I asked her out, she said no, but still texts and calls all the time.

So I met a girl and we have become really close friends over the last few months. To the point that we text each other most days, normally meet on the weekend. We talk about nothing much but are always there to support each other and cheer the other up. She invited herself round to see me and suggested getting some dinner and meeting friends at a bar. She seems to prioritize me over others when they are around, she's a lovely girl, always smiling and probably the kindest person I have ever met. She told me she sees me more than her other friends.

I find her attractive but our relationship has always been without any kind of romance - but at the same time, it seems like more than friendship. Some of my friends even said I should ask her out.

After a few months I asked if she had ever thought of being more than friends and she seemed a little shocked. She said no pretty quickly, and I said that's fine, no big deal. I enjoy our time together and still want to be friends.

She called me as soon as she got home and we still chat and text each other. She always goes out of her way to do something nice. She often wishes me good night, she has said I'm cute and that she missed having me around. But she said that she is struggling to get over a guy who left town. She seems to go for the guys who treat her badly.

Am I just reading too much into this? Her reaction when I asked her said a lot enough that I believe she is only interested in friendship. Even though she now knows I like her, she seems to be more friendly if anything.

I want to be friends if that's the only option and although I felt incredibly down after getting that no, I think I have accepted it... but maybe not completely otherwise I wouldn't be asking this.

Is it possible that she does have feelings more than friendship but doesn't realize because she is so focused on another guy who left? Do nice guys just not have the attraction she gets from the tools that she likes? Does her constant contact just represent close friendship?

Were both in our mid 20s



Most Helpful Guy

  • no don't listen to all that 'just be friends" stuff going on below me. She just likes having you around as a friend and a shoulder to cry on and pour out her emotions on since she's getting over the guy who left. Stop saying yes to everything she says and stop agreeing with her. Don't talk about other boys with her but rather TELL her about other girls that you've been seeing or going out with. Don't hang around her anymore just cut contact for a month at the least ( its hard but you have to if you want her to think of you as more than just a friend). When you show her that you're always there for her, she'll just take you as a friend who she can cry with. You have to tell her that you want to be more than friends and can't be around her anymore since you have feelings for her. You have to sacrifice that close friendship you had to be more than that trust me. Don't even try to contact her, even when she does just act unavailable (or busy) even if you are available.DONT shower her with all the attention and niceness that you usually give to her. You need to see other girls and flirt with them. Find other girls to be attracted to and forget her and trust me once she sees this, she'll get jealous and think they've taken you away from her and you're not around to be just a "buddy" to her. Let her come back to YOU but don't let it be easy for her. Don't just take her in like she was your buddy. You can chat to her for a bit but then have to go somewhere or do something. She'll start chasing you and wanting you and eventually change the way she sees you BUT you HAVE TO be flirting,going for and try dating OTHER GIRLS. Don't put her on that pedastal where you say she's the only one for me because she'll use you again. She's not into you in a dating kind of way if she's choosing the other guy who LEFT over YOU. So back away from the friendship completely and when she says hi just say it back and keep going about your business or make small talk and leave. Don't hang around her but instead find other girls. Don't return her texts or calls for a moth. A month w/out communication bro you have to listen to me right now and trust me because I used to make the same mistakes you do. Don't show her that you still notice her (even if you do). Don't look over to where she is but instead look at other girls somewhere else and talk about them with other lads and I promise you she'll want you back but as more than friends and you have to make her work for it because she'll lose the attraction. Just try and go on as many dates as you can with other girls. if you get rejected for a date by one girl then move on to the other. I hope you will liste nto what I have told you cos its the only way you can get her to like you. If you need more help just comment on here and I'll be right here.

    • Thanks. I think ill find it hard to date other girls just to make her jealous. its just not me, but I'll have to think about it. Its a massive descision to risk losing one of my best friends. Especially not knowing if id even have any chance. Maybe I can reply less often when she calls or texts & just not be around for a month when she wants to meet up.

      If she was to agree to go out with me because she missed my friendship, would that be superficial? How do I find out if there's any hope?

    • No it wouldn't be superficial because she's developed feelings for you other than friendly ones. You HAVE to flirt with other girls if you want to date her. Sometimes you have to lose something to gain something. Losing a friendship is a risk that comes with it but it has to be done if you want to date her. The reason you're not dating is because of that "friendship". Its not to make her jealous but to make her see you're Boyfriend material rather than clingy to her . You have to make tht choice now.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • Just be close friends

  • Just keep it friendly for now, maybe she'll gradually grow to like you as a boyfriend :)

  • I'm not sure what is going through her mind, but as of this moment it seems like she enjoys your company. not sure if there's anything more to it though


What Guys Said 2

  • know how you feel I am on the same situation as you are, I've known this girl for more than 8 years she does the same treatment text, calls, hanging-out

    you name it iam in it..she's been open about everything her views, issues, family, EX problems I know it all, didn't even think I was already falling for her..

    everything was platonic..she also said no because we've been friends for so long she values the friendship we have and she sees me like brother(DAMN!)

    So don't mind me asking if you are really wanting to have a relationship with her? and at first she declines respect her. The only thing that can make her

    fall for you is when you see another prospect girl so she could get jealous(some play this game but if you are really loyal don't bother unless you really

    need someone like her in your life, this backfires also) and the other is by cutting off your communication and be firm with your conviction that you want a relationship with her but be prepared for the consequences. That's my current problem now we're not talking but I'm still optimistic that she'll see me under

    a different light, but hell there's a part of me crying inside wanting to be with her and missing her all the time it's almost a month now.She even got upset

    when I initiated an arguement about us being together..so be it she removed me from her friendslist on various social sites even messenger..the way I see

    it's probably her defense mechanism taking place the funny thing she still keeps me on FB though I can't see her status because she set it on private. Moving forward..here's the friendly advise I can only share with you it's either you stay longer being her SECURITY BLANKET or being FIRM say your piece about your TRUE FEELINGS but be prepared to loose the friendship like mine things are a bit awkward now. I know she misses me because

    i can still see her comments on her friends status. All I can do now is wait but I'm keeping myself busy..who knows she might change her mind because

    people really value things not when they're around but they somewhat lost it and try hard to have it again..So that's about it GoodLuck with your endeavor!

  • I had a female friend once just like the one you described. she ended up breaking my heart, I asked her out a few times, shut wanted to "remain friends" cause she wanted ready for a boyfriend. then she goes and started dating some guy...and she tells me all about him.

    I ended up breaking contacted.