What do you consider to be "officially dating"?

My name is Brian, and I am a 16 year old junior in high school.

I am currently dating an 18 year old freshman girl in college, and I am seeking some dating advise.

By the way if you just don't wanna read all this then just answer the question given in the subject title. But it's a good read and will help you understand my point of view on things. I promise I will applaud whoever had read the entire thing.

Okay, so here's my story.



I've been dating this girl for about a week now.

Our first kiss was last Sunday, and we've kissed every time we've seen each other ever since, but we haven't really made out yet or gone past first base.

I've known her and liked her ever since she was still in high school as a senior, and she kinda liked me a little too. But when she was in high school, she was also dating a senior.

Then that senior moved away for college and she stayed home, and then we hung out even more and eventually went out.

Now the ex boyfriend is coming back for thanksgiving, and wants to hang out with my girlfriend, since both of them are still good friends, and doesn't know that she and I are dating.

This complicates things since the ex boyfriend has known me since his senior year in high school and would most likely hate me and the fact that I was dating his ex girlfriend, and he would probably hate her too while he was at it.

She's had no desire to hook up with the ex again, and she's felt that she's had to tell him that we're "dating" ever since we started.

But then just yesterday, she said that she didn't need to worry about it since there really wasn't anything "official" to tell him.

Wait a sec, anything official?

You mean us kissing doesn't mean that we're officially dating?

Then she replied by saying "Oh I don't think we're official or anything yet, we're just two people who like each other hanging out. Right?"

Well she does have a point there, but then what exactly does she consider "officially dating" in the first place?

I know there's this whole "facebook official" thing, but she doesn't want that since the ex would then find out and freak out. I've called her my girlfriend and she's called me my boyfriend.

My first hypothesis was that once we sort of start making out and feeling each other up, and then possibly sex, then we'd "officially" be going out.

But isn't that just a little shallow?

Or am I just too young to really understand?

This just really upsets me because after all this time from last year and up until now, I still feel like we're back at square one, and that we're not really dating at all.

Is there an exponential difference between high school dating and college dating that I must be informed about?

Cause I'm not gonna lie, this is the hardest thing I've ever been through in my entire life.



As promised, I applaud anyone who actually read that entire thing instead of straight up skipping to the end and answering the question that was given in the subject title. Now you know the story, so what should I do?


Most Helpful Girl

  • okay so I read the whole thing and I definitely have an answer for you. You said you guys have been "dating for a week." I'm assuming this means you've been on dates during the past week. Just because you guys have kissed and been on a few dates does not mean you guys are exclusive (this is what I would call "official dating) or are boyfriend and girlfriend yet. You haven't asked her out and even though you really like her she can still go out with other guys unless you guys have clearly established that you guys are only seeing each other and no one else (which it doesn't sound like it does).

    oh and when she said there wasn't anything official to tell her ex she means that you guys are not girlfriend and boyfriend which is what "official" means. oh and to answer one of your questions, kissing does not mean you're officially dating. sorry. I guess you guys are "dating" but you are not official (aka exclusive). You guys have to have a talk to establish those kinds of boundaries. I don't see what the rush is though. you should take your time

    oh and just be aware that high school and college relationships often don't work out. they're two different worlds unless she lives at home with her parents still


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • Wait so she is afraid her ex will freak out? He's her ex! She can date whoever she wants. She obviously needs to reconsider her relationships. If she calls you boyfriend and kisses you pretty often, to me that means it's official. It seems like she values her ex's friendship more than the relationship you two have. It's not cool that she won't put it out there that you're dating. There should be no shame. You need to consider if she's treating you the right way. :-/ Good luck!

  • I am a 21 year old college girl and I've been in all kinds of relationships. If you see my icon. Im a tomgirl who considers herself one of the guys. I've had one night stands, a mature officially on fb relationship with a guy my own age and an open relationship with a guy who didn't know if I was wife material and a friends with benefits relationship with my ex. Kissing means your physically interested. talking about feelings can mean emotionally interested. And meeting family and friends can mean exclusively interested or "officially" but usually its physically AND emotionally interested to then be exclusively interested. It sounds like a physical relationship with potential for emotional. But a week with a couple kisses is not much to a college girl unless she's insecure about herself and needs a self esteem boost. In my honest opinion. Also in college- there's more competition than high school for something real and official. Good luck!


What Guys Said 1

  • dude, that was a looong Story but interesting read! As far as I'm concerned about the "officially girlfriend" Term, it doesn't include having SEX with some1 to be his/her girlfriend or bf! College or High school its the same thing when it comes to Dating, just OLDER ^^

    U mentioned "kiss" before, so lemme ask u: was it normal kissing on cheek or like mature people seriously with TONGUE intensiv? By intensiv I mean half of the dating timezone like you can't resist each other?

    I have a strong feeling that this girl was just using You as a replacement to her ex boyfriend the time he was away. really, I mean think of that phrase

    "But then just yesterday, she said that she didn't need to worry about it since there really wasn't anything "official" to tell him"

    its like giving you a hint that you should just dump her!

    okay seriously, if I were you STOP TELLING HER howmuch you miss her and those romantical stuff, because she will sure take you for granted and that's very very bad for business.

    Giv her some time and stop calling/texting her being a amateur stalker. IF she likes you or still have feelings she┬┤ll automatically get back.

    Best luck!