Is this a break up text or a let's slow down text? really confused...

here are the details in a nutshell... been dating a guy almost 3 months. he is 48. I am 41. We are really attracted to each other and in the time we have known each other we have probably been out about 25 times. in the beginning he came charging at me out of the gate... making future plans etc, etc.. he slowed it down but it felt awful because he never explained why he was pulling away. I know now that it was to get to know me better. he told me that the other night. we usually text at least once a day. sometimes initiated by me and sometimes by him. we talk on the phone randomly.. maybe once or twice a week. we are sexually intimate.

so, we go out last Thursday night and I basically tried to have the exclusive talk... unfortunately it went completely awful due to the fact that we were drinking a bit... I think me more than him. I definitely came off as needy, insecure etc... I basically made it about sex and not about the relationship. the night ended on an okay note, but by the next morning he was not happy with me..we texted a little bit but he was very curt. I texted him a couple of times over the weekend and heard very little. I could tell from the tone of the text that he was not happy. I asked him if he wanted to talk and he just kept ignoring me.

Finally on Sunday I sent him a nice text that he finally replied to.. here is what I wrote..

"I'm trying to give you space to think about things.. I just wanted to let you know that I miss you and am sorry for upsetting you. "

he wrote: It's not that I am upset..i just think we are at different places in the relationship. I like you a lot and enjoy going out, but it seems like you want more than that..

I replied " I completely respect your feelings . I like you a lot also so hopefully we can figure this out. "

Did he break up with me? I know I need to discuss this at some point but I'm not sure where he stands. it is so not obvious to me and it seems like he isn't even sure. I am just not going to contact him right now. is there a certain point I should contact him or just let it lie and see what happens?

HELP! I clearly don't get men...

So I decided to call. no text no email.. I got his VM & left a hi, how are you msg. he texted me 4 hrs ltr & said hey,just got your message i"ll call you 2mor afternoon. hopefully a good thing!


Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think he broke up with you. Probably he wanted a serious relationship with you but you gave him a mixed signal. i.e. ."i just think we are at different places in the relationship" or he might have thought you were only in for intimate relationship i.e "I basically made it about sex and not about the relationship.". I think he still want to connect with you but taking it slow...for now. May be it would be a good idea to call him and talk about where the relationship is going...heart to heart talk.

    • When I say I made it about sex, I said... "Well, if you are sleeping with other people then I'm not sleeping with you... So, are you? " Instead of making it more emotional about how I felt for him and that I didn't want to get hurt. I also said "I don't share well... " Another horrible statement. I went into the whole thing defensive and tried to use humor just in case he turned me down flat. I was protecting myself all out of fear...

    • He may be someone who is emotionally a bit sensitive...

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • doesn't sound like he broke up with you. if he hasn't contacted you in a few days, text him.


What Girls Said 1

  • I don't think it's a break up text neither~ Don't think you should let it lie, definitely text or call him. If you think this relationship is worth your while.

    But I think you need to get back to the basics, which is having fun and enjoying each others' company.

    • I'm actually a very good writer so I am planning to send him an email... a little more expressive than a text but will not put him on the spot with a "talk". I am learning every day that men despise that word. :) We should just be enjoying each other but it can be a confusing situation when no one is really saying "what" the deal is... wish me luck!

    • Best of luck!