He won't commit in our long distance relationship is this a bad sign?

[melodychas]

I’ve been dating a guy long distance for a year, (we lived about 3 hrs apart) and we’ve only seen each other 4 times. I love his town and I have thought about moving there because of how much I liked it and to also be closer. He really wants me to move closer to him and keeps asking how probable it could be. I brought up exclusivity recently and told him I wanted to have sex with him and brought up being exclusive because I said I think it’s a good idea to be exclusive if we do that. He respected my decision but said that he is seeing someone else at the moment but that he would break it off to be with me exclusively. I took his word for it but two weeks have passed now and I saw online that they were together last night. Tonight while we were texting I asked how long it will be until we can be real and he said he hasn’t set a timeline for it and I asked him if it would be any different if we lived close and he said that he thinks it would. I believe in us being together and feel very strongly about it but am frustrated with the situation. Part of me feels like if he really wanted to be with me he would commit to me but then I also think that maybe long distance just won’t work for us and it’s not a sign he doesn’t care about me. I really don’t know though?

[johnmspaghetti]

He's trying to have two cakes and eat them both too. He's being pretty selfish.

I did a long distance thing too, but she was 2000 miles away. We waited for long years (no other boyfriends or girlfriends in the picture), but we were finally able to move in together in my hometown. Sadly she's left me by now in favor of another penis, but while we were together I thought it was great. As long as one of you understands what loyalty means, it should work out great. But him, I'm not sure he does know loyalty.

It's as easy as finding a job, finding an apartment, and bringing you and your stuff to the place. If he really wanted to, he could have gotten it done in two weeks. Unfortunately I don't think he's being real with you

[melodychas]

it sucks because i don't feel ready to end it with him and we've been together so infrequently i really miss him and wanna see him again. kevin and i talk everyday all day and we are so like attached that we can't go very longer without one of us texting. he says he wants to visit soon and i'm wondering if i should or not? i just can't make a decision for myself if that would be bad because being together in person we would end up being somewhat physical. i'm really interested in what you think though especially because you were in a LDR. do you think if he really was serious about me he would commit even if it is long distance? did you ever feel frustrated with you LDR before you were able to move in and how did you trust that she was being exclusive with you?

[johnmspaghetti]

Sorry, I made my reply too long, this is gonna come in parts.

I think if he were serious, you wouldn't even have asked this question. Three hours apart is a much different beast than 2000 miles, and yours is much more difficult if you ask me. When you're three hours away, you get a taste of the drug called love, and so when he's not there you feel the withdrawal, and you're tortured by it. If he was serious, he wouldn't make you suffer like this, and certainly he would be suffering just as much and doing everything in his power to fix it. Instead, he's seeing another girl while you're not there, and expecting you'll be ready for a lay when he shows up.

[johnmspaghetti]

I didn't admit to myself that I loved her at first, but once I did, the entire time I worked singularly toward moving her to CA with me. I immediately got a job at the local Ace Hardware, saved up money for a few months (that was the hardest part) and got the first apartment that would accept a couple, and got her the earliest plane out, then we got her the first job we could find and slowly figured out our life from there. I gave up college for a while focusing on that. But that's the power of committed love.

[johnmspaghetti]

I don't think I was frustrated with it, though she probably was while I had to save up for the ticket. And sadly, she didn't stay perfectly committed; she did make out with a guy she met. But I let it slide because it hadn't crossed my line (that's getting with another penis; a female f-w-b was okay). Obviously there's an amount of trust that's required, and when you don't know then you can't be mad. But when you /do/ know, and it crosses your like, you /should/ be mad, because commitment is just that.

I get that he's the one you decided you want, I do. It sounds like even after a year he hasn't figured that out yet, and as a result your getting tortured. You don't need to keep being tortured. You can easily find someone ready and willing to commit. Not only commit, but actively work towards helping make you feel complete.

I promise there's plenty of good guys out there.

[djmzes]

I do not personally find any realistic in ldr but anyway.

[XRabbitHeartX]

If he thought you were so amazing and worth it he would not have gotten involved with someone else while talking to you. That is not how love works.

[BellePepper]

That’s a really bad sign