What does it mean that my ex girlfriend of 3 years responds to my texts?

[Anonymous]

I dated a wonderful girl on and off for 3 years. We broke up about 4 months ago, I wasn't sure what I really wanted and took her for granted. She always took me back no matter what I did, so I would leave her home, go out with my guy friends, and talk to other girls. I never really cheated on her but she did find out I texted other girls and one in particular showed her facebook messages in which I was hitting on her. In July I found out she was talking to someone I knew fairly well. I couldn't believe it and this crushed me, I completely freaked out. I begged for her to give me another chance and not to talk to this guy. She just said she was confused and didn't know what to do. Well eventually I gave her an ultimatum and she chose this other guy because obviously he was being nicer to her and including her on activities and what not. She completely stopped answering my calls and texts and all I could do was hear from friends and family how she was all over facebook with this guy and how in love with him she is. This has completely devastated me, has affected my school, work, and social life. I realize how much I truly love and want to be with this girl. Even months later I can't stop thinking about her. Two weeks ago I drunk dialed her and luckily she didn't answer. The next day she texted me tho and we texted back and forth for a while and got along well. We continued to text for the next few days but stupidly I asked her why she would text her ex boyfriend (me) if she was so content and happy with her current b/f? I told her if girls texted or called me in the middle of the night I never called or texted them back the next day especially if I was in love with someone else. She just said "yeah right I always texted other girls" "then she went on to ask how my girl Vicky (facebook girl) was" Then she immediately said night and that was it. I apologized the next day and we continued to text. I realized I can't bring her new boyfriend up at all and try to just have normal, friendly convos with her. I asked her to meet me for coffee on a Sunday for Monday, but she texted me Monday and said she just got home from the gym coffee another day maybe. I said K sounds good. I just don't know what to do. The only time she talks to me is if I text her, but then we can go on to have decent conversations and even text back and forth all day. I think it is a good thing she even texts me back because of how I treated her when we were together. Also she Never texted her ex when we were together and she always told me if he tried contacting her. She also used to tell him to leave her alone she was happy and in love with me. I am pretty sure she hasn't told her current boyfriend I have been texting her. So what should I do? I feel kind of pathetic texting her all the time and don't want to seem desperate. She knows I still love her. Do you guys still think she has feelings for me? Should I continue to text her? How often? Do you think I can reconcile with her? HELP !

[loversspit]

The first piece of advice I want to give you is to figure out why you want to be with her. Is it because you can't have her anymore? How would you feel if you had her back? Did you treat her badly before because you weren't attracted to that quality in her that caused her to always take you back? Was it too easy/not enough chase? And if you get back together, are you always going to try to be making up for what you did/lost time? Will you BOTH be able to move forward from how you acted and her being in a relationship with someone else?

Based on how you guys have been texting, I think she does still have feelings for you. Regardless, there are other factors. Based on what you said, I think that you can keep up the texting for a bit, maybe lay off a little and see how she takes it? Maybe not, but what I would do is keep it up and then, relatively soon, ask her to meet up. If she agrees, I would VERY RESPECTFULLY tell her how you feel. That's all you can do. Don't demand anything, guilt her, bring up the other guy--nothing like that. Just tell her how you feel about her and tell her what behaviors you regret, maybe explain why--at this point though, it's totally up to her and if you can't reconcile this, please take it as a lesson. Don't take your girl for granted, you know you can't take back anything you've done and if you regret it then you know you messed up and you might have to just move on and the next time, not do anything similar, because at the end of the day, you messed up and he hasn't, at least not yet.

I know you love her and want her back but it'll be a lot for her to take you back--you would have to really SHOW her that you deserve another chance, and that it'll be worth leaving her current happiness.

[Asker]

Wow loverspit that is great advice. Yeah I don't really know the reason why I treated her badly, I think because like I said I just took her for granted and got compfortable, like I never thought she would leave me so I thought I could do what I want. But I learned, either way I learned. I tried telling her before that people make mistakes and that they learn from them and I have definitely learned and turned into a better person because of her and what we have been through.

[prettypersuasion]

You only want her back because you can't have her. Let her go.