"Look but don't touch" - how do you deal with someone who hates being touched?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

For me it's a golden rule.
I absolutely hate getting touched by anyone and find myself repeatingly yelling at my fiancée, my mother and cooperative girl to not touch me. It's not just because of Covid, but I've come to really resent it in the last weeks.
What about you?

[AlienParasite]

I only dislike beign touched by people I don't like or I lack of a strong bond with. I would understand if someone doesn't want me to touch them, though. Even if I appreciate someone as a friend, it doesn't have to be reprocicated or I can accept the person doesn't like hugs. However I wouldn't accept my boyfriend to dislike my touch. If he didn't want me to touch him... I don't think we would have become a couple in the first place. I really need hugging and touching my boyfriend when I feel it.

[psychoticanimallover]

Keep poking them until they give in.

[midnightmoon05]

This question makes me feel sad.
I remember one of my 5th grade students. She was new to the country. A very pretty girl. But with so much hurt.
She turned her head when I tried talking to her. She didn't want hugs or pulled away if I was too close. Slowly, she opened up to me about her family. By the end of the school year, I managed to give her hugs. Sometimes, I walked by while she reads and just gently pat her head to encourage her that she was doing well and a way for her to let her know, that touch was to show I care about her.
I think about how she would turn out.

I can see those that act out and I can also see those who kept to themselves in the classroom. Its love they missed from home.
My boyfriend loves it when I cuddle up and rub his back. Touches him gently.
My mom used to rub my back when I was little and gently caressed my arm... it felt really loving.
Touch is one way to show love/affection.

[Jamie05rhs]

@midnightmoon05 With all due respect -- and please understand I'm not saying you're a bad person -- I don't think you should pat someone's head while they're reading. It's like a sneak attack, and it's very alarming. I would feel violated if someone did that to me.

[midnightmoon05]

@Jamie05rhs not from behind. She knows I am doing it and I give her a smile.
Same to other students. That was a long time ago.
Now, we only give thumbs up from a distance.

[Jamie05rhs]

@midnightmoon05 Okay.

[tiptoe98]

Women like you are angels, I used to be a similar kid and the kindness of these female teachers stayed with me. I hope you know your sweetness to children can lighten up their little hearts

[SueShe]

While I understand and appreciate that you took the initiative to attempt to be tactile with this child, in certain cultures, patting on the head is considered taboo, such as Buddhists who consider the head to be the highest part of the body, both literally and figuratively. The taboo is much stronger in south-east Asia, especially Thailand.

[midnightmoon05]

@SueShe thank you. Yes, I am aware of these children’s background and family situations.

[midnightmoon05]

@tiptoe98 thank you for your kind words. Glad you are at a better place.

[Dongtai]

I definitely wouldn’t be dating someone who’s touchy if I “hate” being touched. You’re basically asking them to change who they are and vice versa.


I don’t like being touched without permission. Growing up I would hate when grown ups would randomly hug me or pat my head. My mom did it the most. It made me feel like she felt entitled to touching me and I had no rights to my own body. No I was never sexually abused. I do believe it’s important to respect physical boundaries though. Especially with children.


Anyway. How would I deal with this type of person? I’d respect them. Keep in mind that they don’t like being touched and that it’s nothing personal. If it affected intimacy though I couldn’t see myself committing to someone who was that severe with boundaries. Touch is important to me.

[electromagnetic]

Me too. Something about being touched erks my skin. I already feel like I’m wearing layers on layers borderline suffocating myself. Then to have one decide they wanna place their skin also... I’m polite though. I just say “ please come touch me. I’m feeling warm”

[nonratracereality]

We are human and crave and love interactions. It's our core. But through lifes trials and tribulations you may have been subjected to an issue or situation which made you feel a certain way and as a result you reacted and implemented a defense mechanism so you wint ho through that again but at a loss because most people want intimacy and not the reverse si in time you will be depicted as someone whose not emotionally or physically givibg.

[Floppy2112]

I don't like being inadvertently touched unless we're being deliberately intimate or romantic. I was always pushing my ex off me when watching tv or doing regular stuff, or sleeping.
If you're just touching me for no reason it drives me up the wall.

[hahahmm]

If my woman told me not to touch her I would think she's not into me anymore and she DOES want somebody else to touch her. Not wanting a stranger to touch you is different than not wanting your SO not to touch you.

[loveslongnails]

So you're not touchy at all, and your fiancée is? Man, you keep coming up with more and MORE reasons to find another girl. In this case however, I'd tell her -- find another guy !!! Touching and affection is a huge deal to someone who is like that, and the idea of spending your life with a partner who ISN'T like that, is just plain stupid.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

There's way and there's way to touch someone. I only get upset when she does it without warning or unproperly.

[loveslongnails]

Uh huh... and THAT is my whole point, which you miss. If you're an affectionate person, there's hardly ever a "wrong way" to touch someone. There are times when it's inappropriate in public, agreed. But if you're the kind of guy who might be working at your desk, and your lovely fiancée comes in to give you a hug or rub your shoulders, or God forbid kiss, and you bark at her "not now", SHE'S with the wrong guy! You shouldn't announce your intention to be affectionate to your partner! It's spontaneous, and it should be. Just more evidence, Jean-Marie.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

She knows my reasons and she accepted them, so it's her fault.
I told her over a year ago, and she accepted. It more or less works and I let her molest me most of the time without a complaint. I do enjoy certain things like cuddles and all, but she prefers other stuff most of the time.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

And that said, we do and don't do a lot of things other people find unacceptable, so I'm pretty jaded about other people's opinions and that's why I don't ask for and ignore advice.

[loveslongnails]

If you two are in agreement and think you can make it work, I suppose that's why you're engaged. I will wish you good fortune and hope it turns out well for you both.

[Agape93]

I just don’t touch them. For almost a year before, I didn’t want anyone touching me or looking at me too long. It through my anxiety into high gear. So I can certainly empathize with it.

[SphynxUK]

I’m not tactile.
I’m not a hugger either.
People coming too close isn’t a nice feeling, whoever they are.

[pleasestopthis]

I just don't touch them. But of course it's hard I'll ever become close to such a person, because I normally enjoy hugging close people, at least when we say hi and goodbye.

[zoe2187]

I don’t like being touched either. I like my space.

[Hhhyv666]

if it potential lover or lover, i think i will move on. it's hard to be in love when physical intimacy is not there. but other than that, i will respect their space

[A_Bell]

If you like tpuching, find someone else. I need physical closeness, I have no use for a touchless relationship.

[BunChan]

I don't like people casually touching me. But if it's someone I'm romantically involved with then I wouldn't mind.
Not wanting to be touched by the person I care about feels like a rejection.

[BlacklightShade]

Some people don’t like to be touched for one reason or another. It’s not for everyone so don’t feel bad. Your family just needs to learn to live with it.

[AdithyaR]

Yeah I feel you, I'm generally not a hugger, but I'll unwillingly do it inncertain situations.

The main thing for me is I hate being touched when I sleep so absolutely no cuddling and stuff, I like my space when I sleep.

[WesBrewer]

I couldn't date anyone that is a no-touch person, but I could be friends, since I don't really touch my friends anyway, lol.

[Zooooooooom]

I don't like someone who I'm not comfortable with to touch... My friends and family can touch me as it feels comfortable with them 😅🤗🤗

[Drakkith]

I probably wouldn't get into a relationship with someone who didn't like to be touched to your extent.

[Remyhehim]

Respect their boundaries, if they go to try physical contact let them and if they're comfy you can back. My friend doesn't like hugs, only when they go in for one first. It's key to get consent even in non sexual situations

[locutus9999]

I. am the same. I tell the ñoeple straigh foward that i feel uncomfortable. they may face body damage if they incist. and please if you cannot hold your need to hug me or puting a hand on my shoulder. please ask me before.

[David_Bayer]

I respect it most of the times. I myself am a hugger.

[slatyb]

I don't date that person. They are not capable of being a suitable partner for me.

[lightbulb27]

I love touch and touching, never experienced. I leave them alone.
pray with them? Air hug?

[sheikalana]

Respect their wishes. I'm also the type of person who hates being touched especially by strangers so I avoid touching other people too.

[TeeBar]

Are you suddenly remembering that you were molested when young?

[dreamstar72]

I don’t like being touched because it hurts due to nerve damage

[Jamie05rhs]

I don't like people touching me, either. If I had a girlfriend, I would let her touch me (nonsexually) but only if we were really close.

[chHaynes]

Personally if a girl doesn't want to be touched let's use a red flag

[JosyJosy]

I don't touch, simple

[EaterPeter]

I don't like it either. There is something to it. Most likely past.

[Anonymous]

You in conflict you in denial you in love... with another👀

[msc545]

You don't touch them, of course.

[Ruenella_]

Weird.