Can a relationship between an educated person and an uneducated person work?

Question

So my boyfriend is working to complete high school but is naturally struggling. He has ADD which disrupts his focus, but he is highly intelligent in many other areas and has myriad hobbies. We also get along really well. He respects and admires the fact that I have ambitions, and he has never tried to take that away from me. However, his exams are coming up and it isn`t guaranteed that he will pass. Yes, he might work towards actually passing but there is a chance that he might pull back. I just wondered if a relationship between a person who wants to pursue a degree and a person who doesn`t have one can actually work in the long run.

Person234 · Accepted Answer

I’m a psychology major and I also have ADD. I think you should try to encourage him as much as possible, and I really think he should still give college a shot. My last year of school I almost failed most of my classes. It made me really depressed and I thought I was a failure but I decided to go to community college after that. There I kind of taught myself how to study properly and realized that focus wasn’t as necessary as I thought it was. It has more to do with getting the work done and self esteem. Since transfer requirements aren’t as high and I did decent I got into one of the best schools in my state and got my associates degree. Now, I’m about to graduate with a 4 year degree and want to get my masters in Europe.

For some people it really just takes time to learn how to properly do things. When I was doing bad I realized it was because the way Highschool taught was bad for me and I had a really low self esteem when it came to school. It has been proven that ADD doesn’t correlate with IQ or intelligence. Right now, let him decided what he wants to do but let him know that he has a lot of potential and you think he can do it. that’s something I would have wanted to hear. Maybe encourage him to try out a community college first and get his associates and decide from there what he wants to do?

Also, if he really really isn’t set on trying community college he could always do a trade. He will make good money in one of those and he may enjoy it more.

At the end of the day I think it is important to not ever view anyone as “uneducated”. Everyone has different skill sets in life and different forms of intelligence and know how. I’d like to see someone with a PHD try to repair a car or subsistence farm because I know they wouldn’t know what they are doing and that’s ok. Everyone has different forms of intelligence and skills. Just make sure that you always keep that in mind.

Also on a personal note I’m about to get two degrees and I feel like I don’t know shit in my field still. It really doesn’t define intelligence, just that someone has practiced in an area for awhile.

Not_Average · Accepted Answer

I have ADHD, and at 27 years old, I realize that I could have been a lot more successful if I didn't force myself down the route of higher education. I thought I always hated learning, but the truth was that I hated the school system. I hold a masters in Mechanical Engineering, and while I was good in math and graduated with a 3.8 GPA- I did struggle. I didn't enjoy the work while learning it. The entire schooling system is flawed at it's core, and it's especially difficult for someone with ADHD to become successful within it.

I actually love learning, and I discovered this years after college. I love to read in general, but I like the freedom in how I learn. I also tend to bounce from subject to subject, and traditional schooling doesn't allow me to do that. Mistakes teach me the most, and mistakes are punished in school. I can't stand that.

Today, I make more money in my entrepreneurial ventures. A lot more money. I own real estate, and spend most of my time investing. I didn't need to do college. I think you need to stop valuing people off of higher education. Most people in higher education are merely average at best if you look at their lifestyle. Literally half of my family is highly educated, and they all live paycheck to paycheck. It's a facade. Just because he doesn't fit one mold as easily as others, doesn't mean he isn't superb in other facets of life.

The point isn't to be identical to your partner, but rather to have skills and traits that compliment one another. I think your boyfriend should free himself of those shackles, and stop trying to pursue a system that's rigged against him just because others tell him that's what he needs to do to be successful. Help him discover his passion, and watch him become extremely successful. One thing people with ADD/ADHD are good at... is hyper focusing. Help him find that. If you don't have a desire to, then you might want to consider breaking up while the two of you are still young.

CubsterShura · Accepted Answer

Just saying as someone coming from a country with low literacy rate so there are just more examples of educated people marrying uneducated ones.

I once read in the news paper that many illiterate farmers actively look for women who at least completed primary education for marriage, and many such men even showed great satisfaction in it. They are usually poor farmers for several generations so having an educated wife means that she will send the children to school, teach them at home and thus break the family's chain of poor illiterate farmers and raise a generation who will hopefully have more options for income and will raise the family out of poverty. Usually the women they marry are from poor backgrounds themselves.

I personally know a man who treats his wife like shit. She graduated from high school but never went to college because of not being able to afford the tuition fees. He is a college graduate himself and his elder sister was the kind of girl who got exceptional grades and is very highly qualified academically. This man always brings it up to his wife and attacks her that way. Poor woman cannot even ask for divorce because her family is very poor and her lack of higher education will make it very tough for her to sustain herself.

So there was an example of more educated women marrying less educated men and still living stably and happily, and then this man who always ridiculed his wife for being less educated.

Regardless of gender, it's only a problem if you let it become a problem.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

My mom had a college degree back in 1951 when she married my high school grad dad. After my brother was born the next year she finished her master's degree while staying with her dad in Chicago with my baby brother, a hardship for mom and dad. Dad was proud of my mom's achievements and when I was in late grade school and my brother starting high school, my dad got an Associate's degree in mechanical engineering at our premier community college.

Dad was very proud of HIS schievement and right after he did, my mom got 30 hours above her master's degree when she returned to school. If she'd have gone 15 more hours, she would've had a PhD.

My parents were a team. My father was highly skilled in auto mechanics and carpentry. My mother in education and keeping our home running. They both were whizzes at handling money. 14 years after my mom died and 8 years after my dad, we're STILL collecting money from the various investments they made that we haven't cashed out. They left us well off.

So NO, it doesn't matter if both people respect each other's knowledge and talents and love each other like my parents did.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

Depends on what you mean by "educated" and "uneducated"..
College/book educated don't make somebody better/ smarter than someone life educated... If anything, I'd say it's the other way around... There's things life experiences can teach you that no college or book ever can...

bigCraneGuy · Answer

If his ADD is that big of a problem then traditional School is not for him. There are plenty other ways to get qualified to have fantastic jobs without a piece of paper that says you can sit at a desk and regurgitate test form information. In short, he's bored. Depending on his hobbies and usually find a way to streamline one of those. But as for a relationship intelligence plays A part in conversation and things of that nature but to be honest after three or four years together you pretty much run out of s*** to talk about anyway LOL so to keep that from happening you just keep finding new interests and learning about them also experience things together add people don't sit idle very long. There's also that underline need to be liked from a lifetime of being criticized for being who You are. Starts to go away when you get older. And weed helps.

Honest to god, I took Ritalin, Adderall or some variation of the chill pills and struggled with school until 7th grade summer when I smoked my first joint. I went from a B C student to a straight A student just like that... Plus I made a little money on the side. So back then hypothetically speaking if somebody prescribed to 60 Adderall pills a month and sold them for $10 a piece or $5 a piece to his friends stands to make from to $600. And a bag of weed back then a hundred bucks would last me the whole month. So I thought it was a win-win win win win. Got my parents off my back my teachers off my back, had a little extra scratch and felt pretty damn good all the time

Phoenix98 · Answer

Education doesn’t equal intellect. There are a lot of educated idiots out there.

but yes it can all of my exes were going for degrees when I was with em and the subject of degrees and education was never brought up in a negative light.

i don’t have a college degree but that doesn’t mean I or anyone else who isn’t educated is an idiot I have a PT certification from ISSA, certifications are better then degrees because you have to get credits before you can renew. By taking classes, courses and going to seminars so your constantly and consistently learning and adding to your knowledge.

Im also a classical painter, a poet with work published in several books and a history buff who’s involved in politics and economics. And am a manual laborer for a grain company which has given me knowledge on agriculture, farming and grain. Who works with his hands and with tools everyday including working on machinery and used to be a machinist who worked making high end precision machine parts for big oil and farming companies. I also had a job at a police academy where I built/put together their furniture and desks and redid the networking cable for their academy and campus which gave me valuable knowledge and experience.

just because you don’t go to college doesn’t mean you can’t keep up with the “educated” or that you aren’t educate in your own way. Especially when you make up for it with real world practical experience and knowledge.

And in that way you can keep up with your educated partner.

Jonasindia · Answer

First, there are effectiveeffective treatments for ADD. Secondly, most adults are more self-educated than classroom educated. Your degree might lead to a professional license that you need to work, but you might end up in a totally different field where your degree doesn't matter. There are good pauing jobs that only need a HS diploma to enter. What matters more than education is are you both intellectually curious and open minded? If either of you is an opinionated know-it-all or closed minded it won't work. Are your interests compatible? They dont need to be the same, but are they complementary so there is a crossover in learning and social interaction. Learning is a life-long endeavor and people bloom and shine at different ages and places. The content of your character is more important.

likelyOK · Answer

This is really a tough one to answer. It can in circumstances where the husband wants a housewife or the women wants a man to be at home. However most of us nowadays want a real companion and i find it hard just from an intellectual point of view to see it working. I have even try dated some manual workers but it just seems off.
I also had a relationship in the past with a divorced man who said he would never be with an uneducated women again, for him and others it’s not about money at all but companionship.

Jjpayne · Answer

It can! Watch big bang theory... Like really, I'm actually serious!

Can a relationship between an educated person and an uneducated person work?

So... What is penny at the beginning? A ditzy blond, what is she at the end of the show. A nerd like the rest of them

How does she get that way...

Patience, practice, sharing and understanding. Let them teach you and you make a goal not to be passive but you actually learn. Learn to like what they like. But also make it your own thing too. Develop your own interest so it's actually real and fun for you too, they also makes it genuine

Dreamy2020 · Answer

Education is different than intelligence. If both of you are intellectually equals, then you can make it work. He doesn't seem like a lazy person, which is the important part I think. You can succeed in life without education. Hard work is what you need.

Knighted2170 · Answer

It can work. Education is not a measure of intelligence. There are lots of highly educated stupid people.

I only have a high school diploma. I've gone to college, but it doesn't agree with me. College and I don't get along. But, I read and educate myself on topics that interests me. I can carry an in-depth conversation and debate on a myriad of topics. I've been hired onto jobs simply because of depth and breadth of knowledge on something.

That being said, the whole thing replies upon on his ambition to study his interests in-depth, and keep studying other areas that catch his interest. This way he can socially interact with "educated" people and show he not ignorant on what they are discussing.

However, if he not motivated to learn on his own it will drive a person who sees educating themselves as a personality flaw. That could be enough to end a relationship.

Hope that helps.

Finchie40 · Answer

It can work just as long if you don’t compare them and judge them and make them feel they aren’t as good as you are , when you make your partner feel they aren’t as intelligent then you are or you point out their flaws
Then that’s just going to cause conflict in your relationship and they will eventually be turned
Off by that and pretty much dump you or cheat on you , You ahold love them for who they are , whether they might say something that sounds stupid , just laugh it off , Not everyone is perfect , accepting someone’s flaws makes you the better person , We all do dumb shit so everyone isn’t perfect even yourself.

Futureboy · Answer

I think there needs to be a distinction between someone with learning difficulties and someone who is ditsy and doesn't care about learning new things and wanting to better themselves as humans. If they genuinely struggle and you want to be a kind help that's admirable. With me women don't have to have PhD in physics but if they are totally dumb and spend their life living like a dumb reality star that's not for me. However if they at least know what the capital cities of a few major countries that is good enough for me.

Charli7 · Answer

A sexual relationship can work regardless of mental compatibility but practice safe sex! If you're looking for an emotional or deep long lasting connection, intelligence, especially emotional intelligence, needs to be similar. The smarter one will get bored and eventually leave. The less intelligent one may feel unworthy and cut and run before the breakup. Best case scenario, is the less intelligent partner is willing to learn and grow because it's in their best interest and also makes their partner satisfied.

serious · Answer

Well, academic education and intelligence has no connection. However, the short and sweet answer I can give you is NO.

It will not work in the long run, the reason is simple because you being more educated and more ambitious might end up compromising and sacrificing on one or more things in order to make the relationship more and eventually with time you may get sick and tired doing this. Frustration and irritation will be evident later on.

Unless you are willing to make lots of compromises and sacrifices without ever complaining or being sad and for your lifetime then I suppose it can work but it will be a big stress.

Hence it is not impossible but it is highly unlikely.

That's my opinion.

Savvyymarie · Answer

Um yes why would social standing and social norms affect peoples relationships. You don't have to be book smart to be successful. Or be with someone that is the same standing with you. That won't break a relationship apart unless you want it to. Opposites compliment each other anyways. That's like him saying she's super smart but she's kind of stupid on every other aspect of life I dont think this will work. That itself is retarded.

thehorriblesheikh · Answer

Yes, I think it can work. Though I don't understand why your boyfriend doesn't take medication for his ADD, ADD medications are lifesavers. Please, tell him to take the medicines. I have ADHD, I know exactly what he is going through, and by not taking medications, he is torchering himself. People with ADHD or ADD have more potential than they know, but without medications, nothing can happen. Watch these videos by Dr. Russell Barkley and save your boyfriend:

ADHD is not a gift:
https://youtu. be/wSze0QPgbzU

Result of untreated ADHD:
https://youtu. be/26V6LCbKXJU

AlexanderAnttila · Answer

It's one thing to have a relationship between two people on different paths in life, if both paths are successful in their own way, and other between someone who is successful and someone who's struggling. If your boyfriend was set on a specific profession, say carpenter or electrician, policeman etc. and had no aspirations for university, that would be fine if you however did have such a trajectory.

But I do see issues when one of you has a clear set path that so far goes well and the other is in danger of failing what little he has going on. However, the details of your relationship are quintessential for what will and won't work, how much you love each other, how well you understand one another and work together, and only you two can figure that out yourselves.

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

Education is only a barrier if you make it.

And the problem is with him so it would be on you how you are going to deal with him if he has insecurity regarding that or how you would help him as you know nobody is perfect.

If he doesn't get a degree that is fine.

But you have to guide him or help him that how he can commercialise his skill sets from his myraid of geniuosness in other areas were he Excells.

Degree is just a document at the end of the day knowledge matters.

Yeah it's important know doubt if you are going for some different high-end companies but I think if it's not possible then something own can be created like a business or getting some experience on a field he likes as far as relationship is considered it only depends on how you guys vibe and nothing else.

pigoat · Answer

I've seen it work Though is your boyfriend really that bad in school to say that he is uneducated ? Just because is isn't an A student shouldn't mean he is dumb as an ox

JKingOff · Answer

Growing up I have been diagnosed with adhd, bipolar, and dyslexia. As one academically challenged person to another I have found that instead of trying to force my attention on what I'm supposed to focus on if I simply just let my attention wander and satisfy my curiosity it will naturally wander back to where it's supposed to be. Pass this information along to him and see if it helps.

Silver158 · Answer

Well firstly there's nothing to say he won't have a degree in the future and also that you will (plenty of things can happen and plans change). So using that as the single deciding factor in a long term projection can be problematic.

Secondly, a degree isn't everything. There's plenty of people in the world who have degrees who can't even get jobs with them and are stuck waiting tables or whatever. There are other avenues to success he could take such as starting his own business or getting in on the ground floor at a company and working his way up.

So I wouldn't put too much stock in what's going to happen in the future at this very moment and worry about what's happening right now. He's working to pass his exams that's what counts.

Prettygurl12 · Answer

My SIL and BIL are like that. She has her PhD in immunology or something super nerdy like that and is a college professor. He has dyslexia and didn't go beyond high school. They've been married 12 years.

Can a relationship between an educated person and an uneducated person work?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Can a relationship between an educated person and an uneducated person work?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.