she would know this as young

[btbc92]

as 5 if needed be when she shows greater maturity. But she would still be out of my house if she wants to continue living in that sin. Not in my house. Anywhere else, would be her business. Not in front of me.

And since you want to ask that question. Read 1 Corinthians 7. The whole thing. And you will know why he made it for marriage ONLY. Otherwise, your stealing a woman's innocence and cheapening your own when you could have got married to that person. How can call it LOVE, when you're about PLEASURE? That us why I have always stayed single. Because of guys who think like you do. I want no part of it. And then you walk away. I would be a fool. Your history of breakups tells me a lot about you. Not because your Athiest. I know plenty of Atheists who don't think like your mentality. So you're not fooling me with that. But again, your choice. You have to be responsible for everything you know and do.

[btbc92]

And you two grew apart because you tied yourself down to a person you knew you could not keep, out of your choices and theirs. Please don't give me that excuse because you just told me how lazy you and your ex's were at maintaining those relationships. And if your getting into relationships with people you know better to stay away from, then who's fault is that? I know people that I'm close to who went through that route and suffered. You and your ex's could have made things work. But if you all chose not too, then you're going to have to live with it. But it will affect your future dating life. That I can and will guarantee you. Because I tell you now. If you can't get it together now, you won't be able to do it in the future. That's why I rejected guys in the past because I knew what they were about. That is what happens when your immature, you do whatever you want thinking there won't be consequences and refuse to listen to sound advice. Look at your circumstances and self first.

[davidshaw]

1) "First of all, I don't have to dictate your life. If that's what happens and it's the truth, then at least own up and admit that's what happened. See you just admitted that there WERE moments, then WHY you didn't do it, yet you don't regret it?"

no shit... Bad things happen in any relationship, yet you think you know better than me? You're life isn't perfect, neither is mine, therefore you've had bad times in relationships too, stop pretending you're some sort of saint... Ofc I do regret these moments (I did say that before) just that, like any mistake, I took what I could learn and improve on and moved on from something that would forever be in the past, whether I like it or not.

Whether you or your bible judges me, makes no difference to me, I still don't believe in it. Not to mention, the point is that if god made sex for just marriage, then naturally he wouldn't make sex pleasurable for those not married... Some god that is

[btbc92]

First of all I never dated to avoid situations like you've been. Your sense of logic is already messed up if you think that God wouldn't make sex pleasurable unless your married. Your ways are not his ways and his ways are not yours. But again. It's your life. Sin is made to be pleasurable, but it's temperay and non satisfied. But you day you've learned from it? Well, only God can be the judge if that. It's not my business.

[davidshaw]

No, most people have different opinions, certainly different to yours (shock horror) she didn't mind premarital sex, because she explicitly said she did and we were having sex for awhile, that's not the mark of a regret...

"as 5 if needed be when she shows greater maturity. But she would still be out of my house if she wants to continue living in that sin. Not in my house. Anywhere else, would be her business. Not in front of me. "

you have the audacity to berate me, but you'd go as far to disown your child of many years because 'boo hoo, she decided to have sex before marriage, she dares do something I don't like and doesn't affect me' I'm glad I never had a mother like you
Again, I couldn't care less about what the bible has to say, it provides no evidence to anything in my opinion

[davidshaw]

"How can call it LOVE, when you're about PLEASURE? That us why I have always stayed single. Because of guys who think like you do. I want no part of it. And then you walk away. I would be a fool. Your history of breakups tells me a lot about you. Not because your Athiest. I know plenty of Atheists who don't think like your mentality."

Love is pleasure, they are one and the same... You don't love someone who doesn;t give you pleasure. Good for you if you know atheists with counter beliefs to me, that's the beauty of opinion, everyone has a different one ultimately. I've met many Christians who have premarital sex, and?
All the more reason I wouldn't go out with you. The difference is, I don't pressure women to have sex if they don't believe in premarital sex, I accept their difference of opinion and move on. I'm free to have my opinion and they're free to have theirs and I respect that, get over it

[btbc92]

whoever said that I would disown my child? now there you go putting words in my mouth that I never said. I said that she will be out the house. disowning a child means that has to be verbally spoken.

and this has zero to do about people having different opinions you honestly think I care about that? opinion is an opinion. still doesn't make the situation correct. just goes to show you you know nothing about sex at all you just doing it. Which I say out of ignorance.

[davidshaw]

"And you two grew apart because you tied yourself down to a person you knew you could not keep, out of your choices and theirs. Please don't give me that excuse because you just told me how lazy you and your ex's were."
No, we just grew apart, like any relationship, it's not an excuse, it;s a fact of life. Thank you for yet another judgement made by you, she nor I were or are lazy, and I never mentioned anything about apparently being lazy...
"hat is what happens when your immature, you do whatever you want thinking there won't be consequences and refuse to listen to sound advice. Look at your circumstances and self first."

you find out about a person DURING relationship, you can't know 100% of someone without getting to know them. But look who's talking, the mother who'd disown their child for having sex before marriage, constantly insulting me over my life in which you know nothing about and having a simplistic view on the world. Seems you're the immature one here...

[btbc92]

premarital sex affects everybody around you. she chose to do and you chose to do it how do you know she don't regret it now? are you still in contact with the said person? not that it's any of my business. but you seem like you have no problem to talk for her. you cannot speak for the other person you can only speak for yourself. and you went over how you glad you never had a mother like me that's perfectly okay. it's your life and you don't want to have to live it not me. you got to live with what you know when you got to live in what you choose not to know.

and you want to see how there's no evidence there's plenty of research out there right now that talks about this. and no you are very much wrong love is not pleasure buddy. and Christians who are professing Christian and have premarital sex is also in sin. so what makes you think I want to go out with such a person who wants to live a double life?

[davidshaw]

Having long drawn out arguments on GAG doesn't really work well, it doesn't seem geared up for long debates. It ultimately comes down to our opinion, life experience and beliefs.

You're Christian, think men who engage in premarital sex are 'lazy' and uncouth, and think sex before marriage, no matter what each side thinks is sinful

I'm atheist, heard of just as many women who screw men and then throw them away (I've never done this to any one of my gfs, and I've never said otherwise in this debate) and believe that sex was made pleasurable for a REASON, and that if you're emotionally and safe sex prepared, there's nothing wrong in engaging with something completely NATURAL. As natural and default as breathing

so we can agree to disagree, or you could stop acting so rude to me, because trust me, I've got plenty of dirt on your own beliefs as well, let's not let it devolve into that

[btbc92]

God had said do not be double-minded for you cannot serve two masters. and fornicators, adulterers, etc is not going to be welcome in the kingdom of God. if they notice then they are going to deal with that judgment if they don't turn back from that. and I do not want to be around when that happens. yes nobody's life is perfect. but the choice to turn back from way of living is people's choices. you only got One Life to Live. nobody is promised tomorrow. so if they want to fool around with their life then that is on them. I refuse to associate myself with those people in the Bible says you do not associate with a brother or sister that is fornicating drinking and doing all sorts of things.

[btbc92]

and if you want to bring dirt, bring dirt because all of this is nothing but lies. I'm not here to be debating about anything I'm here to be telling you something that you refused to listen to. there is nothing emotionally safe about having sex outside of marriage. none at all. I have friends who had premarital sex and are struggling with their marriage right now with their spouses.

[btbc92]

I lost a mother over a year ago who died of cervical cancer who turned terminal and less than a year, all because she had premarital sex at 13 and lost her virginity to a guy who gave her HPV. he refused to even tell her that he already had sex with 5 prostitutes before her and that's how he ended up getting infected. so just goes to show you you know nothing except for what you want to hear and what sounds good to you. you have no idea how my late mother suffered all her life, and beg me to wait. but you have the audacity to tell me how I'm berating you? you better go get your facts straight. I still to this day mourn for her. like she said before her passing had she known what her life would have been like she would not have made that step. now she's dead in her early 40s. with two birthdays and holidays without her.

[davidshaw]

(see inbox)

[Cinnamonhoney]

Oh shut up Karen!💀 you’re probably a parent, the question wasn’t for you

[cassidy_]

You're 18. That means you're an adult who can make her own decisions. You don't have to lie to them, just don't say anything. You could go out for the day then at midnight or so text your parents saying you're at a friends house (they don't have to know who) because you're too tired to come home.

[Goodwifie]

It's really hard when your parents won't let you grow up.
I went through that with mine.
Lots of luck sweetheart.

[Asker]

Thank you, honey.

[SaramadHill]

To solve this without being sneaky would be difficult at best. I understand that your parents are overprotective, but as long as you live with them they're going to feel like they have the right to control you. Once you move out though, everything is fair game and you shouldn't have to bend your knee to their demands anymore. THAT would be the best way to spend the night with someone-- being independent either by yourself or with a roommate.

Other than that, you would have to lie to your parents about where you are or where you're going. I don't recommend that because it's risky and you'll have to remember all of your fibs.

But that's all I can think to say: As long as you live with your parents they're gonna hound your ass about everything, UNLESS they're chill parents, which, they don't sound like they are. You're old enough to make decisions now, I'm sure they just want to keep you a virgin as long as they can.

[Robsinsf53]

I'm going to give you a fathers point of view. If you did this to me and I caught you, it would upset me. Go ask your Dad if you can talk to him & find out how long you're supposed to not have a boyfriend. What you're saying isn't overprotective, its captive, in a loving way. I have a daughter who's 35 now. I was overprotective not letting her date until 15 with me as chaperone. 16, her best friend has to go along and 18 by herself, but 1:00 am curfew and you have to call me about changes. Question for you. Do you work or what you doing?

[Asker]

I've really tried to talk to my dad, but he refuses to even let me mention a boy. The idea of me being together with someone right now is something that he dosen't allow. Even though I study hard, get good grades, helping out at home with cleaning/cooking/washing, not even going out partying as other girls in my age, he still sees me as his little girl, which I understand.

I'm 18 and should be allowed to have my own boyfriend, but he won't allow me at all. I even introduced him to my boyfriend, but he was just angry.

[Robsinsf53]

Are you an only child? That wouldn't help either because I've only one daughter. This isn't healthy. I'm sure he's a good father, but he's got to cut the strings. Do you have uncles or aunts on his side that maybe will talk to their brother. My older sister invited me to dinner @ her & her husbands house & I thought, FUCK, now what? My daughter had called and said I wasn't allow her to date till she was 18. I was too, lol. Sometimes they (DAD) need to hear how stupid theyre acting? I won't give up if you need more suggestions, but if you'd like I'll send a mess. to you on how I layed down rules and maybe if just "happened to find them" who knows? GOOD LUCK!

[1frank1]

The best way to pull this off... is don't do it.. it's difficult to explain the parents perspective. But protective is what they have been of you, your entire life. They have the ability to see the world from an perspective you have yet to realize. lying is something a child would do, if your strong in the belief that your 18 and a adult. lying is not the way to prove that. You need to be honest to your self and your parents. Big picture tells me what ever this is, can wait until you are both in a position of true independence.

[Cmasterson]

Well you may not like lying but thats clearly your only option. Especially if they're over protective you don't have the type of parents where you can say you're going for a sleepover and they won't ask who with- rarely any print does this. Well you can ask a friend to cover- and go to their house then take an uber or transit to your guys house. Or ask him to meet you half way.

[catsarecute]

Get a friend who will let you come over for a few hours (make sure they know, that your dad thinks you are spending the night) get dropped off at your friends, then have your friend drops you off, or take a bus, or bike, or walk to your boyfriends. i have walked miles to hangout with my boyfriend. it was lomg amd hard but worth it.

[davidshaw]

Can't believe how worked up people are getting here. It's your life and wellbeing, ultimately and a boyfriend is hardly going to affect anyone else negatively. Either persuade/argue with your dad, or just sneak your boyfriend in anyway, I doubt all these people below ever 100% did what their parents asked anyway, and neither should they.

[Laetitia94]

tell a lie that you go to a friends house and can't you say her parents will pick you up or something? actually your parents don't have the right to forbid you you are 18. but if they freak out better to tell a little lie. and move out from home asap

[Asker]

The thing is that my dad really wanted me to drive to my friend's house, so should I just play along and then meet up my boyfriend later?

[Laetitia94]

if your friend can cover for you. and her parents don't really talk to your parents, than yes that is what i would do.

[Anonymous]

Have your parents drop you off at a friend's house, ideally nearby where he is. Get the friend in on it, obviously, and then leave from their house to go and stay with him.

[IEat70sBush]

Get your own place first, simple. Really need that before a relationship anyway. Otherwise it's a logistical nightmare as you are realizing.

[sigis]

If it's something you know you shouldn't be doing, don't do it at all. Wait till you're more independent to get into that sort of thing.

[nevermoregirl7]

Tell them the truth. That you like a guy and let them meet him. All this lying and sneaking around is not going to end well.

[elsaaaa12133]

Oh I understand you Im 17 and my mom doesn’t let me have a sleepover at my best friend house bc she doesn’t trust her parents in that way I would go to my boyfriends house without them knowing and my bestie would cover me up but now I dont know what to do cause I can't even spent the night in her house like what is going on with my parents are so strict I cant😭

[bente2]

Tell them you're going to a friends house straight from school or a club etc and that they don't have to take you, becauE you feel as if it burdens them?

[gwail]

Then you should wait until you move out. Lying to your parents never works out.

[Anonymous]

Don't lie or sneak out. It's not helping. Just keep things as they are and wait until you move out for college or something. They can't control you forever you know. But you'll have to tell them sooner or later

[BobbyC65]

Don't do it you wouldn't like the out come. And don't start lying to your parent one lie will lead to other lies.

[ilikecats1616]

this is very true

[BertMacklinFBI]

sneak in and sneak out.

seriously though, this sounds like a bad idea.

[Asker]

I know it does, but I really like this boy. I don't know what I should do, it's just hard to have parents who are overprotective about everything. I mean, I'm legally adult now and should be able to have a boyfriend, but no...

[taleets]

i would just say you are staying at a friends house, but make sure that friend has chill parents. although you are 18 so you can do whatever you want

[kikikat95]

bro im in the same situation and im 21. but theyre religious. my plan was to create a best friend and say im staying over

[NaultD]

You got things to do, watch a movie, go shopping blah blah blah and a cheap motel right next door.

[NorCalBoy]

Just lie and say you're spending the night with a girlfriend. I know luring to your parents is hard but you have no choice.

[Anonymous]

You could tell them u were sleeping over at a friends house but your dad drop you off at your "friends" (boyfriend S) house. Wink wink