Why do I always end up being the girl guys use for sex instead of a relationship?

[nojokecarmichael]

I'm a great girl, naturally pretty (no weave nor makeup) and so many people tell me it. I dress nice, I'm sweet, caring, etc. I have some flaws like everyone obviously.

It's just that other girls get asked out to date and those guys fall in love with them and get used and cheated on. Maybe I'm boring (only a few people can make me super comfortable) but what could be the reason that people don't want a relationship with me and only see me as a girl they can have sex with? No one tries to get to know me on a deeper level. They go after girls that aren't even that attractive or are attractive but have shitty attitudes.

Updates

+1 y

Note: I've only slept with two men in my entire life. One was in a relationship and the other was a "One night" stand with a guy a knew from high school.
By boring, I mean I'm quiet unless someone makes me super comfortable so they might not see me as interesting if I'm not out there personality wise

[hellionthesagereborn]

Well, what do you do with these guys? Are you putting out early because that is going to make a guy see you as nothing but a one night stand (you put out easily for him it means you put out easily for others and that means multiple partners, that in turn means increased likely hood of cheating etc. so men avoid those girls for relationship). If that is what your doing, don't do that, learn to take your time and not jump into sex.

Are you presenting yourself in a purely sexual way i. e. what kind of clothing are you wearing, how do you speak to them etc. If your showing yourself as purely sexual then that is what they are going to see you as.

Where are you meeting men? Where you meet them is going to create a certain vibe and thus a certain expectation.

As for being boring, well, how are you boring? What are your hobbies, what do you enjoy? To be relationships material you need to be engaging but that means passion for something, a hobby etc. So what is it that your passionate about and what are your hobbies?

[nojokecarmichael]

I don't sleep with any of them. I've only slept with two men in my life. That one part about putting out easy might explain why me and this one guy from high school only had a one night stand. So thank you for that but that's basically what he wanted anyways, that's how the interaction started.

[hellionthesagereborn]

Okay, so how do you dress and talk/flirt? If its overly sexual that is what a guy will think of first. If that is not the case, where are you meeting these guys? I mean usually guys who want sex are far more aggressive with hitting on women because to them, the goal is sex not to be with a person so if she rejects him he is indifferent, for a guy who wants a girlfriend and long term relationship he is much more cautious how he approaches a girl because she is the goal not sex so he doesn't want to scare her off or make her think he is a creep. So that could be an issue as well (your responding to a much more aggressive style of flirting).

So again, where are you meeting them, how do they approach you etc?

[Anonymous]

You aren't the only one, probably most women experience this. The key is NOT to take this personally because it's not likely anything at all to do with you as a person, it's THEM totally! They don't want a relationship period and common your age. Just keep searching. A couple of things that will help though, is first, when you meet a guy, immediately find out what he's looking for and what you are (ie, relationship). Don't worry about "scaring him away" or anything like that because if a guy wants a relationship as well, he's not going to be scared away at all. As well, you've verbally established intentions, both of you. Yes he can lie about that, but when it's openly discussed early, most guys aren't going to lie (or you'll be able to tell, example if they hesitate or are unclear, that says something). The other thing you can try is if you normally go for a certain type of guy, try others that maybe you wouldn't normally. It's often the quiet guys that don't approach that are more open to more serious relationships. But, you might also have to approach them!

[Espresso-Grande]

You're probably just unfortunate to come across the guys who don't want a serious committed relationship.

[iseekpinetrees]

You prob give it up too easily and don't create a relationship before the sexual relationship.

[nojokecarmichael]

I don't sleep with any of them. I've only slept with two people in my entire life

[iseekpinetrees]

It's a two way street. You need to be able to share a piece of who you are so they open up you.

[Anonymous]

There's a lot I could ask about how you're going about finding the guys you'really finding, and how you're concluding that they want sex and nothing but.

I've noticed that a lot of women, especially younger ones, will think that if a guy brings up sex, then he's positioning her as a one night stand girl and excluding her from anything else. This is encouraged by the fact that younger guys often don't have the social grace to understand that women don't just walk into bed the way a dude would. So they think that asking "can we have sex" is a reasonable question on date #2.

Maybe talk a bit about your last interaction with a guy you were interested with? But only if you're comfortable.

[TheDomimantOne]

Sorry to be brutally honest here, but unfortunately there are 2 things I see wrong here.

1. You have no respect for yourself, because if you did, you wouldn't be sleeping around. And

2. You give in too easy, if you KNOW that there's a bar that you won't go below, STICK TO IT! Because in the end, the RIGHT GUY WILL sweep you off of your feet! BUT YOU MUST STICK TO YOUR STANDARDS! (If not raise them)

After all, you can't be flying with the eagles if you keep hanging around a bunch of turkeys!

[nojokecarmichael]

Omg, I don't sleep with anyone. I've only slept with two men in my entire life.

[Anonymous]

I'm also in the same part except for the sex part. It's tough to find someone who would love you for being you and make a deeper connection. I often tried telling girls that I want to be in love not just lust or hook up. Yes I want to get married or maybe long term committed stuff, and achieve mutual goals, support my partner the best I can and be there for her. I know it sounds a bit weird but the truth is good guys are often pushed back by girls. I never dated and now when I'm looking for committed relationship girls don't trust that a decent, loyal, and emphatic guy exist in the dating world. I see girls are judgmental now and it's not even their fault tbh.

[ToastyOats]

Your not upfront about your goals, you are letting yourself be used and your probably not a good judge of mens morality. Its also important that if you want a thing your willing to live the life it takes to have that thing. You probably have some habits that are conducive to a relationship like being overly flirty, dressing provocatively or drugs/partying. Most likely a combo of these. You have to understand also a man who want a relationship will either want children, A. Or B. He is child that needs a mommy.
Do with that what you will.

[HawkPerception]

All I want to say is... learn to filter better. I can't complain about either of my past relationships. They were both good girls that decided I wasn't worth it. I filtered well and so did they. I never wanted to end the relationships, but they both decided I was going no where in life (so far I'm not lol... so yeah.

You can tell I'm drunk writing this haha.

[Billlewis]

All you have to do is start acting like you're the hottest woman in the world, and that guys should be begging you to let them kiss your ass. You'll be amazed by how quickly they change their attitude towards you.

[JustinTimberlegs]

You sound like an absolute catch! Sorry you keep running into those kinds of people though. Don't let it get to you, I know you'll find that person and when you do it'll be even more amazing. Best wishes!

[MotorcycleMan]

Very difficult to answer without knowing you, but maybe you're giving it up too easy. Develop the relationship first, then have sex.
But first, call me. lol

[nojokecarmichael]

I should have rephrased the question. I don't have sex with them. They try to have sex though.

[MotorcycleMan]

Hold out for what you want then :)

[Anonymous]

Because whether you choose those kind of guys. It's really that simple. You might be subconsciously attracted to those guys.
There's a YouTube video that explains why men and women choose the partners they do. We don't choose what's best for us. We choose what is familiar to us.
In short all the guys that f*** you and dump you are sll exhibiting the same traits that whether you know it or not are drawn to.

[Jlegacy]

Life is all about aura. The funny thing about aura is it can be spiritually influenced. Meaning the state of your spirit determines the quality of aura you radiate. Check that.

[nojokecarmichael]

How?

[Jlegacy]

You need God for that. I don't know any other way.

[weeee]

you're simply with the wrong kind of men then. There are plenty who are looking for meaningful relationships

[nojokecarmichael]

Yeah and some of them ("the right kind") aren't attractive or they chase after a certain type of girl. Girls that aren't as pretty or are just as pretty but are bitches or use them for money and material things.

[weeee]

Maybe its this attitude that turns off those men from approaching you

[nojokecarmichael]

Maybe I'm too weird for the type of men in my environment

[Anonymous]

Some guys just pretend to get to know a girl then use them as a toy and dump them and those guys are trash (I happen to be in the garbage with them) but the good guys are normally the ones living life and not looking for love. Those guys are hard to find but worth it if you find one

[FunkyMonkee]

Could it possibly be something in the air... like, your feet?

[FunkyMonkee]

So, have you read any good books, lately?
Do you live around here often?
Have you ever gone fishing?
What kind of cake do you like?

[Gustav1]

There really isn't much information to go on form this post of yours. But I'd take a shot in the dark that you just haven't found a mature mate yet.

[princeofromance]

You are making yourself to readily available. Make them come to you for a change.

[nojokecarmichael]

They do. I don't come to them, I just said that a thousand times. no one is chasing them

[Tomisalami7]

Thats who you are. Just as the gay next to me is accepted yet im hated and bullied. Every is different and is treated differently, in every interaction.

[Anonymous]

we all go through this, yours will come along. mine hasn't yet either, but i'm in no hurry

[Alejandro3000]

You have nice fringe hair, heh heh

[Opinion Owner]

@Alejandro3000 what is fringe hair bae?

[Alejandro3000]

little hairs ^^

[Opinion Owner]

@Alejandro3000 ok thanks i never heard that one before

[Alejandro3000]

Not everyone appreciates fine details. I also like other things but only if I made the girl express herself

[Opinion Owner]

@Alejandro3000 send me a message

[888theGreat]

you allow it to happen and having casual sex with strangers is not being too great

[Slim57]

Because you let them and no one uses anyone for sex

[nojokecarmichael]

I don't let anyone do anything and per the update I don't sleep with any of them

[Yourfriend2021]

It's not easy to find someone in today's world.