When you are in a relationship, why do some guys think it’s ok for them to look like a slob when you visit their house by wearing sweat pants, messy look, etc.?

Question

When they normally make an effort to look presentable and they think just cos you are at home not in public they don’t have to make an effort with their appearance anymore.

I think it’s a sign of respect for me if they can at least make a bit of effort with their appearance like I do for them. Just simple things like wear clothes that don’t have holes in them and need to be thrown out, shower, brush hair etc...

I find it a turn off to see them not taking care of them self. I would’ve thought a guy would want their girl to be turned on by them? Fair enough if that’s just how they are... but why be fake in the beginning trying to look nice if that’s not what they normally do?

PrinceNeo · Accepted Answer

If it's an early relationship I can kind of understand where you're coming from but if you guys have been dating for a while then you guys should have already seen each other at your worst in which case you shouldn't be going above and beyond especially if you're just going to hang out at the house if you're not going anywhere there's no point in frazzling yourself up. However everyone should always take a shower even if they are at their own house because things can go from swiggity to swooty in a diggity so yeah showering is a must. But wearing stuff with a few holes or some s*** in it is usually the stuff you would wear at home back when I used to visit my ex when she was still my girl every time I went to visit her her hair would be messy and she would usually just be wearing one of my shirts that she stole and some socks sometimes she'll be wearing that one pair of shorts I gave her but she's not all dolled up for me because we're just going to stay and curl up on the couch and maybe play games. So to answer your question there's no point to dolling unless it's still the early stages of the relationship cuz otherwise you're just doing your hair just to make it messy again after while Netflix is in the background asking "hey you still watching cuz if not I'm going to sleep" lol.

Nawlins34 · Accepted Answer

Let's be honest here; Some people (not just men) think they can relax their effort once they get the person they want to be with and still keep that person.

This is true for the most part because there are a lot of people who still stay when this decrease in effort occurs.

You are looking at something specific (being presentable at home) but I'm looking at the bigger picture and looking at effort as a whole.

There's nothing wrong with what you're stating, I just think people with this concern are better off dating people who DO that and should ask questions to qualify this person during the dating phase to weed them out. Set those boundaries upfront, ya know?

"I would’ve thought a guy would want their girl to be turned on by them?" - A lot of guys don't think like this.

"Fair enough if that’s just how they are... but why be fake in the beginning trying to look nice if that’s not what they normally do?" - Because some people don't know how to be themselves, sadly. It's a process.

Stick to your guns, lady. Just set does boundaries upfront to scare the type of guy mentioned off.

Good luck and be safe.

bobalife · Accepted Answer

I think you just learn that is how he really is lol.
I do understand where you are coming from because a lot of guys make a big deal about wanting a girl who looks good, attractive, and presentable. You also want the same thing. So this means a lot to you and you would want a guy who sometime put in some kind of mutual effort to be at least hygienic, presentable, and attractive to you. I feel the same way. I mean I dont mind if he is in sweats once in a while, but if he is like a slob all-the-time (i. e. dont shower, dont have clean hair, etc).. I would get turned off esp in early stages of the relationship. Effort and attractions is a big deal in some ways than another.

Account · Accepted Answer

I'd prefer seeing them as a slob to be honest. I like it when people are comfortable with themselves as they are. That is sincere.
I wouldn't want anyone to expect that I will dress up just for them and I wouldn't want anyone to do that for me.

HollyK21 · Answer

I feel like often times while dating someone, they want to impress you in the beginning, but no longer feel the need to once they’re comfortable, because in their eyes, you accept them. I understand if you’re turned off by a smelly and/or unkempt partner, but if that’s the case, then it’s probably best for you to date someone who meets the standards you want upheld.

CaptainOverthink · Answer

Firstly, I personally wouldn't do that and I don't think its at all a good behavior, its a sign of lazyness or neglect.

I can however understand why some would do it. And its more often than not a combination of things.
One thing is that his home is and have always been his 'safe place' where he didn't have to do anything and he could just be himself at his core. It's a common thing I think for many men to be a slob when home alone, at least from time to time.

At some level it's crucial for some men to get to have this kind of behavior every now and then. But if it's all too often then this is not some relaxation anymore, it's a sign of bad habits and a lack of diciplin, perspective or respect.

Staying clean is healthy and feels good. Its not somethung that takes up a lot if time really. One could easily take a shower and where baggy yet fresh/whole clothes without much effort.
ESPECIALLY if his girlfriend is coming over. Never ever be a trashpile at those times. Its more okay if you hang with close friends that you know love you for the company and who you are regardless of all else. But when it comes to relationships its more complicated because of how attraction and human nature works. Between guys there's usually no pressure. Not true for partners and that's just reality.

Having these different ways of behaving depending of who you are with is NOT necessarily decieving though. There will always be different sets of behavior for different situations. That's just being aware of how things work.

Keeping up with staying healthy, fit and diciplined is a must I think. That goes for guys and girls, never stop trying to seduce and impress the other. Never stop doing things for yourself. That means keeping it up in all the right places and staying in control of your mind with dicipline. Its okay to let everything go at times as long as you understand the risks of developing bad habits.

fashionguy17 · Answer

Judgmental much? I mean... do you want a man to dress up in a suit and tie when you see him? Or do you want him to dress up in jeans and a shirt and shoes when you go visit him?

When I'm at home, I'm in my natural habitat. I'm not going to dress up to impress you. I'm not going to throw on some "freshly crisp" clothes and greet you looking dapper. I'm in the comfort of my own home. When you come over, you will see me as I am. Whether I am wearing pajamas, shorts and a t-shirt, slippers... whatever.

There are 2 circumstances when a girl will come over my house. Circumstance one is if it's a quick hookup. If it's a quick hookup, all expectations are out the window. Circumstance 2 is when we have gone out a few dates and you are coming over to my house for the first time to chill out.

If we are just chilling at my house, I'm not going to make an effort clothing-wise. I will clean up the house to make it look presentable. I will take a shower. However, I'm not even thinking about dressing up and looking dapper when you come over. I'm wearing whatever I want.

If we go out in public, I will make an effort. If we are at my house, I'm wearing my black sweatpants and my t-shirt. If that's a problem for any woman, she doesn't need to be around me.

Espresso-Grande · Answer

Because people are conditioned to look presentable when out in public. If the guy went for an interview, he'd probably dress better than if he went on a first date with you. People tend to dress according to the occasion.

At home, he may wear old holey clothes that feel comfortable, because that's where he's not judged for wearing what he prefers to lounge around in.

If a guy dresses like that when you go round to his place , it shows he's comfortable around you. It wouldn't be appropriate to go to a restaurant dressed that way, because it's not acceptable by n
societies standards.

Anonymous · Answer

For the exact reason you said. They're at home. If you can be comfortable anywhere, it should be in your own home. In my opinion, it's quite an exaggeration to say someone is "not taking care of them-self" just because they are comfortable. If anything, that's when they've taken the most care of them-self. Yes, guys want girls to be turned on by them, but they want them to be turned on by *them*. Not their clothes. There's a time and place for all things. Outside on a date is the time to be uncomfortable and stylish. At home chilling is a time to be comfortable and relaxed. A relationship is no good if you have to always be on your guard, never able to get comfortable. Don't make a relationship a chore.

StephenCF · Answer

I would never be this kind of man, certainly not around an important woman in my life 🤮 I don’t even like the idea of looking like a slob when I have male visitors. I even try to avoid slovenliness when alone so that I don’t become attached to that style to eventually wear in other situations 😓

I’m equally offended when a girl shows a lack of effort when expecting a visit from me as I agree it’s a sign of respect. If they’re gonna call me their prince, I’d like them to dress the way they would meeting a prince 🤴🏻💃🏻

t-8900 · Answer

we live in a society where "first impressions are everything". So we gotta be fake af about everything. I hate getting all dressed up in what women like. The shit is always too tight or too hot. I'm usually so uncomfortable that 50% of me wishes I didn't go on the date in the first place. I hate dating new people tbh. It's such a damn bother. I can never be myself, dress in a way that I am comfortable and can breath. And here's the thing, yeah women dress in tight stuff for sure. But the suits and shirts we wear? We dont have much room to breath in those, our entire bodies are covered head to toe without repreave in the mid section like a woman if she wants to wear a crop top. And we dont get to wear shorts on first dates but y'all can wear skirts if you'd like. And you can show shoulders, arms, chest. You wanna talk about turn ons? Then as soon as you get in the door lets just both take our clothes off. And sit around till we're ready to shag lol, Jesus!

StylesbyDR · Answer

I look nice outside of the house every day. It is how i like to dress. However at home i am lazy. I wear swear pants and a t shirt. I do take care to brush my hair and such.

I am not sure. I've grown to believe when i leave the house i must always look good, and the way I dress is different than the average person would ever leave the house. However at home I've grown to believe i should just be comfortable and relax. Granted if I had a partner though i would dress differently at home out of principle.

Anonymous · Answer

Congrats: If he stops to care about his appearance that means he basically feels like the two of you have been married for a long time. (Even if you are not married.) He feels comfortable around you and believes he can trust you enough he does not have to hide anything... like, for example, his true, male nature: Guys want to relax.
You are in a relationship now, courtship is over: Welcome to reality!

PS.: The guys analogue of your question is the complaint that sex is no longer as frequent and as steamy as it used to be "in the beginning"...

destrosio · Answer

It is a fairly common thing in the psychology of the human being. This comes from the natural division of roles that people fighting against reality don't want to see. When people were little more than animals and the level of behavior influencing the amygdala was largely formed, humans had to go around the area where they lived to forage for food through hunting. This could take days, so the place he lived was only a shelter. On the contrary, the woman was able to reproduce therefore the place where she lived had to be clean to facilitate the growth and reproduction of the young. Cleaning the house is linked to the woman's identity, a dirty house means that it is inhabited by a dirty woman, even on a physical level. This is not true for humans, the house is a place where one lives temporarily, therefore dirt or cleanliness are temporary things.

PrincessBunBuns · Answer

I think it’s cute. If a guy shows up in sweats and a sweater you bet we’re cuddling the whole day. Like someone said, they’ve already won you over. They know you accept them for who they are, so they’re comfortable. If someone invited me to their house to just hang you bet I’d be in sweats and not some tight-ass shirt and jeans.

Marcuslrh · Answer

Sure I agree they should be fresh showered and of course brush your teeth that's a given but nothing wrong with wearing comfy clothes in your own home especially, and you say you make an effort for them no you make the effort to hide your own insecurities that makes you comfy where we are comfy with who we are in the beginning just the sad truth.

Jacksoscar · Answer

If we are in a relationship why should I have to get dressed up at home? Home is my place to be comfortable maybe she should bring her favorite comfy clothing to wear. I must definitely don't expect my girlfriend to be dressed up and wearing makeup all the time just for me. I personally prefer the comfy look wear your pj's, sweat pants, no makeup or what ever just be you. But mostly just be glad I even got into my sweat pants and a tee shirt and didn't stay in my even more comfortable Birthday suit!

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

Coz it's HIS home. You're going into his territory, not the other way round, so the expectations are different. But I agree that he should at least be clean, not smelling of B. O., not wearing week-old clothes etc. Basic hygiene is a given, but if you're in his house, then you can't expect him to put on airs for your sake (unless he actually chooses to dress up nice). When he's coming round your place, you can lay down all the house rules you like

Bananaman177 · Answer

They don't NEED you, they don't need to impress you, they don't need your approval every second of every day for every little thing they do.

You're welcome to be a part of their life if you want to try and if not, hey, there's the fuckin' door, toots.

Simple as.

When you are in a relationship, why do some guys think it’s ok for them to look like a slob when you visit their house by wearing sweat pants, messy look, etc.?

hornyafbi69 · Answer

Um seriously you're going to someone's house that you're dating and just sweat pants is enough to disrespectful to you um would you date a guy that way? He thinks that your not wearing a bra in you're own house cause it's comfortable is disrespectful to him Im guess that guy would be a piece of shit right?

Smoothing · Answer

😂😂😂. Why would one be dressed up at home? Home is where you feel most comfortable. If I am not leaving the house to go anywhere, truck suit bottoms are the number one attire.

As long as I have showered in the morning, combed my hair, brushed my teeth, and my t-shirt and truck bottoms are clean and tidy, I don't see any problems.

Perhaps if I invited you for dinner, it's a different case but even then I am not going to wear a suit. Jeans and a shirt will do.

Anonymous · Answer

It's a guy thing to do the bare minimum for the occasion. Real examples of this are none of my coworkers except in management weard deodorant at my powerplant because no one cares we already smell. When my friends and I go mountain biking generally we wear old worn out clothes that we could care less if damaged. It's a guy thing to just get by. If we could we would walk around all day in just boxers.

hellacray · Answer

It's his home... You expect him to wear like a suit in his own home all the time?

And what do you mean by faking it? You think employers will be ok with men dressed like a slob?

If you want to walk around your house in your underwear or nude that's your business. Once you're out in public unless you want to attract unwanted attention you better dress properly.

Nephilim000 · Answer

What you are seeing is them in their natural state. Their true self. I've had room mates who always look presentable during their waking hours. On the other hand some guys are natural slobs and only dress up when they absolutely must. I think it's deplorable but it's not hurting me either. Best of luck

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