Is once a cheater, always a cheater?

Question

I met a guy on a dating app, we constantly video call (at home, at work, outside). He tells me everything about his life. And we became comfortable with each other as time goes by.

He said he finds me attractive and if we're together, there's a possibility for us to became more than friends.

He even ask me If I can give chance to a person like him (He cheats on his past relationships).

We're planning to meet after the pandemic.

I like him so much, what should I do?

Brainsbeforebeauty · Accepted Answer

That he admitted to cheating is honest... But, when he admitted to that, did he accept responsibility for it? Or did he place the blame on his past partners for why he cheated... The answer to that to me is what would help decide if he deserves a chance to prove he can change.
But most times when people cheat, they try to blame the person they cheated on rather than accept blame for their actions...
And that would be a red flag for two reasons:
1-it shows they don't really feel they did something wrong, it's not their fault and shows they're someone that can't own up to their mistakes and will always try to justify by blaming others but the first part of changing is admitting there's something you're doing wrong that you need to stay making right...
2- If he's blaming the other people, than that's a good indication that he's the type to cheat when something isn't going right in the relationship, or feels bored or unhappy instead of communicating that to his partners and trying to work past the issues...
I think you need to find out way more about why he cheated (plural) and if he was honest with his partners or got caught (cuz that says a lot as well)
If you decide to give him a chance, I'd definitely take it very slow and not progress to an intimate level or relationship level too quickly, take time for him to prove by actions not just words alone that he truly is a changed person or you may just wind up being the next person he hurts

ragequeen · Accepted Answer

Careful with this one. red flags went up for me when you said "I like him so much" after he admitted his past. Honesty is a good thing, but if you don`t pay attention, he might just be saving you from an unavoidable future. Cheaters always seem overly charming and sweet at first. They know what to do to get women to like them. Also, maybe a good thing would be to ask him why he cheated. Was it boredom? Revenge? Temptation? also, ask yourself why you like him. It has to be more than "he is cute" or "he is charming". It has to be deep, and you have to be confident that his pattern will stop with you. My advice to you is, if you choose to be with him, be cautious. pay attention to his body language. Beware of lies, big and small. Any signs that he might be hiding something, get out as soon as you can. Those are the risks and precautions when dating a former cheater. I`m sorry, but you can`t be calm and hope it will be fine. I would personally never get together with a former cheater, but some people change and should be given the benefit of a doubt if the real connection is present.

jasco · Accepted Answer

Coming from personal expercience i know for a fact that has a ex cheater we can change and be better. Of course that doesn't go for all of us but were human and everything changes eventually. I stop cheating 2 years ago, my last relationship ended due to her not being able to birth kids and the fact that she smoke. Did i cheat on her? no never. Did i ever have any thoughts of doing it? I don't know it was a while ago. Would i cheat on someone i love if given the chance? no. Despite popular belief, we cheaters can have a chance of redeeming ourselves and regaining our moral compass. Ofc it take's time but it works for some. Should you go for this guy, honestly be friends with him a little longer visit his family, his friends, what he does and say on youtube, make sure to listen to everything he says and how he says. His tone of voice will change depending on the subject. Ofc some people don't notice it unless its a extreme reaction like anger or sadness/happiness. Ask him questions. See what he does when he's mad. If you get the good answers to those then your golden but if something happens that you don't like for example he seems to get depress easily or is very over worrying or seems like he is hiding something then i suggest you not date him

LesterJester · Accepted Answer

Based on past experience, the saying is mostly accurate. Granted, some people who have cheated in the past may learn or grow to no longer do that in the future.

But there's also a good chance they could or will cheat in the future. The fact that they already did cheat in the past, tips the scales of statistics to them doing it again.

The more partners cheated on and times they cheated, only increases the odds even further.

You stated he has cheated on his past "relationships" as in he didn't just cheat on one partner, but multiple ones.

That clearly tells me that he's a high risk and you're just going to end up getting cheated on too.

Maybe you're different. Maybe he sees something more special between you two. Maybe he's ready to settle down and finally go for the long haul and commitment.

... And maybe he's already said all this to those past partners and they fell for it just like you might fall for it.

If I was in this situation, I'd be walking. I've given the benefit of the doubt before. I won't waste my time again.

AmandaYVR · Answer

No, it's not true. Don't buy into this reductionist thinking. It's not even logical. There are sorts of mitigating circumstances why relationships end. Blaming this is just not wanting to think deeply about the complexities of life.
People who say this probably are also the ones who say, "People never change" which is also not true.

"He even ask me If I can give chance to a person like him (He cheats on his past relationships)."
This is the important sentence. But you didn't elaborate on it.
Plural? How many? All?
You need to give him credit for being honest and forthright about this with you.
But what else did he say... was it a warning, that he can't stop himself?

Don't listen to what others are bound to say. They're speaking from a place of hurt.
Be better than that. Give people an opportunity to prove their worth.

Espresso-Grande · Answer

Not necessarily. I believe some people can cheat, and be full of remorse afterwards. They may be so consumed with guilt and regret, and that prevents them from ever cheating again.

However, when someone cheats , they've shown you their potential; what they're capable of. So how can you trust someone when you know their true potential. They can never prove they'll never cheat on you.

The way I view it is... trust needs to be earned, so how can someone who's betrayed an ex partner earn your trust , when they've already given you one good reason why they can't be trusted.

Personally, I couldn't trust a guy who'd betrayed an ex. I'd always have underlying doubts about his loyalty to me.

lokeshdh00 · Answer

No always, but there is a saying, Don't repeat the mistake. Giving a chance again can be a mistake, but it's not necessary. You ha e to know the personality of the person, does he live you? Why he cheated on you? And finally, Do you think he will not cheat again?

Suppose you give him a chance again thinking about all that. You must be careful of him. Don't get much attached or, more critical, emotionally dependent on the guy. Because if next time he will push you 'Off the roof' the injury will be
even more severe!
My answer is based on a famous dilemma, and on it's solution, which was solved by the most genius people around the world.
Importantly, if he Cheated you twice. Never ever trust him ever unless he gives all his money to you and grabbing your feet asking for forgiveness 😂
Please see my question and reply to that too. lol

Kiss_Me · Answer

I think your foolish to even give this guy a chance. Cheated on past relationshipS... As in plural. Kick this guy to the curb and find a guy with better character. If you don't and he cheats on you... Remember, you brought it on yourself.

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

"Relationships" in the plural form doesn't bode well. Some people may cheat once, but then feel so ashamed of it that they vow never to repeat it. If he's cheated multiple times already, that basically says he sees it as justified or "not a big deal".

Dongtai · Answer

I believe in patterns. If a person has a history of cheating, as in they’ve done it in multiple relationships, I wouldn’t expect to be the one person who magically changes them. If they cheat there’s psychological/emotional reasons that have nothing to do with you and once they have a trigger moment, most likely they will cheat.

Believe the pattern and actions. Not the words from the lips.

Ozanne · Answer

In my experience, I've known people who had only cheated once and felt horrible for it and vowed never to do it again, and to my knowledge -- didn't. So yes, there is such a thing as growing up and learning from past mistakes. Cheating is just one crummy thing, there are many life lessons that both men and women can learn from. If they don't, it usually means that they haven't felt enough value within themselves -- yet.

Thatasianlove16 · Answer

Girl there’s this dude that has been talking to me too. And it’s already a huge no because he cheated in his past. The problem is once someone cheats they know how to hide it, they get used to it. Don’t take that type of chance it seriously hurt you in the long run, it chips at your confidence

Alyssa11 · Answer

Well, he's admitted he used to cheat and he didn't really need to admit that to you.

I think people change for the better, and for every guy who's treated a woman badly, there is that one special woman who will push him to be a better man.

I think it's best to stay away from these kinds of people because it's dangerous and quite frankly, drama. But he could have learned from his mistakes and changed.

hahahmm · Answer

it’s a red flag. If someone said they last cheated 20 years ago there’s more room for them to have changed for the better compared to someone who cheated last year or last month.

Your best move is to cut the guy off before you get hooked. I don’t recommend meeting people with online dating if you want serious

Anonymous · Answer

Yes. I used to be dating the most amazing guy. Great career, educated, 6'6ft, smart, funny, charming, athletic, sexy, great in bed and the most amazing penis but he cheated all the time on me. One time I caught him screwing my underage sister and he had litteraly been with me an hour before. Apparently he walked through thd wrong door accidently while she was masturbating, k never believed that. He kept hooking up with my sister after that all year after that and loads of my friends and a cousin. By the end I was so paranoid that I accused my mother of sleeping with him, she denied but I still suspect her. He moved away to Australia. I've a new boyfriend who's loyal, he's not as clever or charming, has a small penis and isn't great in bed but he's reliable.

9Livezzz · Answer

That's the rule I go by. I've been cheated on once and decided to give her another try and sure enough she cheated again. Ever since then I set in stone in my book. Once a cheater always a cheater. If they were willing to betray their partner it proves what their value is in a relationship. If they get tempted enough they will cheat again. I'm sure I'll get some backlash for saying that but it's the cold hard truth.

Don-__-Don · Answer

Once a cheater always a cheater, "`I like him so much", we'll see how much you like him once you're his next victim. Those momentary feelings are worth pursuing this particular man for

Blaaam87 · Answer

I don’t think once a cheater... always a cheater but it’s a very high possibility. I cheated on guys in my early 20s... I’m in my 30s now and have never cheated on anyone I have been with now. I guess it depends on the type of person.

nevermoreqt · Answer

He was honest enough to admit it and tell you. That means a lot, he trusts you and be doesn't want this relationship to have the same ending as the previous one. although that could be just me, I'd say you should give him a shot

RaveWorthy · Answer

Past behavior is the best indicator for future behavior. In the end it's up to you what you are willing to tolerate...

testersite00 · Answer

it depends on how much you trust him, sure people can change, but i firmly believe that people fall back into old habits. but if trust that he wouldn't do that to you, go for it.

swashdeadlove · Answer

Yes  Except one thing Alchohol  If highly under influence of it Can be forgiven  But still its hard to testify whether or they were under influence

Billie_ · Answer

if he's cheated ONCE, there is a chance for redemption. any more than that? no way. stay far away from men like him.

SuccessfulHornDog · Answer

i dont trust anyone after they have cheated and since i have never cheated (even though I am lusty), I feel that most people should be able to avoid cheating

Is once a cheater, always a cheater?

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