Do you want your partner to earn more than you or less than you?

[Factual_person]

Earn More

Earn Less

Doesn't matter to me either way

[HollyK21]

I’m not really concerned with who makes more or less, because ultimately we are a team. I’d just want to assure he can pull his own weight vs I’m caretaking or vice versa.

[Factual_person]

What if he was struggling to get a job?

[HollyK21]

If he already had a job when we got together and lost it, then I wouldn’t give him a hard time, shit happens. If he’s receiving unemployment in the mean time then that’s ok.

[Factual_person]

What if he was unemployed while on first date

[HollyK21]

In that case, I would politely decline. Mainly because I wouldn’t feel like his priorities are in order. I don’t think finding a partner should supersede assuring all your ducks are in order first. I personally wouldn’t not want to put someone in a position to caretake me, especially so early into a connection vs already being a couple and weathering through hard times, like joblessness.

[Factual_person]

But what if he was looking actively for a job just wanted to talk to you first

[HollyK21]

Well here’s the thing — it’s a first date and I don’t know this guy. So do I just put trust in him stating that he’s looking for work and cover expenses until whenever that time comes? Like there’s no telling when he’ll find work, especially in this economy, I’ve seen people with full blown degrees unable to find even a minimum wage paying job. The only way I’d consider making an exception is if the guy has something to lose, like he’s got his own place, car payments, etc, because then I know he must find a job to cover those expenses. But if it’s a thing where he’s living at home, then I wouldn’t have confidence in his job search. I know people can rent space in their families home, but in most cases they don’t have to fear homelessness, whether they’re paying rent or not. More often than not, a jobless dude living at home will feel less incentive to work and may even be lazy if their mom for example takes care of everything.

[Factual_person]

You can find out about that in other dates, first impression most of the time deceives

[HollyK21]

That could work for some women, but I personally would not. Why should a woman waste her time emotionally investing into a guy only to find out that he’s an incompetent adult? First impressions are everything, and in my opinion being jobless is not the best one. As I said before, my only exception would be if I were already in a relationship with the guy. But this idea that I should “weather through” a guy being jobless within our brand new connection just doesn’t sound beneficial at all.
Take my friend for example, she’s been with her boyfriend for 8 years and he has been jobless through all of it. Despite countless promises and plans to work, he just hasn’t. The issue now is that she feels completely stuck, because they live together and without her he’d quite literally be on the street. He’s got no outside resources, no family to live with, not a penny to his name. This woman is miserable, struggling to pay their bills and despite seeing her in that state, there seems to be no sense of urgency when it comes to finding work. In my opinion, she could’ve completely avoided all this by stepping back once she learned he had no job. Instead she went the route you suggest — finding out about all his issues over the course of other dates. By that point she was too emotionally invested to let him go.

[Factual_person]

That's a completely different thing.
8 years is a long time, you throwing the baby out of the bathwater here.

[HollyK21]

Hahah, never heard that quote before. Well, what do you think makes it so different? Sure, 8 years is a long time, but she had opportunity long before that to walk away, but by that point she was already too emotionally invested.

I guess my point is, why invest at all into a connection and find out about something later on rather than just nipping it in the bud from the start? I feel like the notion of giving this guy a chance despite a pretty big red flag is mainly about him seeking said-chance. Like before when I said I think that having your ducks in order should take priority over finding a relationship, you mentioned just wanting to talk. However I don’t think simple conversation would be the main goal, he’s pursuing her because he likes her and wants her to give him a chance despite knowing she isn’t fond of his joblessness.

[Factual_person]

You think it's a red flag he is trying to date while being jobless for the moment?

[Factual_person]

Many women think it's not a problem at all

[HollyK21]

That’s the thing about it, how am I to know it’s a moment? Many women don’t see it as a problem until it becomes one, and I can’t think of any woman who purposely wants to be responsible for taking care of the man. I think your perspective is that of a guy who would actively be looking for work, but we can’t generalize and umbrella every man under that same mindset.

[HollyK21]

Let me ask you this, do you believe that relationships should not only be a partnership, but two people making each others lives easier?

[Factual_person]

Yes exactly we can't generalize, so why are you generalizing them all as negative if they going on a date unemployed?

[Factual_person]

Sure, it's about making it easier. But. i wouldn't reject a girl just cause she was unemployed for the moment

[HollyK21]

To be fair, I never generalized and said every jobless man is negative. Long term joblessness in general is negative, for a man or woman, it’s an undesirable situation because we all need finances to survive. It’s a fact of life. If a man without a job wants to go on a date then he is more than welcome to, but you’re asking about my own personal preference, and I believe that finding work should supersede finding a relationship.

You keep saying that this joblessness is simply a moment, but what you’re not understanding about what I’m saying is that the woman cannot determine if this will only be a fleeting situation. He could be jobless for months, so what happens in that time? She becomes responsible for paying for each date, getting each other around since he can’t pay for gas, feeding them, she will be paying for everything and I’m not sure how that looks desirable in your eyes. I personally am not traditional in the sense that a man pays for everything, I believe in teamwork and us each doing our part. Not one person caretaking the other.

[HollyK21]

I think a woman can get away with joblessness more than a guy could. Not saying it’s right, but historically a guy is more likely to step into a provider role than a woman will be.

[Factual_person]

You are basically saying it's a negative since you want to refuse them since the first date.
And the job market is hard, sometimes it can even get months or a year or two.
Men have provided for women all the time, why can't women provide for at least some time?

[HollyK21]

“You are basically saying it's a negative since you want to refuse them since the first date.”

Never said that. I said long-term joblessness is a negative in general because we need finances to survive, please don’t mince my words when they are clearly written.

“And the job market is hard, sometimes it can even get months or a year or two.”

Exactly, which is why I said I wouldn’t engage with a jobless guy unless we were already in a relationship. I’m not caretaking someone I just barely met and you don’t have to agree with that. Respectfully.

“Men have provided for women all the time, why can't women provide for at least some time?”

No, I am not solely providing for an entirely brand new relationship. I am a 50/50 person. In any case, I think we’ve had more than enough back and forth. You haven’t said anything to anyone else except asking them to vote, and im not sure what that’s about. In any case, you invited us all here to share our opinions and there’s nothing much different I’m saying than I’m saying, and I just read through the comments. So we can end the conversation here. Have a great day.

[Factual_person]

I ask them to vote because I notice I get new comments but no new votes.
The more votes the more accurate the picture you know?

[HollyK21]

It’s not about asking them to vote — totally fine. It’s the fact that you aren’t grilling anyone else except for me or even asking them questions, so I’m not sure why you’re going at only me like this.

[Factual_person]

I replied to someone else asking them a question but they didn't respond. You responded so we had a conversation

[HollyK21]

That’s one person and you told the rest to vote. Why didn’t you ask anything of generic who said the exact same thing as me, just shorter? He also said he’d appreciate earning equal and not caretaking the other person. You could’ve asked Potato or Mikki something, there’s several other comments that you only asked for them to vote. In any case, I guess it doesn’t matter.

[Factual_person]

Because there was nothing to ask them

[HollyK21]

Very disingenuous.

[Factual_person]

Girls you are seeing problems when there are none

[HollyK21]

Cool! Take care.

[Purpleronnie]

I’m less concerned with how much they earn and more concerned with if it’s enough for them to be financially independent. I don’t want to be seen as the one who props them up to the point the are codependent.


I don’t want my partner to “need” me financially outside of unexpectedly falling on hard times through the economy , redundancy or health.

[AviatorTom]

It really doesn't matter. Might be nice if she made more than me, which would make it easier for us to do things. 😏

[lilBigPotato]

It doesn't matter as long as he's financially independent, but if I have the choice, then more is of course better.

[Factual_person]

Don't forget to vote

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you decode love, attraction, and all the messy stuff in between… with a little spice 😏

I honestly don’t care if she earns more or less, as long as we’re a team. Income doesn’t hurt my ego, disrespect does. If she makes more and still respects, supports, and doesn’t use money as a weapon, that’s hot, not a red flag.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Ideally, a similar income.

In my experience it makes things smoother between us because then we both want similar goods or services fitting our finances. Less chances to have one of us feeling morally in debt or thinking they're left behind

[Anonymous]

My wife better earn more than me. I am a non-tradional man and I don't want to pay for shit.

[Factual_person]

Bssed

[exitseven]

I have been married for a long time. thee were times when my wife earned more than me and other times I earned more. I never made any diffrrence.

[Anonymous]

I'm less concerned about how much she makes than her and i having similar views towards money matters.

[Factual_person]

Very true for me too

[MikkiM]

It's important for him to earn more than me, because it means financial security. If he earn less, he will be insecure. So i think it simply means he dominates me.

[Micheal6918]

Anybody can earn more, we should just respect eachother regardless of who earns more

[waleedv3]

Doesn't matter at all.
I make decent pay and I had girls that make 5% and 1000% of what I make (literally in both cases) and it never made a difference

[loveyouoak]

I'd prefer my partner to earn less than me because I couldn't tolerate him having financial control in the relationship.

[Factual_person]

Did you vote

[_Jenny_]

@loveyouoak it depends on if my partner is doing the same kind of work as me 💃💯

[MissSunshine2]

I don't know. Probably earn as much or more, because that's what it would cost us to survive. I don't make much.

[yeahimadude]

As long as she loves me. Im proud of her earning as much as she wants. And when she's in need im happy to support her.

[genericname85]

I don't care but I expect them to make a living that can carry themselves.

[Kayla45]

Ideally earn more so we can benefit the household better, but I also wouldn't think differently if I earned more than him

[LiamJHayden]

If she brings peace and is fun, I don't care if she is unemployed.

[SparklingWine10]

Doesn't matter as long as they work. My husband works he’s a doctor an auto mechanic. I do investments.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter to me as long as he's doing something productive with his life. He can be volunteering to count ants in Nairobi for National Geographic and that would be fine with me.

[MariaEve]

Of course, I want him to earn more than I do, because he will spend more money on the household and the children, and that is only natural.

[Factual_person]

Why should he spend more money? Why it is natural?

[Titanic1912]

It wouldn’t matter, as long as we can pay all of our bills on time, keep up with the mortgage and help our future kids.

[MysticDevice]

As long as she's working and trying that's all I ask.

[Anonymous]

Ideally they would earn equal to me so there would be no conflicts

[Lliam]

It doesn't matter one bit to me.

[Account]

I don't give a shit.

[Factual_person]

Vote please so the poll doesn't look so bad

[canamlusciouslad73]

I'd LOVE to get a rich broad !!!

[_Jenny_]

@canamlusciouslad73 I’m not really sure

[_Jenny_]

@canamlusciouslad73 maybe he should make more

[_Jenny_]

@Factual_person sorry I replied to the wrong person

[Kelly6]

I never care about it

[SmartAss06]

Does it change the dynamics in any ways? Because men are expected to be bread earners