Am I the rebound? Am I filling a void in a lonely man's heart?

[Anonymous]

I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 months now. The beginning started off rocky as he rarely called or texted me. Then around Christmas he disappeared only to come back apologizing and promised things would be better.

Around 3 months in the relationship I got mad with him for the lack of phone calls. At this point he admitted to me he had previously been engaged to his girlfriend of 4 years. They broke up only 6 months before we started dating. He said he was just not a phone person.

Now that he told me about his ex he will mention her from time to time about time they shared together. I understand he has a past and like the fact he shares it with me but now I'm insecure. Am I his rebound from that relationship? If she wanted him back would he go? I have really started to develop feelings for him and am starting to fall for him big time. I'm scared of being hurt. I read all these posts from men who want their exes back, it just makes me sad. I don't know what to do?

[ayla79]

I wouldn't worry about his ex too much or whether he would go back to her or not. If I were you Id worry about something else. You've been dating your man for 5 months and was rocky from the get-go. I know that us women (and men...a lot of men...) are very patient and we give people time and space...but we end up not giving ourselves what we trully want. A relationship (at least in my book) should be exciting at the beginning. Its the honey-moon period. And you never got this time with him. I don't like the lack of calls and text. I don't like the disappearing act. He could be hurting over his ex, he could be still thinking of the times they had together...whatever...even if there was NOT an ex around, are you happy with the deal you are getting? You seem to be trying and wanting to make this work more than he does as he doesn't put in the effort. If it was just the lack of calls or text I would have told you that hey he simply might not be a call-text type of guy. But when you add up the disappearing act and the constant mention to the ex...I don't think he is ready for the commitment you want. I'm not knocking him, perhaps he is a great person but still a very confused person. You really should not be there in order to "mend" his broken heart in the hope that one day he will be fine and the relationship perfect...dont be in love with the "potential". I would reconsider this relationship. I'm not saying "break up with him" instantly, that's totally up to you cause you are the only one that knows what you mean by a "rocky" beginning. If there is more that you didn't disclose in your post Id seriously give the man space! If he is the right one and he is ready he won't disappear.

[MrsJones7]

I totally agree with you on this one

[Haiku]

Yeah, ayla is right, I agree. I was hurting after my ex broke off, but I got into a relationship in pretty much similar circumstances. it just got painful to me and the girl who could not understand why I was not moving on.

[Niko-r]

have you ever really told him how you feel about him, and the situation? I sense a lot of emotion coming from you, and passion when you speak about your boyfriend, it seems like you really care about him, and love him. I think that you should tell him how you feel straight up like you're filling a void and that he wants his ex back etc.. but what you need to focus on are your true feelings let him know you care a lot and don't want to get hurt, if you are already hurt and cry or something he will see how much you truly care and feel bad for hurting you & try to change for the better.. If he's half decent & doesn't have all the same feelings for you he will feel like he owes it to you to leave now, because trust me its gonna hurt a whole lot less now than in a year from now right!? Tell him what's on your mind he can't read it, guys are really oblivious to our emotions sometimes.

[FitnessKara]

I can say this as women I have learned that men do not care much for the phone. You need to sit down and explain that love is a strong emotion & tell him you that you know this past women was very special to him. Then explain to him you’re feeling are growing deeper & you hope that he can open his heart to you like he once did. He needs to know the past relationship did not work but it doesn’t mean this one will go bad. We get back what we put in to things. if he is not putting effort into it that there is a underlying reason... it could be laziness, or he could be scared. Either way it sure sounds like you both need to sit down and talk… That is a challenge in its self with some men. I wish you luck

[GuyAdviceFromGuy]

Yes, he's most definitely with 99.9999 percent probability...using you as rebound. If he's not a phone person, f*** is he doing paying monthly for a cell phone? And the time he wasn't calling you, he was trying to make things work with his ex, when it didn't work out, he started hollering at you, he is filling in a void. Also, he keeps mentioning his ex. And yes, if things work out between them, he's going to reply to your text that day saying "sorry, who this?, I just got a new phone"

So my advice, is not to, not worry, about his ex, but to give him every reason to forget about her. Because that's what's holding him back. Become a seductress.

[Anonymous]

For a start, you should tell him not to discuss his past. I'm male, and it makes me insecure to hear abouit pasts!

[passthekatchup]

give him space and if he wants to see or speak to you, he will make the effort. don't go chasing down this guy because maybe he feels suffocated.

[Tatou407]

Such lame excuse "not a phone person". You don't want to be a rebound girl. Move on. He is definitely still into her.