Have you ever dated someone who doesn't like body contact and being touched? What did you do?

[Ju_nishi]

I have been dating someone who is a fantastic person, but she doesn't like any kind of contact. The closest I can get to her is holding her hands as we talk. If I try to touch her in other ways, she seems annoyed and struggling to break free from me.

I understand that we meet in public spaces and we can't get too intimate, but I yearn for hugging, leaning on her, things like that.

Have you ever been in such a situation? What to do?

[JacobJordan]

Wife response. Yes my husband was very concerned about physical contact when we first met. After a few months with me he asked me to touch his face because he wanted to get more comfortable with physical contact. He closed his eyes and when I reached out and touched his face he flinched pretty badly but didn't give up. We spent a couple weeks slowly working on physical contact until he was comfortable with things like holding hands and hugging. A couple months later we had our first kiss.

Our advice is to talk to her about her discomfort see if she wants to get over it because it has to come from her and not for you. She has to want it herself. If she does then you can do little things like we did. It requires trust so make sure that you stop as soon as she asks. Don't force the contact longer than she feels comfortable. It may take a while so be patient and keep being understanding. That will show her you want to be with her despite the challenges and that is incredibly important.

[Ju_nishi]

Thanks for you kind words. I will try to talk to her more about it.

[caring__1]

You're both young and inexperienced. Does she know you are dating her, or does she just see you as a friend? She may be confused about her sexuality or see herself as asexual or not want others to view her as anything other than straight. Adolescence is a challenging time, where we explore to discover who we truly are. She may not have a clear understanding of how she sees herself. Discuss this with her, and see if she has a clear picture or is feeling confused. Don't force the issue. This is something that must progress at each individual's pace. If both of you aren't clear, open and honest with each other, she may fear anything she allows will only encourage you to want more. Though she may be comfortable with certain things, she may be scared to take things to the next step or get you started and discover you have no brakes.

[Ju_nishi]

Thanks for your answer. You may be on point with some of your suggestions. It is her first relationship and she might not be a hundred percent sure of her sexuality and her image.

At least I know that she thinks she is in a relationship and she wants it, because that we have talked a lot about.

[caring__1]

Make sure it isn't you doing the talking and she is doing the agreeing. Ask her what her ideal relationship would look like. If she could change anything about what the two of you have together, what would it be? Rather than just accepting a general statement of wanting a relationship, ask her what draws her to a relationship and what she gets from it. Ask her how a relationship with a girl differs from a relationship with a boy and what she sees as the pros and cons of each. Would she prefer a platonic relationship or a physically intimate one? What would be the pros and cons of each, and what would be her reasons for choosing her preference? If she wants physical intimacy, what does it look like for her, and how does intimacy add to subtract from a relationship, from her perspective.

Let her know there are no right or wrong answers. You just want to see things through her eyes, so you can learn to be respectful and considerate of her. Let her know you want to add to her life, not complicate it.

[Ju_nishi]

Thanks for your kind answer. I will try to ask her more what she thinks about it and her feelings. She is very kind and I am sure we will be able to work it out.

[caring__1]

Sounds great. Hope both of you enjoy the results.

[Singing_Hollow]

Love languages are so important because if a person who likes affection and touching is with someone who doesn't then your needs are not being met and will always be a topic to fight over. I personally can't be with someone who doesn't touch me or likes being touched, its who i am and its not something we can change.

[DizzyDesii]

Sometimes I am that person. Hand holding can get uncomfortable. Im not really a hugger (unless I’m being hugged from behind). I hate missionary because I feel suffocated if a guy doesn't support his weight. I don’t care to see the person daily nor weekly. Other than that, I love making out

[OlderAndWiser]

How do you know that she has an interest in doing anything more intimate? Among girls, holding hands can be quite platonic.

[Ju_nishi]

She says she is willing to try to have a romantic relationship with me, that is why I consider that she'd wish for closer contact sooner or later.

[OlderAndWiser]

Her actions do not match her words. Which speaks more clearly?

[AviatorTom]

I once dated a woman who wasn't interested in sex, but she loved to watch me masturbate. That worked for a while but we broke up after a few months.

[Sjoerd85]

Years ago I had a few dates with a woman who was interested in me, but who did not like being touched in any intimate way. So when I tried to kiss her, in a private setting, after a few dates, she reacted like it was some sort of an attack and hit some sort of emotional roadblock.

Later she explained in a text message it was because she was a victim of sexual abuse many years before, and has problems with intimacy ever since. She was interested in me though...

I decided this was not a good match for me; I like sex to get kinky at times, and with someone who is already going to need a lot of work to get comfortable with very basic intimacy, that's just not going to work. Sex is an important part of a relationship, and you just need to have a match there to make it work. There were more small things that came up during our dates which were not ideal in my mind, but this was the main one.

So I broke up with her. I explained why, but this (not very surprised here) didn't land well with her. Well... I prefer to be honest, I think even when the news is not good, it is still the best for everyone involved.

[Ju_nishi]

I think you did it right, since you were not willing to go forward.

[Jbear27]

You’re 16 and she is who knows how old. She might not be into boys just yet in a physical way… you both are probably virgins and everything is still new and intimidating. Just take it slow, see what happens. Be verbal and ask if she sees and feels the same about you if you can’t read her body language

[Ju_nishi]

She is 17, very shy and introverted.

Thanks for your answer. I think I need to be more patient.

Although I am not thinking about anything sexual, just needed to hug and get closer physically, she is the sweetest person I have ever met and I don't want to spoil anything

[Jbear27]

If that’s all you’re wanting there is nothing wrong with discussing that with her. Let her know and ask her if stuff like that makes her uncomfortable and see what she says.

[Ju_nishi]

Thanks. I will talk to her more about it.

[Kreneman]

Give her time and respect her body first, communicate on she is and learn, in then be patient (if she worth waiting for) until she understands on how you are. I dated a woman like that in then until she got to know me and as well as getting comfortable with me, she wanted physically affection because led by examples. What I learned from her is that she did not understand love affection or man being a gentleman to her so we became friends.

[Ju_nishi]

Thanks. She is definitely worth waiting for, so I will try to be more patient and talk to her more.

[RavVid]

Ok it is lesbian and she might not like being seen in a same sex couple scenario.

Is it the same in private though you have said you meet in public spaces so maybe you don't know

[Ju_nishi]

In private I don't know. I will have to wait a while before we can meet alone.

[RavVid]

I think it is best to take it slow and wait. You and I presume her are quite young, so don't put pressure on her is my advice. Be patient.

[19magic]

Sorry nope deal breaker, any future guy must like hugs, kisses snuggles or we're over. Just to press though that doesn't make it an excuse to force your self on someone though.

[jshm2]

Why the hell are you wasting time on this neurotic person?

Not every person you "like" is worth your time, let alone relationship.

[Jonnywayne]

Yes, unfortunately I've experienced it before. The girl didn't mind giving me her hand, but when I touched her shoulder she immediately moved away. I then gave up and stopped seeing her. I don't know how the problem could have been solved.

[loveslongnails]

Yes, and I found this out on the first date, there was never a second date. People like that are not for me.

[glennos89]

Then that person isn't the right one for you I'm afraid

[Raaj4you]

If my future girlfriend doesn't let me touch, kiss, cuddle and hug her then I would breaking up with her immediately.

[SUMAIREBRAHIM]

I don't like contact too... But again it depends on people I'm okay with certain girls and I'm not okay with certain girls it's like that

[Anonymous]

She’s maybe not comfortable with a lesbian relationship.

[PreciousJewel]

Well don't date her if she doesn't meet your standards

[Anonymous]

I could not date someone like that. What would be the point?

[Fireguy17]

No, but I would probably move on.

[DextroShade]

That would be a total deal-breaker for me.

[DreamLife7]

He's not attracted to you

[BLP11520]

Broke up