Why am I only looked at as a person to have sex with but not a relationship?

Question

How can I change this? I  would love to be in a relationship one day and hopefully have kids get married some thing.  But most guys are OK with using me to cheat with their person or be secretive or have sex and not a relationship.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You said you are “only looked at as a person to have sex with but not a relationship” and “most guys are OK with using me…”

In order to change this, try to figure out what the “common denominators” are between these past “wrong” guys:

- Are you looking for the wrong characteristics/traits in a guy—such as: just their good looks & charisma, and not also their mind/spirit and honesty/humbleness/kindness (?)

- Are you finding these guys in the wrong ways and in the wrong places—like just randomly and in bars, instead of through friends & family and in church & activity-related clubs/activities (?)

See the following questions..

Which “attractiveness characteristics”— Body, Mind, Soul, Spirit—appeal to you the most and make you feel the most compatible w a potential SO?

Girls, BESIDES looks & sexuality, which of the following traits are the most important to you for a romantic male interest to have?

Leavesbound · Accepted Answer

Most guys under 30 just want to party and have sex. I'm assuming you are limiting your dating to guys under thirty? I suggest expanding your pool of potential mates by including the oldest you are comfortable dating as their added maturity will more closely match what you are seeking in life. The average woman your age is about 5-10 years ahead of guys the same age when it comes to maturity and life goals.

Avicenna · Answer

It could be that it just what the guys want that you interact with and it's just a coincidence that it's you.

That said, if you want guys who want a real relationship, look for them and don't just go for looks (if that's what's happening).

Xitomyth · Answer

You attract the wrong guys? Seems you just tend to run into the wrong type of guy for you... Expand your search or tweak what you're looking for, at least then you'll know if it's you, or who you're looking for. I would need to see a picture of you as you normally are or how present yourself to potential matches, then I can analyze you and see if it something as simple as how you dress or you manner/bearing. You could take it as a compliment in that guys see you as physically sexy... You could be giving off the vibe that you are looking or something physical instead of romantic. Message me if you want me to asses you, I'll give you me e-mail so you can send me an pic to look over. (Please no nudes)

ohshee · Answer

So that means you're making sex too easy access if you want what you want what you just said you need not to have sex with a guy you need to be his friend and you need to let him prove how much he likes you if you can't prove it then don't have sex with him I could give you better sex phone sex then you probably get from guys they're married in blah blah blah and that's guaranteed by the way I know it's a choice your choice you get treated the way that you allow these guys to treat you if you let him treat you that way you're always going to be in the same boat make them work for it and you will get what you want let them prove it to you and quit going out with married guys they're married Karma will hit you one day after all this bullshit you'll find the right guy get married and then what some ladies going to go have sex with him don't let that happen by allowing yourself to keep doing what you're doing

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Because you're letting those guys have sex with you. You need to be more assertive and stick up for yourself. Tell them "NO" clearly, and mean it! I think it may be a self-confidence issue, and you're afraid of offending people. You need to work on that.

FlowerSeeds · Answer

That is wrong and I for one felt like this too and I hate it, I want to be in a good relationship and get married to the man I love and make him happy but I don't want to be seen as someone who's only good for sex and then thrown away with. My advice is to pray and ask God to help you find someone good for you and won't make you feel that way.

Mofunfour20 · Answer

You can't blame the men for leaving after sex, what did you have to offer them? Anyone im prepared to die for has to support my purpose, be fit, feminine, friendly, able to cook, clean, and give me a sense of peace i can't find anywhere else in this chaotic world. Til then i will rather be in a relationship with the gym and my purpose

Oram52 · Answer

You need to provide more information, absolutely nothing to go on :)
But you need to take some responsibility too. if this is something repetitive then clearly there is some bad judgement on your behalf too. Sit down with your friends and ask for their opinion especially male friends.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

So would I, darlin'! Almost got married and had kids with her, twice but, she HAD to abort both times. Dr. said it might kill her to have a kid and the kid might not live, either.
As for your issue, I don't know for sure but, I'd have to guess that, maybe you give it away and they know this!

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

NEVER go with a guy who wants just sex if that’s not what you want. He’s not gonna change his mind if you bang him.

jerdanro · Answer

Don't have sex too soon after you meet them or sext right away. When you begin being physical don't go all the way in day one.

(Does not include men waiting for marriage) Most men, even nice well meaning men will have sex when it is offered. If you want to see who eamts to be your boyfriend amd who just wants in you pants, make him wait a couple weeks or however long you want.

Wiredone · Answer

Apparently you are letting them do it. You should look for guys who only want a relationship. Don't have sex with them right away. Make them wait until you get to know them better. It's your body, you let them have sex with you when you know there is chemistry and a chance of a long term relationship.

buddysboy16 · Answer

It's because you let them. If you make your intentions clear from the start and maybe hold out until you 2 have more of a connection it could be different. Some guys will still use you though. That's just how the world works

pizzalovershouse · Answer

Just surround yourself with positive people friends an family an work on what things you would like to improve about your self

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

What do you actually do to advertise yourself to anyone who isn't a filthy casual sex addict? You have to be seen and heard by nice guys to get nice guys.

slatyb · Answer

Why do you keep. having sex with people who don't share your goals?

AmeerX · Answer

You allow them to use you like an object. Stop being easy to sleep with

loveslongnails · Answer

How do you "present", aka "what do you look like" and what vibe do you put out?  A pic would have been helpful.

Maspolomas · Answer

Cut those men off start thinking of how your want to be loved and only look for men who want to love you. Don’t have sex with them right away make them wait a long while

FilmGuy93 · Answer

What kind of hobbies and personality do you have? What's your vibe?

alexis6996 · Answer

Girl, sometimes some of us are too hot and guys only want us for our looks

Waldoe · Answer

stop giving it away, why are you having sex with everyone? You can say NO to everyone that is NOT in a serious, permanent relationship with you.

jasco · Answer

Bad taste in men. Something about your personality isn't what men look for that want a relationship.

anylolone · Answer

Good chances that it's because that's what you are looking for.

Pterodon · Answer

Date older men. Most aren’t ready to settle down like that till mid 30’s

2021biguy · Answer

Don't have sex unless you are in a relationship then.

Shihab91 · Answer

Dress more modesty... not sure if answered you before...

bigfinger4u · Answer

I don't know I would need to know u more and see a pic of u... honest...

Anonymous · Answer

i'm wanting to marry the person i love not just sex

teamvic · Answer

It's gonna be the guys you're choosing to talk to

legalboxers · Answer

pick and choose better

douride2 · Answer

You could stop putting out so easy.

Fuentes · Answer

Stop spreading them. legs

msc545 · Answer

Perhaps having sex with you is really easy?

COMMODOREII · Answer

That's crazy

Why am I only looked at as a person to have sex with but not a relationship?

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