Why is he mirroring my text messages?

[Anonymous]

By mirroring I mean if I take 20 minutes to reply back he will do the same or longer. I tested this yesterday and I took 40 minutes to reply back and he did the same! I tested this by varying the times so 20 then 10 then 30 etc.

I dont mean to reply back late cause I usually have college, work or sports and he knows that. He also has college, sport and work as well so we talk of a night mostly.

Why is he mirroring my messages or am I going crazy?

[TigBitties]

Lol. One of the ways you can create a social connection with someone is by mirroring their body language in person, although it's not nearly as easy as it sounds. Some people think the same principle applies to texting and to not appear clingy or needy they mirror text messages like you're talking about. Basically, he's attempting to match your level of effort, which would "reward" or "punish" you depending on how fast you message him. Ofcourse it could also just be a coincidence and you're looking into things. Haha.

[Asker]

Maybe 😅 I kinda picked up on it afew days ago and I thought to myself that perhaps his genuinely busy but I know and he knows that we both do nothing of a night time (10pm) other than study

[TigBitties]

NetFlix is a hell of a distraction. Hahaha.

[Anonymous]

This seems like a case of the pot complaining that the kettle is black...

[Asker]

Your probably right.. I should be contacting him more often :/

[Opinion Owner]

If you were really interested, you'd already be doing that. This is about the ego. Your late replies insult his ego, and his mirroring your late replies, insults your ego. Now due to this you want to contact him more often, but the desire to do so is a result of him doing the same thing you were doing, rather than a genuine desire to keep in touch more consistently.

This is part of why I just do not bother at all, people are too busy with various kinds of power struggles, attention seeking, passive aggressiveness, and games, and have no awareness of their egos.

[Asker]

Ahh I see this makes a lot of sense now. Your right it does insult my ego and probably does to him as well, eventually false disinterest will become real disinterest.

Initially it wasn't like this but his begun doing this now but Ill try showing a lot more interest to him and if he doesn't recipocate then Ill know

[Opinion Owner]

The problem with most connections, friendships, but especially relationships is that the connection is mind based, rather than based on what's beyond the mind, underneath, i. e our true selves. Both of you have already taken part in ego games, which may suggest the connection is mind based.

You said that you were going to try to show more interest in the hopes that he reciprocates, but what is the main reason for that desire, is it to recover from the ego bruise, or genuinely about keeping the connection alive...

[Asker]

Truthfully, abit of both. I want to keep the connection with him because he is one of the greatest guys I've met so far. We both have a hard time openning up and we both admitted that to eachother. But I guess these ego games aren't helping that factor.

Need to try and stop the ego games but I dont know how

[Opinion Owner]

The best way to stop the ego games are to become aware of them. Ego operates ''best'' when we are unconscious of it. It creates barriers, isolates, and keeps people separate.

Earlier you said ''I don't mean to reply back late cause I usually have college, work or sports and he knows that.'' but behind that, was probably a desire to have him reply instantly no matter how long you took, which would make you feel important and desired.

Maybe your real reasons for replying late had nothing to do with any of those things...(subconsciously)

[Asker]

Again, your probably right. I guess I dont want to feel like Im being too clingy or invest more time and effort than he is because in the past I have been taken advantage of like that. Hurt like hell.

He goes back and forth with texting like he messages me throughout his lectures but when I dont do it as well he stops.

Feeling like an idiot now cause his picked up on it and he was trying to open up but I shut him down 😔 I dont know what to do anymore.. its hard just to be vulnerable and express that you like him without getting hurt

[Opinion Owner]

Texting could be a way to avoid vulnerability, and avoid getting to know each other. Talking is more intimate and invested but I rarely hear anyone doing that nowadays. I don't talk, and I don't text, but even I can see that the best way to get to know someone would be to pick up the phone and talk to them. Texting leaves a lot to the imagination, more likely of misunderstandings, and is sterile. I think people text a lot because they can't really be bothered and it's easy.

[Asker]

I gave him my number so he can call me but hasn't done it yet. He explained to me that his scared of talking over the phone as his shit at conversation, he is definitely a shy guy and an introvert. I told him that it can be a 5 minute conversation if it makes him feel better and it does and he appreciates it. So Im taking baby steps with him

[extra03]

My guy is not working yet and he takes forever. It's usually xbox and family that he is dealing with so I have to step back and not get on his case. I talk to him about it when I feel like he should reply quicker. So just communicate

[Anonymous]

You're over analyzing to even notice this, much less test it

[Asker]

He usually gets back within 10 mins of a night time and who at night time is busy enough to not reply back to something as quick as they would throughout the day?

[Opinion Owner]

There's no time line for a response. I'm slower to respond to my boo at night because I'm living my life and not glued to my phone. At the gym, out with friends, fell asleep at the pool, etc. doesn't mean I love him less --just means I'm not sitting around revolving my life around him. confidence and security in a relationship doesn't come from responding in a timely manner to a text.

[Asker]

Well I get that impression from him. Im out doing college, sports and work and he does the same thing however he use to make time to talk to me. Now he doesn't anymore because I dont do the same for him. But I guess I got to pave the way abit and let him know its okay to reply back quickly

[Opinion Owner]

It's normal to not text as much when the honeymoon phase ends. Do your thing and live your lives but if you're worried about things, initiate the change you want or talk to him about it. Don't try to read his mind or test him

[Asker]

True. Thanks!

[TheEnvy]

He may be annoyed with your late replies so he's paying you back and if you bring this up, he'll surely point out to you being late with responses.

[Asker]

His a very passive aggressive person so I have to watch his actions to tell me the truth

[TheEnvy]

Passive aggressive? That answers your question :)

[BADBOY22]

there always reaction of Ur action. am with that guy. no one deserves to wait for 30 40mnts for reply. no matter how busy u are. that guy dng damn good job not giving u fuck is best way to deal with u. lol

[Asker]

What if Im driving for 30 minutes or more? you want me to die or get arrested just cause you wanted me to message you back quicker?

[PinguGD]

Nothing you say is right. And I'm blocking you again.

[BADBOY22]

@asker lol. u always drive. damn what a excuse.

[BADBOY22]

@pingugd what happened to u again.

[Asker]

Its my job 🙄

[BADBOY22]

but I don't get why u feel bad? may be he also busy. lol

[Zoruda]

Well in my opinion it seems like he is trying not to seem attached or desperate or something. if you take awhile to respond and he replies immediately it makes him seem clingy.

[kraft413]

why don't you just message him if he's taking too long. he's only taking as long to message you as you take to message him. No one wants to seem desperate but if you don't seem interested neither will he

[HeatNation1]

The real question is, why do women do such weird things like test how long it takes to reply back? That's insanity!

[Asker]

media.tenor.com/.../tenor.gif

[Victorab]

million dollars question, LMAO.

[HeatNation1]

@Victorab hahaha

[AaronTupaz]

He's most likely just trying to seem not desperate.

[Victorab]

Nothing wrong about it, if he is mirroring or not shouldn't bother you. If you are that busy tell him ans also suggest him to call you instead, you have a life, should not be spending time texting !

[Prime_Sol]

first, you're over thinking this and its foolish.
second, let's say your not and he is. why do you care. in this arena, he's giving you what you're giving him. so, what's that problem?

[Nuyuu]

What the blin is this.. woman, chill, guy's busy, real life always comes first!

[NaultD]

Just to look at this positively its an easy safe course of action its like a dance following the others step not too hard or soft. But that is really weird that he is doing it if its intentional

[brainpower]

Prob doesn't want to act too clingy. Tell him you prefer quick responses

[xButterflyKisses87x]

that's not right he shouldn't be doing that

[SeVBooM]

doesn't want to seem clingy or he's not interested

[Anonymous]

Maybe he ran out of things to say

[Angel_Kat]

Trying not to seem desperate

[samsmoove]

So he doesn't seem like a clingy