#GAGExpertChat "Once a Cheater Always a Cheater?"

Question

#Marriage Expert, @Aaron-Anderson, will be discussing
"Once a Cheater always a Cheater?" 

During the chat (an hour +), you’ll interact live with Aaron, as he provides you with immediate insight and advice.

This #GAGExpertChat takes place on Monday,  February  16th at 9:00 p. m., CST. Watch for Aaron's Featured Question at this time. See you there!

ReneDS · Accepted Answer

I think yes, i was dating a girl and there were no signs, she wasn't to be my gf, but during her holiday she left me. she came back, told me she got someone else, i thought she didn't like him, the way she spoke of him, very platonic. so her hot and cold games started at work , 7 weeks , till i had enough and told her, i know you still like me. So , we ended up having sex. 4 days in a row, twice on 1 day. best part is, we had sex that evening, her BF called, hang on the phone with him for 30 minutes. we watched a movie, had sex again. did i feel bad for the guy , no because she sort of cheated on me with him, and she cheated on him with me, plus he was a 29 yo jobless loser who lived with his mother. anyway, i did realize this is not good. she will probably do this to me, and i think she did, i think she did it all her life. she was pregnant from me, miscarries our child, cries, blames it on me, and starts lining up the next loser, a single father, now she is seeing another kid, and i think during her Christmas holiday she has been seeing another dude, because he keeps spamming her pictures with smileys but he doesn't live anywhere close to her. i think it depends yes, but most of the times they keep cheating. there are underlining issues with these people, often they have a personality disorder. i believe this girl to have borderline pd, or narcistic pd, or both. many red flags that i ignored, to her im the most evil person, when i asked her out why everybody was warning me about her seeing more then 1 men at the time, she got angry, threw open the door and told me to leave. i feel sorry for her, because im a really decent, fun person who truly loved her, but she also hangs around with really weird people and i dont like them. some of them are into criminal things, some are just not even worthy, but you know. thinking about it, realizing she almost had my child, she miscarried and my child had to be living with these kind of people, ill probably would be a killer

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think it would be disrespectful enough of an action for me to end the relationship and move on. I wouldn't waste my time on someone who didn't have enough judgment to think before they acted. So it's not an issue of "once a cheater, always a cheater" for me it's more, "once you cheat, you've proven that you don't respect me or my feelings, and that's not a relationship I want."
Having said that, it might depend on the degree of cheating. A kiss I could maybe forgive. More, probably not. This is true for physical as well as emotional cheating. Also being drunk is never an excuse.

vmw2008 · Accepted Answer

It's interesting that most of the females say yes, and most of the males say no. I wonder where that comes from.

In my experience, this is pretty true. I do know of one girl who cheated on every boyfriend she had and then finally stopped with her now fiance, but that's the only real reform I've ever seen.

I know a few guys who were serial cheaters. I actually had this exact conversation with one of them. He went on to argue how cheating on XYZ was his biggest mistake to date and how now he'd never do it again to anybody. Fast forward years later, he's now engaged, and he cheated on her. Many times. She has no idea.

So to be honest, I don't really know. I think in the case of some people, I think once is enough to change them. But I honestly don't believe it happens often within the same relationship. It typically takes the cheater losing that person they cheated on forever to feel the full weight of their decision and choose not to do it again. If they are able to repair things with that person, then a lot of the hype and taboo of cheating is taken away, and it's much less scary to go try and do it again.

Lets face it, relationships are hard. Everyone has probably thought of cheating or breaking up with their significant other at some point. Part of why we don't do those things is because of the fear of unknown repercussions. Once that fear is unveiled with that person, it's easy to turn to those solutions during the next rough patch. Just my opinion.

PetitePanda · Accepted Answer

Let me start by saying I've never cheated or been cheated on, so my experience is limited. But I think it is comparable to cheating on tests/assignments which I have done haha. You're scared the first time, but once you get away with it without repercussions you keep doing it because it's so easy and the benefits are immediate. Even if you get caught, you may be able to weasel your way out of it, or you may feel that the benefits outweigh the negatives; you get away with it far more often than you get caught. Just my out-there thoughts.

princess_jenna · Accepted Answer

I feel like with a lot of people this is true. But sometimes cheating happens under the influence of drugs and alcohol which clouds judgment and I believe would be easier to accept and to forgive than anything else.

Cheating is wrong no matter what and I wouldn’t be able to trust someone after that. I can barely trust people as it is

meeso13 · Answer

I'm not sure if a cheater always a cheater but we just say if you don't do the first place you don't have to apologize. And what makes me laugh is that the shooter says I don't know it just happened what you tripped and fell into her cooch? Any other parts of cracks me up is that they're sorry yeah you sorry that you got caught you're sorry to 15 other times you banged the bitch were you? Really sorry GIF something fucking lose let me tell you something I don't condone cheating at all cuz that's a betrayal break and breach in trust and trust is something you earn and it's not okay cuz you could forgive somebody but you never forget is the first time's always the hardest. I promise I'll never do again sure you're forgiven you didn't lose anything on the person that got their heart broken is the person that got cheated on. and something else that sucks is that when a woman goes on vacation as a flea with a Cabana boy and and forgets about all about it just wanted to get some ass is bad but one woman gets emotionally attached to a guy isn't like she just shuts it off you're out with her she's thinking of somebody else and it sucks and when they say all I promise I'll never do it again that's bullshit so I guess you're right the cheaters always a cheater does an alcoholic even though in recovery is still considered an alcoholic so what is a cheater be considered a cheater because they cheated? and you can't really look at them again the same way if ever at all like I said you can forgive them but can you forget it? and what sucks even worse is when the other person knows that the person is married or is in a a relationship with someone else and they look at it like it's free pizza is not free pizza motherfuker get your fucking skull caved in for that. In short don't cheat if you're not happy talk to the person your with. See if there's something to work out if not separate but you don't have to hurt someone's feelings just completely trails only one who doesn't know anybody around you does know you feel like a fool this is looking at you laughing at you. In short just don't cheat. So yes if a cheater is a cheater is always a cheater.

mth692 · Answer

I haven't been in a relationship before or dated for that matter and the thought of being cheated on is one of those obsessive fears that clouds my mind. Just to give some background info, I have Asperger's (high-functioning Autism) and I'm not sure if you're a psychotherapist who has any insight into this condition. But, basically I've read on forums and what not that a majority of women are unhappy in their relationships with men who have Asperger's. My main struggles deal with emotional and social development issues such as: processing and understanding how my feelings relate to my thoughts, and paying attention and understanding other's non-verbal cues/feelings. It's like I feel the gaps and I guess all your feelings are somehow interrelated with your thought; but, my mind won't always grasp that picture. I think I'm like a thinking being first and who feels second instead of most others who feels first if that makes sense. That's why I really have to think about these things and have the motives behind one's feelings, needs or desires because it's not something that is a fluid process inside my head. I've been going to therapy to manage these issues, but mental developmental disabilities are something that can't be completely cured, in me opinion. I guess I worry if my mental disposition will become some kind of trigger and make a future partner more liable to cheat? I guess I wonder if I won't be viewed as a burden to a woman who doesn't have Aspeger's and they'll have the patience for me. My results won't always be apparent, but I hope I'll be good enough for some woman who doesn't have Asperger's. Not that I don't want to be with a woman who has Asperger's, but I don't want to be restricted to just one particular type. Plus, my therapist has noted the few Asperger men she has worked with who are in a relationship are with a woman who doesn't have Asperger's.

DragonWolf · Answer

If someone cheated, there's a really big chance that he (or she) won't change.

However i do believe that there are some people out there that will change, only a small amount of people though, but still.

With me, if they cheated on me and say that they changed, i won't believe them enough to take them back. I do believe that people can change, but some people just lie about it to try to get you back, and then they will continue cheating. So personally, i wouldn't date anyone who cheated, if he said he changed or not.

CEK2015 · Answer

Majority of the time yes. However there are rare cases. I speak from personal experience as the cheater and being cheated on.

My ex husband and I were just a poisonous relationship all around. Argued all the time and cheated. People still say he cheated on my before I had the thought but that's another story. We both cheated but now , as far as things for me go, I am happy and would never dream of cheating on this guy I am now with. I mean honestly he is the one I wanted anyway. I just never thought I would have a shot with him for real so I settled.

I think it depends on your happiness and for some even their sex drive.

JustAnotherPassenger · Answer

YES, YES YES.

I don't see anyone who was never cheated or strongly thought about doing it with a different opinion.

Cheating, it is not more or less than that: cheating. If you cheat, you don't respect your couple, period. And no, pleas, don't reply with dumb ridiculous cases about being drunk or being forced, you know exactly what I'm talking about and there is no need for silly semantic flanking.

If you cheat consciously, even if you were drunk but previously thought strongly on doing it, and agreed to hang out with that other person, getting drunk, and... you know, then there is not excuse, I can't think of many ways on why anyone should forgive a cheater, and no, I have never being cheated -at least that I know-, it is just a matter of principles.

so-sad · Answer

I would say you can't make that assumption, but maybe the relationship is not fulfilling emotionally or sexually fulfilling. I imagine the guy still loves the person he's cheating on (otherwise, why not leave?) , but is no longer having his needs fulfilled at home, but he is not ready to leave the relationship. I'd suggest couples counseling to see what's going there, maybe his mate's needs are not being met either, causing her to be distant from him. If the problems are irreconcilable, then the smart thing for both is to end it, instead of making each other miserable. IMHO

Kyndra · Answer

Despite my experiences, people do learn and grow as they make mistakes. So why not give them a chance to change before generalizing situations? Things where human emotions and thoughts are involved can not always be predicted accurately.

Anonymous · Answer

I dont think so, not only because a mistake has been made that one should be judged as always a cheater ; I once cheated out of anger and I can proudly say now that we have gotten over that amd now we are in out 5th year of our relationship my BF and I.
And I hated the feeling and perspective I developed for myself for quite sometime after our 1st breakup , so I can assure you I won't be that person ever again!!

Kiwedin · Answer

Cool. I believe in second chances and know first hand that in some situations, a person cheating once does not mean they'll do it again.

AleDeEurope · Answer

I don't agree with this. So people can't change now? So once you do something you're judged by that single thing the rest of your life?
It's a mistake, we're humans, we all make mistake.
Some people here are using so much double standards I'm not even gonna bother to comment about them, but I'm sure they're the first ones to complain when people don't forgive them, or judge them for a mistake they made in the past.

AlexCab · Answer

One of the fun parts of monogamy is cheating. Don't be absurd, of course cheating is not desirable but you can't generalize. It would be great to see all of those who ban and criticize all the others that cheated, in the same situation. Would you LOVED if you were tagged as "always a cheater" without people knowing or even caring to understand what happened to you and your couple? Come on.

Only hypocrites thing that way.

Tdieseler · Answer

Thats a freaking myth, put up by deluded females (and males) who don't know what to do to hold their partner down. Its possible for cheating to be a continuous habit, but reformed cheaters make some of the best people ever (when they find the right person) plus, I've found that the people that throw that dumb word around are "in more than a few cases" the real cheaters... come at me people.

MargaritaPeach · Answer

I my experience, yes. Cheating mirrors many other addictive behaviors. Once you've justified it to yourself and begin cheating, it's easy to do so again. But it's a very individual choice, so I am sure there are many who aren't repeat offenders, as well.

anthony8x · Answer

This issue is a matter of upbringing and not stereotypes. I have cheated ONE time in my life and I felt so guilty I wanted to throw up. I have never cheated since. It's about having conviction. People say most times if you cheat you're always a cheater. It's because most lack conviction IE morals.

R3d_Anonymous · Answer

I think it's a gross generalization. I think cheaters, if they want to and have made an honest mistake, can reform.

I'd give a cheating girlfriend a second chance (if that was the only major problem in the relationship), but not third, fourth, etc (because at that point, yes she will most likely remain a cheater, at least for the relationship).

Aaron-Anderson · Answer

Hi folks, I'm looking forward to tonight and hearing all the questions you have. I'm anticipating a lot of people (A lot of people have been cheated on and have questions about it) so be sure to stay a while if you want your questions answered.

Also, I'll be posing a lot of questions to you and what you think about certain things about cheaters and those who have been cheated on. Are you ready? I'll talk to you tonight!

JustinCaseUDontKnow · Answer

Thanks for sharing well I never took back my exes cause i believe a ex is ex for reason and there's always a chance to take them back and they will cheat on you :)))

kimgrace · Answer

i don't think so at all , people have different relationships and personalities and sometimes the circumference may also have some effect , but u think that whoever cheated they will someday find the person that they can never cheat on

blueeyedprincess · Answer

Speaking for myself I used to cheit but I have not in this relationship I'm in I found the right one I am satisfied all around cheating comes from un satisfaction. Sometimes a person might feel well he can give me physical satisfaction but I don't want to loose myt emotional satisfaction until both are found at once then it stops

soccerchick4eva · Answer

For me it depends on the person thats cheating.  Some cheaters stay cheaters and some dont, it all depends on how much they were in love with the other , some just learn their lesson and change :)

#GAGExpertChat "Once a Cheater Always a Cheater?"

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

#GAGExpertChat "Once a Cheater Always a Cheater?"

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.