I was in your shoes once. I had a miserable time finding a good partner, and my gaps between relationships were very long. I didn't get married until I was 41. The trick is to keep your eyes open, but just stop looking - does that make sense? Be willing to be happy as a single woman and if a guy notices that, then you won't see it coming.
I read a lot of books in my 30s about being single, living alone, being without children, etc. I learned to embrace who I was and feel better at the decisions I made that led me to that point rather than just give up and resort that I'd be single forever. I knew that if that was going to be true, then I had to find happiness as who I was. Anyway, I did meet my husband while I was in that stage of my life. I didn't expect it.
One of my better female friends could never find happiness - especially with men - so she not only swore off dating, but sneered at anyone who tried to give it a go, like me. I eventually had to drop her as a friend. She was too negative, and too judgmental. I had to feel better about me, my choices, and who I invested my time in. Finding good people to be around and making new friends also helped.
But giving up? No! I learned to be happy in my times alone, but it wasn't always that way. Do things you like to do, even if you do them by yourself - such as going to the market and picking up some fudge, eating it as you stroll through the shops. Going out for a meal, going to a movie. Just live. Love will happen. It may not be tomorrow, but it will happen - one day. ;)
I think you really start to mentally give up. It honestly depends on a few factors. For me personally I'm probably gonna call it quits once I pass 35 because I just dont think I'm gonna find the one. And I'm not even trying to talk myself down even though it sounds that way. I just think for my style and my standards that I prefer in someone I just highly doubt I will ever find it but life is full of surprises. I would also say the older you get the more you are gonna find people that already have kids from a previous relationship or have adopted kids but maybe they are not with their partner anymore. That can be hard if you are not ready to make a time commitment to raise kids. Ah well, at least if I'm single I can always be a lonely driver (initial d reference). But lastly, I would also say it can depend on who you meet. Sometimes you just don't meet with people that you click with or sometimes you click with them but then you realize after getting to know them that they are manipulative or rude or something. I would also like to make a few comments on stuff people might interpret in a wrong way. First of all, I'm a realist so if you think I might be talking myself down I think it is important to understand what I'm talking about and why I am so doubtful. In this case I'm doubtful about relationships because my standards are very high but as I said before anything can happen in life. Also, about the lonely driver reference. That's just a joke used by people that watch a popular racing anime called initial d. We use the joke because we are joking about being single and how it is really not important to be in a relationship lol it is confusing if you don't understand it but don't worry about it.
no. What are you doing to stay single? How is your looks i. e. are you keeping fit, keeping yourself maintained (You don't have to be perfect, but being put together shows you still care and that is important)? What are you doing to meet people, are you going out are you joining clubs (damn near impossible given the current situation we find ourselves in) etc? Are you shy (lots of shy behaviors come off as uninterested so if so you should work on that)?
I get that its hard, I'm in a similar boat, but I can admit that part of it is my fault and my actions (I don't go out like I should which means fewer chances to meet people, I don't approach as often as I should, Could work out a bit more etc.), but that doesn't mean I'm going to give up and neither should you. So does any of this sound like it applies to you?
I've never been in a relationship per say and I'm about to turn 24. But I don't want to give up. Do you think that I should? I fell for a guy around two years ago (any other guy that I was involved with before that only wanted to F*ck me and leave). He totally said he wanted more with me and played the whole "I'm just so scared to fall but you are so special" card on me. I put a stop to it when I saw he was hot &cold and later called him to check on him and his girlfriend picked up ¬¬ Was really hard to get over, I think in a way I still am. I know the story of a mexican youtuber who had her heart broken multiple times when in her 20's. By the time she was like 32 she got divorced after a reaaaaally short marriage, ended up alone with a new born baby, broke and severely sick. She was optimistic with the law of atraction and other methods and now is doing really well financially and is married to a handsome good man who loves her and is healthy again. If she'd given up she probably wouldn't even be here now. There are people who find love even in their 80's. I know the feeling but it's so much better to have something to fight for in life until the day you die than just give up. You are here, you are alive and have nothing to loose, each experience teaches us something. If we don't learn we just keep repeating patterns. At least that's how I see it, I'm a helpless romantic even though I've never experienced love with a man.
Opinion
99Opinion
I’m a 31 yr old virgin.
But I understand people mean well, when they say ‘try harder’ or ‘pick up hobbies’.
But I’ll just say is, continue to be yourself. Live your life at your own comfort level. If there are different alternatives to fill in the void that you crave for, take it. Love yourself as you are without trying too hard. And if someone loves you as you are they are the one.
Now in my situation, I have a list that men consider a red flag of a certain woman:
-I’m single
-I’m materialistic
-I smoke weed (for chronic pain only)
-I don’t have a drivers license to go meet up with a guy on date
-I don’t have a job and friends
Basically the scum that shouldn’t be in society or even alive. Cause it could ruin another’s persons life 😱.
I heeded people’s advice, the same advice you are getting.
I’ve tried online dating with the outcome of rude guys, guys looking for hookups, guys trying to cheat on their wives/girlfriends, and guys with kids still looking for hookups. I’ve tried to be patient and still give each and one of these guys a chance. Why? Cause I was trying to prove myself, my kindness and sincerity of who I am. Only to still be the bad person.
Even in LDR, I was still criticized by my looks and to try to change/mold myself for this person standards.
It becomes so exhausting that I question myself: “Is this how a relationship suppose to be?” “Is this really love?”
It ain't over for you until I sing, and I've not even warmed up my voice yet. Come on, I'm older than you and still single. So you got taken advantage of. It happens. I'm guessing you got into these relationships pretty fast because someone already in a relationship usually can't keep up the single act for long before being discovered. That's why I tell people not to jump into anything too fast. Sadly, not many listen and wind up like you - played like a Stradivarius. But don't give up. Take a break and then pick yourself up, dust yourself up, and get back to living life.
Personally I have given up for now, not forever. But I also do not want kids and I am in the age where people start to get them so that makes it more complicated for me xD. So I have decided to wait actively looking for a relationship until I am too old to have kids.
But since you do want kids you should definitely not give up! It might seem hopeless but many do find their partner in their 30's. About the looks, it is getting less and less important as you age and maybe now some will even consider your personality more, which is, of course, more important than looks when it comes to deciding who to start a family with.
I am 33, and technically single. Why give up? you have such a long life ahead of you! Did you not watch "Sex & the City"? "Friends"? People tend not to get married until later in life these days.
Julia Child didn't marry until her forties.
JLo didn't have kids until like 39 or something. Naomi Watts was 39/40 when she had kids. Halle Berry gave birth at 47!!! Susan Sarandon was 45.
I think if you have that type of "I should just give up" attitude it will take you longer though because that is the energy you are putting into the universe, and you surely will receive what you put out into the universe.
You could speak to someone professionally - not to mean there is something wrong with you
Getting to know oneself sounds obvious but is difficult
Maybe once you discover and establish well as to who you are. Then what you want can be answered and that leads to where to find and what to look for!
Anyway, there are no guarantees! Take every opportunity to love, live, share and be happy!
If you find someone who can tag along! Great! Being happy is more important than fitting a tag or checking a box
my friends are all 32 or 36 or even 40 and they are enjoying dating, only one consider to have a kid and become a single mom.
I don't think you don't look as "good" as you did in your 20s (by your definition), you look different, act different, dress different from your 20s. I don't know but women around me seem to look best in their early 30s without kids or family, cuz honestly when you think about it, around 30s our jobs should be stable, and we have experience and time to consider other things in life (traveling, expensive clothes, skincare...) and we can afford those.
What comes will come, enjoy yourself for now! Hope this help! :)
If your planning on dating at 90 I'm not sure how good that is. but I would say keep trying maybe try to have guy friends and try to mend your personality which may be an unattractive personality, you mend it by asking your guy friends what's wrong with you and tell them to be blunt, and you can't be offended by what they say. somewhere to find a good lasting relationship would be at a church. not saying you can't find one elsewhere but it's easier to find a good guy at a church, also not saying you need to be religious but it may help. also praying for a husband/boyfriend most likely won't get you anywere.
You wrote both the break ups are due to the fact you found out they had someone else in their life. Well then, what is it that your doing or are you missing the signs and clues which is making you have these kind of guys in your life. If it had happened once, yes it will be deemed a mistake But, it happened twice which means your missing the tell tale signs while you're with them. Probably sit and think over it.
No you won't be single forever, Don't every give up. Once you give up then your done for good.
You never know when you'll find someone and lots of single people out there in their 30's and 40's even. I know lots of people that have found "the one" in their 40's. Don't give up. Seems hopeless at times I know. I think as far as being an "older" woman goes, what this means more for you is you might have to be more outgoing and initiate. Reach out to guys that interest you and maybe make the first move. You might have to "work" a bit more. And not because of your looks necessarily, just because of your age. Example I'm single and looking, but I just assume that women aren't single and don't approach, because in my experience, most aren't. So I don't even bother anymore. If I see someone I'm attracted to, I just automatically assume she's not available. You should never make assumption I know, but that's what happens for me.
You have to actually DATE guys to find a good one. You really ought to be going out a couple of times a week. With LOTS of guys. You don't need or want to have sex with them all, but his is how you gain enough experience to actually be able to discern, to make a determination if you will, whether they are worthy, of your time and emotion, or are a potential match.
You're just swinging in the dark, clueless right now. If you want a man partner you have to do the work to get a viable decent one.
Ignore all the negative trolls down there please.
You still have many chances. 30 y/o is really young. And even if you remain single, that's not the end of the world.
Being single has its advantages:
1. More time to concentrate on yourself and your hobbies.
2. More time to make a positive difference in society. (Maybe volunteer? Or Donations? Or initiate your own NGO?)
3. All of your salary is yours!
4. Less responsibilities, less stress!
30 is pretty late to find marriage and kids.
1. Go to the gym. Eat healthy. Get every ounce of looks you got left.
2. Lower your standards in men. Say you wanted a tall guy... well adjust to simply taller than you. Just an example.
3. Dont have sex easily. If you fuck a guy quick they won't marry you. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
4. Act like a wife and mother, so men see you as a possible wife and mother. Ie stop going out to bars on the weekends. You won't get a husband that way. Also dont be baby obsessed but do show off your joy of children. Like talk to babies and little kids when you bump into them in public. Or watch friends kids on Friday night so they can go out. Its attractive if a girl is busy on Friday babysitting, if i was looking for a woman to have kids with.
Good luck.
First don't be a fatalist, asume your mistake in the way you choose men, now clean slate, you are young, in the best decade, and you dont gonna let it happen alone. you have lots to achieve, so put yourself together, some make up, dress well for you and go out, but this time not with the chads... not in desperation,!. don't stay at home lamenting yourself, you will only perpetuate that state!!! by the way... don't call significant other... is to depersonalizing, you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend (up to you), wife or husband... if you want compromise don't use uncompromising words. (by the way... read it like if you were in a bootcamp... it's meant to cheer you up and sending you to the love war, good luck soldier!)
It really depends on a few specific things... Do you have more than 3 cats living with you? If not, good... You're only 30, never stop trying to find love... just don't try too hard and just let it happen... it will. Now, if you do have more than 3 cats living with you... You already know the answer. 🤦♂️
Oh my god. What do you want people to say? Give up. Yeah you’re thirty. It’s over for you. What the hell? Society has programmed you to think there’s some type of time limit on yourself and now that you’ve reached the self imposed deadline, it’s obviously over? Stop thinking like this. Stop thinking of age at all. Live your damn life.
You're still in the prime of life. Don''t give up. The only thing is, if you want to have babies, your biological clock is ticking.
I didn't meet my future wife until I was 40 and she was 38. Both of us had been in relationships before but never married.
We didn't have any kids, but that's fine with us. We're actually glad. We've been married now for 24 years and couldn't be happier. We're best friends and partners for life.
Change your mindset. If you feel you are destined to be alone for 60+ years then that’s how it’ll be because you have already predestined yourself. Just make sure to study your guys before you commit to them. Otherwise you will be in for a lot of heart break. Don’t get discouraged when it doesn’t work out either. Life happens and things change. Just move on and keep your head up. It’s not such a bad thing to be single either.
30, you are still young, very young. Being in a relationship is not an achievement ot goal. Try to focus into something else and that guy around the corner will come after you believe me. If you make having a man a goal or an achievement you will be doing something men will be running away from.
Here's the deal ma'am. Women peak in their 30's. Even if you're one of those people who are meant to be alone until you die, you won't know until 60+ years from now. Might aswell give it a shot. Just don't let it distract you from living your life. I hope this helps.
Same problem here so let me ask you. Should I give up? I’m 33 and only thing I’ve always known was I wanted kids. Do I give that up?
Sometime considering things form another perspective or a different reason helps. Besides you’re asking this because you don’t wanna give up so who cares what people thing... you’re an idiot... not because you can’t make up your mind but because you’re asking others to make it up lol.
Good luck!
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