Why acting disinterested and passive-aggressive make some people even more insistent with you?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

[Ozanne]

It's a dangerous situation for some people who actually *don't* want something to do with a certain person. Some people who can't connect the dots properly and take it badly look at the person who is not interested - as if they are a game they need to win, and will verge into territory that leads to harassment.

If there is genuinely no interest, it should be made clear and said at least once (and if verbal, preferably again in a text or email too so there is a paper trail in case the issue becomes something you need to take to the police). Then when you make that choice, do NOT contact that person again, even if it's to ask "are you okay". If things do get out of hand, and the police are involved, they need to see that no contact from you was definite. Giving someone *any* amount of attention is terrible, even if it's to say 'go fuck yourself' because the person likely wants something/anything from you to remain attached to you somehow (even if it's now negative attention). They love the reaction. The best thing to do is not even remind them they need fucking off, but to just simple ignore (and save/archive anything that the police may eventually need to see). I'm only saying all of this because I went through it once, and that's exactly the advice the police had given me, which I strictly followed. Over time, the person does get bored not getting a reaction. It might not be tomorrow or next week, but eventually they hate not getting attention and move on to someone who will give it to them.

However, if it's just a silly game of trying to catch someone because they are trying not to seem too interested, fearing that if they throw up their entire feelings out there it will be a turn off, then you may know the game by the way the person does respond when they do. If both people are into that form of a mating dance, then that's their thing.

[btbc92]

Because people naturally desired to be attended to for attention. It's not that you're playing hard to get per se. But that independent people, in general, are attractive people to get to know. When people who aren't naturally independent act hard to get, it makes insecure people want them more. Being passive-aggressive simply depends on how you personally feel. If you're an emotional person you can't always help being passive-aggressive. Because when you expect a person to listen to you, and be accommodating as you are, they don't. It overall gets you upset. Then when you aggressive, then you are worse than passive. The truth is in healthy relationships, you don't need to do that because people care about your wellbeing as much as you do for them. Unstable people do that to everybody people. People who been hurt only do that to be who hurt them.

[guesswhoseback]

It has to do with scarcity and challenge. Most valuable things in life (which have nothing to do with relationships) require more effort to obtain. Our brains get trained with the scarcity complex. Valuable things are hard to get.

While this logical and often true, it’s not always true. Sometimes the best things we can have in life DO present themselves to us. But since they are so easy to get we self sabotage ourselves thinking it’s lower quality. Cruel paradox.

When it comes down to it both men and women are attracted to challenge but women much more so. Reason being a hypothetically equal (at least semi attractive) female will always get more attention and approached by men than her equal male counterpart. Only the top 1% of good looking men have this kind of pull. However even those guys have to have at least some personality and something going for them. If they are too introverted or weird even they will be ignored. Attractive women don’t have that problem unless they are truly psycho or lazy/worthless.

In general women just have is many more options in dating. So the guys who stand out the most are the one’s who act mostly indifferent to the girl. They will show initial moments of interest but they don’t overpursue. This makes them mysterious and women are very attracted to that. It’s cat like curiosity.
Nowadays is more about what men do NOT say or do that turns on women vs. what we overdo.

This sucks because most guys are action oriented. We are taught that we have to put effort into what we want in life. But when it come to dating this is extremely complicated.

[Anonymous]

I have done that with a girl I once liked

Except I started liking her , I asked her multiple times , we were close friends and she said no every time.

Then one day I was like Fuck it. I distanced myself from her not because I wanted her to fall for me or notice me but I actually wanted her to fuck off.

Turned out she started liking me back and tried to approach me multiple times but I was really over her lol.

But yeah , what you said is true. This kind of tactic can work if you want attention. But it's pretty underhanded

[___nik]

psychology studies have shown that you want something 10 times more when you believe it's unattainable than when it's not regarded as unattainable. this is the mindset behind playing hard to get or passive-aggressiveness and why it can allure people even more. however the woman in the your ecards picture genuine wants you to leave her alone.

[Sarahr123]

Because people want what they can’t have. That’s why when someone is in a relationship for a long time some people start to get bored and don’t put in effort cos they know they already have the person. People like the chase. They probably like to challenge themselves.

[Kurαȷ]

Because you are coming across as a superior mate.
By being uninterested in someone, you are indirectly indicating that they may be below your league.
But since people, especially women, are naturally driven to find a partner above their league, ability, quality or whatever else you want to call it, a certain amount of disinterest can motivate them to try harder, it makes you more desirable.

[Poppykate]

You do come across as hostile at times. 🤔 Maybe they think that’s your normal behaviour.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

True, and it works on most people in keeping distance.
But it's baffling how some other people just take it as a joke, laugh it off and get more friendly.

[Poppykate]

You do blow hot/cold as well. 🤔 Normal behaviour would be to tell the person that you wish to discontinue the friendship. It’s straightforward and honest behaviour. No drama. But I suspect that you like a little drama in your life. Lol 😂

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Maybe, I can't be 100% hostile

[Poppykate]

Well, that’s the difference between an adult and a child. As we grow, we learn to control our behaviour and outbursts, so that it’s acceptable behaviour.

[SphynxUK]

1. They like the chase.
2. They think you’re playing hard to get.
3. They’re not getting the message you aren’t interested.

[AlienParasite]

Some people have high attraction for what they don't have and seems difficult or nearly impossible to have. I'd say it's a sort of fetish.

[MissGeorgia]

Because some People aren’t used to being told no.
They probably have many other options, but many people want the challenge.

[Anonymous]

They’ve possibly been bought up with some abuse and even though they don’t like it they’re naturally drawn to the familiar because it feels less scary, unless they become aware of it and work through it.

[psychoticanimallover]

Cause it seems like you’re out of their league which makes ya seem hotter.

[WesBrewer]

You become a challenge that people want to conquer and uncover.

[pleasestopthis]

Because for some people the hunting gets more exciting with a bit of challenge. They get more obsessed when there's no interest.

[BeenThereLovedIt]

It's human psychology. People who act disinterested convey confidence and become more attractive to everyone else, be it lovers or friends, people want to be around those who appear/are more successful than themselves.

[sheikalana]

I also don't understand. I'm currently in a similar situation. They don't accept No for an answer.

[jamesgoldman]

I never got it either
I used to wear a wedding ring to get people to stay away

My second girlfriend wouldn't have become my girlfriend if she had paid attention to my general disinterest fostered by my desire to work

[fxllenone]

If someone tries to be passive-aggressive with me, then I annoy them even more due to the lack of straight forwardness. It is annoying to me when people play games.

[msc545]

They are trying to get your attention and won't give up easily.

[Everglow5]

I've only ever heard of this actually reigning true in fanfictions

[Anonymous]

Some people want what they can't have. If a girl acts this way towards me she won't have to run from me.

[Hangry22]

They like the chase. It's like a mission

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

It does the opposite for me.

[Kit_Kat88]

I hate mind games

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

@Kit_Kat88 so do I. People need to be honest with others and themselves about what they want.