How do I keep hope alive that I'll find love?

Question

How on earth do i do that when i keep coming across toxic guys who ghost me, act demanding on text, just want nudes or sex, or dont wanna make the effort. Just something in general always going wrong:( Why do people attack me when I just want fun? I mean nobody is taking love serious anymore and treatinf people like an option so that's why sometimes I feel depressed and say fuck it literally.

tatianamay · Accepted Answer

I figured out what the problem was the minute I finished reading your description. You are a "fixer." The guys you have dated may have something in common: all of them were jerks, probably emotionally unavailable, were on their way to fuck up their lives. It may be any one of the last two, or just all of them. I have never been in a relationship before, but the guys I kept attracting were fucked up. They were depressed, hurt, emotionally unavailable and broken. I remember having strong feelings for like around 2 months for this guy who was way more messed up than the 1 other guy I liked before. One was 16, and the other had turned 17 and depressed, i was 15. People told me that I had "savior complex" or something which was partially true.

I used to read so many books on how the girl helps the guy and they fall in love and stuff. But the truth is, I wasn't able to "fix" them. Both of them hurt me so bad and ghosted me. I realized that I have to stop being the "fixer" because I realized that you can never fix or change someone unless they're willing to change themselves. You need to stop being a fixer. Do not go on Tinder, people there just want sex or friends with benefits, go out and meet people. But firstly, I'd recommend you to concentrate on yourself. Don't be in a rush to find love, enjoy life. You're young, too much angst at 22, is not good. Chill a little. What are your interests? You like books? Go to a library. You like nature and want fresh air? Go to a park. You like dogs or cats? Buy a dog or a cat. Go to coffeeshops, meet people. You see a guy you find attractive? Make the first move. Just go and ask him out. But all of this, do it after you find yourself. And by finding yourself, I mean when you've healed, when you're ready to get back into dating. When you've found what YOU want. Have fun. Don't try to find love, just let it happen. But also make some effort. Just try to have fun. You've gotta kiss some frogs to find your Prince. Or Princess. Let's just say, all your exes were frogs, you'll find your Prince. But as much as you should just let it come to you, you can make an effort by going out, meeting people, asking your friends to set up on a blind date. But in all of this, don't always expect love. Sometimes it may work out, sometimes it won't. Just remember to be yourself in all your relationships. Don't let love consume you

Azura_88 · Accepted Answer

I want a loyal, loving guy without HIM wanting me to get pregnant.
I just want a childless marriage with a right person. If I change my mind, I might adopt a kid or two.
But girl I'm so sorry to say that 90% of guys only want sex, adventure, use you to fix their loneliness and boredom. Most men are biologically flawed. Rare ones exist but they're so invisible.

Still-alive · Accepted Answer

just think to yourself that "this feeling is temporary, it won't last forever" and also try to focus on yourself more than on getting with a guy for now.

Also i haven't found the love of my life either but i and peace with it. you just gotta think to yourself "is it really so bad if i end up single my whole life"? you may one day find that you will be ok answering 'yes' to this question because maybe just maybe you found a different purpose in your life. so yeah just focus on yourself. if it happens great, if it doesn't happen also ok.

SomeGuyCalledTom · Accepted Answer

Do you want "love" or "just fun". Because while falling in love is fun in itself, "just having fun" implies your intentions are not pointing in the direction you claim. If you want to find love, get serious about that goal. If you wanna sleep around without strings attached, go do that. But fox who chases two rabbits catches none. You can't have it both ways, unless you intend to attract the sort of guy who is willing to play along with the pretension of romance in exchange for the heartless fucking.

Aleximorgan · Answer

we are one in the same girl. just date multiple guys at once, go on multiple dates with different guys. dont limit yourself to dating one guy at a time I've learned that the hard way recently. hop on a dating app and start talking chica!!

Alyssa11 · Answer

Girl I was feeling that way and then a couple of days ago this cute guy approached me and he’s made his intentions clear. What I’m trying to say is that there’s plenty of good guys out there and you’ll know he’s good because he won’t make you doubt it. Don’t give up. Also sometimes you attract people that reflect something within you. Maybe you need to work on something within yourself.

Nikola321 · Answer

Ngl, I feel you. Girls are like that too nowadays, they wanna have multiple bfs at once, they just want sex, then we have many girls only wanting to date tall & rich guys etc.
But, keep in mind, just like there's u, and me, there are many girls and guys that respect love and look at that stuff that way. So, it might seem hopeless, but u'll eventually find smn like that. It will prob take some time though :D

FlowerSeeds · Answer

Hey girl just pray and ask lol these guys ain't worth it trust me ~ especially these ghosting and wanting only sex guys

Leavesbound · Answer

Know that guys 5-10 years older than you will be as mature as you are while guys your age have the maturity of a 13 year old girl. Unfortunately the only way you are going to find your emotional match, in all likelihood is to date guys a few years older. 27-32 years old will want the same things in life that you do. It's mother natures cruel joke on young women.

Honesttguy · Answer

All you can do is improve your dating strategy, bars are place for most people, art galleries filter out large portion of people, think ehat you want and ask question where does this person hangs out? Grocery shops we all need food so biggest variety of people from all subcultures go through. Be smart and approach it in strategic way.

Overmind · Answer

There's a reason people attract the ones they do, they're the only common denominator involved. You have to identify what's attracting those types & change. Example: When I was younger I would always attract damaged types because I was what I refer to as a "fixer" (subconsciously attracting women who were damaged & trying to fix them). I learned since then but took a lot of effort. Felt like a amateur psychologist by the time I succeeded.

Rachelle_FR · Answer

I had the idea to become bicurious, just to try.

I ended up having a caring, adorable and childish girlfriend (she's 20 and I'm 21, but we talk like kids).
I don't think I regretted that.

Hope you'll find an idea as well. ❤️

exitseven · Answer

Go out and meet people in real life. You will not find what you are looking for with Tinder. Do not be in such a hurry. Make a goal for yourself and work towards it. Nobody wants somebody that is not interesting.

pink_and_inlove · Answer

If I can find love you can too I used to always get ignored by everyone and I’ve been ghosted too you just have to keep trying I found the love of my life on Bumble and we’ve been together for over a year and plan to get married in the future

MotorcycleMan · Answer

Get off social media and meet people in person. They're much nicer there. Also, yeah, dump the toxic guys. Nobody needs that.

DaveToo · Answer

You are 22. Change where you go to do things. If you are religious, change churches. Go to a gym near you, and get into those sexy gym shorts, and hit the treadmill and pool.

BCRanger10 · Answer

"Why do people attack me when I just want fun?" Well, which is it? Do you want love or do you want "fun", whatever that means?

Twalli · Answer

That's because you attract them and are attracted to them also. It's statistically impossible that EVERY guy that is interested in you is toxic. You just turn down the ones that aren't toxic due to physical appearance.

poneglyphs · Answer

Same dude it's so annoying and bs. Also, very annoying and lame dude.

Miristheiss · Answer

Keep trying... keep asking others out... keep flirting... keep smiling... keep being friendly... keep saying hi... keep being open and vulnerable.

monkeynutts · Answer

Take an deep breath, exhale, say fuck em and move on to the next asswhole. You girls get a tough ride. You got to kick the backseat drivers out of the car, take control of your life.

InferiorElegy · Answer

You're 22 and female and you're worried about this? That's fucking funny. You're female you choose who to date, so choose, that's all there is to it for females.

Yourfriend2021 · Answer

Don't worry, you're still young , but it's not easy in today's world. I'll be your friend if you need one.

Romeocuck · Answer

Trust god. You have love waiting for you down the road

Marhaban-1 · Answer

Read or watch 50 shades of grey until you know it off the top of your head

Anonymous · Answer

I have a feeling that you'll have a pretty decent dating life for your 20s

Lynx122 · Answer

You can't have it both ways and say you believe in love but you just wanna have fun because everybody else doesn't. Either you actually believe in it and you stick to that or you don't.

Anonymous · Answer

in here is plenty of reasonable guys, reading through the comments

Andres77 · Answer

Keep breathing and don't be fatalistic.

COMMODOREII · Answer

Where are you looking for these guys?

PBarlow · Answer

You don't, I gave up on it already.

Hangrry22 · Answer

Other people have it. So obviously it exists

Stevefiveo · Answer

Maybe date a different kind of guy.

anylolone · Answer

Try getting laid at least, or at least making out.

JesseJayNeak · Answer

That's what happens when you go after the bad boys

msc545 · Answer

Read romance novels.

How do I keep hope alive that I'll find love?

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