Is breaking up over text ever acceptable?

Question

Jjpayne · Accepted Answer

I'd say in face is preferred over text most of time. It might be more acceptable if you first met over text vs. In person but overall if it is possible break ups should happen in person. However, I've found it's much better to do it in one method than not at all. Over ghosting, at least it lets someone know where the stand. Clearly it is right to want to do this in person but if distance and time have separated you, sometimes a text message is better than getting nothing.

To put it this way, if I knew a girl held a standard to never break up unless it was in person but never could bring herself to do it in person (not involving choice but nervousness, she has made up her mind) I'd rather her text me than make me wait.

I think it's also different for the deepness of relationship too, the greater amount of time invested in the relationship, the more necessary to do it in person.

But safety can also be am issue too...

This is not always cut and dry... At least to me

torgor67 · Accepted Answer

Yeah it is acceptable technically if you have a good reason such as the partner cheated on you or something and if you see them you may end up regretting doing something and text can be a lot less chaotic as since you are not speaking to the partner you don't have to worry about outbreaks or anything crazy like that. However at the same time it can feel a little insincere in the sense that you didn't visit them to break up which can hurt certain people as they may feel that they don't have any value or something. You can also comfort the partner better if you are with them as well which can help a lot. But overall I think doing it over text is acceptable but not always preferable in every situation which is why wisdom is sometimes needed to decide on the course of action to take.

BeachBabe96 · Accepted Answer

Strictly because I previously was in a VERY toxic relationship ended that way by me... anytime I tried to in person he would manipulate me and make me either just flat out feel like he was simply my only option and the best I would ever get by putting me down or start begging me to stay in turn causing me to feel responsible for hurting him and absolutely terrible. So after almost an added year of this horrible relationship my family and friends said just to call it quits that way and be away from him when it happened. Needless to say he tried everything in his power to find me and take me away with him but ended up burning or trashing all of my stuff that I had left at his house (his sister confirmed this) and then tried telling me someone "stole it". That's the ONLY reason I say yes to this.

aWes0MeNeSs · Accepted Answer

I believe it's pretty impersonal. I also think a huge problem with today's society is that so many people have no idea how to communicate, or at least not in person. I think if for some reason you can't meet up to do it, a phone or video call would be the second best option. At least it's more personal that way.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

I would say no. But for some people that seems to be the only way they communicate these days. So if that's the only way you've normally communicated with them then 🤷🏼‍♀️

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Acceptable if the other person may become violent and there is a realistic concern for safety.

btbc92 · Answer

My answer normally would be a NO. There are better ways to handle it. BUT realistically speaking the answer is YES. There are reasons for breaking up over text is ever acceptable:

1. You are in an LDR.
2. The person your with is abusive has serious anger problems and refuses to be civil.
3. One or both of you have got severely ill and is better off doing it that way [with somebody else with you of course]
4. You need to get it out of the way immediately before you delay it and either never break up or God forbid somebody ends up cheating.

In other situations, you are better off just doing it in person. When it doubt, ask yourself why you're breaking up.

razelove · Answer

Even if you're afraid face to face will result in a confrontation that may escalate to violence, at least call so they can say their two cents.

I had one girl a couple years ago, she worried me, was acting unstable like nitroglycerin, but I still took her out to dinner to break up. She of course yelled right when she saw it coming so she could end it first, which was fine by me. Then she started kicking and punching around on the ride back so I had to drop her off on a highway at gunpoint.

I didn't see things escalating that far, and she probably thought I would just take her attacking me. Man, I could go on and on with stories of crazy, that's just freshest in my mind.

So breaking up without seeing the person is a ok if you think some shit like that could happen.

mindNsoul · Answer

For safety reasons sometimes it is. If the guy is violent or imposes any threat to a woman's safety then 'yes' go home to your parents, friends, or in the safety of your own home and then text him and block him. Some men don't take no for an answer and are very forceful or pushy. So yeah I would say it is acceptable and recommended sometimes.

G3tAClue · Answer

No. I don’t think so. It’s disrespectful to do it over a text.

The only acceptable time to break up over a text is if your significant other is abusive and being there in person would be dangerous. Also, abusive people don’t deserve better than a text.

egarcia1360 · Answer

I voted yes, the key word being EVER. For the most part, I think breaking up over text is disrespectful and frankly unacceptable. However, as others have said, certain situations may warrant a text break-up, like a long-term relationship in which texting is already the primary mode of communication or an abusive one where breaking up in person could be dangerous. Generally, though, I think a phone call is the least you could do even in these situations, although less so the latter since abusers don't really deserve to be let down gently or respectfully.

All4ur_pleazure · Answer

I think it all depends on the situation.
- a relationship where there’s violence all across the board and you’ve finally escaped the relationship then by all means send a text.
- you’ve been trying to break up due to something so bad you can’t even look at the persons face. Sure send a text

Otherwise do it face to face. Doing it through text is a cowardly move. Especially if the break up is just one of those we’re just not working out type of things. Text can be so one sided.
BUT
The way the world is now with everyone so connected to their phones people have forgotten how to talk to each other face to face.

rjroy3 · Answer

Other than concern for bodily harm or damaged property. No, not acceptable behavior. That said, that's for official committed relationships. You have the label and everything.

For all pre relationship situations like just talkin, regularly hooking up and haven't had the convo, "hanging out", whatever you want to call it. Then that's different.

If you've met and gone out on 2-3 dates and aren't feeling it. Ending it via text I think is reasonable. Because you never had that kind of relationship.

Because it's largely based on the type of relationship you had, the shared investment and so on.

AzureGirl · Answer

Maybe if it were a long distance relationship and no other forms of communication were available but otherwise no. Face to face is best.

RydiaMagnifique · Answer

If you're afraid of the person due to let's say him being physically, and/or sexually abusive, it's much safer than in person to do it over text.

Mehzmeh · Answer

Hell to the naw!!! That is very immature. And who does that? If you can be brave enough to be in a relationship. Then be brave enough to say it's over. Don't be a punk!! Lol. It has happened to me twice. I had to go to that girls house and make her tell me face to face. And then I said... Okay have a good life. Lol

MistiGal · Answer

Generally No!
But my last boyfriend which was over 2.5 years ago, l did it to him because he stole money and other items from me, when l found what had happened, l was in total shock, so l messaged him, that l never wanted to see him again!
There are exceptions.

Porcelaine · Answer

Well depends on what kind of relationship it was. How close, how much of it was through text vs in person. And some people have difficulty saying tough things in person, so they put it in text. I think its more important if you give a good explanation, genuinely try to be respectful.

GraveDoll · Answer

I honestly feel the problem with texting in general is it has replace so so much when it come to how we interact. So I can see why people do it over text and think it ok.

do i think it right. No.

But let say if it a danger issues than yes but if you ready to just split than i think face to face is always best.

Anonymous · Answer

If someone was a POS to you, then yes. When I say POS they were cheating, over the top rude, physically abusive or they lied about something really big.

But if they were none of those things you just “didn’t feel attracted” anymore than breaking up over a text makes you a selfish coward. Especially if you were dating for 2 months or more. It’s second only to ghosting.

Give someone the respect and at least call them. I broke up with my last ex face to face. It was an excruciating 2 hour ordeal and it got ugly (she threatened to kill herself). But I walked away knowing I did the right thing. I have no regrets or guilt about how I handled it.

NatashaJ · Answer

If the person makes you feel like your in danger for breaking up, or your scare of their reaction aka you realize you are in a abusive relationship. Who gives a fuck about common courtesy texting is a safer option. Also, make sure abusive piece of works don't know where you live! I also don't think ghosters or flakes deserve a better break up then text messages to be honest.

HeartBugRaleighNC · Answer

Sometimes for some people in some situations it is the best choice they can make. Getting distance from a person whose mentality justifies violence revenge punishment suffering and the implementation of fear manipulation, criminal behavior, conspiracy, compulsive dishonesty, or an unapologetic lack of consideration to others used in their episodes. Get a protective order first, prepare the obvious targets from most likely attacks, they then text to inform they are shut down and can't get nothing but some unavoidable prison time to guarantee not to be worth any damge they can do.

Rosesandcheese · Answer

No it's kind of inconsiderate. It's like you're not even giving your partner any courtesy or respect. This is something very personal and painful and it almost seems like people who do this sort of thing do it to avoid facing the other person or being upfront about it all. Running away from their problems and such. Unless it's an exclusively online relationship I don't see why you can't break up with someone face to face out of respect for what you had with them.

4eyes2mouths · Answer

Depends on how much respect you have for the person. If they were shitty I would text them. At first I thought it wasn't acceptable until I broke up with an ex who was psychotic and she ended up smashing my car window with a hammer while trying to prevent me from leaving. After that moment breaking up over texts when needed was preferred.

ManOnFire · Answer

Almost never. I  never  do that and I expect the same vice versa. When you end it, you better have the guts to say it to my face.  The only time it's acceptable is if you're finding out that the other person is dangerous or crazy and you really do not want to see them again.  Then  you can break up by text and never go back.

Afrenchgirl · Answer

All my boyfriends dumped me over text and, ew, it was bad each time (for me lol).
That showed me who they really were : immature, disrespectful and, the worst, coward.
Being dumped over text is never okay, because you don’t see it coming, you can’t have a talk with the person or saying goodbye (when you really love the partner), and it’s so much more difficult to move on as you don’t have closure.

TJFreshman22 · Answer

Everyone always says do it in person, but if you both know the relationship is not working out, over text is my preferred method if someone was to break up with me. None of that "I want to be friends though crap that nobody wants to here crap from the girl when their balls are being crushed."

ZackBan · Answer

Well answers are pretty much unanimous here.

It's not just about being a man and facing the music and such. If you break up over a text that means the relationship itself was meaningless to you and not something you put effort in.
Personally I don't like to use texting for anything other than small talk and jokes. All real conversation I either have in person or over the phone.

Dongtai · Answer

It’s only acceptable (to me) under one condition.

When a face to face breakup could put your life at risk. I’ve only broken up with one girl through text in my 8 years of dating and it was because I truly thought she was mentally unstable and I didn’t put it past her to kill me out of hurt. Thinking back it might have been better to do the breakup somewhere with witnesses.

But yeah. Only if you truly believe they would physically harm you.

Weasly · Answer

It depends on the situation.

If we met on a dating app and de ided to give it a go, after a couple of weeks decided it's not working, then I dont think a text is to. much of a surprise or to unreasonable.

If you got together by meeting in person and getting to know each other (ie first contact was not digital) then it should be done face to face even if just after a couple of weeks.

DocT1977 · Answer

If there is a way to do it in person, I would say that is the better route. Then again, there are many different situations that come to mind as well. Maybe in the case of an abusive relationship sending a text is the best thing to do for safety reasons. I guess I'm going to settle on the idea that there is no answer that fits all.

John_Hunter · Answer

A voice conversation is more personal, and shows that you are mature enough to face reality. Also, a friend's of mine was dumped by a girl via text message. Later it turned out that it wasn't her that sent the message; it was a jealous classmate. All the same, it damaged their trust and hurry their relationship. The only exception would be if you never got past a texting- only relationship in the first place. In that case, it would be okay.

DanaeAdam5 · Answer

YES.

If you just caught your partner or have proof that your partner cheated on you then yes.

If your partner I'd abusive then again yes.

But other than these reasons breaking up with your partner over a text is awful and cowardly

bubbles328 · Answer

I can either break up with you via text or ghost you. I am not a ghoster. I'm pretty sure the breakupee would like to be told too! They wanna know more I'll meet up or call.

princesssnowflake · Answer

NO. Not if you valued your time with that person. Breaking up over text is super impersonal and cold. Face to face is best, if not then call or FaceTime

honestGUY45 · Answer

I think it is. If I'm going to break up with someone, I'm going to do it however I want and they are just going to have to accept it.

Avicenna · Answer

That happened to me last year and it was unnecessary. She even did it when I was out of state. Id say it's acceptable only if there is a realistic threat of violence.

angeliquedevereux2 · Answer

Ok in life i have a golden rule. If they don't have the balls to ask you out in real life and the relationship goes on for less than three months, you can dump over text. In any other situation, they deserve to be told the news face to face. Plain and simple.

Branden315 · Answer

Been broken up with five times over text, the last time it didn't send... I was waiting for her to come back for five months wondering if she was even alive (she had talked about suiced before) she had given up on me and had a new guy in the first week... Moral if you use a text to break up, make sure they know about it.

Browneye57 · Answer

No. TALK directly to the person, tell them 'it's over', or 'we're done', and then move on. No explanation, no blaming, no accusations. All that crap has already been beat to death. Just tell them you're done and it's over. And then be done.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

Short of there existing some sort of abuse or violence in the relationship, NO! Breaking up by text is a coward’s way out. Same with breaking up by email. At the very least, do it in a phone call. Otherwise, face to face.

People who use text or email as their method to end their relationships are as low as cheaters and are to be avoid... no integrity, no honor, disrespectful. Pure cowardice...

Anonymous · Answer

It is never OK to do that. It’s like you’re not man enough or woman enough to meet with this person directly break their heart to end things. That shows the type of person you are character. It’s heartless. And you’re only sparing your feelings not the other person.

Walrus_au · Answer

I said yes, but because of how you worded the question there really wasn't another legitimate answer.

The problem is, is it acceptable to whom? The person doing the breaking up? sure it's likely acceptable to them, they are doing it after all...

To someone with overwhelming social anxiety, it's probably more acceptable than many alternatives.

To many many others, I very much doubt they would find it acceptable.

purplepoppy · Answer

If there's a risk of violence or they've done something so bad you really don't want to be near them then yes it is. But if it's just a case of things not working out it's better face to face.

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

Unless you fear for your physical safety, it should be in person, or at the very least over the phone

KeziL · Answer

long distance is okay. or if you really won't see them for so long and that's the only option to not drag it out. I guess maybe a phone call is better, but sometimes it's easier to get out everything you need to say in a cohesive way over text

Therisinghero12 · Answer

The point is to get the feeling across, what method you do it with doesn't matter as long as you are communicating, and I kind of feel like that rule was invented by people who want to make it hard for their partner to break up with them, cause it's hard to tell how you really feel in person

platinumsad · Answer

I answered yes because of situations where telling them in person might be safe. For example, if someone is leaving their abusive spouse, a break up remotely is much safer than telling them in person. Otherwise, I can't think of a good reason to break up with someone over text.

Drowningkingfish · Answer

Unless she is known for carrying a meat cleaver around, don't just text her away, it will really upset her and cause a toxic connection to her and she may want revenge with you in non-physical ways. Just don't give yourself the trouble.

AdithyaR · Answer

That's unacceptable unless the person you want to break up with is known to be violent and you're concerned about your safety.

GraysonDooley · Answer

It can go either way. Like if your partner cheated on you then you may think they don't deserve to be broken up with in person or that you can't stand to see them so it can be easier but most of the time it should be done in person

Desconhecida · Answer

The only excuse to do this is if you are in an LDR.

pleasestopthis · Answer

Yes, if the guy is violent, or if you're breaking up with a cheater. I think it's a waste of time and money to meet up with my partner if he humilliates me by cheating on me. A text will do.

Kaneki05 · Answer

There is many reasons why you should break up by text So is it acceptable yes if all those reasons apply. But if you can do it anyway else since those reasons don't apply then do.

FlutteringFeelings · Answer

Most people who broken up with someone face to face never saw the face of the sun the next day. I am definitely leaving over text because people are crazy these days.

MrTuxedo · Answer

Out of all girlfriends I have broken up with, I've never done it over text. It's the most cowardly thing you can do. Same thing would go for girls, only if the relationship is abusive or similar.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

Breaking up infers a relationship of some sort. So i'd say no.
I did let someone go after a first date over text. Seemed reasonable guvem we'd only known each other couple of weeks and met the once. She was nice, just wanted different things

xBec14x · Answer

It is ONLY ok if the person is abusive and it's the only way to escape being hurt. other than that then no do it in person.

Smashingdoozy · Answer

Yes If you are under 18 If the relationship wasn't more than a year If it is long distance If the person is toxic

Calryn · Answer

If you have a ldr and you both met online, I guess it's somehow acceptable to break up using text. But it would be better if used at least video to do that.

mefirst2000 · Answer

If you meet a person on the web why would it not be acceptable to break up with a person

Amanda2 · Answer

Not really but in this day and age it’s better than being ghosted

sillyfairy474 · Answer

No, it’s cowardly and selfish. The other person deserves a conversation.

the_sinner · Answer

Depends on the person on the receiver's side. For me it's acceptable but very cheap for a break up.

Is breaking up over text ever acceptable?

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