I emotionally cheated on my man and cheated on him virtually with nudes. This was a long time ago. We broke up. I told him about the emotional cheating but never told him about the nudes. We broke up for other issues but I know I couldn't be with him and not tell him. I regret what I did. I never got male attention. My boyfriend was always around but then we became long distance. I know my man wasn't giving me attention so I was seeking it elsewhere and that's wrong. I shouldn't have done that. I worry about once a cheater always a cheater. I always believed that but now I can't believe I am a cheater. I'm talking to someone now and I blocked any guy that I have ever had any sexual relationship with or has been interested in me. I only seek his validation and love. I wish I could have cherished my ex and loved him, broken up with him before I did all of that. can't go back now only forward. I don't think I will ever do that again. Is there any other way I can make sure I dont fall into that stupid stuff?
1 mo
Once a cheater always a cheater?
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So, lets separate the issues here. Cheating is with another real life person and need to be behind his back. Having sexual desires for strangers because they are good looking, thats just human.
Why do you feel you cheated emotionally? where you actively doing this in some way against him or to get back at him somehow? If all you where doing was to meet your needs sexually at a time he couldn't be there for you, and assuming you wheren't seeing these nudes as replacements for him (or cutting him out when he was ready to work out a remote play scenario). I don't see that as you cheating on him emotionally. Though I do get how that will feel very uncomfortable and yes I get you would feel bad if you had the choice of nudes of him but opted out.
in my opinion whilst nudes (and associated material) set as the center or even crux of someones life is always a bad thing, finding other people sexy, particularly strangers is normal and healthy (and people shouldn't try to pretend it doesn't happen). If my partner, for example, was looking at nudes, I wouldn't have a problem with that as long as she wasn't doing that because as a way to replace me or because she had stopped finding me attractive / sexy or was failing to letting me know a need I could have fillfilled (e. g. upping my romance). I would trust her to be 'bring it home' to me (meaning, the old expression, one shouldn't care where your partner gets herself going as long as the ultimate love is shared with their partner at the end, and whatever does get her going wasn't a substitute for me not turning her on; and its not with a nother real life person, and it doesn't happen all the time). Everyone has a celebrity crush they had when younger, and that shouldn't threaten the very real relationship you shared.
I say go easy on yourself, unless you where actively doing it to hurt him.
wasn't actively trying to hurt him. I just wasn't thinking of him tbh. But if he knew he would be so fucking hurt. id been dating my ex for 8 years since we were kids. He was the only guy I had dated at that time, my first kiss etc. I never had my "hoe phase." My ex at this point was just getting really lazy he wouldn't call me or ft only text. we would see each other 4x a year for 3 out of 8 years of our relationship when I would make the drive to see him. I have huge libido always have. When we weren't long distance, it was a problem for us. I would have to beg him sometimes. He didn't have a libido at all at times and def long distance made that worse. I think because he didn't have a high libido it made me feel unsexy. But then I started wearing slutty clothes taking more selfies doing my hair makeup better and I got hella attention from guys. Guy I sent nudes to was a fuck boy I realized later. but he had a huge sex drive and knew exactly what pics what position to send to me. I was just seeking male validation and it was stupid. He was a great guy overall anyone who you ask would say he's a great guy. I should've told him that I wish he would try more effort to do sexy stuff with me. I think I did say something at one point was like I thought ur the one who's supposed to be begging me for pussy. ur the guy. and he was like girl it doesn't work like that always.
nods. Relationships where its living apart are always tricky. It would definitely hurt anyone not to be let know their partner is in real want of attention and find they have just gone elsewhere to meet the need, so I can understand that.
It would be hard not to be a cheater with a partner on a different page in that respect.
You justified it once you can do it again. Go to therapy. You are broken so you seek validation through attention even if you have to be sexual to get attention.