What makes nice guys unattractive?

I've asked out a couple girls that I feel like we had an emotional connection but every time I actually do ask them out they friendzone me or just stop talking to me in general then a couple weeks later they are with some douche who doesn't treat them right

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2028

Most Helpful Girl

  • Hence the saying "Nice guys finish last". I like my nice guys. But some females think being too nice is a turn off. Maybe those are the type of females you are attracted to and don't have the time of day for you. Don't be too nice to the point they walk all over you. You gotta show this females you're a confident guy who is worth loving. You don't have to be a jerk for girls to take interest. I'd take a nice guy who loves me, flaws and all than a jerk who thinks i am just another girl to entertain him when he bored.

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What Girls Said 19

  • Because a lot of time the ones that start assuming " they are with some douche who doesn't treat them right" are really needy and insecure, as show here.

    They try to treat women like theyre on a pedestal, but at the same time become very controlling. They get jealous easy and have trouble controlling their emotions.

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  • I fell in love with a bad boy/douche bag. Now I've fallen for a nice nerdy guy. I did have what people call "nice guys" going for me, but I didn't go for them, it's not because they're nice, but the traits they had which put me off.

    The douche bag and the nice nerdy guy both seemed comfortable with who they were (they weren't ashamed, they embraced their uniqueness by proudly showing it off, which exuded confidence).

    They both didn't seemed like they had a mind of their own (they weren't pushovers and agree with every single thing I say, it felt like I was having a stimulating conversation with them, usually it felt like I was talking to a parrot with the "nice guys").

    Also the "nice guys" got too clingy way too quickly. It made it feel like they were going for me because they were desperate, not because they genuinely liked me. Desperateness is a put off because I know that whether were compatible or not, they'd fake our chemistry just so they can be with some, once they find someone they're actually compatible with in the future, they'll just leave me anyway.

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    • Seemed like* (NOT didn't seemed like).

      Darn you autocorrect.

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    • @1derfulguy Very true! something I've observed too. To attract members of the opposite gender, you just need to be confident about who you are, then others will notice positive traits which are boosting your confidence.

    • Yeah. There's a name for it, I forget what it is.

  • They are not unattractive at all. Nice guys tend to be late bloomers. They tend to be working hard studyign and working. They also tend to get out there and mingle with women less. They simply are less available than bad boys who are all over women all the time. Overall, they are more attractive. Help us find you!

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  • They're unattractive to a lot of girls because they want something taboo, and the bad boy is taboo. That's why the parent stamp of approval is often a huge turn off for these girls. It's also why so many young girls get themselves into situations that they can't handle. They're just immature and think they'll always be protected because they're girls.

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    • Lol if I ever have a daughter, I'm gonna buy a rubber stamp I can use on her boyfriends' foreheads. 100% Daddy-Approved!

  • They don't have personalities, just like doormats, they use niceness to manipulate, they play the victim all the time, not exciting, they don't get jealous, they are afraid to be judged, they are afraid to say something kinky... too FAKE
    I like a human not a slave

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  • Don’t let these girls change the way you act stay a nice guy... the problem with girls is when they are young they don’t appreciate a nice guy until they are a bit older

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    • Translation: Lmao that's right, no young pussy for you loser. The old divorcees rapidly decreasing in value need your nice guy desperation to take what the realen didn't want anymore.

      ..

      Don't hate women for being like this, man up and take what you want.

    • *real men

  • Maybe you are really really nice so you get friendzoned and they think of you as a friend.

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  • That depends are you a legit nice guy who is nice for the sake of being a good person, or are you a "nice guy" who is nice because he expects to get something in return? Far too many self-proclaimed nice guys fall into the 2nd category and if your only nice for an ulterior motive then your not a nice person, and women pick-up on that. If you are truly a nice guy who is nice for the sake of being a good person then you have to come to the harsh realization that not everyone is going to like you even if your "nice." If you keep falling flat reexamine the types of women your going for, it may be that your ideal and you aren't compatible. Say you find ambition sexy, but your long term goal is to settle down. Or say your attracted to really athletic women, but don't like engaging in athletic pursuits yourself. It isn't that your unattractive it's just your life-styles don't match-up.

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    • "or are you a "nice guy" who is nice because he expects to get something in return?" These are called "liars" not nice guys.

  • - being dumb
    - having mediocre goals or no goals
    - man whore
    - bad hygiene

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  • Nice guys can be stupid and naive
    Kind guys are just right
    Dont be nice, Be kind

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  • I think it's cause a girl wants what she can't have. Nice guys are easily available, we don't really have to work hard to get them, but bad guys are different. Girls see them and imagine them being bad to everyone (except their girl) and protecting them and kind of an adventurous relationship. girls like projects as well, seeing improvement is a great satisfaction for girls.

    Imagine this, your mining for a rare jewel, can be anything. As you go down the mine you see lots of bronze, few silvers, but when you finally get to the end you see a piece of gold. Which would you choose to take back?

    The one that's not a easily available. Truth is we need nice guys that are nice to everybody, helping their community, and making the world a better place, and for girls being nice is also important, just don't make it seem like you want a relationship with her so badly. I think this is what makes nice guys unattractive.

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  • Because they are physically unnatractive.

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    • Explains why I'm 29 and never had a girlfriend, yep.

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  • There’s no resistance. It’s too easy.

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  • When they are pussies.

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  • If the guy is too clingy or starts being annoying

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  • They're clingy and shy

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  • No backbone

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    • I like a man, not a fake whimpy people pleaser

  • I've never been attracted to anyone who isn't nice. It isn't necessarily the fact that you're "too nice" (a phrase often used because girls want to reject you and give a reason without actually saying what they don't like about you), but that some of your other traits are off-putting. I don't think being nice has anything to do with it.
    As for girls who date "douches," as you put it, tbh I have no idea why they do that. Girls don't make any sense even to other girls lol.
    I've only rejected guys for being rude or liars.

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  • Nice guys are attractive, it's just that girls are insecure at times, we feel that you are too kind to want us that you are just being, well nice and don't really want to be with us or that you are to good for us. A bad guy I guess seems alright because he reflects how we feel about ourselves. This sounds horrible but this is my perspective. I just had a guy complement my hair and I did not even look him in the face I just said thanks real low because I told myself, he does not really want to be with you, listing mentally all my insecurities. And thought that he was just being nice. But you asked these girls out so they might just want to be friends with you because you are not their cup of tea. The right girl will show herself one day, don't let these rejections get you down.

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What Guys Said 28

  • Advice from someone who used to feel your pain.

    Stop looking for a girl. Instead focus on what you love about yourself. If you are enjoying your life, this is a far more attractive quality than being nice. You will find when you stop looking for external sources of satisfaction that people will look to you for it.

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  • If you're honest with yourself, you probably have some vague idea of it?

    Those guys are assertive, confident, speak their mind. They are physically imposing, to be reckoned with in the case of a fight.

    You have to understand, women's preferences when it comes to men evolved over millenia. Modern life is a very recent invention. So women are still attracted to guys that can physically protect them from threats (which is why height is so important to most women), guys that have high social status, etc.

    If you're too nice, you're basically a pussy. A coward. You do what you are told. You take as few risks as possible. The thing is, many risks are worth it.

    However, being kind is fine. The problem is more being a pushover. Women really value kind guys. It is important to them, because kind guys make good fathers and usually have good friends, i. e. social capital. They make good partners too.

    If you need help, visit this free website. Science-based. No BS:
    thematinggrounds. com/

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  • Omg bud!!! I've been in your shoes man, couldnt get a girl for the life of me while being the nice guy!! Look, its not your fault. Theirs an art to it, I wana help you out but dont want to blast it pubically, so message me and ill help you with it bud. a lot to explain but its something you'll want to hear and keep to your self. Dont want everyone doing it, then you'll have more competition.

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  • It's all dependant on how you talk to them. It's not about being nice. It's about showing interest which I'm sure you do, but also try to talk to her about deeper subjects, that not just friends talk about, but more like potential partners. You should try to get in that 'zone'. If she doesn't go with it, she simply isn't interested in you and you should move on.

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  • Trading on "nice" to get them in is unattractive. You should ask them out first THEN be nice to her as she earns your respect and kindness. Obviously don't be a dickhead, but don't hand all that niceness out at the start.

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    • I think that's a tough thing to do because some guys are just generally nice like myself and it's not a switch they can turn on or off.

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    • @FeaganMox Of course... but that’s exactly the balance you need to find. I’ve found being part asshole and part nice works best with women and in life in general. Sometimes a girl needs to be told to fuck off and that she’s boring you with their emotional connection shit... other times you need to be an ear for them and a shoulder.

      Above should never make time a priority or out them on a pedestal, they should compliment your life, not be the goal of your life. The less you care about girls and more about your own goals, the more girls will be drawn to you.

    • agreed. I had (and still occasionally) have that problem. It's ingrained in me to be that way and i have to catch it. When your default is THAT nice everything else seems like you're being a jerk

  • I can assure you women like nice guys. The problem is that most self-professed nice guys are not as nice as they believe they are or are only nice because they want to get in their pants, instead of being genuinely nice

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  • I think it's because some women want a project. They want the guy who is an asshole becuase they think there's something deeper about him. When they're wrong they like to say 'guys aren't shit' also.

    But also i think ACTUALLY nice guys are rare so it's probably an abundance of assholes and not many nice guys that they find attractive.

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  • Cuz they like bad boys they think that the good one will always be available but the bad one won't be available it's scarcity thing and the people like the thing that's rare in their opinion or point of view

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  • Because most women feel if your a kind hearted person, that means you can't fuck and you're no challenge. Women want what they cannot have. Women want what they cannot have. Women want what they cannot have.

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  • Don't think of yourself as a nice guy, it's not going to get you anywhere unless you're pursuing an older girl. If the type of girls you're going after like assholes you don't have to be a complete douche yourself but maybe try adopting some of their mannerisms. Alternatively go for someone who you know is more shy and/or less likely to have some "Chad" steal them from you, might help.

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  • Being a nice guy is a great thing and most women desire a nice guy, but they also desire spice and nice guys tend to lack spice in terms of zero aggression and no naughtiness and women don't like that man.

    Women like best of both worlds.

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  • Many men who appear nice are seen as mundane and just don't have a wide variety of lifestyle entertainments other than golf, the gym and a few times walking together. Many women want men who loves more activities.

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  • Don't be a nice guy... be a good guy. Women can sense intentions quite frankly. Never go for a girl just to get the girl. Go for a girl because you like her and are interested in her sincerely. Don't try and be the jock of nice guys it doesn't work. Girls don't faun all over the nice guy... there will be A girl who MAY faun all over the nice guy, but if you're trying for more than one even she's not gonna stick around. If you're sincere you may find the ONE girl and she will be of so much greater value than all the others you could have wooed combined.

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  • If you self proclaime beinging a "nice guy" you are not a nice person. Nice is something you do without thinking. If you are a nice person, you do things and then walk away never thinking about it again. All nice people would reject the notion being nice or at least deflect the notion.

    If you want to attract someone with your natural tendency of kindness.

    1. don't give what you can't loss.
    2. Just do things for people Becaues you enjoy doing them.
    3. Think of all instinct nice reactions afterwards like they happen a week ago and you barely remember them.

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  • Women are so used to douche bags playing around with them they dont know how to see when a Man is being gentle and respectful to them.

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  • Nothing going on in their lifes, no plans, no fun activities , etc
    Looks
    Poverty
    Socially mute or talk less

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  • Nice guys don't get their panties moist, douches do, because douches are confident.

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    • Nice guys too can get panties wet, if they too can exude genuine confidence.

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    • I agree that confidence can come from victories (acknowledging them too, which is very crucial to gaining confidence) but I don't think victories necessarily come from just fighting alone. It can come from achieving goals and managing to help others around. I'm saying this from experience, as I'm currently liking a nice guy at the moment.

    • Achieving goals generally means competing with others as well, and if you rely on helping others to boost your confidence you'll just end up being exploited.

  • There's nothing significant about being nice. You should be nice.

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  • Are you physically attractive? Are you of a high social standing and greatly respected by your peers? Those are the top two most important things when it comes to attracting women with a, little more weight on social standing... if she perceives you are unattractive or not cool enough to be seen around she will reject you. Has nothing to do with niceness. Women will be attracted to and at least try to date date anyone who is attractive and high status because that in turn raises their status among their peers. So they don't look for douchey guys or hate good guys they just let guys treat them like shit if they think they're lucky to be with him.

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  • Because some girls are masochists, although tbh some nice guys pretend to be nice.

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    • Yeah I know the type

    • But yeah don't worry, because you will find someone who appreciates your kindness someday.

    • Thanks I appreciate that

  • if the girls don't like your looks

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    • I mean in general I know other guys in my situation that actually are good looking guys

    • then they won't be unattractive to girls. being nice won't affect their desirability

  • No bs you're ability to give a fuck

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  • They're nice

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  • Just plain boring I guess

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  • women like sin
    thats why

    get that through your head
    and if you think im wrong go test it

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  • Women want nice guys who don't try to be nice. There's been times when I do something sweet for my girl and she points it out telling me how sweet I am. I would respond with, "Yeah, I try not to be". To which she replies, "and that's what makes you so sweet". If you're truly a nice guy then that means you're also an asshole, but when push comes to shove you do the right thing. Most "nice guys" are nice all-the-time. That doesn't come off as being real. It's fake. Even if that person doesn't realize they're faking it. . . they are. These kind of "nice guys" are also doormats. No one likes doormats.

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  • Let's face it. People these days LOVE drama, nice guys don't have much drama in them, being gossipy and annoying is much more preferred than having manners and avoiding drama

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  • Nice guys don't get their juices flowing because they are predictable, devoid of tension and conflict, and do not feed the needs of the female ego.

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    • Yup... they all feel like they need to win over some guy that couldn't catch feelings for women until meeting her because that makes her SO important and a special snowflake.

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