Girls, should I tell my boyfriend I slept with his cousin?

[Jess1038]

I’ve known my boyfriend for years. When we first met I also met his cousin. His cousin was aggressive in perusing me and we got drunk and had sex. We were friends with benefits for a while after that but no relationship. Fast forward to today, me and my boyfriend are getting serious. We work together so we spent a lot of time together and I fell for him. He and his cousin don’t really talk. He doesn’t come from a close family. I know since they don’t talk it shouldn’t matter but at the end of the day it’s still his cousin. I feel like I should tell him because if it comes up later it’ll be so much worse but if I tell him and we break up it’ll devastate me. If the roles were reversed I would want to know. Any andvice?

[SueShe]

The best is just to sever the relation after telling him that you cheated on him and that you are not the person that he had placed his hopes for a future on.

Once a cheater, always a cheater and he will never be able trust you again since cheating is just like an addiction. Once you smell blood, you always go for it and it is the same with being unfaithful.

If you get an incentive big enough to do it again, you will and you owe it to him to start his life anew with someone he can fully trust.

What is the purpose to live a lie knowing that sooner or later he will find out? What would happen then? It would just hurt both even more and you know it. Do the only right thing and that is to confess and put as much distance between both of you.

[yucychan]

If I'm not wrong, she and her boyfriend weren't even together as a couple when she met his cousin and slept with him. So, technically, you shouldn't be calling her a cheater.

[SueShe]

@yucychan you are correct on that one. I guess that I did not read the question properly and that my conclusion was too hasty. Mea culpa!

It happened before the actual relation and therefore, it is a thing of the past. However, if you want a relation to be built on trust, then things should not be hidden from each other.

@Jess1038 sorry for accusing you of being unfaithful :-(

[Jess1038]

It’s ok girl

[yucychan]

I just want to clarify a few points. When you slept with his cousin and were friends with benefits for a while, were you and your boyfriend together at that time?
Because if you were not, technically it means you were single and you are free to pursue any relationship you want. You do not have any obligations to be exclusive to anyone.
You can tell your boyfriend about it if it makes you feel better. You have to let him know that it happened in the past. But do expect that he may take the news badly, especially when it was with some related to him.

The situation gets messy if you and your boyfriend are already a couple when you slept with his cousin. Because it would constitute to cheating.
In this case, I feel it is better that you two go your own ways.
I hope for your case it's the former.

[Jess1038]

You’re correct we weren’t together but I still worry because it’s his cousin

[jennifer_bloom]

Tell him it happened before you guys got together and it should be something he can get over

[Amanda2]

I was in the exact situation I told the guy, he didn't care. I slept with his cousin for a year and eight months, because we were friends with benefits. We pursued the relationship but I couldn't sleep with him, I felt bad and we ended things. If you can do it go ahead and tell him

[Lizzzzz288283]

Girl you should probably just break up with him at this point I’m not even gonna lie to ya or sugarcoat anything I mean this is a bad predicament

[Jess1038]

I know. Like I said he’s not from a close family but they do see each other for the holidays. I’m always on edge that his cousin won’t be able to control himself drunk and he’ll tell everyone. But do I just let a good relationship go just like that?

[likelyOK]

Was it b4 you were together, bc if so I don’t think he should hold it against you

[Jess1038]

It was before we were together but still he’s his family

[likelyOK]

Yea but I might tell him or not bc you guys were not together not sure, never been in this situation

[Nikkisadova]

Just tell him.. worst case scenario he dumps you and then date his cousin! ;)

[Anonymous]

Better to tell him now before he finds out on his own.

[Jess1038]

I know. Like I said he’s not from a close family but they do see each other for the holidays. I’m always on edge that his cousin won’t be able to control himself drunk and he’ll tell everyone. But how do I walk away just like that?

[Opinion Owner]

You don't have to walk away from him; you just have to tell him. You never know he might not even care.

[Lolgirl13]

Yes. You should tell him honestly and ask him to forgive you. If you don't want to, you should just forget about it and move on

[Anonymous]

Why did you cheat on him with his cousin? That's so disrespectful...

[Jess1038]

No I didn’t cheat we weren’t together until after the fact

[Opinion Owner]

Oh ok... I don't know... Maybe don't tell him then? What are the pros and cons?

[Jess1038]

The cons are obviously if things fall part afterwards. Now that I think about the only pro is that I was honest with him and that he heard it from me and not anyone else. So there’s a level of trust established.

[Opinion Owner]

How do you think he would react if you told him?

[Jess1038]

I don't know. They’re not everyday close but they see each other during the holidays and talk a little bit

[scetoaux]

You answered your own question so go do it...

[Eva2015]

Tell him. Be honest. Communicate