Should people in a relationship not be insecure?

Question

If the relationship is good should people stop being insecure? Stop worrying about what they look like or if they good enough or what other people think?

I personally think it's the best part of a relationship. To feel comfortable with yourself and knowing your partner loves you as you are. But so many people are still looking for external validation outside themselves and partner. "Do I look pretty?" "Am I too fat?" "Too small" "am I good in bed?"

Shouldn't these questions only matter between yourself and partner?

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

Well it’s normal to feel insecure at certain points. What do healthy secure people do? Talk… When you feel genuinely loved and secure with a partner where you both know you love one another. You can have these conversations.

You can ask honestly if a outfit looks good and if he says no…. You know he’s being honest because he loves you. Not that he would love you less if you wore it but that you can be honest with one another. There are clothes I have worn before and I wondered why someone ever let me leave the house looking like that. If I knew she meant well I would not be offended lol.

External validation…. A lot of times people go so far as to cheat to feel beautiful or attractive. To know they still have options if their relationship fails. They then project that onto their partner and will start accusing them of doing this stuff. If someone’s wanting external validation…. Bad sign.

I can generally tell whose cheating…. And as mad as it may make people. 9/10 times. I’m right in the end. I can see a woman wearing skimpy clothes and posting risqué photos online. And yeah…. She’s cheating and sometimes even does let’s say online stuff. That the boyfriend or husband doesn’t know anything about.

I can generally tell with men too. When they’re hitting on every woman around them just to see if they can.

SoccerPlayer99 · Accepted Answer

This is a tough one. Are you coming at this from a, I found my person now I don't have to worry about how I act, or look or what I do with myself because they need to love me regardless?

CherryLove007 · Accepted Answer

Well I believe taking care of yourself is a gift from the creator and our focus should be on how we care for ourselves at each decade, years, months and days. I heard a married lady on YouTube talk about this and she says her and her daughter talk once a month about how they can upgrade or make improvements to their physical look and fashion.🍒

Gwendoline · Accepted Answer

Just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you should let yourself go.

Funniest I see from a lot of women after a break up is that they start eating right and exercising to get their revenge body, yet why didn't they stay in shape while they were with their partner.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

As a relationship coach, helping people embrace their uniqueness and focus less on insecurities is my aim. It's normal to crave a little external validation now and then; we're only human, after all. But a solid relationship should make you feel like Beyoncé every day! 💃✨Your partner should be your biggest fan, and ideally, you'd feel secure in that love. Remember, communication is key! If those sneaky insecurities pop up, chat it out with your boo. Who knows? That vulnerability might make you both even stronger. 😉

Finchie40 · Answer

You should feel secure , but unfortunately these days with all these failed relationships and divorces happening , I feel it’s harder for people to feel secure , I feel social media played a big part on effecting relationships and mindsets

AviatorTom · Answer

It's good to be a little insecure in a relationship, since it encourages one to work to maintain the relationship. When one becomes complacent in a relationship, the relationship often falters, and sometimes dies.

Purpleronnie · Answer

I don’t think insecurities necessarily dissolve when we step into relationships, they can in fact be wrongfully manipulated with the wrong partner.
That being said , in the “right” relationship with the right person and in the “right” way , people ‘can’ be helped over their insecurities.
I think it’s also fair to mention that some people may wrongly think that their partner is going to give a biased response or practiced reaction.. I. e “ honey , do I still look good in those dress “ ? Where men have learnt the answer is always “absolutely darling , you look better every day “ 😂
Furthermore insecurities aren’t always based on rational thinking and are further impacted by how a person is “feeling” within themselves so not exactly a factual exact science.

I would say confidently that people need to work on their insecurities on a personal level regardless of being single or attached 😂. Expecting, wanting or needing support of that nature within a relationship only increases your proclivity for codependency which completely throws the balance within the relationship.

I agree with comfortable though and the difference age / maturity will make in a long term relationship. Comfort needn’t be in the absence of insecurity though.

RavVid · Answer

I would generally agree... but with a proviso. Particularly with marriage, partners can test each other. Vent anger and displeasure.

So I think everybody should be insecure enough to realize if they are mean, nasty, not transparently faithful and don't willingly put out the relationship is insecure.

OneViewpoint · Answer

In a relationship or not, people should not be insecure. But many are. And hoping that's gonna change is sort of like hoping Santa Claus is gonna slide down your chimney on Dec 25th or believing your "God" is real.

Dargil · Answer

Translated: Should people in a relationship be secure? Yes. An insecure relationship is bad for ya.

jahaims · Answer

You don't understand the roots of insecurity. by the way if you only feel secure while in a relationship you aren't actually secure.

Northstar84 · Answer

You should feel secure in a relationship, but you shouldn’t stop being attractive to your partner or give up on being a couple if you have kids.

DrPepper12 · Answer

No!! Anxiety is a great motivator AND a toxic hex!!

In_Trance · Answer

Insecurity is within the individual,  Look at your examples

Anonymous · Answer

I've never been in a relationship, and I'm usually insecure.

WhatIsYourZodiac · Answer

I seek external validations all the time. But I don't let it impact me. It's just a feedback for me to be honest

slatyb · Answer

EVERYONE is insecure about something.

RHK36 · Answer

The only opinion that should matter is your own

soe11 · Answer

Personally I'm secured.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

You should never be insecure ever

Amur8711 · Answer

I completely agree

Should people in a relationship not be insecure?

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