Once a cheater always a cheater.. True or False?

Once a cheater always a cheater.. True or False?
  • True
    Vote A
  • False
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Girls

  • I would say it’s, for the most part, true. I do think there are exceptions. I think different things can cause a person to cheat. Perhaps they’re immature, high school/college age for example. I can’t tell you how many things I’ve thought back on and to this day shook my head and asked myself why did I do that? 🤦🏼‍♀️ I could see cheating being one of those, “oh god, that was so dumb and shitty of me”
    I think there could be mental issues, self esteem/worth issues, things of that nature that can cause you to do something stupid. So basically behavior issues, perhaps it’s something that can be treated with medication. So for example, it’s my understanding that bipolar disorder can cause someone to be more promiscuous, so are they now medicated? Perhaps it’s just an imbalance and now their state of mind is better. So was that something they would have done in their right mind?
    I think there’s also the question about what is cheating, everyone has a different definition of what cheating is, for one person it could be just looking at someone else, another it could be watching porn, and even another could think it’s only cheating if there’s sexual contact of some sort. Where exactly do you draw that line to share and be open about your past? And then the ex felt porn watching was ok but the new person thinks it’s cheating. So are you a cheater or not? Your ex wouldn’t think so but this new one does. 🤔
    While past behavior can be a good indication of what the future will hold I don’t think you can exactly guarantee it. And when does that “probation” time run out? So let’s say I cheated ten years ago, been faithful for the last ten though, which history do you take into account? And for every cheated there was a first time so there was no past history to indicate that was going to happen..
    I also think a lot of times there is a WHOLE story, not making excuses, but not everyone that’s cheated woke up one day and thought, “hmm, I think I’m going to cheat today for no reason other than I just feel like it”. I am not saying cheating is right at all but I do think there are sides to a story and sometimes there’s way more reason behind a persons actions than they’re truly wholeheartedly selfish assholes. Most are but you can’t lump them all.

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  • I believe it false, the person might feel guilty for what he or she did and never will go back to it. Cheating once might be due to circumstances and some might be genuinely be repented of that crime and some other might not have been repented of it and will continue but that shouldn't be used to judge the person over and over

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    • I find this to be a pointless axcuse, if those circumstances were to repeat, what are his/her incentives to not cheat again... she already done it once, i mean its not a crime, just a (maybe) guilty feeling.
      It shows character. If i was to go and beat up an old grandmother, break her legs, rape her, then later come ask you not to judge me based on that. Would you in your right mind be able to ignore it? Little extreme but just to show people are always responsible for their actions... cheating doesn't accidentally happen, he/she didn't trip and fell onto a new relationship.

    • Lost me at “axcuse,” brother.

Most Helpful Guys

  • I would say that this is a perfectly fine assertion as a proximal truth. Here is another proximal truth to explain what that is and why it's important.

    "All snakes are poisonous."

    There are a few things wrong with this assertion. Firstly not all snakes are. Secondly those that are posses venom; Not poison. Thirdly many of the ones that are venomous are relatively harmless to humans given that their venom is too weak to really effect us or they are ineffectual at delivering that venom to animals of our size (the mouth may be too small, perhaps this is coupled with something like being rear fanged etc.)

    But none of that matters on the proximal level. "All snakes are poisonous." Keeps one safe from the snakes that can harm them by giving the individual an aversion to snakes in general.

    A proximal truth as we can see here is something that's 'true enough' to keep one safe and help one operate well in the world. I think it wouldn't be unfair to say that if given a choice between someone who has cheated and someone who hasn't (all other things being equal). That the objectively better choice is to go with the one who hasn't cheated.

    That's not to say that a someone who has cheated in the past can't change. It's also not to say that they shouldn't be given a chance. Just understand that if you do give them a chance, you are taking more of a risk than you likely need to.

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  • I voted "true" because I think it is true more than 50% of the time.

    1. What constitutes "cheating" among 16 year olds is different from one adults consider cheating, so sometimes the term is used too broadly.

    2. If someone has a relationship at 17 and is unfaithful to a partner on one occasion, I think it is possible that they could learn from that mistake and never repeat it.

    3. If someone cheats on numerous occasions or with numerous partners, I think it is far less likely that they will reform their ways.

    4. If someone cheats in a marriage and they are in their 20's or older, I think it is less likely that they will learn a lesson and change their ways.

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    • I agree with this. More often than not it is true - once a cheater means always a cheater.

      Another scenario i can think of is a miserable marriage and a divorce is already initiated but not done yet. The couple can consider itself done before the official divorce takes place.

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What Girls & Guys Said

74102
  • My father cheated on my mother for awhile when they first got together, blamed her for not wanting to do his disgusting sexual desires but stayed with him as I was only just born. Then cheated and cheated on her for years, even 3 days before my 13th birthday, they eventually split in 2013/2014 then got divorced in 2017

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  • Not necessarily. People usually change over time and learn from mistakes.

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    • The kind of people you speak of are surely a minority. The optimism is welcome, though.

  • People can change but it seems unlikely.

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  • In most cases it's true, but like everything there are exceptions. If a cheater dose change it's usually because of some an insight, an experience, a conversation that forever changed who they are or how they relate and operate in the world. Unfortunately those things can't be forced, planed or made.

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  • Cheaters CAN change. Anyone is capable of changing when they meet the right person and decide to stop cheating or fooling around.
    But until then? Yeap- a cheater is a cheater and I'd never date one, or even take that chance of being hurt or cheated on

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  • So if someone cheats at 17 they will certainly cheat at 50? Some people here are so dumb. I agree you shouldn't blindly trust a cheater, but people can change.

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  • The problem with cheating is twofold:

    The first time someone cheats, they demonstrate that their moral conviction to their partner is lacking; they are willing to throw faithfulness to the wind at a moment's notice, when it suits them and then just hope that they can get back into the partner's good graces--which is "very unlikely" to "borderline impossible", because saying "I cheated on you" is effectively the same thing as "I wasted your time, by pretending to be loyal", to most people. If they have a propensity for cheating, then their partner's "good graces" effectively becomes permission to continue cheating, since they were excused the first time. Those people are unlikely to stop cheating until they realize they either can't get away with it anymore or it becomes a net negative to them. That's not a lottery ticket most people want to cash-in.

    The second part of the problem is that once a person has cheated, they've basically put themselves between a rock and a hard place, forced to prove a negative. They must therefore spend the rest of the relationship demonstrating that they've changed and it's often the case that no amount of proof is sufficient to show this--those relationships are fated to crash and burn.

    Is it true that once a cheat, always a cheater? Well, no, nothing is ever that simple. While relationships can work out, even if there is cheating, it's incredibly difficult to come back from that--especially since the cheated-on party often feels they were robbed of something their partner gave to someone else. Grudges, and the desire for revenge, are very potent and powerful psychological phenomenon. Similarly, sabotage is infinitely easier than cooperation, since you aren't relying on the other person to put forward their best effort and are in fact actively trying to bring them down. Projecting your problems onto your partner also takes less effort than admitting fault.

    In the end, it comes down to how each person interprets the course of their partner's infidelity and how they respond: if they forgive, it might work out but it also might not and they have to weigh the balance. If they don't, then it's time to turn over a new leaf and start fresh, because that bridge is gone.

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  • I want to say true but that would be because of personal dislike for cheaters, however there are many factors involved when you break it down...

    the reason why they cheated being the big question that can determine why and if they would do it again...
    for example difficulty within the relationship can often contribute to why someone cheats, if they are unhappy and feel they aren't being appreciated or fulfilled then someone who is used to noticing this (mainly players pick up on this but some who are genuine can notice) and they often begin by showing interest and giving attention..

    however if it is down to just simply they aren't ready for a commitment then this can also result in infidelity...

    and some people are just unable to settle down, a friend of mine loves his fiancee, but openly says if its available he will have sex with another woman... i asked him how could he when he's committed to his fiancee, he replies with "I'm a man" which tbh i find the most unhelpful and inaccurate excuse ever spoken... as being "a man" or "a woman" doesn't define or determine whether you will be unfaithful to the one you love, we each have a choice and we each have control over those choices...
    some are either unable to resist the urges or unwilling...
    where as many choose to not give in to those urges

    but if you were in a loveless marriage and due to your religion or upbringing it was deemed a sin or frowned upon to get a divorce, and you felt trapped... and someone came along who showed you attention, you would feel wanted.. now lets fast forward and say you got out of that loveless marriage and that person you met who showed interest and you cheated on your spouse with was who you fell for and moved in with... but cos you are happy and feel wanted and fulfilled... it is less likely that you are going to cheat on them... so the answer to your question is it truly depends on the situation and circumstances behind why a person cheats, what lead to them cheating and other such details

    but if they are someone who will sleep with anyone cos it's available then they will cheat no matter what and whenever they can

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  • I voted True. I haven’t heard of too many stories where those kind of people changed their ways. It’s usually because something is fundamentally wrong with people that think cheating is the answer. I’m also trying to see some of the reasoning behind those who voted false.

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  • That whole notion that people change is true but only to different people. If that guy/women cheats on you. He’ll do it again and again etc, but he gets with a new girl there is a higher chance he’ll change his ways. It’s rare af for someone to stop cheating when he starts. It’s the rush

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  • Once a cheater, always someone who has cheated in the past.

    It's irrelevant whether the person cheats ever again, they have already cheated and thus lowered their value on the dating market against people who have yet to do so.

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  • Never dated, but I'd say no, because I do believe people can change, but not everyone will and you can't always blame someone for not giving a cheater a chance.

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  • No, everyone do the wrong things it does not mean cheater can't change it take time to change. Go into the deep what is the exactly problem why person is cheating again and again talk about this if person is happy with you then why he can go for cheating.

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  • Really it depends on the situation at hand when somebody cheats. So no it is not black and white at all. People, like situations, do change. I know because I have experienced. So it's obviously possible that somebody won't always cheat just cause they have in the past ya.

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  • For the most part and in the past I would have said yes. But I believe that anyone can change. It takes a certain kind or strength and maturity to do so however. It takes having really learned from your mistakes. In the past I would have said yes once a cheater always a cheater. But then my parents went through a thing... and they’re good now. So it all depends on the persons willingness to change. It’s so rare tho. So it almost seems impossible

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  • The best indicator of future performance is past behavior. This is the cardinal rule for hiring-whether of an employee or a personal relationship. People can change but rarely do and never on something fundamental to their character.

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    • I have always said what be do sexually determines if they are good or a bad person, trustworthy or not.

  • I find this a very sad statement
    It is untrue of course people are capable of learning from their mistakes and do not always repeat them
    Not everyone does learn from their mistakes but some do
    And all that aside cheating is a complex thing in most cases with many causal links it isn't just an inherent character flaw
    It is utterly ignorant to assume people cannot change

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  • I feel like it totally depends. Once you cheat it may become easier for you to lie and continue to cheat later on. But it depends on the person. If a person is depending and willing to change, they will.

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  • I don’t know... I feel like cheating is one of those things where if you have a habit of doing it, it’s a very hard thing to overcome.

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  • I personally cheated but it was due to the feeling of being lonely and I was looking for confort front recent family death. Now I have enough know how to keep myself up to standard, meaning not cheat, and I don't blame too many for cheating people I can relate to the need for comfort.

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  • People never change. No matter what stories you hear or what people say.. nobody can change who they really are and what their traits are

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  • Yes, I learned that the hard way. My ex cheated on me and we broke up, but then I went back to her thinking she wouldn’t do the same thing, and bam it seemed like cheating was the only thing she knew instead of actually working on the relationship.

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  • People are individuals and just because you got one who cheated doesn't mean all the others will or won't. Circumstances change and a boyfriend in these circumstances isn't gonna act the same as the last one, even under the same conditions.

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  • I think so, they say a cheetah never changes it's spots.. It's a personality trait which I feel is very hard to change, some people just aren't faithful... It also depends on the relationship I guess.. If the guy is not that Into a girl maybe he has higher probability of cheating.

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  • Usually true, but communication is important and it depends on the individuals in the relationship. I would never enter a relationship with a known cheater expecting to be able to change them, but if they are open and honest I would likely give them a chance.

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  • Yes, first time will be hard but after they get used to cheating they will always do it because it'll become one of their habits.

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  • Depends on how you define cheater.

    If a cheater is one who will inevitably cheat, then absolutely not.

    If a cheater is one who has a higher risk of cheating, then no, not always. Maybe most of the time, though.

    If a cheater is one who has cheated, then yes, obviously.

    Just like once a murderer, always a murderer, but once a thief, not always a thief.

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  • I only ever did with someone in my early 20’s but never have or would ever again I felt so horrible, if I feel like I would I’d rather just break things off

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  • No. People can change. It's something to keep in mind, and be honest about, but the fact that they cheated once doesn't mean they will again, although statistically they are more likely.

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  • Facts. You cheat once it’s because you don’t have what they want they don’t love you if they did you’d be all they want. To say I want you and love you when clearly you don’t else you wouldn’t cheat is like saying I smoked last night but I promise I won’t tomorrow let’s be honest that person 90% will.

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  • I have only been cheated on by 3 women in my lifetime but all 3 cheated on guys before me. I was foolish to think they would somehow change their ways just for me.

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  • I said it on another post; I think people are capable of changing... but I'm not gonna be there expecting for them to change.

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  • They may never cheat again, but it's highly likely. When someone cheats , they show you what their potential is with you in the future. So they can never be trusted to never cheat again, regardless if they do or not. Even the cheater can't guarantee , or trust themselves to never cheat again. Even if they never cheated again , their partner will always have underlying doubts about their loyalty. And trust can't be rebuilt just coz someone says they've changed.

    I'd never be with a guy who'd cheated in past relationships , or if he cheated on me, coz I'd judge him based on his potential.

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  • It's a little too extreme. It's true for some people, but another chunk of people cheat in only ambiguous situations that have been diluted over time. And they feel super guilty forever after doing it.
    So you should probably judge them based on how much they do to repair it.

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  • I say this, i would have to give the person a chance, until they prove it otherwise. People change and grow up, you can't live in the past forever.

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  • Almost always true, unless the is a major personal paradigm shift (which isn't common).

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  • The point is... will you be able to trust them again? Trust is easily broken, but taken time to rebuild.

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  • Neither true or false in all cases … everyone can change? The question is are you married? And are you willing to stay with him until he changes?

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  • I don't think a person has to repeat the same mistake over and over.
    By mistake I mean getting involved with someone when you haven't figured out what you want...

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  • People who cheat can only change only if they, will themselves to change however, occurrence is often unlikely in people who cheat.

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  • I think a person who has cheated is more likely to do it again. But to say once a cheater always a cheater is just plain factually wrong.

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  • Impossible. How can they cheat when they're like 80. They wouldn't have the strength lol. They're stuck!

    80-year-olds are committed for life.

    #80IsTheNew60

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  • Half true. There's a gene associated with cheating, but not every cheater has that gene.

    I think: once a cheater always a risk. Twice a cheater always a cheater.

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  • Both. Some cheat and never do it again because it was a mistake. They respect your forgiveness. Some cheat and do it again because you forgave them so they figur you will again. Depends on the person.

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  • I voted false because cheating is undoubtedly predicated upon unhappy circumstances, and circumstances change. Also, people get old, and no longer have the physical attractiveness nor energy to cheat.

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  • Not really, people evolve and change overtime, sometimes for the better. However, even then, I wouldn't be surprised if they were treated with caution.

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  • I think If you were very young when you cheated and when you got older you decided to stop - it’s more likely but in most cases someone who is a mature serial cheater has a lifelong disease.

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  • I used to be friends with an attractive football athlete and he said it himself he can’t stand long term relationships and they always ended with him getting bored and cheating causing drama lol

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  • This isn't a true or false question. Sometimes people continue to cheat on people and others never do it again.

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  • Perhaps not in every case, but it's safer to assume it is regardless.

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