Is this really it? Am I really doomed to live my life as a single, lonely man?

[Inthecraphole]

I have had this extremely heavy burden weighing on my shoulders for the longest of time.

I am 27 and never had a real girlfriend. I feel my life is over in terms of having a girlfriend, a wife, and a family one day.

I want a woman where we can be each other's first loves. I seek a woman where we can be each other's first boyfriend and girlfriend. I don't want to give my heart away to a woman who has loved someone romantically before, especially from her youth. I just don't know if I will ever find her.

I deal with this every day. The depression, the anxiety, and the overwhelming sadness. I am hurt.

Yes

No

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[Curmudgeon]

OK, I have read your posts on this matter for some time, so as someone who was *just like you* at about that age, here's what to do about it:

1. Build up your economic value and maintain / improve your physical shape. Don't compete against others--that will just bring you down and make you miserable--just compete against *yourself*. I hope that makes sense.

Believe it or not, by the time you are 30-ish, if you:
--are unmarried without kids,
--with a stable and reasonably well paying job,
--in reasonably decent physical shape,
--with no criminal record, and
--you own a home of your own, even a modest one,

You WILL be desirable, as the women start realizing their partying days are over and they need a real guy as spouse material.

2. As for sexual experience, try an older "Cougar" divorcee, who wants to "get her groove back". She might just be the one to break you in. Your initial lack of game in such a situation will be non-threatening, and therefore downright appealing, to an older divorcee. And by interactions of this nature, you will get "game". No, the relationship probably will not last, but it will be mutually beneficial at first. And then, by the time you are the age of the Cougars yourself, you may even be trawling for younger babes! Or you may have already found someone and settled in.

"Oh, but I want a nubile virgin!" you respond. Well, you are *not* desirable enough to them to get one yet, and you possibly never may be, so be realistic.

3. Try putting out a personals ad online. You can meet people from the privacy of your home, then call them up, then meet. If it does not work out, no bad repercussions, unlike school or work. Avoid public situations where asking them out leads to humiliation and failure. Avoid noisy dance clubs where you can't actually talk to them. Like me, I am betting you cannot dance without looking foolish, and slam dancing in the mosh pits does not count (am I revealing my age here? So be it).

4. As above, Pour yourself into school / work. Make more money and/or build up skills to make more money. Or if you find an academic interest that excites you, go for it. This is always good.

5. Exercise. You are already doing this, but you say you have no results? Even if utterly non-sporting, it is good just to hike, bike, or lift weights. Don't compete against anyone--that will make you feel worse--just compete against yourself.

6. Look into antidepressant meds. They can really help in some cases.

7. Done enough of the above? Then develop an interest that takes you someplace you haven't been. Ever skied down a mountain? Scuba dived under the water? Took up motorcycle riding? Backpacked or camped out in pretty places? It doesn't have to be anything special or even costly, just anything to change things up. And you might even meet someone in the course of that.

Just remember this old song--time IS on your side. And for the ladies, time starts to go against them after a certain point, which some call "hitting the wall".

[Inthecraphole]

That is the thing, I refuse to be the guy a woman settles down or settles with when she has already experienced her life with other guys.

[Curmudgeon]

Well then, either prepare for a life of loneliness, or just focus upon self-improvement sans dating.

[Anonymous]

Below average height, heavy set, and obsessed with virgins while near age 30. Don't know about your looks, but I'll assume average or below. A girl doesn't need to have experience to compare you to other guys and trivially come to the conclusion not to choose you 99 out of 100 times. The other 1 time is someone who you hurt with your self-loathing but ultimately concludes the same thing after some struggle. Not even someone you groom and isolate from childhood would choose you if you don't change. (at least into having a more attractive body type and face)
Do you think someone has a fetish for self-loathing? You keep insisting you have nothing to change and yet deserve someone ten years younger to explore love with. I swear there is a deeply misconceived notion within you but I can't figure what it is. What is confusing to grasp here exactly? All people choose. A huge age gap is avoided when unnecessary for either party. And "exploring" non-sex love in the idealized way, is only really done among the very young and when they follow feelings of crushing. You may still be crushing for a girl, but a girl won't crush for you because you have no avenue to meeting young girls other than dating apps which make you acutely aware of other candidates that may draw attention away from you in particular.

Try saving money and moving countries if you are really obsessed that much. I swear the situation would be extremely different in second world countries: you would be considered relatively wealthy, a foreigner, and the average height can be 3 inches less in a lot of other countries. People also mature earlier though, and I don't know how much you value the innocence aspect of inexperienced lovers.

Sorry if I sound harsh, it just seems like you didn't want to understand, so I didn't want to blur my message with soft padding that would allow you to think your situation is any less concrete. Maybe talk this out with a mental health counselor.

[Anonymous]

That’s a bit unfair, you have had deep feelings for two girls the 18 and 17 yo and you even had sex with one… what if you meet some girl that meets you strict and unfair criteria and the situation is reversed and that YOU were to reunite with either one of those girls you met in the past and it’ll be a “sweeter, more desirable outcome”. Why do you want a girl to meet that criteria when you yourself don’t even meet said criteria

[Inthecraphole]

Those girls rejected me on the first date. They were not real relationships.

[Opinion Owner]

Still you had feelings for them and even had sex with one. I remember you said that you can’t even tolerate an crush especially if the girl was close to her crush or if she has a male best friend. Those doesn’t count as a real relationship either

[MzAsh]

If you want any success in this area, you’re going to have to get real. Your demands here are a fantasy.

[lightbulb27]

no, you may have to change your thinking. there are "virgin", not attached females out there, have you opened your eyes and read GAG? I'd met along the way at least one who spent a lot of her life being a missionary. you might start going on "missionary" trips with Christians for that would be one domain where find them. maybe international women, catholic maybe, where traditional values in the family.
The more requirements you have, the narrower your search shall be.
people mature at different times, but ther eis no way around this age... they are ready to get going...

I found my girlfriend at 50yrs old.
stop whining and get busy...

[Staximus]

You're still young and stupid, there's plenty of time left for you to learn not to be stupid, find a woman, and have a family. There's nothing wrong with a woman that has loved somebody else before. You're 27, not 15. Half of the women have already been in love or think they have. I'm 44 and have never found a woman that cares as much about me as I do about her yet. Either I'll find her or I won't. It's a little late in the game for me to have kids now, plus I might die before they reach adulthood. Oh well. Go out and meet some women before WW3 starts, you big crybaby.

[madgoat]

There is still time. Do not give up. I'd guess you are just frustrated in your lack of advancement. It may feel like a failure but it is not.
If you aren't meeting people in your life, perhaps you need an agency or portal to help you.
I would not be hung up on you being her first though, I think that is a distraction that narrows your choices.

[Anonymous]

“ I don't want to give my heart away to a woman who has loved someone romantically before, especially from her youth”

Why? That’s such a stupid thing to think. You are creating a barrier for yourself.

[Inthecraphole]

It is because of the hypothetical situation that exists to where she can reunite with someone from her youth and it be a sweeter, more desirable outcome even if she chooses to remain with me despite the fact.

In addition, you don't love quite the same as the first time. There is a reason why people say you never forget your first love.

[Opinion Owner]

That’s so stupid. Sorry, but to think that way means you have serious confidence issues to work on

[Inthecraphole]

I cannot say me and a woman knew each other when we were both young, that is a fact. I am an adult now, not even a college age young adult. I don't want to take on a woman's past relationship baggage.

[Opinion Owner]

Then you are voluntarily choosing to be alone. Just know that it’s your fault and you are causing this situation because of a stupid belief

[Inthecraphole]

No, I don't want to be alone. I want to find the woman I am looking for. She will be my everything.

[Opinion Owner]

No you DO want to be alone because you hold a stupid belief that prevents you from finding someone.

[Wester1967]

You're still a baby my brother. Stick it out. You will recover. Your best years by far are ahead of you.

[Anonymous]

Unless you are good looking, have money or lower your standards, being alone is for sure reality. Get use to it.

[Inthecraphole]

I am short (5'6"), heavyset, I make okish money ($45/yr as of now but expected to increase exponentially over time). That's it.

[Opinion Owner]

You better lower your standards. You can't drink 12 year old Scotch when you have beer money.

[noohair]

You have conditions that make it very difficult. Everyone has baggage.
I think you have an unrealistic view of romance and love.

[EnglishEuropean]

You might be 27 but you're not mature enough to be in a relationship.

[Inthecraphole]

Why do you say that? I am 27.

[Inthecraphole]

and there are high school kids in relationships

[EnglishEuropean]

There are high school kids who are more emotionally mature than you.

[Juxtapose]

You have had sex before so your standards are hypocritical as fuck.

[Anonymous]

Well the burden of getting off your ass and doing something about it always falls on the guy's shoulders, something I never liked

[Abdulwahh]

A mans prime is in his 30s to 50s look at leonardo di caprio over 30 still dating girls under 25

[MzAsh]

DiCaprio hasn’t been hot since 98.

[Abdulwahh]

@MzAsh statistics prove he never dated a women over 25 and biological research men are in there prime over 30 wheareas women is between puberty and there 30s

[MzAsh]

Clout chasers. It’s because he’s a famous actor, not because he’s attractive. Well, not in the last 25 years.

[Abdulwahh]

@MzAsh you right he is famous but besides him this does not only apply to him science does prove men are in there primes later in life due to certain aspects

[MzAsh]

What certain aspects?

[Abdulwahh]

@MzAsh men are valued on performance in life wheareas women on there fertility and looka

[MzAsh]

How’s that going for most people long term?

[Abdulwahh]

@MzAsh thata just the research its primal biology it depends

[Subarugirl]

You’re 27 and have never loved anyone before?

[Inthecraphole]

I am 27 and never had a real girlfriend before, no. I have been on dates, but it usually does not go past the first date. I had sex once during a weekend hookup, but I never made love.

[Neosporin]

It’s ok I’m older than you and single

[Recurrence]

I think you are holding yourself back