Long distance boyfriend keeps posponing plans to meet, is he serious about us?

[Anonymous]

we met on new year's last year and we got into a relationship pretty fast. he said he loved me pretty early on. we made all these plans to meet and he wanted to fly out to where i am because he said he was so in love with me. he said he'd be here for my birthday (October), later said he couldn't but that he'd send a gift. he didn't send anything until December and that's because i reminded him. and then he said he'd be here for November when he's on vacation. he didn't, said he didn't have any money but spent a large amount of money on a 2 day long festival. and then he moved the date to January, said he couldn't because his therapist told him to think about it since he has debts. he said he wanted to pay off his debts but bought himself a new iphone and is thinking about getting a new car and a new motorcycle. and now he swears he'll be here for march. i don't believe him anymore. i don't believe anything that he says to me anymore.

thing is we've gotten into a lot of fights these last months. i thought we would use this time to get to know each other and build our relationship but he's been spending less and less time with me. he's said i force him to be on his phone. but when i proposed we only text and call on weekends, he didn't like that.

i know other long distance couples call every other day, some call every day but i know it's not particularly bad if we have our own thing. but it makes me feel like an afterthought, like i'm nothing to him.

whenever we plan a call date, he oversleeps or something comes up. he doesn't oversleep when he has to go out with friends or coworkers. i asked him straight up if he's cheating. he swears he's not. i asked him if he regrets being with me, he says he loves me.. i don't understand why he's doing all this. i don't understand why i let him string me along.

[OlderAndWiser]

He doesn't love you. Why do you believe that? This is pathetic. Why are you clinging to this guy? This should have been laid to rest within one or two months.

[Asker]

Bc I trusted him/gave him the benefit of the doubt. First it was financial issues, then it was depression. It is very pathetic, I'm aware. I'm clinging to him because we have the same fucked up childhood and he understands a lot of my internal psychosis lmfao but yeah I know now that that's not a good bases to form a relationship on.

I appreciate your direct words.

[OlderAndWiser]

I try to tell people what they need to hear and not what they want to hear. That isn’t always appreciated!

[OlderAndWiser]

Thanks for MHO!

[Staximus]

How many times have you seen this guy in person?

[Asker]

About 4-5 times when we still lived in the same state. He moved away about a month after we initially met but he was pretty insistent on a long distance relationship, making promises to visit, that we'd live together eventually, pretty things to keep me interested. I was understanding of his situation because he had financial issues but now I just think he has debts everywhere and another girlfriend. I tried breaking it off twice but he kept crying and making threats on his own life. He also proved himself to me, I guess. I stupidly thought that was his way of showing me cared but I no longer think so.

I've repeatedly told him he should tell me if there's somebody else because I find it unfair that he gets to sleep around and I don't. But he swears there's nobody else. I'm getting fed up tbh.

[rosemilk]

actions speak louder than words. and his actions aren't matching up with his words at all. so... it's pretty clear he's not serious.

[Paris13]

Could Be the Money or Not Much anymore Into a LDR. Too Tiresome for Him. I See Red Flags. xxoo

[Paris13]

I Broke Off a LDR a Year Ago but Still Have Him in My Life But on my Terms as to when to Come and No Strings in this "Relationship" Now. xxoo

[Asker]

if it's too tiresome, i proposed we cut back on texting during the week and only text/call during the weekends, he refused. asked him if he wanted to break up, he said no. if he's no longer into it, he should just break up with me. i tried to break it off, he cries and says he can't live without me.

i see red flags too, i just can't seem to get out of this.

[Asker]

thank you for replying

[Paris13]

He wants You at Arm's Length and His Freedom Too... I Can Relate because I was the One who Wanted that too in a4 Year LDR Relationship and HIM in My Life. Even Now... xxoo

[Asker]

I wish I didn't want him. I wish he would be honest with me. I'm so exhausted.

[Paris13]

LDR ARE Exhausting. Try and Make it Simple on yourself and maybe Set Boundaries you Both Can Compromise on. xx

[Paris13]

Thank You, dear. xxoo

[Avicenna]

Probably not serious. Don't wait forever for him.

[In_Trance]

He's married

[Asker]

He's not married but I am pretty sure he's in a serious relationship with somebody else. I think he might be cheating on her with me but I can't prove anything.

[In_Trance]

Good luck with that

[KrakenAttackin]

LDR'S are not real relationships.

[Asker]

Do you have any real advice? Thanks.

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker... my advice is to not have any real expectations from a "LDR". Humans are tactile and require proximity to bond and grow together. "Long Distance" is not conducive to the realities of what humans are.