How do you tell your boyfriend that you want to get married?

[chiquita]

Not for me, but my friend having a hard time telling it to him. Because a couple of times he mentioned that he doesn't want to get married. They are together for 4 years.

[hahahmm]

Fewer & fewer guys want to get married because there's more negatives than ever & the woman can divorce and get huge financial benefits even if she cheated or he did nothing wrong. Guys aren't interested in that. So if a guy doesn't trust you a LOT, there's zero chance he would even think about marrying you.

If he's like me... then he has super high standards for a wife & he just doesn't think you have reached that level yet. And maybe (he thinks) you never will so he says he doesn't want to get married. But if tomorrow he met some hot woman who ticked all the boxes of being a good wife, your days would be numbered. It would be wise of you to:

1. Find out what kind of woman WOULD he marry? If the answer is "nobody" then just quit the relationship because it's never going to happen. Otherwise:

2. Be sure he is interested in being the kind of man you think is worth marrying. This is very important because marriage and dating/living together is not the same thing.

3. Become the kind of woman he believes is worth marrying. Not faking it but because you think it is really worth being that in return for him being the husband.

4. Start saying, "I wish you would give me a ring." But keep in mind it's like someone who is an athlete saying, 'I wish they'd give me a gold medal'. Nobody gets this stuff just for wishing or saying the words. They get it because they earned it. So step 3 is more important.

5. Let's say he asks you the question & you get the first ring. Now you're in engagement mode. This is not a done deal. You still need to prove or keep proving that you're someone he thinks is worth marrying.

[Vesuvius87]

Then why is he wasting her time by extending the boyfriend and girlfriend time? If he doesn't trust her enough then that relationship should be over. I'm already a fiancee after about 16 months. 4 years is too much.

[Vesuvius87]

If a man knows he isn't ever going to marry her then it's unfair to continue living with her just for the sex. That's not a real boyfriend and girlfriend serious relationship anymore. That already falls within the category of extended friends with benefits arrangement.

[strateguy632]

to hah, superb! i say so

[hahahmm]

@Vesuvius87 "Then why is he wasting her time"? Is he? Or is she wasting her time, because he never said, "we'll get married one day." She just assumed she could change his mind OR she only recently decided she wanted to get married. You could be right about "4 years is too much" generally speaking. But it assumes that the boyfriend/girlfriend actually bother to have a plan. If they are just floating through life and not caring then it's like people going to spend all day at an amusement park. Their choice. I have a relative who has been dating a guy off and on for like 20 years & he treats her like trash. I'd say too long. She probably thinks otherwise tho.

[hahahmm]

@Vesuvius87 " That's not a real boyfriend and girlfriend serious relationship anymore." -- For traditional type/leaning people you're right because there would always be some thought of the long term entering the picture at some point. But for people who think life is all about short term enjoyment, I think they see it differently. Maybe she is that type. A lot of women have fun with dudes for years & years before deciding they need to get married because they're getting older and if they don't get married now it'll be harder & harder to find a guy who would marry them. They call it a buzzer beater like in sports when the clock runs down and the buzzer sounds at the end. Got to make the play before the buzzer. Guys joke about the kind of women who do this.. cause they waste their lives on so much bs before complaining near the end & blaming men.

[Vesuvius87]

She should honestly make him her ex boyfriend right now. As for your relative being stuck on a pointless, dead-end that's very sad.

[Vesuvius87]

I do think that if a man were to already knows or suspect she wants marriage but continues playing dumb with excuses then he would share 50% fault right there for stringing her alone.

[hahahmm]

@Vesuvius87 Oh it's way worse than that. She has some kids from other dudes. When her kids were like 5 & 6 this boyfriend told her she could come live in his house if she abandoned her kids & she did for a while. Had one of her kids stay with me when he was a teenager to have a fun vacation. His mom went out of her way to call him up and give him bad news just to ruin his time. That kid grew up to have all kinds of arrests/issues. The other kid is a great guy & in the military. Saw him recently and he said he doesn't even talk to his mom/brother anymore. Better to stay away from them. Ah well.

[Danielle93]

Omg then she's a trainwreck.

[meetkitty123]

@Vesuvius87
I'm afraid if the man has repeatedly expressed his feelings about marriage and each time it was he does not want to marry... Then she is wasting her own breath and time if she chooses to stay. He will not change his mind if she remains. He might not change his mind even if she leaves... But at least by leaving she is delivering a clear message that she is serious about wanting to be married. By her staying she is telling him with her actions that she is ok with the relationship the way it is.
We can't convince a person to get married if the are truly opposed to it.
It will hurt her if he still doesn't change his mind when she leaves but I would thinking holding on to someone who will never commit would hurt more.

[hahahmm]

@meetkitty123 This is kind of true but ultimatums only work if the other person thinks doing what you want is good for themselves and not just that it's good for you. So ultimatum is way more likely to work if the other person already was convinced they want to be with you forever. Otherwise he will just laugh in her face. I agree tho that she is wasting her time currently.

[meetkitty123]

@hahahmm absolutely correct! I fear she needs to be brave ask one more time if he says no then she needs to choose to stay or to go. If she stays she needs to respect his choice to refrain from marriage. If she can't stay without marriage then let him know she is leaving. She then needs to stick to her decision. The next move is on him. If he cares and misses her maybe he'll change his mind. But if he doesn't care or he still is too put off by the idea of marriage then she should just move on...

One alternative... If she will consider staying with him without marriage is to ask if they could get promissory rings. A symbol of their love and a promise to be exclusive to each other's and to remain together come what may so long as their love for each other's stays strong... No legal binds... Just the vow... If he says no to that as well then she really should just leave.

[hahahmm]

@meetkitty123 Come to think of it -- i forgot the advice I gave on this kind of ultimatum once (based on personal experience): No intimacy of ANY KIND while waiting for him to make up his mind. Not even hugging. It will help him understand what a yes/no really will lead to. Would work better if you don't live together tho, I think.

[Vesuvius87]

@meetkitty123
Yeah if marriage means a lot to her then she made a mistake to even continue a relationship with someone that just wants a girlfriend. She's going to grow unhappy as more time passes by. If a woman wants marriage, then moving in together in hopes that he'll propose, thinking that's a step closer towards commitment is the wrong move. Meanwhile the man is still having all the free, unlimited access to sex and living in the moment, having fun with no incentive for marriage.

[Nik1hil]

Marriage is supposed to be an agreement between, Husband & Wife.

But in today's world, The marriage has become.

Husband + Wife + Constitution. Where in case of Divorce Constitution gets full Lisence to rape the Husband.

So Marriage is not what romantic movies and romantic Books Tell..

Tell that Girl to understand the reality of this horrible world. Does she really wants to put the man she loves at such a bad risk, and if she really wants to put the man at Risk... Then she really does not Love him, and he should break up with her.

[Vesuvius87]

She can always sign a prenup. I'm getting married myself (I'm already at fiancee stage) and would happily sign it. I don't want his money.
Marriage isn't about getting married just base on feelings and love like on romantic movies. That's part of it but not the whole cake. There has to be compatible goals, comunication, loyalty, mutual respect and trust too.
I'm there aren't many women that would settle to just being at just lifetime girlfriend and having a child unmarried, basically a bastard baby.

[Vesuvius87]

*I'm afraid there aren't

[Nik1hil]

@Vesuvius87
1) Every Nation does not have a System of Prenup. ( For example - Prenup aren't valid in India)
2) Even if a women Signs a Prenup, it does not means there are other ways not available for her to destroy him.
3) If a Man says Pre-nup, He looks like an Asshole , so instead of saying, "I will happily sign a Prenup" , get a Pre-nup made and sign it with him..

[Nik1hil]

@Vesuvius87 As far as it's about Bastard child you can get married in Secret not have a Big fancy wedding!.. if you believe so much in God, Just do it for God! there are many Churches across the world.

Even better Fly outside the nation and get Married and don't do any marriage related documents with the Government of your residing Nation!.
So, There is no implications at seperation.

[Vesuvius87]

Actually we're both atheists. We're having an average reunion (my family and friends) at my country's Municipality (courthouse).

[Vesuvius87]

If I were religious then I would go to church but I'm not.

[Nik1hil]

@Vesuvius87 Good.

Women are emotional creatures their heart at marriage is pure, so they have no issue getting in a legal contract.

But when things get soar, and it comes to divorce, their emotions fluctuate and they are willing to use it at as a tool of destruction.

Prenup doesn't saves a man.
The Alimony, child support, which can be unusually high also fucks the man..

Funniest part is, after divorce when women find out the Alimony goes away, if she marries the next Guy.
Then most women are not interested in marrying.🤣They make excuses like, Oh! I have already done that before🤣🤣😂 I have seen this shit in front of me.

She married rich, had an affair, divorced the man, continued the affair, never married the next Guy, milked her Ex.

[Nik1hil]

@Vesuvius87 now dear I am not pointing fingers !.
And 80% of the Women are Good.

It's the 20% insane crazy women that men worry about, and it's a horrible Risk for a man!.
Even though it's 20% , for an average middle class man, it's massive liability to tackle.

[meetkitty123]

In a situation where a person wants their partner to commit to marriage with them though their partner has repeatedly said they do not want to get married the only thing left to do is to leave.

Or accept that their lover will never marry them...

In some cases in certain states there is the common law marriage... Depending on how many years the couple has lived together...

But if common law doesn't apply to your friend or she's not willing to continue the relationship without ever getting married...

Then she needs to prepare herself... Save her money... Start looking for a place to live... (Or be prepared to pack his stuff and have him find somewhere different to live)...

Once she has her preparations in order... Set up a date night, get a ring and purpose to him. If he says no then it's time to say goodbye.

You cannot convince a person who does not want to get married... To marry you.

[Kelley1]

Just keep bringing up the subject of marriage. That is what I do. However, the problem as I see it is to many young men are aware that women receive all the benefits of marriage and none of the disadvantage, while men have all the disadvantages and almost none of the benefits.

In the past the primary benefit for men to marry was sex. However, nowadays, since 90% of women are sluts, unless the men are simps and women don't want simps anyway, sex is no longer a benefit for the men women want to marry.

[Bethany22]

She could say to him that as she knows he doesn't want to get married, she will have to break up with him so that she can focus on finding someone who does want to marry her. She could say that he has a week to get a ring and propose to her before she leaves.

[RingOfFire]

How romantic! 🤣

[AviatorTom]

Tell your friend that next time she and he are intimate, whisper in his ear, "We've been together for 4 years. How about getting married?"

Or, be blunt, and she can propose to him.

[RossyBoi]

He would say no. She's already giving him sex so what's in it for him?

[thatshydork]

@RossyBoi and how exactly do you know any of that? All this person said was that her friends boyfriend doesn’t want to get married but her friend does. Besides, people have much more to offer than what’s between their legs. It’s honestly kind of sad and tells me a lot about you if you think that people are only worth what they’ve got between their legs.

[hahahmm]

But he's not going to get married for the sex he's been getting for the last 4 years. It's like a restaurant giving free pancakes and then saying, "hey why don't you pay us for the pancakes we give you for free?"

[RossyBoi]

@thatshydork That's how people in relationships think. They just want one thing.

[hahahmm]

@RossyBoi Typically. And typically the other reason is that one or both don't see the other as marriage material anyhow. If a guy really met a woman he considered off the charts wife material, he's more likely to go that route. Although some guys would run away from her. ha.

[coachTanthony]

If you have to tell him it's already too late.

[black]

Telling your boyfriend that you want to get married is a big step, and it’s natural to feel a bit nervous about it. Here’s how you might approach it in a more relaxed and personal way:

Find the Right Moment: Choose a time when you’re both relaxed and not distracted. Maybe during a quiet evening at home or a peaceful walk.

Be Honest and Open: Speak from your heart. You could start with something like, “I've been thinking a lot about us lately.”

Share Your Feelings: Explain why marriage is important to you. You might say, “I love you so much, and I can really see us spending our lives together. For me, marriage is a way to show that commitment and build our future.”

Ask for His Thoughts: Give him a chance to share his feelings too. You could ask, “How do you feel about the idea of getting married someday?”

Be Patient: Understand that he might need some time to think about it. It’s okay to give him space to process.

Talk About the Future: If he’s open to the idea, start talking about what your future together might look like. Share your dreams and goals, and listen to his too.

[HighValue]

Ultimatums end relationships, and if they do agree, it causes resentment which eventually leads to ending the relationship too, so I wouldn't suggest using that.

She could tell him that she agrees with prenuptial agreements to protect the guy and to relieve potential stress in a relationship. That is usually a man's biggest concern with marriage because men now know marriage is very bad for men and doesn't have benefits for them, and they also know that often even being honest about it just angers most women.

If a woman wants marriage, suggesting a prenuptial agreement is the easiest way of increasing the chances a man will marry her. Also, MOST women give bad relationship advice to other women and listening to it, in most cases will harm a relationship, not improve it.

[diversethought]

Obviously she loves him and wants things to go to the next level. I'm guessing having kids is also in that equation. He loves her too from what I'm seeing but doesn't want to commit because [insert reason here]. The reason why he doesn't is a mystery, which would play a big part in a good solution. My watered-down opinion is she needs to weigh the options and find what she wants more. Him in her life without marriage, or him not in her life in that way, and find someone who can commit. Life wouldn't be worth living if we don't make tough decisions.

[PeachyPie93]

Why is she with him if he doesn't want to marry and she does? That should have been discussed early on in the relationship. Also you never tell a guy you want to be married, because if a guy don't want to ask to marry you himself, then you should just move on. Since he clearly doesn't like you enough to put a ring on it.

[MicahRaine]

Why did she date someone who doesn't want to marry for FOUR YEARS🤦‍♂️

I feel like this falls into the category of "play stupid games, win stupid prizes"

I'd say that she should break up with him and find someone who does want to marry, but she sounds like a tool so I doubt that will go well for her.

[Anonymous]

This should have been discussed long time ago. More than likely he won’t change his mind. She needs to move on if that’s what she really wants. No ultimatums like giving him a week to get a ring to propose. If that’s the case then he’s doing it for all the wrong reasons, not cause he really wants to. Does she know why he doesn’t want to get married?

[Anonymous]

if she can't even talk about wanting to get married openly to him, how does she ever expect to even marry this dude? they've been together for 4 years and she doesn't even know how to be like hey i want to get married to you some day? ?

i think their relationship is a bit odd. and it has nothing to do with not being married after 4 years. it's mainly about her not knowing how to bring it up and telling her friend about it instead of her own boyfriend.

[Rainbowxoxo]

She can't. If he doesn't want marriage, she has to dump him and find a marriage-minded man. She has to find a man that's specifically dating to get married and have kids, not someone that dating just to be at boyfriend and girlfriend status forever (dating just to date).

[jahaims]

They have no business getting married if she isn't even comfortable bringing it up. It is also moronic to date someone with the intention of getting married when you know your partner doesn't want marriage.

[teamvic]

Hmmm best bet is subtle hints to get him to understand what she wants

That's of course if she's unwilling to tell him directly

I will say though. Two people who have opposing ideas when it comes to marriage is wow troublesome

[teamvic]

Very*

[Booklover_90]

Sounds like your friend has signed up to be a lifetime girlfriend. If a man wanted to marry a woman, they’d be married by now. You don’t have to tell a man what he wants to do.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

Honestly, they are not compatible. She should've left after knowing they have different goals in mind. Forcing him to change his belief is not advisable.

[WhitneySnow]

He might not want to get married for real. In which case she’ll be forced to either accept that or break up with him.

[bobby_bush_eater]

It should be an open conversation about commitment.

At some point it might come to an ultimatum, that's what my mother did and she's now been married 40 years

[JonCobretti]

Terrible mistake from your friend's side

He made it clear in the beginning , she should've left if she was looking for marriage

[EmmaMary]

You seriously need to start considering keeping your nose out of other people's business. smh

[strateguy632]

tell her she wasted 4 years! he already said no. dump him and find someone else.

[RingOfFire]

The answer here appears to be to break up with him. If she wants to get married and he has stated several times that he doesn't, what's left?

[LaurenM1997]

She can’t force him to get married if he doesn’t wanna get married he doesn’t wanna get married

[Anonymous]

She has a decision to make. She wants to, he does not. How long is she going to wait?

Why does she want to anyway? If she knew for a fact he would never get married, would she wait any longer?

[LiamJHayden]

She can be direct, but if he doesn't want to do so he will not, or she will coerce him into it and he'll resent her for it.

[Nikki1989]

If it needs to be said, you are already in trouble.

[Ms_Facesitter]

I just do. Handled that before getting together to make sure our future aligned.

[LiZiqiLiZiqi]

Why does he want to date if he doesn't want to get married? I think dating is about getting married.

[handsomelad70]

Hint to him that you'd like to officialize your relationship (depending on how long you've been a couple), and see if he's agreeable.

[RossyBoi]

Sounds like he's just using her for sex with no intention to commit. Time for her to move on.

[nawtee_me]

Just ask him to marry you…. Get down on one knee and ask him…. You can always say you were just wanting to see what it would be like…. lol

[DreamLife7]

Mind your business. Why don't you have a relationship? Stay out of others business

[Kingofkings1992]

It’s not going to work out if one wants to get married and the other doesn’t.

[dustybiker2]

He's already said how he feels about marriage.

[lightbulb27]

Marriage is only fwd or we are done…

[_SilentWolf_]

I would say it directly

[Loner111]

Propose to him

[Anonymous]

I tell her dad