Recently found out I was the side chick the entire time... Why do men cheat on their long-term girlfriends?

[MitchieRose21]

So about two years ago, I began talking to this guy online through one of our mutual friends. We got along immediately and we began to have feelings for each other. I did, at one point, push him away but always went back to giving him a chance because he would say he did not lose feelings for me ever. We started a relationship back in May of last year but I noticed at times he would avoid me or just text me whenever he got the chance, claiming he was always busy (that definitely should've been my first clue) Because of that distance, I broke up with him.

He blocked me from social media and then about a month later, he messages me again saying that he missed me. I still didn't feel like giving another chance because I knew he was leaving for the air force soon, but after his few attempts, saying he still loved me, that I was his first choice, that whatever happened he still wanted me back, that if it became even more serious, that he was to take me away after he got out of technical school, I accepted him back. We went out on one more date, we had intimacy again and then again, went missing and wouldn't talk to me. I started becoming depressed because I could not shake the feeling of being used. He left recently for boot camp and I found out many things, that he was actually in a relationship so I was his side chick the entire time.

Then (I know I did wrong) but after talking to someone who has experienced getting cheated on many times, told me to talk to the girl because I had to put myself in her place and understand how it feels. I did end up talking to her and she told me that they were together for five years. Besides being heartbroken and feeling pathetic for believing every single thing he said and the fact I got used, I was shocked to know he cheated on his girlfriend of many years. I can't understand how a guy can say romantic things to one person while being with another...

Updates

+1 y

Found out by one of his family members, who was trying to figure out why his brother was doing this, Turns out that I was never the only one. He was with other girls besides me. I just happened to be the one who spoke up.

[Anonymous]

I can't understand it either to be honest, but if I look at things very objectively, I guess I can see why some people would do it. Of course not everyone has the same motivations. So let's rule out the pure wankers who would always do it no matter what other factors play a role. I think a lot of these cheaters do it because they are in relationships where they simply aren't happy. However, they aren't unhappy enough to end things, or they don't want to lose that stability, or the parts that they enjoy. So they look for someone else who can bring them the happiness they miss.

Then there's people who simply cannot commit to just one person (these people are sort of the pure wankers I mentioned in the beginning). Of course to you and me it's obvious that these people should simply remain single and date people without making any promises. But to these people, for some reason, this doesn't seem to occur. Or they are too selfish to realise that it's wrong to start a relationship with someone when you aren't actually ready to commit.

I have a male friend who was married for eight years. After the second year or so he became very unhappy in his marriage and he wanted to get out. Because his wife was very dependent on him though (he paid for her college, she had no job, she was ten years younger than him so rather immature and "lost" in life, etc.) he felt bad about leaving her and responsible for her. So he started having an affair with a neighbour and he also went to prostitutes a number of times. He truly believed that doing these things to make himself feel "happier" was better than just getting the divorce. So yes, I think a few people who have been in a relationship for years just cannot leave, even though they should, so they look for other people to give them what they need.

[Poppykate]

Why do they cheat? Because they are as*holes! You are better off without him! Don't waste the pretty!

[TMWLOP]

As much as I want to agree with the girls below and just call him an asshole, I dont think thats the case, manipulative, controlling or maybe even insecure would be a lot better, people are animals we all have needs on a basic level and some people are just able to not really assess that what their doing in todays society is morally wrong, your hurt and sad but pain is there to lead to softer better memories

[Rahdle]

Some guy are just losers. I could go on telling you how it's genetics for guys to want to have more than one mate but honestly, if a guy can't be loyal to one girl, he's 🐄💩. I'm sorry that he did this and I know there are many guys like this. But not all of us are bad. I'm sure you'll find a much better guy

[Cowboy6666]

May be he kept you just like a standby generator in case of his blackout... !!

[Anonymous]

Pay attention to his actions. Men lie just to get sex. Men can say anything does not mean it's true

[ArabianPwincess197]

I think its because they get away with it

[moxygirl11]

Because they want the best of both worlds

[LoverMike]

I'm sorry you had to go through that

[The_Cripts]

i didn't read the whole thing but it cuz there dix