26 yo, still single and struggling?

[tommySubaru007]

Hello everyone,

I would like to seek advice or perhaps just some encouragement from you. I am 26 years old and still single. I have never been in a relationship. I thought it would get better, but it seems to be getting worse.

This year has been full of changes – I lost my car in an accident (not my fault), and as a result, I got my dream sports car. My parents divorced, and a lot of responsibilities fell on me since I was still living with them, and I promised to financially help my mom.

A month ago, my dog, whom I got for my tenth birthday, passed away. Even though I consider myself somewhat 'toughened up,' it hit me hard. Over time, I realize that I don't find joy in anything, and my life lacks fulfillment. I've been working continuously for almost 2 years without days off and weekends (I'm an freelancer).

Overall, I feel like my life suddenly doesn't make sense. I would like to find a partner to truly experience life and not just work. My main hobby is the gym, where I always find “peace on mind”, but when I get home, it gets in the same way.

I know that one should learn to be alone first - I can take care of myself, and I think I can even take care of someone else due to my family situation. However, I would like to engage in activities with someone else and maybe hear that someone loves me.

So, I would like to ask if anyone has been through something similar or has advice on how to cope with this?

Thank you in advance

[SueShe]

You are the only one that can help that situation.

In order to have friends or a girlfriend, you must be pro-active and find friends. They will not just pop up in your life without you being involved in the relation. Best is to join a club, take a hobby where you can meet people with similar interests.

If you are good at one specific occupation, then see if you can find a club or place where others meet that share that passion. The rest will just fall automatically into place. Sharing the same interests with a person is always a good start to get to know that person better because you have common grounds. The gym is not really the best place to find someone because everyone is too busy with themselves and most don't like to be disturbed while working out.

But you have to work on yourself first. That would include shyness and social anxiety.

You can train your approach, your attitude and expression in front of a mirror for example. Think of what message you want to bring across and rehearse it until you are satisfied. The next step is the most difficult one and that is the one where you have to put in practice what you learned and rehearsed.

But without you wanting and acting upon it, nothing will ever happen. You have to get out of your comfort zone for it to happen. The most important is not to be afraid to fail. If you are rejected, get back onto your feet and try again. Good luck.

[HelpfulWoman]

eh, you're wanting to use another being to feel better about yourself.
So you're not ready.

[Monalisa77]

Whats wrong witb that? Just the smallest of attention has given me so much confidence

[HelpfulWoman]

Yeah, advertising you're pathetic is not a flex.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo man, I can totally relate to what you're going through. It's tough being single in your mid-20s when it seems like everyone else is coupling up. But you're definitely not alone in feeling that way.

A few things that might help - first, try not to be too hard on yourself. Comparing to others will only make you feel worse. Focus on doing what's right for you.

Second, since the gym helps clear your mind, maybe also join some group fitness classes or intramural sports teams. Great way to meet new people and stay active.

See if there are any hobby meetup groups in your area too - like a book club or outdoor adventure group. Shared interests are a good way to find potential friends or more.

Lastly, don't forget the power of self-care. With all your responsibility it's easy to burn out. Make time to relax and do stuff just for you, even if alone. Your mental health and happiness shouldn't depend on another person.

Chin up bro - you've got a lot going for you. The right person will come along when you least expect it. In the meantime, focus on living your best life! Feel free to hit me up if you ever need someone to talk to.

[zeitgeist057]

You sound like you have some health issues. Physical health sounds decent, you're exercising regularly, not sure what your diet is like. Financial health and career sound good, you're working a lot and got the dream car, able to help out your mom.

Socially (and by consequence, mentally), you don't sound so hot. I don't think the solution is to jump into a romantic relationship, what I would suggest to you is to start to build your friends network. Or if you already have friends, start investing more time in those relationships. Literally, it's an investment. Take a day off, or multiple days, and spend them relaxing with other people who are relaxing. Have fun, tell jokes, talk about life, get in arguments, resolve them, laugh, play, explore, learn about each other and human interaction.

Once you have a social life, women will come to you when you are healthy in a balanced way. So ease up a little on the work, maybe even a little on the gym. Find what is taking up an inordinate amount of your time and energy, and adjust it a little. I'm not saying quit your job, just find balance.

[RavVid]

A pretty tough year for you. I get that life is not making sense to you.

You are still becoming an adult in reality during your 20's and there is not so good news. You only get unconditional love from your parents. Don't expect that in romantic relationships; they are highly conditional and transactional. So you need to develop what you would consider a good value proposition in a business sense from a girl. Whilst girl's have 5 foolscap closely written pages of what they want from you they haven't thought about what they bring to you at all. That is your responsibility. They'll bring nothing - not even fidelity - if you let them.

Don't be too anxious for a girl friend. For a start it fairly much isn't your call. 60-70% of 20's girls are partnered but only 30% of 20's guys are. So there is a high sexual imbalance in the 20's. Longer term you need to think about the divorce rate because you don't want to the assets you build up stripped off you.

Presently in Western countries the median length of marriage is 8 years till it ends in divorce and your loss of assets. 80% of these divorces are unilaterally declared by the wife so these are serious matters you need to consider well ahead of time. I only did after I had a helluva scare so I recommend thinking about it well ahead.

The thing is if you go into life all rainbows and unicorns you sort of arrest your adulthood development. As you have said you need to take care of yourself and stand on your own two feet. If you are in a relationship most of your attention and effort will go into that and you won't develop yourself as your own person standing on your own two feet. It is of paramount importance you do this and now is the time to do it.

Happy to talk further on dm if you like. You'll find a lot of good life info on the pyschacks YT channel. by a well qualified pyschologist. He is a doctor of pyschology and most aren't.

[Anonymous]

Stop living with your mom. I know you're helping her bro. Women don't care. They're going to see it as you still need mommy. Keep in mind once you have your own place then they're going to judge you on the quality of it. Now keep in mind you might do all of this and still no women will be interested.

Personally if we're you I'd keep improving your life. If financially FOR THE TIME BEING it's more beneficial for your mom and you to live together, do that. Any woman that doesn't understand that, f*** her! Go out on your free time and mingle. Go to concerts and music festivals these are the most relaxed places to meet women. There are cheap concerts with no name bands. You ain't gotta spend a lot of money to have fun. Not only will this improve your visibility with women. But it will improve your overall disposition on life.

Good luck man. Remember most women aren't going to approve of you and your life. But the right one WILL.

[JustMeQ2]

That’s depression! Go to a therapist, you’ll probably be given some antidepressants. When your mood improves on them it will be easier to tackle the things that are bothering you.

[Nikki1989]

You have to help yourself. I know that is not much help, but that is all you can do.

[In_Trance]

I think you have some things you need to work on before you would even consider being in a relationship