Would you date someone who got abused in the past?

Question

joe_schmidt · Accepted Answer

Used to date someone who recently got out of a mentally and physically abusive relationship.

It was really hard because she had 2 little kids with the abuser and I had to be more understanding than normal when she'd go back to him.

He messed her up so bad she had no self worth at all. She was convinced he was the only one who could love her help her take her of her kids.

Eventually since I had a lot of patience with her, she started to see there were better people out there who would treat her like a goddess and love her kids as much as she did.

We didn't stick together, but I feel like I was what helped her get out of that because after me, she never went back to him. Instead, she got married to a great guy who had kids of his own and they had a baby girl together.

With all of that said, I'm not sure I could do that again. I don't think I have that much patience anymore.

akihon · Accepted Answer

No I wouldn't because there is a high chance that they have developed a mental issue and as a result their issue would then be something I'd have to deal with.

I have said many times in the past that when it comes to mental illness people should not date because they tend to project their illness onto the other person, the other person often tends to want to fix things and often takes their illness unto themselves, a feedback loop begins where in the end both are destructive towards each other.

So no mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of but at the same time unless dealt with and treated the person with the issue should do themselves and society a favour and choose to not date anybody

Moonchild714 · Accepted Answer

Yes. My Husband was abused and so was I. You can have healthy Relationships if you seek some form of Intervention whether it be Therapy, or Spiritual. My LLBFF was also abused, she never went into Therapy but she turned to God and Prayer our Religion we grew up with. Oddly, even though our Abuses were so similar she was able to see the Positives in the Faith we were both Raised in and I couldn't; she turned toeards Our Faith and I turned awzy from it... Guess who Suffered Longer? I didn't seek out help in any firm for many many years and even when I did it was Half-Ass I didn't truly want to look at everything and Admit All that had happened!!! But I finally, surrendered to My Faith & Therapy and here I am Married with Children...

Love117 · Accepted Answer

Seeing a different point of view, I was abuse as a child mentally and emotionally. It wasn't until recently how bad it was because I started dating a guy. Everything from fear, anxiety, and insecurity, came flooding in. I didn't even know that I was so afraid of being in a relationship. The guy couldn't handle it and I can't blame him. Sometimes, he made things worst. We're not together. I'm a really great person when I'm not in a relationship but being in a relationship, I become such a different person. I'm learning to let Jesus deal with me because only He can truly heal my heart and soul. So, to answer your question, it really does depend on if they're heal from it.

MuffinBoi · Answer

To me, I don't really mind. Abused, not abused; a girl is a girl and if I like them, I'll see if they like me back, and I'll date them if the outcome is good.

Now I certainly won't deny the fact that abuse will pose a number of challenges not just in the relationship, but for her. After all, she is the one who dealt with the abuse, not me. I would try and support her, but ultimately, I don't fully understand what effects abuse may have or other mental illnesses caused in more extreme cases such as PTSD.

But if I like her for whoever she may be (personality and all), then I'm willing to take the challenges on.

opnbuk59 · Answer

Yes if for no other reason than to make her feel somewhat at ease and reassure her that it's ok, just take her out let her say what she feels or nothing at all would not pressure or push anything allow the evening to move at her pace taking her out wouldn't be about trying hit on her or Any thing of that nature just a easy relaxing calm evening for as long or short she wants slowly returning her to some form of peace normalcy making her feel over time it's ok to get back to life to living and when she is ready love again trust test her gently understanding patience feel safe again

Tommie21 · Answer

It all depends on how much baggage they are dragging around and what kind of abuse they suffered. It has been my experience that people who have been mentally abused are withdrawn and can lash out at a innocent comment or gesture. If their parents were druggies or alcoholics, their children often follow in their footsteps. If a young girl is molested many times she will be very promiscuous. She is so hurt by being mistreated, and sometimes it is a family member, she feels her very existence is for more abuse when she grows up and gets on her own. Many times they will go from one guy to another.

Moondrop · Answer

I wouldn't but because I feel like I would inadequately prepared to help them when the time came and I don't want them to feel like I don't care. It's hard to understand when you've never experienced abuse yourself I don't want to risk hurting them more.

Meropatrick · Answer

I was abused in the past. I dont think I would date an abused person as we will be both damaged and it will be a mayhem. Also abused people tend to be more sensitive, triggered, and just need a lot of love. Which make people with a patient that runs thin easily unable to deal with such situations

Anonymous · Answer

I did date a woman who had been abused when she was younger, when I was in college. I didn't know this until we had been dating for about a month. Actually with everything else going on in my life it really wasn't something that I wanted to take on. Also she wasn't dealing with it appropriately and counseling wasn't as common as it is in today's world. She took on a negative attitude towards everyone in her life and made things difficult. She did apologize to me before graduation and I really commend her for her integrity in that regard. I hope life has been good for her since then.

AzureGirl · Answer

It would be pretty hypocritical if I didn’t considering I’m an abuse survivor. However I wouldn’t be open to dating someone who used their past of abuse as a way to manipulate or get attention.

Anonymous · Answer

I would not. A long time ago, I had a girlfriend who was sexually abused as a child. She swore to me that she had gone to a therapist and that it wouldn’t affect our relationship, but it did. She had all kinds of emotional problems, and when I asked her how she felt about getting married at some point, she freaked out and dumped me immediately. Never again.

potatoiswhoiam · Answer

I would, without a second thought. Just because someone has been abused and may be traumatized doesn't mean they don't deserve love. It's the opposite. They deserve to know that love is real and it's not their fault they've been abused.

abhijeetjindal · Answer

I will date a girl, if she is absurd, then there is more chance that we may have a happy relationship, cause she needs some1 who could understand her and help her come out of her negative past. . If the guy succed in this, then the relation may be lifelong as human beings are just affected by emotions and girls are more sensitive to the good or bad after breakup. Rich guys doesn't make any sense for them for a long and they go in direction where they feel happy, loved and cared everytime

ZackBan · Answer

Its so damn hard. It's like no matter what you do it's never enough. Unless I'm actually in love with the girl I'll be avoiding abuse victims from now on.

JamesC_FL · Answer

I did and still would. My late wife was abused in her 3 previous marriages and appreciated me for not being that way. We were married for 16 years.

PeacefulRainDrop · Answer

Most definitely show them how good life can actually be!

Anonymous · Answer

I think there’s nothing wrong with the people who was abused. But their partners have to be kind, gentle, patient , optimistic and strong enough for resolving the difficult situation in their relationship.
Sometimes the victim of abuse just doesn’t find someone who is able to deal with her/him mental issues.

Adam1978 · Answer

Depends how they manage it. If they are a complete mess, no if they do okay, I see no reason why not.

Ianto · Answer

I have, but would be reluctant to fo so again. The abuse had left them with many problems. Despite caring deeply I wasn't able to find a way of helping her. I would not want to go through that again.

claryy · Answer

Yes, I don't think the past is a problem and I think that to have someone by your side can help a lot, but the most important thing is how he manages this.

G3tAClue · Answer

Only if they can show me that they aren’t going to sabotage our relationship because of it

MrEaze · Answer

This like the stripper question yes I would have and did. Bad stuff happens and perminately changes people. If they can be honest then with love you can work through anything.

Prof_Don · Answer

I would, as long as the trauma doesn’t affect our relationship too significantly. Everyone has their tolerance limits.

cicchis0 · Answer

Yeah, why not? I have helped a girlfriend deal with previous abuse.

Anonymous · Answer

No, I find they feel sorry for themselves and take everyday, and make it bad. It's not worth it. Unless that person is complete over his past then, no chance.

RichardCranium6201 · Answer

It would depend on the woman. Me personally if I was talking to a woman and I was feeling her. It wouldn't chase me away...

panther0008 · Answer

Yes, as long as they accept what happened to them, accept my help and accept professional help as well.

JamesBlackDragon · Answer

Yes because why not

No because for a long time you will have to deal with them being a little bit afraid of you like if you go to touch their hair or face they might jump and that can make you feel bad it's something you will have to get used to

msc545 · Answer

It depends. I would be very careful and watchful, since there is substantial evidence that early abuse is a significant precursor to Cluster B personality disorders. That said, there is also a lot of evidence that those disorders are genetic or congenital.

SLIMZJIMZ · Answer

it depends on rather or not they are or aren't subject to not engaging in sexual acts because of what they experienced then because it's not healthy to restrict yourself if it's done to hide from your memories

Vencam · Answer

As long as it doesn't affect the other person in ways I can't deal with. Otherwise I'd suggest her to go through some therapy rather then a relationship to not make things worse.
Then again, if you love someone, the question is pointless.

padreflint · Answer

Providing they are dealing with or have dealt with their past then sure. If they are someone who uses it to excuse poor behavior or uses it as part of their identity then no.

Anonymous · Answer

I did. It was hard. Things were projected onto me. She would provoke me to try to recreate the abuse from the past. It didn't matter how nice I was towards her. As a result, I will never date anyone with a history of abuse.

wilxcool · Answer

Yes. Ill make sure to take care of them and to ensure them nothing like that will happen again. i knoe they may be scared and have some trust issues but id be willing to work with them.

mynameisRIS · Answer

Yes, and I'd support them while they get the help they need to overcome their past abuse

HeyMikie · Answer

I have and it can be tough. Just remember that the present is far more important than the past.

Dchrls78104 · Answer

Unless she got and benefited from necessary professional help to heal from the abuse, no.

AlongCameCindy · Answer

I have and would yes, its something they can't help i go by how people treat me not stuff like that.

collegestudent96 · Answer

Yes as long as they've found healthy coping mechanisms for the trauma and aren't bringing my health down

SanZhang · Answer

yes, no question asked. if i love her, i'll go with her. if i could help her to heal her scars, i'll go the distance.

TheUniqueOne96 · Answer

If they fit my standards, know how to manage it and it doesn't affect them too badly, then I'd think so.

Twiggy13 · Answer

Yes, I was and we might be able to understand better how the other feels if we can relate to each other about past experiences

Barbarian8 · Answer

Why not. i would even help her. she has just to accept help

Plitty-Tank · Answer

If I was in love with her, yes. I wouldn't exclude her due to what she's been through.

the_sinner · Answer

Yeah why not? I'd make sure she doesn't face anything similar in the future.

Jltakk · Answer

Why not, I'm not going to deprive someone of love and affection because they've been abused.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes. As someone who fits that profile, I would like nothing more than to help get rid of that bias that came with the abuse.

Avicenna · Answer

No. I once dated someone who CLAIMED to have been abused. Never again.

Nair_447 · Answer

For me Past never matter , it just how they are now.

potterWhovian · Answer

Yeah. It shouldn't matter, as long as we're both patient with the other

Massageman · Answer

Depending on how they have matured and handled the situation, it would not be a deal-breaker. Rather, I'd have to take it on a case-by-case basis.

OddBeMe · Answer

Sure. If they tell me about it I’d keep that in mind about everything I do to make sure I don’t trigger her. If she doesn’t mention it, she’s prob doing fine.

blutwolfe · Answer

Yeah because I was as well, it's a relatable experience

txbiker636 · Answer

Yes I was abused and molested myself and my better half was both as well. It's had it's challenges but we love each other and we are stronger together.

genericname85 · Answer

i'd give it a shot for sure. i mean i'm not abusive so i'll see how it develops.

ZELLxoxo · Answer

I see no reason to refuse

Jacklesky · Answer

Yes unfortunately, because it takes time to make her trust and believe that not all guys bad like this.

Account · Answer

Not anymore.

Spankie68 · Answer

Almost every wonan I ever dated had some kind of abuse in past, family, neighbour, classmate, boyfriend. If you left people out because of this I dont know who would be left.

thefiend666 · Answer

Yes why deny someone love when they did nothing to you

madgoat · Answer

Provided they hadn't let it define them, yes.

WhiteShoulder · Answer

Yes. Maybe I already have.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Yes... i could probably help her a great deal.

Would you date someone who got abused in the past?

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Would you date someone who’s been emotional abused in the past?

Would you date someone who got abused in the past?

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Would you date someone who’s been emotional abused in the past?

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