What should I do about my friend beating his girlfriend?

Question

razelove · Accepted Answer

Nothing. Make the decision if that's the company you want to keep. Things tend to escalate on both sides there.

First off, it takes two people to have an abusive relationship. When she got hit the first time and didn't report it, maybe there was some valid reason or excuse. The second or third time she became a willing participant.

Second, what is the dynamic? Is this kink gone a little too far, does she enjoy being beat and they're handling it in an unhealthy manner, is she hitting him first and hoping for that response? Is he kicking the crap out of her for his chicken pot pie being too cold, or what?

Treat it the same as you would if he was being beat, don't automatically jump into rescue mode and assumptions. One thing you may not realize, in many states if domestic is reported, both parties go into holding, because wow, the police noticed after a couple hundred years that it takes two for the abuse to not start, but CONTINUE. Also that the party not in holding will bail the other out to simply get arrested again for domestic in the very near future.

Back off of them, let that play out as it will, and maybe just tell your friend to find a better way to resolve conflicts or sexual frustration, whatever's going on there. Some way that won't get one or both of them standing tall in front of a judge. Tell him that what you're seeing makes you think of him as a piece of shit, whatever, but really, that's their business.

If it was just men, there wouldn't be abusive lesbian relationships.

VertigoJ · Accepted Answer

Firstly, have a word with your friends girlfriend. Advise her to take action preventing him going near her. Advocate police involvement. If you are ever on hand when he becomes violent, separate them, but, if you feel unable to do so, call the Police. Don't ever get involved and be talked out of it by either party, get the girl away from him, insist he doesn't accompany her home, et al, if he will not just go home, or somewhere else away from his girlfriend, involve the police. In the event you do feel capable of safely handling the situation, always err toward as little force as is needed. The girlfriend may become concerned over him if you batter him. Finally, talk with your friend about it, advise him to stop, separate or to get help if he needs it, but make it clear, you cannot countenance his behaviour. Don't intercede directly if you cannot continually back it up.

I say this in spite of my first instinct being to beat him till he wets himself, then tell him to leave town before daybreak.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Don't interfere. Chances are she love the drama. My mother was a battered woman. Her relationship with my father was that he would get angry, she would wind him up deliberately until he beat her. Then she'd solicit help and support from the entire family, friends, social workers, police, women's aid. But it was she who manipulated him. I remember one time she had us up at our uncle's place and he came around shouting and roaring. Our aunt hid us in the shed outside while my uncle talked to him and settled him down. As my father was leaving my mother jumped out the shed screaming obscenities at him until he hit her, my uncle gave my father a beating and my mother left. Next morning I went home to get my school uniform from our house and there was my father and mother lying naked on the couch black guys battered and bruised. My mother used to date or even flirt with other guys to make my father jealous.
After my father died she dated a whole series of lovely men she wound up and manipulated into beating her.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

If you are there when it occurs, call the police and hope the woman charges him with domestic abuse. If she does, then you can be a witness at the trial and he'll be convicted. Otherwise, this will continue until someone might be killed: the girlfriend. People who are abusive will not change until something drastic happens in their lives. Jail time might be that impetus.
Once your friend is in jail, you might keep in contact with him to see how he's doing. He might feel that you've betrayed him, but what did you do? You told the truth about his behavior. Abusers are like rapists: They never think what they've done is that bad. Well, shit, I was beaten like that by my father, mother, aunt, uncle... I've survived.
This is a sad situation.
If you friend will not stop and his girlfriend will not charge him or leave.
YOU NEED TO LEAVE THIS SITUATION. Give it a minute and assess what is happening. If it's the same old same old, get out and leave those two in your rearview mirror.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

You know, a FEW details might be helpful if you really want advice. Just a suggestion!

MsTaniaUncensored · Answer

Call the police and report the domestic abuse and then question why you are friends with someone like him. Abuse of a partner is just not okay. His girlfriend needs your help here, sometimes people in relationships are too close to it to help themselves.

PaynefulPleasures · Answer

First off I wouldn't class him a friend if he's beating his girlfriend. Secondly you need to take a stand don't act like this ain't none of your business. Talk to this person & let them know if this continues that you'll be going to the authorities. How would you feel if the beatings went to far & she's killed? I would think not very good. So do the right thing & be a voice. That's the choice I'd make.

NetSapien · Answer

First and foremost, protect her.

You're the only other male there I suppose? Get in the way, take the blows while trying to talk him down and letting him see reason. If you cannot, take her out of the situation then. If all else fails and you have no other option, kick his ass or call the cops.

After which, I would suggest you be a little more conscious about who you call friend. Losing your temper at a female you're calling a girlfriend is not normally a masculine quality and is instead giving ammo to the ignorant people that take it and call it "Toxic Masculinity".

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

I would say kick his ass, but historically speaking, many abuse victims take their abuser's side following an altercation he's involved in. So, I don't know, maybe talk to her one on one and see if she wants out, then offer to take her to station to file a police report. Depends how unstable your "friend" is, could he come after you as "retribution" for getting involved? You gotta weigh up the risks before committing to any line of action. (Although he does deserve a good beatdown in my opinion; whether that duty falls on YOUR shoulders, I couldn't possibly say.)

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

If there are a few of you, have a serious word with him, beat his ass.

report it.

butvif you know the girl, try to get her to leave or to some place safety.

Confirm it’s true and get evidence then report it reported to police.

the girls safety is main thing.

SomeBlondeChick · Answer

First, get evidence. Second, report him.

Third and most importantly.
Figure out who you want to hang out with. Friends like this piece of trash reflect on you & if you hang out with him people are going to think you're likewise trash.

HawkPerception · Answer

You know this dude beats his girlfriend and still call him a friend? Brother, if you plan on getting involved, then I suggest sitting him down and talking about it seriously. If he continues, then I'd try talking to her seriously about it and suggesting if he continues, that she gets a restraining order. And if you don't plan on getting involved, then I highly recommend you reevaluate what you consider friend qualities.

WhiteWolf69 · Answer

Whoop his ass or call the cops. Get her put of there and protect her. No one should have to go through any type of abuse ever. I know. I was in her position at one time in my life. Bullies like that, that take advantage of people they know they can. This pisses me off. If you were any kind of decent human being you wouldn't be asking something like this and waiting around for answers from strangers. You would stand up and do something. If she ends up dead and you knew you could have done something to help her? How's that going to sit with your soul?

ohshee · Answer

You do something about it right then and there you have about five options I would pick one of them and do it at that moment no matter what has happened to me in my life I can basically deal with it Let It Go there's three things in my life that I will not let go this is one of them you need to stand up is your voice if that doesn't work you have four more options better pick one. Because if you don't put a stop to it you might as well be beating on her too because you are letting it happen

SirJohn42 · Answer

Well od say knock him the fuck out. No man has a right to beat a woman.
Simple is call the police report that he's beating her.
Whatever you do dont sit back and let him do it.
If anything step in dont let him hurt her.
Even if she says she dont want help dont let it happen.

ChocoBrowny · Answer

omg at the girls saying report him, they seem to have ignored the 'friend' part of your question. Dumbos.
Well this is not right is it, have you confronted him? You should and tell him youve lost respect for him, that his issues are not representing your values and harming your reputation. Then tell him you'll help him through it if he wants to talk about it and that until then you dont trust him.

Anonymous · Answer

Tell him that its not right and he can get in big trouble for it. You can also get proof if he does not listen. Step in when you can and if you have to report it to the police. I was in a domestic violet situation once by someone called Michael Barton so i know what it feels like. If yiu can please healp the girl out.

Andres77 · Answer

He needs to stop.
How do you feel getting into a physical confrontation with him and/or losing him as a friend?
She should be protected.
Talk to him or if you're afraid of him then just report him. Help her take pics of bruises and damage.
She needs to leave.
He needs help.
But he has to be stopped.

Anonymous · Answer

I can't believe how many mental ill incels/femcels make fun of this or use it to push their political ideology or do not take this serious. Just call the police even if she does not want you. Sometimes victims like her have stockholm syndrom which make her endure the abuse and it is disgusting how some idiots think women like this abuse since they dont/can't leave their bfs/gfs

Hyped_up_on_coffee · Answer

Call him out on his shit , it’s not ok to abuse your partner. Talk to her and notify her family and the authorities as well.

Wiredone · Answer

If he was my friend I'd tell him straight out, you lay another f#@$ing hand on her again I will show you how it feels to be in her shoes while you beat her. If he did it again I would beat the shit out of him, drag him to my house then say he broke into my house so I defended myself and press charges myself. You do more time for breaking and entering than you do for domestic abuse

Agape93 · Answer

Get proof, and then beat his ass. Big time. If he goes to the cops, show him the proof and threaten to have him jailed and that youd show his family and friends.

CelineBV · Answer

Report him and make him your ex friend. To continue being his friend means you're condoning bad behaviors.

LivingExample · Answer

You can start by Stop being his friend. Tell him you Cannot be his friend Anymore. If he values your friendship he will ask you why. When he ask you why tell him it is because he beats his girlfriend. Tell him you Cannot continue to be friend unless he stops. If he does Not ask you why then you know he is Not a friend. It is up to the girlfriend to call the Police!

Inexpensivefurniture · Answer

That's a tricky one, because if you confront him, his girlfriend will be the one to take the brunt of his anger later. You could try calling the cops, but if she isn't ready to leave him yet she might cover for him.

Pyrofox · Answer

If it were me I'd hide the girlfriend... Get her to be able to stay with a mutual female friend. Pay that mutual friend to keep the girlfriend safe and comfy and then. Get prepared to down play the disappearance. And let the relationship sizzle out.

spartan55 · Answer

In HS a guy in our group beat up his girlfriend. Once we all found out he was basically blackballed from our whole group. It stuck too. Fucking lowlife he was.

kkirk4442 · Answer

End the friendship, as what he is doing is reprehensible. Unless he sincerely looks for help, and actually does what is necessary to get the help, and actually makes good progress.

sheikalana · Answer

Give her full support. Honestly I know this is not my business but as a friend I would tell her if you don't let this guy go I'm going to the police.

Daniela1982 · Answer

You actually have a friend who does this? Kick his ass and show him how it feels.

JuliaStyles · Answer

You actually have someone who you call a friend that does this? Do you really want a friend like this?

cheapshotbob · Answer

your a guy right? kick his butt unless you some how relate t what he did which means you might as well beat more than he did

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Oof... friend, that's a tough spot to be in. I'm sad to say that I have been in your shoes. I think all you can do is confirm that it's actually happening and support the girlfriend as best you can.

worldscolide · Answer

This actually happened to me, my sister in law's husband beat her bad enough that he broke her arm.. After I was done with him, he spent 6 months in the hospital, and I explained to him that if he ever touched her again, I wouldn't hurt him, I would kill him.. It's been three years, and he has not touched her since..

EaterPeter · Answer

You can call cops for her welfare check right after one of this episode happens as you know. They will need proofs and her to be pressing charges or witness you acan be witness but you are her friend so there can be conflict of interest

DJB72 · Answer

Help her get away from him. Report to the police and do whatever you have to do to protect her. Your "friend" doesn't deserve your loyalty.

exitseven · Answer

You need to talk to him about it. Either that or talk to her about it. It sucks to be in the middle of this but it could end badly.

RustlessRodney · Answer

Beat his ass, or call the cops. Depending on how real you are.

Eleni1101 · Answer

Call the police say something to her tell her to leave him before she dead.

jshm2 · Answer

You collect the evidence, but encourage them to come forward to report it, and help them through it.

Wise4myage · Answer

Get proof, like photos for instance and then go to the police. Beating his ass would be good, but he'd likely take it out on his girl friend.

es20490446e · Answer

What is the least traumatic way to solve that? I suspect that, at this point, it's just reporting him.

K-I-S-S · Answer

Beat up your friend. It's what a good friend would do.  Teach him that it's not a normal way to run a relationship.

Browneye57 · Answer

Stay out of it. Even cops loathe responding to a domestic dispute - they're highly likely to get shot.

shalt · Answer

File a report and testify yourself. You can witness a crime and still report it. Cops follow up, if she has bruises in her torso then it's endangerment

Angelo75 · Answer

Well you could punch em in the face and asks if he likes it.

dreamstar72 · Answer

Get him real drunk get him a tattoo that says ‘TANK TOP’, maybe afterwords kick his a$$

DWornock · Answer

Just give her sympathy but otherwise don't get involved. To get sympathy is the reason she allows herself to be beaten.

Harleyguy · Answer

Contact the police. Don’t hesitate. There no reason to tolerate that crap. That guy is a pussy. I’d also ditch that looser as a friend and Luba beating to his ass too

Riddler1412 · Answer

If it was me, I'd introduce him to old lefty then to old righty. To see how he feels being hit.

SkyBreeze77829 · Answer

Call the f# police. The fact that you still need to ask is f# disgusting.

Kayokenx3 · Answer

You and your friend's contact the police immediately and both you and her file a heavy restraining order against him.

Paul09 · Answer

Why do these women stay in these relationships? I'd rat on my friend, then un-friend him. If I could, punch him in the nose.

Anonymous · Answer

Why the hell on earth are women tolerating such men 😫

Hoper-101 · Answer

call the copes, like NOW

msc545 · Answer

Nothing - it is not your problem and you need to stay out of it.

COMMODOREII · Answer

Take him down and let his girlfriend kick him a few times. 😎

OddBeMe · Answer

I’d stop being his friend for one. Then try to convince her to leave him.

Steve1071 · Answer

Notify the authorities before somebody ends up dead.

Cicero79 · Answer

Beat the fuck out him. Then call the police.

Anonymous · Answer

Beat him, if she defends him beat her too. Clarification of beating hierarchy is the only thing you can do among this kind of stupid people.

Sia_nee · Answer

Get evidence and report him

Anonymous · Answer

do not enter between them. this event does not concern you.

PinkHamster · Answer

Help her get out of this toxic relationship

What should I do about my friend beating his girlfriend?

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