What does "official" mean in a relationship? Am I the weird one?

[meesegoMoo]

I notice many questions about making a relationship "official" or becoming "exclusive"

I understand the concept behind exclusive relationships, it's the former term that confuses me. Why wouldn't it be official? If you are with someone would you normally hide it out of shame but an "official" relationship signifies an exception? What do you think it means and why is it important/ necessary?

Is it me?

Am I the odd one for assuming when I start a relationship that I'm expected to be both monogamous and honest about having said relationship?

Updates

+1 y

Great answers! Very clear.

[AlienParasite]

I always thought official mean let family, friends and people of each other's environment know about the relationship.

Sometimes people like to wait a bit before telling their parents or friends, because they want to wait until they feel the relationship is working. They don't want to tell immidiatly because if in less than a month it doesn't work and there's a breakup, they would have created expectations or worried family and friends unnecessarily.

I also would say it's common when you start dating someone in your job. You make it official when everybody at your job knows, and normally you don't make it official immediatly because there are certain rules, and it's better to tell it slowly and take the good steps to avoid a possible problem.

I don't think you are odd for taking a relationship as official and exclusive in the first moment it happens, but in the current times, it's better to stay it clear. Some people don't want an exclusive relationship and it's always better to be sure if that person is in the same page you or not before you could get really damaged.

[spartan55]

@AlienParasite
I agree, although I have never used the term in conjunction my committed relationships. I was fortunate to never have to play 'hide the girlfriend' from my family (my mom mostly).
Now if someone drops "we are FB OFFICIAL" , or announce it on social media? 🤮

[AlienParasite]

@spartan55 LOL, I don't like using social media, so I perfectly understand your feelings about "social media official" 🤣

[katjmj]

It's when you have a mutual understanding that you are each other's person and you no longer have to wonder where you stand in her life. Like when you can proudly call yourself her boyfriend to just about anyone who asks. I think your anniversary date represents this.

[meesegoMoo]

So you would count the anniversary by each year since becoming official?

[katjmj]

I do, yes.

[katjmj]

you would have to define the relationship at some point right?

[meesegoMoo]

I come from a different culture, so not for some of us. Many that I know understand dating is for marriage so if you show interest that's assumed to be the long-term goal. You can be dropped or called lazy if you don't get the super intense questions out of the way immediately.

[katjmj]

Hmm then let's just say the day you put a label on it is when you become official

[spartan55]

@katjmj
"when you no longer have to worry where you stand in her life"
BINGO... thank you.

[likelyOK]

That's great that you have such a healthy perceptive. But there is a lot of different types of relationships out there. unfortunately as I found out millenials have invented all these different non"boyfriend/girlfriend" relationships, where you can be exclusive but not "official". The way it was explained to me is said person did not like "the extra responsibilities that come with being a boyfriend" like letting out the dog for them or taking to her to the airport 🙄🙄😒. You are gen Z which comes after them so you will meet some of these people too, but I hope you keep your outlook because really that is the moral way to be.

[meesegoMoo]

Being considerate is an "extra" responsibility? I feel bad for women my age.

[likelyOK]

agreed 😔

[MrWolf]

Basically means nothing was official the moment they starter dating so this term is kind usless.

Or a way to spam your news feed with their love life.

They want the world to know about yet another relationship that will not last that long or fail or maybe blossom.

Do you want to know more?

[winterfox10]

Sometimes people want to keep things casual because they don't know what their life situation will be far enough into the future to properly commit. Other people can't handle romance. Other people just want to have a way to emotionally justify treating someone else like garbage when they lose interest.

[likelyOK]

the last part is so sad and true "to emotionally justify someone else like garbage"

[winterfox10]

@likelyOK I've been on the receiving end of that one too

[jayden888]

Official means you make it known to everyone that you are together - on social media, to your families, to the world.

Woman are weary of men being sweet to them, but not taking it forward really. A woman may be exclusive to a man, but she doesn't feel secure about the relationship until it's official - because that's when it's going ahead.

Again, of the decision of when to become official has to be mutual, but the guy should be ready to do it just as much as the girl

[Liam_Hayden]

The issue is that both people do not necessarily have the same understanding. You might think you are in a relationship and she might think of you as just one of the three or four guys she currently goes on dates with. If you do not make it clear then misunderstanding can arise, easily.

[PinkMichae]

People date different people. So if two people who have been seeing each other and others both decide they want a commitment to each other, they are making it official.

[willisg]

My brother just told me, well I just made it official Lisha, is my girlfriend. I said, "good congratulations". Ok here what this means to us and my family. No more dating sites for pick ups, no more asking women for their phone numbers in Sam's club, Walmart, Bj's , the malls, at church, etc oh yeah, Facebook dating is out now. No more paying for sex on trade. My brother has a official girlfriend how about that.

[Paris13]

A Ring... Will tell her Everything... xx

[meesegoMoo]

I'd like to give it a day or two. A month if she's really iffy.

[Paris13]

lol Great!! xx

[Phoenix98]

Basically when you and the person your with say official that means she's your woman now and y'all are exclusive and committed to one another, till you break up.

[genericname85]

official means that you refer to one another as apartner or boyfriend/girlfriend towards other people. like if you're dating a girl, you won't tell other people that she's your partner or "girlfriend". so that's when you're "not official".

[BlackWidow93]

Once you label it, that's it. That's your person... until you break up with them or not

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I think Official to me would be , me and girl decide we are
dating we should stay loyal to each other and are done
being in the dating field.

[DampCloth]

dating and being a girlfriend/boyfriend are different, like when you ask someone out you are hanging out to get to know each other better. “Official” is just when you moved on from dating into an actual relationship.

[najekim]

"Exclusive" and "official" are synonymous in reference to a relationship. Monogamy is based on the type of relationship you enter but honesty and affirmation of said relationship are only two things anyone should expect.

[chaeyoungswife]

Its like, you can be going on dates with someone for a really long time but you aren't official their s/o until they ask you to be or you ask them to be

[msc545]

I think it means other people know about it - and approve.

[slicwhenwet]

You're not alone in this but maybe it's the ones that are self conscious need the confirmation. 🤷

[Anonymous]

It implies that you have transitioned from the dating phase to a proper relationship. During the dating phase some people may be seeing other people, but when you make it official you make your relationship exclusively monogamous.

[simsx]

It's so that everyone knows about it.

[Alexxess]

Follow me back so we can chat 😊

[Cryptic-Game]

Only in marriage does God consider it official enough to have sex. Otherwise, they are fornicators.

[meesegoMoo]

It's good you can recognize that. Repentance is valuable.

[dristy]

Family awareness

[Yamahoo]

This is a good question... Cause I have no idea

[therealyoung24]

Just look in a dictionary

[Anonymous]

I thought official meant exclusive