She turned me down, but gets furious when I dont want to stay friends?

[madr4567]

Dated a girl for a couple of months. Amazing chemistry. She said yesterday that she was not feeling it and suggested, that we should remaim friends. I told her that was not an option. She asked me why and I said. You gave me an offer that I will not accept. I will be more than happy to date you more, but I will never accept «just friends». She then called me a bad word and walked away from me. Why did she Get so mad?

Updates

+1 y

Deleted her from social media. She showed up at my door and begged for foregiveness. Talked about our relationship. Made clear that she had meant a lot to me, but I needed to think. Is she just manipulating me?

[JoseyWales4]

Dude good for you. I’m not just saying this but you’re a king for that. She’s the one with the problem not you. The reason she’s upset is because girls like to make guys their dog on a leash and hang themselves over you to torture you. When a girl puts a dude in the friendzone she’s either really naive on male to female relations. Or she’s doing that as a power play to dominate your interactions and to stroke her own ego. And to have a security blanket whenever she has romantic problems with guys she actually has interests in. So her getting mad at you is proof that she wanted the latter.

dude good for you and I seriously congratulate you for being a real man. If I could I’d do your laundry for a week

[madr4567]

Hahahahaha 😂😂😂

[Mofunfour20]

Because she likes your non sexual energy. Listening to her problems. She wants to use you as a therapist or emotional tampon. If a woman cries or gets upset when she isn't alone, its manipulation. Especially when you feel its not warranted. You sound like tou have good instincts, Godspeed.

[madr4567]

It hurts, but you are most likely right. 😊 I care about her, but no way im going back to being just friends after skrelling with her. Just not worth it.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Because she wanted things on her terms and isn't used to rejection.

Good on you for standing up for yourself.

Not everyone can be friends. That's fine, normal, and healthy.

I think you dodged a bullet with her, with that response.

[madr4567]

Thank you 😊

[Smoke-n-Growls]

@madr4567 In response to your update - yes she is attempting to manipulate you.

Do not fall for it.
You could offer her this simple piece of advice: dating is not a game, love is not something to be toyed with. If she wants to play games, she can - but you're having none of it and you're worth honest connection.

Do not fall for her games. She's just a manipulative person caught out in her lies and she's freaking out. She's not even friend material.

[madr4567]

I gave her 24 hours to figure out why her behavior was bad and why I will not tolerate it anymore with examples. Also explained why we never can be "just friends"again. If her apology is sufficient, but I highly doubt it, I will accept it. It is hard to throw away all we have accomplished in the last 24 months. She probably doesn't deserve it.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

I'll acknowledge I'm missing context. I was under the impression you'd been together for a shorter period.

That said, length only makes her initial rejection even more odd and her manipulation more bare.

I caution against trusting she can change. Manipulators often pretend they're gonna change, but use this as a tactic to draw you in again.

Even at the end of this, however, it would be helpful for her to know specifically what she'd done wrong. It's optional - only do this if you feel truly up for it - but telling her how she made you feel, why specifically you don't appreciate what she'd done, and how you think she can be a better person in the future.

It's like the last positive thing she'll get from you. Think of it as the fond farewell to 24 months.

[madr4567]

2 years ago i was unemployed. Last Monday I started as a Consultant in one of the big consulting-firms. She was a D-student, now she has been accepted at an Ivy League School. Dated for about 4 months.

[madr4567]

She came over and we talked through. Did not buy it, so we ended it. Really sad, but expected 😔

[LadyCroft]

move on dude. there are plenty of girls who are DTF

[Username371]

lol her entitlement... say no.
we guys wouldn't be talking to girls there wasn't a remote possibility for sex.
buddies are much more interesting for discussing sports, philosophy, cars, fishing, business, ... buddies have much funnier jokes and hobbies/interests/chat topics.

a guy who freely pays for entertainment and give his attention for no sex is as pathetic as the woman who freely gives her p****y for zero attention from the guy.

[madr4567]

Harsh, but most likely true. I will miss her company though. Been a big help from unemployed to Consultant.

[JBlade]

She was entitled. You wanted to date seriously and she objected. She put out an offer to remain friends and you objected. You have just as much as a right to determine the status of the relationship as her. I don't know why some people think someone has to remain friends with them through all circumstances.

[MTC29]

You claim amazing chemistry. Well, apparently not for her. In your defense, she presented you with an offer which you found unacceptable. Question asked and answered. There was no reason for her to be upset, much less go off on you. The two of you had a good history, but that's gone. This is the risk you run when friendship becomes romance. BTDT. Move on.

[Anonymous]

She can't use you for attention, or as an emotional pillow when the guys she will date don't please her. She wants to have everything her own way. Most guys are simps and will accept any scraps they can get. Good on you for having boundaries and enforcing them.

But if she called you a bad word, then she shouldn't be given anything, neither friendship or a date.

[Opinion Owner]

[Opinion Owner]

Regarding your update. She called you a bad word which is disrespectful. That mans she does not get another chance, even if she begs. If you give her a chance just because she came crawling at your door, you are telling her that your boundaries and decisions mean nothing.

Tell her to go elsewhere... or fold and learn the hard way. It's up to you...

[Jfranco12]

Because she wants to be able to keep you as a back up plan while she goes and dates other people. She doesn’t want to feel the guilt of rejecting you. You did the right thing, she is very ego driven. I had the same thing happen to me.

[boggboss]

Because she wanted friendship only whilst u wanted more she just dealt with it like a idiot

[slatyb]

Why do you care? I think she just wanted the attention. You did the right thing.

[rcljr]

When you find the answer let me know, men world wide get put in the friend zone with no explanation.

[bamesjond0069]

she's being a ho. She got some dude she wants to go to for sex and wants you for the relationship part. Except you won't indulge her ridiculous offer.

[MotorcycleMan]

What difference does it make? Why would you want to be friends with someone who acts like that?

[madr4567]

The reason. 2 years ago i was unemployed. Today, I started as a Consultant in one of the big consulting firms. She has supported and helped me with confidence boosts and interview-Training. I am very thankful for her help.

[msc545]

She was mad because she didn't get her way - ignore her from now on.

[anylolone]

Same reason a guy would do the same.

[Kelly71]

Your a plan B Incase of emergency break glass.

[madr4567]

Why do some women think that way? What fo define as a «plan B»

[rcljr]

She wants a different guy, but if that doesn’t work she still wants you around to be able to date you, don’t do it. Go find another girl. She wants to have her cake and eat it too.

[AdithyaR]

Were you guys friends before you dated?

[madr4567]

Yes. For several years. She was a massive support when I Went from broke to a consulting job in the span of 24 months.

[AdithyaR]

Oh okay, now I understand a bit. When you said you didn't wanna be friends again, she would have felt that you saw her only as a potential girlfriend and you didn't care about your friendship before that.

[madr4567]

Oh. I can see how she felt that. Our friendship was amazing and things we achieved together was flawless. She got an offer from an Ivy League business program, from being a D-student. We laughed and joked and the most relaxed chemistry.

I feel I dont owe her anything. I really care for her, but I won't let her feelings go before mine.

[AdithyaR]

I feel neither of you are wrong here. She's not wrong for feeling bad for losing her friend and you're not wrong for wanting to move on and take care of your feelings.
Although a personal advice would be just apologise that you can't be a friend anymore and try end things amicably.

[madr4567]

Will do. 😊 She is the best woman I have ever met and I will try my best.

[AdithyaR]

And as someone who's been in your situation. If possible, do try to stay friends if it's at all possible. Cause I still have one of my best friends because we chose to work to overcome the awkwardness.
It's okay if you can't but at least a try will prevent you from regretting not doing it

[AdithyaR]

Okay reading your update, I'm in a confused state. Cause I'm not sure if she's being genuine or not.
Cause there's equal chances that 1. She had some time to think and actually wants you.
2. You deleting her social media made the loss more real and she's scrambling to keep you.
Either ways, it's up to you to decide what to do. Best of luck.