Are you the more submissive or dominant partner in a relationship?

[SexyAshh]

Updates

+1 y

Mho was so hard to choose. Thank you for all your great answers guys💋

[VIVANT]

I’m simply not a submissive person. It doesn’t matter what kind of person the guy is, it is not a part of me as an adult.

He will either like this about me or we won’t be together. I had to live life on my knees for 8 years. It doesn’t come naturally to Me, I literally felt disgusted the entire time, I did it to survive and I won’t go back to it.

I do understand People are happy choose it, A NCE version of it.. but to me FOR me it is always has negative Connotations and there is nothing enticing about it, to me.

Partly bc I simply am not passive I don’t have that impulse. And also bc of my past. I do think even withoit my last I would not tend towards submissiveness. I was never that way even when life was normal. It’s just not my spirit.

it dots cause some hiccups bc I get easily uncomfortable of I shear I’m being too passive in a situation, but no relationship is ever without sone give for anyone or there will be way too much friction.

I am not an aggressive person I’m not out to try to control it dominate anyone. It is not in the least attractive to me. Nor is the reverse.

I do best in relationships with people who are OK with how I am or are similar themselves. Assertive when necessary chill otherwise and don’t feel a need to dominate.

As for sex.. it is no different. Unlike (it seems but I can be wrong) most people, I don’t consider sex an act of domination or submission, but a mutually pleasurable consensual activity. We are BOTH voluntarily there. If I get picked up or thrust around a bit I do bc I like it and it is fun. I’m not giving into Anyone else’s will, in fact it’s more like getting a ride at a carnival. Which normally you have to pay for bc a service is being provided. Sex isn’t about demonstrating power or pricing a point about Femininity or masculinity , it is just a bonding experience where energy is used efficiently for the enjoyment of both. Everyone takes their part and does what they do best. That’s what makes it work. I don’t see any power play there and I really wouldn’t enjoy sex with someone who needed to use it to prove something about power dynamics. I just want to be in it , not about it.

My answer is really I’m neither submissive not dominant in any relationship, as a position. I like there to be flow.

As a person and in relation to relationships, I am not submissive period.

[SexyAshh]

Omg, im sorry to hear that. That sounds terrible!

But i agree with you, my very first relationship i was totally submissive and was basically bullied into everything and now i feel disgusted looking back because im not that kind of a person. I think the older we get the wiser we get and realjze we have a voice and to always use it.

I notice the same. I try to keep an even balance but i won't be submissive to any man unless its occasionally in the bedroom.

At the end of the day, I've learned men respect the more assertive woman anyways, and some healthy assertion never hurt anyone anyways.

Thanks for your comment, as always so well said❤️☺️

[VIVANT]

Ah I’m sorry I’m glad you see out of that.. for real. You are quite a force From what I have seen.. I never would have guessed it. ❤️🌹

In my case it was s but lies complicated bc it was as a Choi’s my relationship between myself and my legal guardian. I left at 15 and I’ve been becoming more and more myself ever since and I love it. It’s Like meeting a long list friend.. I can recognize myself from when I was 6.. then I was taken over by sone other life form and jus I’m Back. But older lol

[SexyAshh]

Awwh thanks🥰 definatly something thats happend with age! Lol

And omg, you left at 15 and moved in with a guy? Girlll Wow. I think that was my dream at that age but i can't imagine if i actually did it. Or had them as my legal guadriam. I can see why u felt u had to listen to him. Im so glad u got out of that and it seems to have made u the person you are today❤️❤️🥰

[VIVANT]

Nooo I’m sorry I didn’t explain that well 🤦‍♀️😁

I was living with my legal guardian from age 7 to 15

I walked out when I was too tall for her to stop me. Luckily she was relieved to have me gone, and did not call the authorities. Though I don’t think she’d want the embarrassment. Height was always a sore spot growing up as a child, but it really helped me get work.. People took me more seriously and assumed I was older.

I rented a room from some cousins of a person I had volunteered with- I was old enough to rent on my own.

Lol that would make QUITE a movie.. moved out at 15 with boyfriend who was also legal guardian 😅😅❤️

[COMMODOREII]

I always felt you had a spark about you that caught my attention. You have a strong spirit and i love your strong will. I agree with about the reality of just being a person and not trying to dominate or be submissive. You can always count me to never seek submission from you, i have too much respect for you. On your thoughts about sex I too believe to is a sensual experience that two people can enjoy and it never is about trying to over power the other partner. I love seeing the person you are and have with all my heart great respect for you. My friend, my equal. ☺🌹

[Robertcw]

@VIVANT I feel exactly the same way about sex.

[Rocky_Jocky57]

In neither. I'm a compromiser. But, I will hold my own Nd in not about to just f8ve up my views and ideas and longings for someone, on the drop of a that, unless communication, solutions etc, have been discussed.

However, if we discuss it and something of my side requires to be put on hold for a significant reason, I'm willing to do, so and allow the my partner to have his thing done, but in not neglecting my side forever.


This is why I like to plan, strategize and discuss things prior to the day its needed and such. It allows both to get what they want and both can be satisfied with the outcome.

[Rocky_Jocky57]

Sorry for grammar and spelling, walking and typing in the cold is a bitch lol

[leftygriffy]

I'm both!!! When I want something I'll make damn sure to get it without breaking boundaries or respect!!! And when she wants something I'll break to her will and join her lol makes it for a good relationship

[SexyAshh]

This exactly!👍👍

[MrHopper]

Submissive in day to day but Dominant in the bedroom. I like the feeling of making her do what I want.. Almost feels like payback

[SexyAshh]

Sounds like the guys i usually go for. Lol

[MrHopper]

a big pussy in the real world who only gets his own back in private :)

[SexyAshh]

Hahaha, well said😄👍

[MrHopper]

Thank you!

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Submissive, and sometimes it can be a problem.
All the girlfriend I have had are very assertive and dominant so it's not easy to always take charge.

[SexyAshh]

Awwwh jean🙈

I mean i can understand that, you seem very easy going. Usually that stems from childhood too. Was your mom the more assertive parent?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Not really, my mom has been pretty much absent from my life and we are getting back in touch only now.
My sister did educate me though and I had to do what she said, so I guess that could be a reason.

[SexyAshh]

Awwh im sorry. Glad y'all are getting re aquainted though

And awhh yeah that totally makes sense. That is why then. Crazy how we kind of hold onto these things subconciously and dont really even realize it

[Lexiwho]

My husband and I have been together for what seems like forever. In a good way. We were really good friends before we dated and then married and so we know each other extremely well. And because we were friends first, we didn’t gravitate to traditional roles. Just like in our friendship, in our marriage we both have areas where we are sometimes dominant and sometimes submissive. But I would say he is more dominant in more areas than I am... except when it comes to sex. Sexually, I have a more dominant personality.

[SexyAshh]

Awwh thats so cool! I've found relationships where friendship came first soo much more rewarding❤️

[Lexiwho]

Me too! 😊 😊 😊

[MikeAndMolly]

Definitely more dominant, at least in the bedroom.

We treat each other's opinions and feelings respectfully and equally in other aspects of the relationship (to do otherwise is unhealthy at best and more probably abusive), but she's a definite sub, sexually.
We live with her family at the moment so we don't have much chance to get into really freaky stuff, but I know she's into dress-up, roleplay, bondage, and "forced" fantasies, and I'm 100% on board with living those out (in a safe and trusting environment).

We sometimes flip things around for a fun change of pace, but the dominant role definitely feels more natural and comfortable for me.

[SexyAshh]

She sounds fun!

[CubsterShura]

I really don't know since I am a virgin and we will only find out with my future hubby after marriage 😂 I personally like the idea of switching. I don't believe that sex is something that's supposed to be done to me.

I don't want anyone to think that just because I'm petite and emotional and like being girly-feminine and I'm quite traditional and religious in terms of sex/marriage 'values' it means that I'll most likely be submissive in bed. Again, of course I'll never know until I get sexually active but the idea of me being submissive all the time just sets me off *eye roll*, part of me was always strongly passionate for stuff and thirsty for learning more and more, which even includes educating myself about eroticism and sex... Am definitely gonna apply the education, enthusiasm passion and in bed once I'm married.

Ok that's too many words for the fact that I secretly strongly fantasize femdom 😂😂😂 don't judge meee I just wanna be assertive and love my man ❤️🙈🙈

[CubsterShura]

Also I don't think me dominating makes him emasculated or it creates any power dynamic. It's just me wanting to express my passion in bed. In the end it all comes down to both of us enjoying and fulfilling one another, having effective communication, and HAVE FUN IT'S JUST SEX. I'd be worried if a man thinks a dominant wife makes him emasculated. And this is coming from a girl who wants a man that can provide for the family, be a respon man who can take the lead and be a good role model to our children on what a true man should be like.

[alelectro]

Generally dominant except for my kryptonite -- which is a girl who cooks and likes a guy who can eat. If I was ever with a woman who liked fat guys for some reason, I'm sure she could blow me up so fast, which would incidentally probably also make me easier to dominate.

[SexyAshh]

Lol omg🙈😄👍

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

Sexually I like to switch, although usually default to being the dom since women are generally submissive. Ideally I'd date a girl who likes to "take turns" or something to that effect, although switches seem harder to find than a total sub or total dom. (I've only been with subs so far, although on occasion they would take charge and it was pretty hot!)

In the non-sexual aspects of relationship I like to make decisions together on important things like where we live etc. And on less important things like where to go for dinner or what dress she should choose, then I'll be the more assertive one and be like "I love you in this dress, you should wear that to the restaurant I've picked out for us." But if she wants to pick the other dress, then I'm not gonna be like "no bitch how dare you defy me!" xD I'll lead as much as she enjoys being led, beyond that everything else is up for negotiation.

[lightbulb27]

submissive because I hadn't learned to enjoy arguing and I learned the woman is going to complain until she gets what she wants and her needs supercede mine. If she doesn't get what she wants, she will simply amplify the pain.

I started to learn to be the one who does some smack down, but that isn't often, only when needed... I believe in freedom and choice. don't want to be the "boy who cries wolf"...

[SexyAshh]

Smart man:)

I think it comes with age to understand this. I think its important for a guy to be dominant in the beginning but after that its in their better interest to let the woman take charge. Leads to a lot less fights:)

[lightbulb27]

yes! men learn eventually.. its not that she has the balls or the pants, it's that he has the heart know who has the priority and value! It's nature... watch bumble bees... she hangs out in the nest... he flies to his death protecting. That's the order of things... he is a sacrifice! I see young guys doing this for their women too... working 2 jobs, etc.. Her job... respect him! If she cannot, she must learn or move on.

It's the egg and the sperm as well... The sperm is a tiny aggressive runt that gets consumed and controlled!:)

[AynonOMouse]

When it comes to making decisions I am dominant. When it comes to intimacy it depends on the girl. If she is a medium height or tall athletic build then I'd be more dominant for intimacy, but if she was short, very petite and wimpy looking I would be significantly more inclined to be submissive to her.

[SexyAshh]

Lol id think itd be totally opposite!

[AynonOMouse]

Yeah, I don't know. For some reason when a girl is small, skinny, and almost pathetically weak it just feels better to let her take control more and I like it that way. Like if she was so wimpy that as an adult a 6th grader could legitimately beat her up I would find her so hot and want to let her be dominant so much more. I just wish I could find a wimpy pathetic girl that was a good match for me for a relationship. :P

[SexyAshh]

Lol typical you hear men say they can toss you around a lot easier or get called a spinner. I would know because im one of them😄

But its interesting ur take. Definatly something new

[Sevenpointfive]

i'm a bit controlling but it's more of a personal issue. some girls like it and some girls can't stand it. is there an in between? because i don't get the dom/sub shit. i need sex to be intimate and normal and just a little off when we want it to be. maybe it's all about how comfortable you are with someone that you do know?

[BuckWild]

I've always been dominant but I've always secretly wanted to be submissive. I'm too freaking dominant the real world. When I get home, I just want a good woman there to give me a kiss, put my cock in a cage, and make me clean the entire house.

[SexyAshh]

Hahah wow😄

[SexyAshh]

Tbh i think a lot of men are like this though, they just dont say it

[BuckWild]

My humor is always way over the top. But I have to say that there's a lot of truth to it. You will see a lot of people in power who seek to be dominated better partner. Like a CEO of a major corporation. Sometimes they make the alpha dog thing look easy but it often takes more effort than you would think. Mentally, you have got to be on your game. so for a lot of these guys, when they're done running the world for the day, they secretly love to come home and be dominated. I have never really met the right partner for it, but if I did I think I would submit. It sounds sexy and I think it would be a lot of fun. I'm not saying I'm interested in being the Gimp from Pulp Fiction. But within reason I would let her do what she wanted. :)

And you're absolutely right that there are a lot of guys who are interested and won't talk about it. I guess they feel will be judged harshly or something like that. I personally think society represses us enough. I'm not going to repress myself and lie or hold back when it comes to sex. I was in a marriage for 12 years where there was little to no sexual communication. That was like pushing around a wheelbarrow full of suck. I'm never going to let that happen again.

[yoganshB]

Depends on my partner's opinion. If she wants to be dominated then I'm the gonna fulfill her desire. Of she wants us to be equally dominant then no problem at all. I don't know what would it likely be to be dominated.

[SexyAshh]

This! Very smart at 16.

Thanks for your comment:)

[yoganshB]

Thanks Miss! It's Even smarter if you to clearly get the meaning.

[yoganshB]

Of you *

[jacield]

I believe woman should be submissive towards their husband as long as he is leading in the right direction and way. Yes it's old school way of thinking but guess what it's how God intended..

[SexyAshh]

I believe the same but i also have a dominating personality i realize so thats hard for me to even do. I think there's a time and a place

[standardguy]

If you only are summisive when your husband do what you like then it is no real summision. 😂

[morimeme1]

In general I would say we are pretty equal, I am pretty independent but I wouldn't classify as either dominant or submissive. In bed it's a whole different story tho 😉

[SexyAshh]

🙌🏻👍❤️

[andreasderjuengere]

My woman is my partner - not a servant.
Potentially, I am both dominant AND submissive.
We do have situations, when 'she' can't get to an opinion or decision. "Case pending" gives me itchy fingers - in such cases I may be a tyrant even... but for the good of both of us.
I will also not 'submit' where it comes to my own 'higher values'.
Then: not having it 'my way' does not mean that I can't be happy or comfortable with 'her' ... way/s.

[The_White_Queen]

Submissive to him i guess. I dont find submissive men attractive and i dont think i could respect my man if he was submissive toeards me.

[SexyAshh]

Girl i agree 100% with that!

[Bribree18]

Dominant in the relationship (I’m a more assertive person in general), but more submissive in the bedroom.

[SexyAshh]

Same❤️

[scholastic_vibez]

I’m more submissive in my relationship. I just don’t get turned on by aggressive sex antics like pulling her hair or choking her neck etc. I enjoy being tied up or being told what ways to please my girlfriend. Sometimes she’ll leave love notes behind hinting or telling me what to expect later in the evening.

[Sonorous]

I could definitely see myself being sexually dominant. It would feel too weird to be submissive. Like kinda emasculating. But in other situations, like if a decision is being made, I prefer to be equal.

[BrighteyedAsh]

It's more dynamic than that. Sometimes I can be more dominant and others more submissive. We are both very happy with not getting pigeonholed into one specific role.

[Anonymous]

I refuse to ever submit to anyone ever again, no matter what. Either she submits to me, or there IS no relationship.

[SexyAshh]

Lol okay? Sounds personal