How to express to boyfriend that you don’t want to be required to wear a head covering if we were to get married?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is messianic Jewish and I personally do find myself pulled between Catholicism and his religion. The big problem for me is that if we were married, he would want me to wear a headscarf or at least a funny hat head covering (the women’s kind that looks a little like a beret with a visor—not the guys’ Kippah). I just don’t know how to talk to him about this because... I do love him and I’m not very assertive, despite having feminist views... help?

[Messianic_Monk]

He's requiring you to wear a head covering? That's... interesting.

Based on everything I've read from scripture a head covering is not necessary. Now if it bothers you a lot I'd say don't do it and tell him why it bothers you. If it really doesn't matter to you I'd suggest wearing it to keep the peace. It's what I'd do for my SO (if I had one).

Obviously avoid any sort of accusations. Like 'are you being sexist?' and stuff like that.

[boggboss]

It's a really hard one and honestly should have been spoke about early into dating how have differnt religions will effect the same of you 😑

[Asker]

I know, and we did talk... mostly I just kinda agreed to practice both... I’m not so great at asserting myself or getting my side heard...

[boggboss]

Well that's a problom you will have to deal with otherwise u will live your life doing things and agreeing to what u don't wanna do

[Asker]

I know... it’s something I’ve been working on as much as I can... admittedly, every time I make some ground, I lose it in other aspects of my life

[Marilynjuana]

Be honest with him. But you have to face it, it's his way of life and if he doesn't want to betray his religion, it's his right. You will have to decide what you want for yourself.

[Asker]

You are right... I just don’t know how...

[Reamer]

Remind him that the wedding day is for the bride,

[Asker]

Oh, no, it’s not about the wedding day... I mean every day afterwards... his mum ties her hair in a headscarf, his sister wears a head covering, and his sister in law does as well... every single day...

[Asker]

I just don’t know if I’m ok doing that every day for the rest of my life... I love my hair free and tying it up makes my head hurt...

[Reamer]

Oh sorry for me not knowing the custom.

Trick I would just be honest with him about it.

Maybe you can compromise and wait it when his famly is around

[Asker]

Totally understandable—I didn’t know until recently either... or that he felt strongly about it... I’m not very assertive and it’s tough for me to figure out what to say

[Reamer]

Ya it's not easy to ask so. eone to be flexible with there faith, I hope you can work it out.