How to tell a guy I’ll never sleep over his house (parents house)?

[Anonymous]

He’s a very sweet guy , but his parents house is disgusting. His parents are hoarders, his mom is random of when she walks into his room, he sleeps in a twin sized bed (not suitable for two people) on top of the fact that he has a very hyper dog that he lets randomly crap and pee on the floor (on a pee pad of course but still) because he allows his dog to do all of this his house smells. He always insists on me staying over but in reality I’d never get a good nights sleep here. I don’t want to hurt his feelings because I know his parents living situation isn’t his fault but I couldn’t see myself comfortable sleeping at his house and my sleep is important. How can I address this nicely?

[BoopBoopBeep]

Uhm... the dog craps inside. You SHOULD be judgmental about that. It's not safe for you, it's not safe for the dog. I'm more concerned about the latter. In what world is this NOT something to have a conversation about? And how are you invisioning a future with this man going?

[Asker]

And you are right, I don’t invision being with him in the future, just kind of came here to figure out how to properly and nicely reject tbh

[BoopBoopBeep]

Straight forward. You rip a band aid off. He needs to be aware that shite life choices come with consequences. If you make up some nambly pambly BS about "I'm thinking of working in another town" or whatever then you're not mature enough to be in any relationship, and you're doing a serious disservice to someone you at least considered liking at some point. Truth doesn't care about feelings, and nobody ever fixed themselves off a nice lie.

[Asker]

Obviously I wasn’t going to make up some BS excuse , I just wanted to put his life of life goals in a nicer way and not just being straight up rude about it

[BoopBoopBeep]

Beating around the bush and piling on a mound of vagueness isn't polite either. When nobody wanted to go out with me in junior high I got a bunch of excuses. Finally somebody was like "you're nice, but you're just too fat for me" and I realized " ya know, I actually am a pretty big fatass... let me change that"

It was the nicest thing anyone said to me all year.

[Asker]

It’s not beating around the bush though, it’s called I don’t want to sound like superficial only matters. I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings because their way of life is different from mine. What doesn’t fit for me, may fit for another girl. He’s a great soul, I’m just feeling indifferent about dating in general plus those turn offs kind of leave me eh

[BoopBoopBeep]

Lady, "superficial" is you don't like his haircut. There's shite on the floor and the stench of rotting hoarded... whatever. That's the complete opposite of superficial, that's pretty much the definition of material, and he and his whole family need mental help.

[boggboss]

Just be straightforward no way ubtry to address it can be nice because it's a judgmental thing but it's not a wrong statement either if he is not self aware as to u finding it a issue he will have to be shown

[Asker]

For me I just don’t want him to think this living situation is okay. My mental health will be so compromised if I allow it honestly. My living situation isn’t perfect but his is just over the top

[boggboss]

But he clearly already does think its OK as he has brought u into it already

[Asker]

Well that’s my issue, I don’t really know how to address that it’s not okay without seeming judgmental. I mean I would feel so weird having sex in his house as his parents are one door away from his room and his dog basically lives in his room

[boggboss]

Again u can't what u want is not possible its just somthing that has to be done

[RyanK9b]

Hyper dog.. Whats that for a bs.
Tell him u don't feel comfy there and unsafe etc.

If he doesn't care, you lost

Also kinda red flag to life like that. I would never except such disgusting standard.

[Asker]

He has a young pug and he’s very hyper, and needs constant attention. Seems like he sleeps in his twin sized bed too which isn’t suitable. I need good sleep. Honestly ever since I’ve seen his living conditions, I’ve been super turned off.

[RyanK9b]

The dog is untrained. The owner is the real problem.
He should get his shit together.

Ofc you're turned off, he sounds lazy

[Asker]

Yeah… the issue is , is I’m not lazy and although I do live with my father I work 4-5 days a week, I work out 5 days a week , and I do keep up with the cleanliness of my dads house.

[RyanK9b]

Sounds really good, he should be happy and motivated to have someone like you. This isn't common.

You know what to do if he doesn't adapt or change.

[ProbablyClueless]

Why the hell would you ever consider not just saying that? It's a painfully obvious thing. It's not something he controls, so it's not personal. What do you gain by not just saying it?

[slatyb]

You don't have to tell him that now. If he asks, you can decline and say "I'm sorry, but I'm not comfortable there"

[In_Trance]

You're almost 30 and I'm assuming he is too... Do you not have your own places?

[Asker]

I’m 25 , I do not although I do have funds to move out, I prefer moving in with someone I’m going to date or waiting 2-3 more years to buy a house. He is 29 and doesn’t have funds to move out

[Anonymous]

Just be honest with him.

[Asker]

I just don’t want to belittle someone on their living conditions because I know it can be hurtful, but I don’t like that he’s relying on his living situation for us to create a full bond. Maybe you are right though, i just need to rip the bandaid off

[Opinion Owner]

And try to be constructive and not mean.

[Asker]

Well that’s my issue, I don’t really know what to say lol

[Opinion Owner]

Then just try to be as nice as possible.