My boyfriend wants to marry me, but I don't. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend hasn't officially asked me to marry him but he has said that he wants to ask me when I'm ready in the future. We've been dating for 3 months, which I know is short (it's a Utah culture thing), and he is also my first boyfriend ever. He's dated other people before and it seems like the next step in his life is to find himself a wife. Me on the other hand, I don't know if I want to marry him anytime in the future despite him being a good boyfriend. He hasn't done anything particularly wrong, just normal boyfriend/girlfriend things that are annoying 🤷‍♀️ I'm not closed to the concept of marriage, I just don't know if he's the guy I wanna be married to.

I can't tell if I should stick it out longer with him to see if maybe at some point I reciprocate his feelings and want marriage, or if I should break things off now so that he can find someone who wants to marry him and vice versa for me.

***genuine advice please, I don't need any hate or hard judgement thank you

[XHopelessRomanticX]

I think you need to be open and honest with him, and see if he is willing to take things slow. When my fiancé and I started dating, it was a similar situation. He knew before I did that he wanted to marry me, and he knew pretty quickly into the relationship.
If he’s truly thinking about marrying you, then this is the time to start having those deeper conversations to determine if the two of you are compatible enough for marriage. Start asking; What sort of dynamic do you both want in a marriage? Traditional? Both working? DINK? What are your views on kids and how they should be raised? Are there any political or religious beliefs/values you both have that don’t mesh well?

[Anonymous]

Well I can understand how you’d feel to a point, you’re still young. But at the same time a lot of women seem to say the same thing. There’s nothing wrong w him, he’s perfect, maybe too perfect. But I don’t feel it w him. It’s like ok he’s not chaotic or a jerk, he doesn’t treat her like garbage so I can’t handle that. I want a man who is unstable, who I can change. He’s boring, even though he does everything for me. I want the excitement in my life. Then you meet someone like that only to find out this isn’t what I want. Dude is narcissistic, controlling, etc. He’s never going to change. Eventually you become bitter, labeling all men as the same. Always trying to find something better when this dude sounds like he’s a really good man. Regardless that’s up to you. But you don’t have much of a right to complain if you find out later you messed up a good relationship.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, end it.

One way or another this thing is ending. Because no guy with ANY self respect is going to stay dating a woman he asks to marry him.

You need to set him free. Maybe some time down the road your mind changes and then you decide you do want him, you do want him. And if that happens, and he's still single. Then you can seek him out and give it another go. But it's wrong to keep him chained in the EVENT you MIGHT change your mind. Understand? It would be just as wrong if the roles were reversed.

[exitseven]

This never happened to me but I think you just need to be honest with him. You two are at different places in your respective lives. You tell him you are not ready for marriage. You might not even be ready to commit to a relationship

He might be disappointed but honesty would be th3 best way to go

[DrPepper12]

"To thine self be true" is NEVER bad advice. Get your heart and your brain to have a sit down and make a T chart of & - and then put it away. Come back to it a few more times to reflect on it. The decision will be ez at that point!!

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Communication is the key & as for you I think you need to be open & honest with your boyfriend. Talk to him.

[Fireguy17]

just tell him.
That way he can move on and find someone that wishes to be married to him, and that way he won't be wasting his time on you.

[Yannae]

Be honest and tell him what you're telling us here, because this is an important thing. A serious talk.

[LiamJHayden]

"In the future" is indeterminate so I would just roll with it. If he does eventually ask and you are not ready, just decline.

[Staximus]

There's always going to be something you don't like about somebody. There's no such thing as perfect but there is such thing as good enough.

[Sambobelfast5163]

You can stop leading him on and lay your cards on the table for him to read. He's wanting marriage which most men avoid.

[strateguy632]

Wait. You love each other.

[noohair]

You need to do what feels right for you.

[jahaims]

Run.