Is our texting culture toxic for relationships?

[Anonymous]

Is the instant gratification or expectation of instant response toxic for relationships?

I guess I’m curious is it fair that I’m upset I didn’t hear from the guy I’ve been seeing for about two and a half days.

[Anonymous]

It's a good question. I believe it is very toxic.

Most people seem to get frustrated and worry if someone they like doesn't text them back right away. They started to assume there's lack of interest.

Also, people often put the wrong tone to a text, or they misinterpret the words. I've done it myself

A few days ago, my cousin said she thought I was upset with her and deliberately ignoring her just because I didn't text her back within an hour of texting me 🙄.. she should know me better than that, because I'd tell her outright if I was upset with her, i wouldn't ignore her. I told her that too.

I see questions all the time on GaG about people not texting the asker back right away, and they're worried in case the person is ghosting them. I've been guilty of thinking that way myself

[Lavinnykins]

In the early days, it's a complete curse. As you become better established and create clearer lines of communication, it's a god send.

[spartan55]

From what I've noticed, girls value texting far higher than guys. Girls are more likely to text longer detailed descriptions, of just about anything (check out this site, it's mind boggling)
Here is where it goes sideways imho. Girls typically place the same social value on texting as irl communication... guys don't.

[Asker]

But here’s the thing, we have been dating for 5 months. He disappeared for two and a half days (I didn’t hear from him Monday even though I had a flight back into town or Tuesday then finally reached out Wednesday). Everything felt like it was going well up until this point. He just seems distant... I feel like something happened this weekend

[spartan55]

Are you back now? Lol

[Asker]

My anxiety won’t go away... He’s not treating me right is he?

[Telekinetic-Potato]

I think it's really toxic in certain ways. It creates these unrealistic expectations like my girlfriend who always wants me to text her while I'm at work.

[Grobmate]

2 and a half days? the guy has a life outside of you and you only just met. You shouldn't expect instant responses no! That's why it's called a message. If you want instant reaponses... telephone calls are your friend.

[Asker]

We’ve been dating for five months

[Grobmate]

Okay... you said in the question that you've been seeing him for 2.5 days.. which is it?

[Grobmate]

Or do you mean you haven't heard from him in 2.5 days?

[Asker]

I hadn’t heard from him in 2 and a half days

[Grobmate]

Ahh okay. Sorry for misunderstanding. 2.5 days is inordinate. That is poor form and rude of him.

[ghostbunnywhite]

I think that's depand on how wise the user is.. It's like asking does a knife is dengerous or not? It all depands on the user but mostly it was a toxic when their mentality r not ready..

[loveslongnails]

How long have you been "seeing him?" How much do you actually SEE him and spent real time with him? Are you exclusive? How old are you both? I can better answer your question knowing those things.

[Asker]

5 months as of tomorrow. We usually see each other one or two times a week. Last week we only saw each other Tuesday due to the fact that we both went out of town. He has never officially said I’m his girlfriend, but he told me he wasn’t seeing anyone else. I’m 25; he’ll be 29 at the end of the month.

[loveslongnails]

To answer the thing about texting, YES, it's toxic to expect an instant response to a text. It's silly because it presupposes the person is "attached" to their phone. You might say "well, they are". In that case, I'd say that's good enough reason to reconsider being with them !!! But for YOU, perhaps you want that, or even expect it? That expectation can make you think you're somewhat less a priority for him than he is to you. It sounds like you want to be "officially announced as THE girlfriend" by him, and he hasn't done it. How important is that to you, and even if he did it, would it quell your fears?

[BigGJ]

Sometimes it can be toxic because you send your response to fast without thinking it twice and it may cause some unplesant situation. You can also be mad for an unread or seen and it couse irritation between you

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Yes , if it takes someone two and half days to contact a person
through text message my opinion i would move on as much as
you want be with them there is no excuse.

[TangoCharliePDX]

"How can two walk together except they be agreed." Two people who share the same values will act on those values. Two people text and use their phone a lot, think its normal. It becomes toxic when someone gets mad.

[Snakeyes7]

People definitely need to learn the virtue of patience but if someone takes over a day to message back, it’s a dick move but it’s probably best to say they aren’t into you.

[Asker]

Even if he’s out of town with friends?

[Snakeyes7]

It’s possible but if I were texting someone I had a crush on. I would wait until I had alone time to call or text, like just before going to bed.

[Asker]

We did that up until Sunday night. Monday and Tuesday he just didn’t respond when I reached out.

[Asker]

Actually I didn’t text him at all Tuesday. I contacted him on Wednesday with a casual how’s your day? And he said he had been sick all day.

[Kru2020]

Very, I've had girls stop talking to me completely because i had a busy day at work and couldn't message them.

[dbr1987]

Yes because of misinterpretation and lack of sexual tension in the texting which leads to boredom too fast.

[thecrazystudent]

Lol, 2 and a hald days. I'd say chat less and talk more.

[Swat_]

It's not toxic. Its something we have to adapt to. Change is not toxic, it's there for a reason.

[LuWe22]

Nope. It is not toxic. I like to be in contact with my boyfriend.

[Denniszen]

Its the biggest sources of misunderstanding and disagreements to date.

[Anonymous]

It is.
It really is.
If you can handle it, it is not.

[Lone099]

It is very toxic