When is someone ‘too insecure’ to date?

[Anonymous]

It seems like a number of people don’t want to date someone with low self-esteem or self-confidence, but it feels like that would only be adding to a spiral. I’m one of those people who feels insecure /because/ I have trouble dating. What are your thoughts? Do insecurity and inexperience go hand in hand? Why not date someone who needs a little assurance?

[soccer990]

It depends. I think it becomes a problem if it affects your relationship. If the other person needs assurance so much that they say you don't care about them when it's not offered, it becomes a problem. I have no problem expressing my feelings, appreciation or thoughts, but just because I don't do it all the time, doesn't mean something has changed. Besides, wouldn't you rather know when you look really good, have done something the other person really appreciated or know the true feelings someone has developed? My advice is don't pry for those things and just let them happen. If you meet a good person, you won't worry how they feel/what they think, because you'll know.

[thecd1979]

Low self esteem and insecurity are not attractive qualities, and a good guy is most definitely going to be put off by those. You’ll have no trouble attracting guys that’ll also have the same issues you do though. I can tell you this from experience. My advice is that you focus on your goals, plans and interests and becoming the best version of you that you can be. Confident and happy people will attract other confident and happy people. Give it time and just focus on doing you right now.

[Anonymous]

i feel like for the sake of the insecure person, it they are dating because they feel inferior because they don’t have a s/o.. they may be better of trying to build their self esteem up a tad more before approaching a relationship. i say this because i know people like this and the relationships are practically pointless because they’re more so trying to prove a point rather than genuinely being with someone they care about and want to build a foundation with.

[zaza111]

You might be insecure in some aspects, we all have insecurities, but on the other hand, when dating you also have to think about what are you offering? Would you date yourself? What make you interesting? Unique? Focus more on those traits, rather then your insecurities...

[MaddyMax]

Everyone is insecure about at least something, but if it's affecting the relationship drastically then I think that person is too insecure.

[theharlequin]

I'm fine with dating girls who are insecure as long as they actually try and make an effort. I've pursued several insecure girls who did absolutely nothing but panic and try to outrun and evade my pursuit, then cry about it later. That's 'too insecure' simply because it impedes the formation of a relationship.

[jp612612]

You know, I'm ok with insecurities because we all have them. I just don't want to hear about them. So if you're insecure, fine -- but keep it to yourself and don't turn it into something that I have to deal with constantly. If we're dating, I'm going to always tell you that you're smart, that you're beautiful, that you're funny, and that you're amazing regardless, but if you need more assurance than that, you're going to have to find someone else.

[NetWanderer]

Conquest your self-esteem trough caring of you, your passion, your attitude. Sharp your ears, listen to the couples or the girls. Have a bit of patience by you. If these hints don’t work. ask your PUA references or read Nancy Friday’s “Secret garden” in pdf

[worldscolide]

Insecurity is something to be avoided, it leads to a lack of trust and a desire to control your partner..

My ex was so incredibly insecure and immature thst the act of me having a conversation with the opposite sex landed me in the hospital with a sliced up face.. I wasn't even flirting I was talking about the ladies job because she was a check out lady at a super market.. so I avoid insecurity like the black death..

[Defboy69]

Yes, inexperience and insecurity are interrelated. The more experience you gain, the more confident you become. That's true of anything in life. Remember when you first learned how to ride a bike? Then after a few years of riding you're ready to take a podium spot at the X Games.

[DannyRed]

Low self-confidence isn't necessarily a bad thing. Lots of us have self-esteem but if you let it show all the time it gets really annoying. If you a girl says she thinks she's fat and a guy says your not fat at all and then you continuously call yourself fat it gets annoying.

[Real_Name]

But you know what's funny.. Even those people get to have bfs or gfs!!

[Anonymous]

For the most part, I'd say guys don't care that much unless her insecurity means she doesn't want to let him see her naked or fool around. Then it's an issue.

Girls seem to find insecurity really unsexy in men.

[weaponsdude]

Because insecurity leads to them cheating. Every. Damn. Time

[genericname85]

Cause usually they don't even make you feel like they're interested so it's hard to know what they want.

[webby1988]

Never if you truly care for a person it doesn't matter how insecure they are.. you should personally try to help with this.. whatever the insecurities are.. help them resolve it.. even if it's just with or around you

[Tohhru]

I dont mind any insecurities, but i say its really difficult to date someone that constantly thinks somethings wrong with them, and you can't do anything together

[someguykev]

It's up to you who you want to date,

[masterslittletoy133]

Usually they become a problem

[JesseTheMan]

I dunno ask your friend

[LuWe22]

It's a turn off if he needs constantly reassurance

[romeodili]

when they dont make any effort.

[wandererr]

There's plenty of low self-esteem people dating