If your partner earns more than you, do you expect them to contribute more towards the bills?

[Anonymous]

Me and my partner moved in together just under a year ago. We decided to split all shared bills equally (gas/electric/mortgage/insurance/food etc) and then we each pay for our own expenses (fuel/phone bills etc) with the rest of our own wages.

A few months back, my partner wanted to change jobs because he's not happy where he is but was struggling to find somewhere decent that would pay the same or higher than what he currently earns. At that point, he worked out he earns 32k a year, whereas at the time I was in a low paid job getting just 18k a year. So I brought up that fact that it didn't seem fair that the shared bills were literally half of my monthly wage and asked him to pick up a bill or just contribute a little more each month. That suggestion didn't go down well at all, ended up in an argument and he pretty much just told me to get a better job.

Since then, I have actually changed jobs and I'm earning a little bit more so I upped my contribution and so did he.

I'm curious if any other couples have experienced similar issues? Do you both contribute the same towards shared bills regardless if one of you earns more than the other? ☺️

[GregR89]

I pay for absolutely everything currently. My wife hasn't worked in over 5 or 6 years. She did have a good job as a dental assistant before relapsing with ITP again. She already had her spleen removed and had to undergo 5 treatments of rituximab after relapsing. I now have the better job/only job after graduating from college, and make enough to support us for now. She will argue about my spending sometimes, but I just bring out the asshole and say that I make the money. I let her buy what she wants as well. She has more professional makeup than she can use, shoes she will never wear, and designer outfits that will never be touched. Im a collector of a lot of things, like shoes, vinyl, designer clothing, old audio equipment, trading cards, rc cars (and lots more shit). I also own 4 vehicles that are all paid off. I have multiple pairs of rare sneakers worth literally thousands of dollars per pair. One of which is a lebron dunk pro b friends and family exclusive given to lebron/his friends when he signed with Nike back in 2003. Easily a 10k pair of shoes (I paid 2k years ago). Back on topic, she's an excellent cook. I mean fucking professional (both her brothers are chefs so its in the blood) and we also have the best "porn like" sex. She is also very bisexual, so occasionally we have somewhat of a girlfriend which I don't mind and enjoy. I don't bug her to go out and get a job, I just let her do her thing and I provide whatever is needed. It can be stressful sometimes, but thats life. We dated for 7 years before getting married, so we started at the bottom with neither of us having anything and being shit poor. Life changes and people adapt. I don't ever expect any money from her, and I will pay for gifts for her family including nieces, brothers in law, and mother in law. Money is a facade. Its only when you don't have enough that it becomes "real" and a problem, which we have experienced and overcome. I might be old fashioned but it makes me sick when I hear about a woman who works all day only to come home to a boyfriend or husband who doesn't work or make any money to help. If she didn't have health problems the story would sing a different tune, but I don't want to have to see her in that kind of condition again so she can relax all she wants while I slave away in the machine.

[Anonymous]

I have no idea and it is not my place to tell you what you should do in your relationship. You should not be dating a man for his money BUT... I do understand where you are coming from and I would understand if it was the other way around too.

I think that you should be able to communicate without the other flipping out. You have valid concerns.

If you aren't married yet then you still have a chance to figure out that things... Aren't going to work out if you need to. Him just flipping shit because you wanted to talk to him about how you feel is not right especially if you were calm when you said it.

Now if you came to him angry and brought it up... Then you are the one who escalated it.

You can also consider couples counseling. You can tell him that if he can't talk to you like a normal person and communicate your concerns to each other wihtout him flipping out. That you either need to go to couples counseling or... Something else might have to be done and if you don't want to break up tell him.

"and I really don't want to have to go down that route. I love you and care about you but you make more money. If I made more money then you I would pay more in bills" If that in honestly how you feel. Don't lie to him or anything.

I think that what you are asking is honestly fair. NOW with that being said maybe you work out something else. But you should be able to talk about things you tell him how you feel and he tells you how he feels and you both listen to each other and figure something out.

That is how it should be. If he has his concerns then let him talk to you about it. But you don't have to put up with someone yelling at you when you did nothing.

I understand that couples fight I do. But here is the thing you can put a boundary up and say that you aren't going to be talked to like that. You don't care if he shares concerns and you want to hear them (you should want to hear them) but not to yell and flip out on you when you were nothing but nice to him.

Not like you are going to pay NOTHING but maybe try and work something out so that you have money for yourself. If he has money for himself and you don't

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Maybe.

If we're both gainfully employed and there's a significant wage gap, I would consider a split that gives more financial burden to the higher earner.

But I would still expect a solid financial commitment from the other partner.

To me, it's an important thing. My past two partners underearned me. The first still paid equal part and we made sure to only go for things we could afford.

My second posed as a productive employee until he thought he had be locked in, and reverted to a lazy bastard who thought he could get a free ride.

Now, if someone isn't capable or interested enough to put in the effort to find a way to support themselves and contribute to the household, I'm not about to waste time and effort on them. It doesn't have to be equal if that would put them in a hard spot financially. But they do have to contribute and have a plan to progress their earnings.

[shaysh87]

there's no way that you will have an easy life raising a family when you make 18k. Instead of trying to get ahead in life by seeking an education , training for a better job, you're asking for your partner to make up for your lack of ambition. Your partner is not responsible for your lack of survival skills / money to survive. You bring nothing to the table. You're nothing but just a burden to your partner.

Better yet, if your partner ever leaves you , you're left with 2-3 kids that you're unable to raise on your own.

be responsible for your own life and stop looking to leech off of others.

18k annual is no way to live.

[sonic_fever]

Had pretty much the same situation. My girlfriend and I moved out of our parents places together for the first time when we were 22. I was making 20k a year and she was making roughly 10k and going to school. She was receiving money from scholarships and grants from school and the army (she’s in the army) Every quarter. So we both agreed on 50/50 everything and that’s how it went for years. I got more hours and even a new job at one point making way more and I was comfortable doing the 50/50 thing but she wasn’t. Eventually she graduated and the money stopped flowing in for for her so she had less money. She never brought it up until after we got back together earlier this year. She said that if we do live together again that it won’t be 50/50 anymore. I agreed but was shocked when she told me because the entire time I thought she didn’t mind splitting everything. I now make about 60k a year and of course she’s in the same situation as before. Working p/t hours and going for her bachelors. I told her now that I’m way more financially stable I can take way more of the load and support you the best I can. She originally stated I pay for everything but I shot her down and told her it will most likely be around 70/30. I cannot pay for it all especially with the economy at the moment. It seemed like she was watching some YouTube video or ticktock on why men should pay for everything the way she was demanding things and I had to humble her a bit and tell her that our relationship was always based off what we’re both comfortable with. Well in conclusion, yes if he’s making more he should pay for more. If you cannot provide as much financially you should provide it somewhere else. Only you two know what that is. Talk it out and be adults. As a man he should take more financial responsibility in my opinion. Do not let the media manipulate you either. Do what is most comfortable in your relationship.

[bamesjond0069]

Total mistake here. You either need to have an egalitarian relationship or a traditional relationship. No half and half. So generally what this means if you want him to take on more responsibility, you must give him more control. Otherwise stick to 50/50 and woman up and get a better job.

What this should look like is, when you get your paycheck just give it to him. He is the head of the household. He is now responsible to pay all the bills, pay everytime y'all go on dates and just take all the responsibility off your shoulders. Whether you make 18k or 50k it won't make any difference to you. He will then also give you money back as an allowance at his discretion on whats left after all this.

Now i hear lots of women say they dont trust their boyfriend or husband like this... well then why are you with him? Wtf? Smh. But i do this and my gfs over the years loved not having to be responsible for bills and just having me pay everything. So i highly recommend it.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

The answer depends. But I'll start by saying he was unhappy in his job so he did something about it. I can almost guarantee he could have found a less stressful job that he enjoyed more and found more fulfilling but that paid less... maybe one like yours? But he didn't. He put in the effort and sacrifice to find one that paid what he wanted. You could do the same, but you've chosen not to. That's a choice for which you, not him, must bear the consequences.

Having said all that, you are in a relationship of two people and there are more responsibilities than just paying the bills. There's nothing wrong with an arrangement where he pays more toward the bills and you put in more time and effort toward house chores or whatever it is you two decide is important to you both.

This is a matter of the fairness and equality you women have been saying you want. You can't decide you want equal rights and privileges without also taking on equal responsibilities. It's time for women to start walking the walk they have been talking for so long.

[Moose304]

With all due respect to the asker, this question really frosts me. I live alone. I am 64 years old and have lived alone all my adult life. This is my issue with this question. It also reflects our society in general. I make in the high 6 figures a year. I get a retirement, I also have investments that are paying off PLUS I own a business that is doing very well. Let's say I am living with the Attorney who is a friends with benefits. She makes around $150,000 a year. The thing is BOTH of us are living in the home. If the total household expenses are say $4000 a month then both should be paying $2000. People really need to stop spending others' money! As long as I am ponying up my half what I make is not any of her frickin business!

[Moose304]

I did use a bad example. Let me use another example. If I am living with a lady that brings home $200 bucks a week I can't expect her to pony up half of our household expenses. This would be silly. In this kind of situation, I would most likely pay 100% of the bills and have her to pay only for things only she uses. This, however, is a VERY dangerous situation for me if we live together for long and break up because in some states even though we are not married she can come after me for support using common law. This is why I would NEVER enter such a relationship.

[MrOracle]

in my opinion, your OVERALL contribution should be equal or reasonably close to equal. By that, I mean that if you are paying less in bills, you should be doing more of the housework/chores, and if you are paying more of the bills, you should be doing less of those chores. What exactly that means is going to depend on each couple's unique situation, and you have to assign some reasonable value to the labor (which is never going to PERFECTLY align to earned money, but "reasonable" should be fine).

If your income situation changes, or the household work load changes, more than a temporary minor change (like, taking a week off for vacation), then you need to rebalance the distribution of work and bill-paying until the situation changes again.

The point is that both people need to contribute to the situation equally, or as close as can reasonably be made. Whether that means you pay more or you do more isn't as important - what's important is that you have balance.

[OpenClose]

I could go either way.
Splitting seems fair, because it's still half-off on all the bills. You would just have to agree to a home and services that fit both your budgets.

But I would think it would be fair that if we both work 8 hours per day, then splitting the bills proportionately to income would make sense. If my income pays the bills in 16 hours, I'm not going to demand she work 30 hours for her share of the bills.

If she makes a decent amount less, I wouldn't mind paying a disproportionate amount if it gives her more spending money.

[SkyCastle90]

After 5+ years of living together I can say without a doubt that who pays what fluctuates. At first I volunteered to enforce the whoever makes more pays more (I make more than he does), he didn't care; instead it naturally changes depending on my or his needs (for example, he maybe struggling with unexpected expenses for a few months or something happened at my job that affected the pay temporarily).

Best thing is we have open communication and we don't fight over money, our finances are what they are and for better or for worse we'll make it work.

[KitsuneFoxSpirit]

Your situation is what happens when children move in together & play house.

You have no understanding of what it means to have a relationship, be partners, and solve problems mutually. Just demand something of the other and expect compliance. It's like having a roommate who is simply there for the convenience of splitting bills.

Next time something like this happens instead of acting like children trying to spite one another - he makes more so you go out & get a better job, etc. - sit down and try to have an ADULT conversation. Figure out a solution that is mutually beneficial.

[Jabberjaw]

I've not been in this predicament but what I know I would do, which is what my parents did. I'd cover the rent and she can cover all utilities. Some months it's lower, some months it's higher but she'll always be spending less.

So she could also buy the groceries. And if she needs a bit more for groceries she can ask and I'll pitch in that month towards food. Worked well for my parents and wasn't a struggle.

Also keeps the one who shops more mindful of their spending without feeling too much pressure. But all that aside.

Average Uber driver makes 70k even with these gas prices that's radically better than 35k or 18k. If you're hurting for money just do uber or food delivery apps

Unless you currently don't have a car or some medical condition that stops you from sitting in a car a few hours a day. There's no excuse to be hurting financially at a job that pays that little.

Mad easy to make 100-250 a day

[Clowr]

Nope. We share the economy anyway. All goes into a shared bank account. So could not care less. It is what we have earned and what we use on us. If we want something for one self, we don't ask the other as long as we know it will not have a too hard of an impact.
If it will, the person who wants to buy something expensive will be more gentle with the money, so it will be more over for next month. Easy as that.
A set amount is transfered every month to a savings account too for holidays or unexpected accidents / bills.

[jshm2]

Why the fuck is there the American obsession with splitting the bills? You cousin fuckers are among the most retarded of all nationalities I come across.

First you blindly date and marry fuckwits, then you complain about them. Then you move in without first setting boundaries and budgets, and complain. Then you split, and bitch about them, but stay blind to your own ineptitude and dissonance.

Seriously, you're more drama than you're worth, but all the same cookie cutter drama.

[Anonymous]

The way my girlfriend handle things is via a budget. 10% of our checks go into our pockets for our "me money" (I like VS but it's more e expensive than Walmart so it comes out of that.

10% go into yield bearing accounts (I use a Treasury account, she likes CDs.

And the other 80% goes into the "Us Money" which is for food, bills, gas for the cars and bike, etc...

Deal is, on e we have 2 months expenses banked, the surplus goes into a treasury account for us to spend on a vacation.

I make more, my income is twice hers, I'm also 15 years older and have advanced degrees, licenses, and certifications. I honestly like the setup we have because the system still encourages her to progress, it encourages her to save for retirement or rainy days, and she pays her share, and I KNOW she is taken care of.

[Anonymous]

NO! But I only make what I make. So if I pay an even amount she doesn't get to bitch if I don't have enough to do anything else. Lol

This is why I laugh everytime I see young women on hear talking about how a guy needs to make "x" amount for her to be in a relationship. Because they're so young and so clueless (not trying to insult). But life happens! Recessions happen, people lose jobs, people get sick.
I don't concern myself with what my partner makes only what her spending habits are. Because regardless what I have, I'm thrifty. If she's not a thrifty person as well it's never going to work out.

[godfatherfan]

When I was married at 25, me and my wife (then 22) put our money in a joint account. So it didn't matter who made what. We traded places on who earned more during our 20 years of marriage.
If I was not married, or if I got married now, then yes I would expect the bills to be split up fairly depending on how much we make. But only if there is a significant difference.

[TransAm85]

Honestly, he doesn't seem like a good guy. Even before my husband and I got married, I had moved in w/him and tried going back to school. He didn't pressure me about bills/taxes, just as long as I did my part as a regular woman does - cook, clean, and some pussy. Ur still young though and I'm assuming he is. Try talking to him and if he still treats you like a roommate, it's time to look for another place to live.

[Aerissa_Jade]

We pool our income together in joint accounts and pay all the bills out of that. We have allocated a certain amount to each other for our own personal uses each month. That we need need to stay in, or else the relationship will be doomed.

So far it has worked great. It is also how my parents did it, working together as a couple, not living as roommates who split bills 50/50.

[Harleigh90]

I'm assuming you're not married.
Was a no-nup not agreed on before applying and agreeing to a mortgage together? Personally, I'd have one of these written up with a lawyer ASAP. If things have already become heated over a bill, how would things be if you split up.

[melanieeeB]

Personally I guess when I one day move in with someone, I would like us to pay rent, electric, water and co equally but the rest, whoever is on the go... like with friends and past guys it's mostly that we don't look who is paying or whos turn it is... we just say let's go to this or that and at the end one person goes "let me pay today" and that's it.

[Fubsyy]

I’m disabled and can as a result only work part time, so my partner pays for most things and I contribute as much as I can towards stuff like power and some food. Sometimes I keep a little aside to buy him gifts or take him out to dinner or surprise him with something, I’m grateful to have him and he’s never held this against me because he knows I try. Wouldn’t really know the exact percentage tho. We’ve been together almost 7 years, engaged but not married. Long story short, my fiancé sees it as fair that he pays more because he earns more, he’s trying his best, and I’m trying my best.

[LazerBean]

If the couple is married then I think whatever they decide is best goes for them. What if the couple is unmarried, then they have no entitlement whatsoever to each other's stuff and all the bills should be split 50/50 if they are equally doing housework and using utilities and such.