Once a cheater always a cheater.. True or False?

[coachTanthony]

True

False

[Anonymous]

I would say it’s, for the most part, true. I do think there are exceptions. I think different things can cause a person to cheat. Perhaps they’re immature, high school/college age for example. I can’t tell you how many things I’ve thought back on and to this day shook my head and asked myself why did I do that? 🤦🏼‍♀️ I could see cheating being one of those, “oh god, that was so dumb and shitty of me”
I think there could be mental issues, self esteem/worth issues, things of that nature that can cause you to do something stupid. So basically behavior issues, perhaps it’s something that can be treated with medication. So for example, it’s my understanding that bipolar disorder can cause someone to be more promiscuous, so are they now medicated? Perhaps it’s just an imbalance and now their state of mind is better. So was that something they would have done in their right mind?
I think there’s also the question about what is cheating, everyone has a different definition of what cheating is, for one person it could be just looking at someone else, another it could be watching porn, and even another could think it’s only cheating if there’s sexual contact of some sort. Where exactly do you draw that line to share and be open about your past? And then the ex felt porn watching was ok but the new person thinks it’s cheating. So are you a cheater or not? Your ex wouldn’t think so but this new one does. 🤔
While past behavior can be a good indication of what the future will hold I don’t think you can exactly guarantee it. And when does that “probation” time run out? So let’s say I cheated ten years ago, been faithful for the last ten though, which history do you take into account? And for every cheated there was a first time so there was no past history to indicate that was going to happen..
I also think a lot of times there is a WHOLE story, not making excuses, but not everyone that’s cheated woke up one day and thought, “hmm, I think I’m going to cheat today for no reason other than I just feel like it”. I am not saying cheating is right at all but I do think there are sides to a story and sometimes there’s way more reason behind a persons actions than they’re truly wholeheartedly selfish assholes. Most are but you can’t lump them all.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol thanks for the downvote. 🙄👍🏻

[Poormanscomedian]

I up voted ,

[Chikky]

I believe it false, the person might feel guilty for what he or she did and never will go back to it. Cheating once might be due to circumstances and some might be genuinely be repented of that crime and some other might not have been repented of it and will continue but that shouldn't be used to judge the person over and over

[Ananylantor]

I find this to be a pointless axcuse, if those circumstances were to repeat, what are his/her incentives to not cheat again... she already done it once, i mean its not a crime, just a (maybe) guilty feeling.
It shows character. If i was to go and beat up an old grandmother, break her legs, rape her, then later come ask you not to judge me based on that. Would you in your right mind be able to ignore it? Little extreme but just to show people are always responsible for their actions... cheating doesn't accidentally happen, he/she didn't trip and fell onto a new relationship.

[Kellykelkelltik]

Lost me at “axcuse,” brother.

[TheHelleri]

I would say that this is a perfectly fine assertion as a proximal truth. Here is another proximal truth to explain what that is and why it's important.

"All snakes are poisonous."

There are a few things wrong with this assertion. Firstly not all snakes are. Secondly those that are posses venom; Not poison. Thirdly many of the ones that are venomous are relatively harmless to humans given that their venom is too weak to really effect us or they are ineffectual at delivering that venom to animals of our size (the mouth may be too small, perhaps this is coupled with something like being rear fanged etc.)

But none of that matters on the proximal level. "All snakes are poisonous." Keeps one safe from the snakes that can harm them by giving the individual an aversion to snakes in general.

A proximal truth as we can see here is something that's 'true enough' to keep one safe and help one operate well in the world. I think it wouldn't be unfair to say that if given a choice between someone who has cheated and someone who hasn't (all other things being equal). That the objectively better choice is to go with the one who hasn't cheated.

That's not to say that a someone who has cheated in the past can't change. It's also not to say that they shouldn't be given a chance. Just understand that if you do give them a chance, you are taking more of a risk than you likely need to.

[OlderAndWiser]

I voted "true" because I think it is true more than 50% of the time.

1. What constitutes "cheating" among 16 year olds is different from one adults consider cheating, so sometimes the term is used too broadly.

2. If someone has a relationship at 17 and is unfaithful to a partner on one occasion, I think it is possible that they could learn from that mistake and never repeat it.

3. If someone cheats on numerous occasions or with numerous partners, I think it is far less likely that they will reform their ways.

4. If someone cheats in a marriage and they are in their 20's or older, I think it is less likely that they will learn a lesson and change their ways.

[Unit1]

I agree with this. More often than not it is true - once a cheater means always a cheater.

Another scenario i can think of is a miserable marriage and a divorce is already initiated but not done yet. The couple can consider itself done before the official divorce takes place.

[Cynicaldreamer]

Cheaters CAN change. Anyone is capable of changing when they meet the right person and decide to stop cheating or fooling around.
But until then? Yeap- a cheater is a cheater and I'd never date one, or even take that chance of being hurt or cheated on

[ItzLaura]

My father cheated on my mother for awhile when they first got together, blamed her for not wanting to do his disgusting sexual desires but stayed with him as I was only just born. Then cheated and cheated on her for years, even 3 days before my 13th birthday, they eventually split in 2013/2014 then got divorced in 2017

[Poormanscomedian]

like what could be that bad? He brought a horse in to the bed room and said gitty up?

[Logorithim]

Not necessarily. People usually change over time and learn from mistakes.

[sp33d]

The kind of people you speak of are surely a minority. The optimism is welcome, though.

[StingRayxoxo]

People can change but it seems unlikely.

[Investigator]

The problem with cheating is twofold:

The first time someone cheats, they demonstrate that their moral conviction to their partner is lacking; they are willing to throw faithfulness to the wind at a moment's notice, when it suits them and then just hope that they can get back into the partner's good graces--which is "very unlikely" to "borderline impossible", because saying "I cheated on you" is effectively the same thing as "I wasted your time, by pretending to be loyal", to most people. If they have a propensity for cheating, then their partner's "good graces" effectively becomes permission to continue cheating, since they were excused the first time. Those people are unlikely to stop cheating until they realize they either can't get away with it anymore or it becomes a net negative to them. That's not a lottery ticket most people want to cash-in.

The second part of the problem is that once a person has cheated, they've basically put themselves between a rock and a hard place, forced to prove a negative. They must therefore spend the rest of the relationship demonstrating that they've changed and it's often the case that no amount of proof is sufficient to show this--those relationships are fated to crash and burn.

Is it true that once a cheat, always a cheater? Well, no, nothing is ever that simple. While relationships can work out, even if there is cheating, it's incredibly difficult to come back from that--especially since the cheated-on party often feels they were robbed of something their partner gave to someone else. Grudges, and the desire for revenge, are very potent and powerful psychological phenomenon. Similarly, sabotage is infinitely easier than cooperation, since you aren't relying on the other person to put forward their best effort and are in fact actively trying to bring them down. Projecting your problems onto your partner also takes less effort than admitting fault.

In the end, it comes down to how each person interprets the course of their partner's infidelity and how they respond: if they forgive, it might work out but it also might not and they have to weigh the balance. If they don't, then it's time to turn over a new leaf and start fresh, because that bridge is gone.

[SjE78]

I want to say true but that would be because of personal dislike for cheaters, however there are many factors involved when you break it down...

the reason why they cheated being the big question that can determine why and if they would do it again...
for example difficulty within the relationship can often contribute to why someone cheats, if they are unhappy and feel they aren't being appreciated or fulfilled then someone who is used to noticing this (mainly players pick up on this but some who are genuine can notice) and they often begin by showing interest and giving attention..

however if it is down to just simply they aren't ready for a commitment then this can also result in infidelity...

and some people are just unable to settle down, a friend of mine loves his fiancee, but openly says if its available he will have sex with another woman... i asked him how could he when he's committed to his fiancee, he replies with "I'm a man" which tbh i find the most unhelpful and inaccurate excuse ever spoken... as being "a man" or "a woman" doesn't define or determine whether you will be unfaithful to the one you love, we each have a choice and we each have control over those choices...
some are either unable to resist the urges or unwilling...
where as many choose to not give in to those urges

but if you were in a loveless marriage and due to your religion or upbringing it was deemed a sin or frowned upon to get a divorce, and you felt trapped... and someone came along who showed you attention, you would feel wanted.. now lets fast forward and say you got out of that loveless marriage and that person you met who showed interest and you cheated on your spouse with was who you fell for and moved in with... but cos you are happy and feel wanted and fulfilled... it is less likely that you are going to cheat on them... so the answer to your question is it truly depends on the situation and circumstances behind why a person cheats, what lead to them cheating and other such details

but if they are someone who will sleep with anyone cos it's available then they will cheat no matter what and whenever they can

[Anonymous]

Truthfully i only thought about others as i saw this... but i dont know the whole world either.

Growing up, my parents told me to never cheat. My mom cheated once. My dad cheated before. And theyre both in a committed marriage. They just work and come home. One day i hesrd my dad ask my mom if she was cheating (My cousin left his underwear at home and ee washed ut but we didn't know. It was definitley his because we asked him and confirmed it was his... i know gross but he spent a week with us). My mom said hed never cheat and same as my dad.

Some people just dont have a biundary though. I grew up in a small town so we know everyones business. My ex has cheated on every. one. of. His. Girlfrieds since middle school (We are both in the same college and an old friend who hangs with him told me he just cheated on his girlfriend AGAIN. )

I once asked WHY others cheated on their partners on Gag. Some just can't stay commited. Some dont care ( for example "if she doesn't put out, ill cheat")

So id say yes and no. Some people do. Some dont.

[Fitness-Fanatic]

They may never cheat again, but it's highly likely. When someone cheats , they show you what their potential is with you in the future. So they can never be trusted to never cheat again, regardless if they do or not. Even the cheater can't guarantee , or trust themselves to never cheat again. Even if they never cheated again , their partner will always have underlying doubts about their loyalty. And trust can't be rebuilt just coz someone says they've changed.

I'd never be with a guy who'd cheated in past relationships , or if he cheated on me, coz I'd judge him based on his potential.

[Fuyumiko]

That whole notion that people change is true but only to different people. If that guy/women cheats on you. He’ll do it again and again etc, but he gets with a new girl there is a higher chance he’ll change his ways. It’s rare af for someone to stop cheating when he starts. It’s the rush

[America1st]

Cheating is a choice. There are no excuses for it. Being drunk is not an excuse. The person chose to over drink and whatever the consequences might be, that person chose to take the risk. The person who sleeps with the cheater is not responsible. Again, the cheater made the decision to cheat. Nobody has the power to force a person to cheat. If I was cheated on, I would end the relationship immediately. A good relationship requires trust. My trust in the cheater would be gone. I know some may cheat and never do it again, but like I said, trust is vital.

[xxcandyxxcanes]

You have to check the trail with these kinds of things. I don’t think both parties are *equally* at fault for cheating, but usually there is double tension or some reason that contributes. However, of all the ways to take it out, cheating is just nasty.

Some people cheat out of frustration or unhappiness. But some people are serial cheaters and I see the latter more often. I say check habits because usually cheating will hurt like a bitch but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Personally I don’t believe I could stay with who did, especially without a legit reason.

[puffynips]

I think its both sexes fault.
For the flame that raged is now a tiny spark. We quit putting as much time getting ready to see him. He quits thinking that getting to see you is the most important thing on his calendar.
I wish you could bottle that animal magnetism they call lighting in a btl. or FIRST LOVE
A Thurmond's that gives off the scent of attraction.
(Not ax body spray )
Keeping it fresh should be priority. If its still not spiced enough add from the goodie bag until your both satisfied

[Luv2BRealExotic13]

I voted True. I haven’t heard of too many stories where those kind of people changed their ways. It’s usually because something is fundamentally wrong with people that think cheating is the answer. I’m also trying to see some of the reasoning behind those who voted false.

[BethanyK86]

In most cases it's true, but like everything there are exceptions. If a cheater dose change it's usually because of some an insight, an experience, a conversation that forever changed who they are or how they relate and operate in the world. Unfortunately those things can't be forced, planed or made.

[DanishSaint]

To easy just to ride everybody over the same line. Some people are actually capable of changing. I think, that for some, realising how much a stupid one night stand might have done to someone you love and how deep the damage goes, it can factor in and making sure, that they will never do it again.

However, I despite cheating and I also believe, that for a great number of people able to do something like that, something more profound is wrong. Call it morale, ethics or whatever, but if that is the case, then they potentially always be able to hurt others on account of themselves.

[Browneye57]

I don't do polls...
However, while the majority of time it's true, due to the nature of the character of the cheater, it is not always. Every circumstance is different.

People need to understand there's a REASON people cheat, and while you can't blame the victim per se, there is always culpability in the failure of the relationship. And if you take away the reason for the cheating in many cases they no longer pursue others. I speak from experience, all around.

And the bottom line is, happy couples in love don't cheat. ;)

Oh, and while cheating is pretty well split 50-50 for both genders, women are better liars so the stats are skewed to men. LOL

[Anonymous]

I think it’s possible for a cheater to change but not likely.

There’s one couple I know that’s been on and off for about 10 years all because the woman kept cheating while the guy was faithful. The guy is a friend of mine. And he would be dating very classy, attractive quality women this chick would all of a sudden want him back and he’d dump them to get back with her. They just got married last year and if they make it to next Christmas without a divorce or her giving birth to some other guy’s kid I would be very surprised. Hopefully I’m wrong, but I doubt it.

[LaCeleste]

For the most part and in the past I would have said yes. But I believe that anyone can change. It takes a certain kind or strength and maturity to do so however. It takes having really learned from your mistakes. In the past I would have said yes once a cheater always a cheater. But then my parents went through a thing... and they’re good now. So it all depends on the persons willingness to change. It’s so rare tho. So it almost seems impossible

[emmily2396]

So if someone cheats at 17 they will certainly cheat at 50? Some people here are so dumb. I agree you shouldn't blindly trust a cheater, but people can change.

[coachTanthony]

Good point!

[MysteriousDarkness]

@emmily2396
I was thinking the same thing before I read your opinion.

[Aynsof]

I find this a very sad statement
It is untrue of course people are capable of learning from their mistakes and do not always repeat them
Not everyone does learn from their mistakes but some do
And all that aside cheating is a complex thing in most cases with many causal links it isn't just an inherent character flaw
It is utterly ignorant to assume people cannot change