Date planned but no communication in 2 weeks?

[Cleverusername16]

Long story short I (M/ 20’s) haven’t heard from this girl (20’s) in 2 weeks. We’ve known each other for about a year and have been talking for the same length. Have our first date/meet planned for a few weeks from now because she’s moving to my area soon (she was living at home for a while because of COVID).

In our last conversation she said she would let me know exactly what day she was planning on moving but it would be mid/end of this month... that was 2 weeks ago. Since then I haven’t heard anything from her, even though she posts to her social media and still views mine. I initiate almost all of the time so I thought this was a good sign to that she was comfortable with texting first (already told her she can text anytime, it won’t put me off).

She will sometimes take hours- 2/3 days to respond but post to social media in between

Other times she will reply in 2 minutes. Once I sent her a text and as soon as I pressed send it got shown as “seen” but instead of replying right then she like the message, exited out of the chat, and replied hours later.

Despite all this she insists on meeting up, her interest, uses terms like ”we”, and talks about future plans. All very confusing.
Any advice on how to handle this situation? TIA!

[Anonymous]

I don’t feel very confident in the connection/mutual interest there. Not saying she doesn’t like you at all, but you want a partner that puts in the same effort that you do. To me, it’s a big red flag that if you aren’t reaching out then you two won’t talk. Then for her to not really engage, leaving you on read, days passing in between communication and now you haven’t heard from her in 2 weeks? You say you’re confused but I feel like the situation is crystal clear. I know men love the thrill of the chase but come on, you at least want her to try. Anyway, I wouldn’t count on this date, or ask about it because if she wanted to go she would’ve checked in by now. As far as her “interest”, I think she’s really making herself look bad in an attempt not to hurt your feelings or seem like a jerk. Especially if she’s not into confrontation then she will people-please towards you. It’s messed up, and maybe I wouldn’t hold it against her (I’m not into the energy a grudge Costs), but I’d definitely be done trying to initiate anything. Let her come to you a few times, if she even does that.

[Cleverusername16]

See that’s the thing, the week before she disappeared she Apologized for taking so long to respond recently and I told her not to stress over it and I wasn’t going to ghost her because of it.

She replied by saying, “I know, see you soon! So excited!”... so I’m not sure. The signals are so mixed. Maybe she has anxiety or something? She did send the last message after I ended our last convo maybe it’s some weird manifestation of “don’t double text”?

She’s had every chance to bail but hasn’t so I’m not sure why she would stick around and put in any effort if not interested.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, I feel like she’s doing this so that she won’t look bad to you, because I’m sure she values your friendship to an extent. But trust me, if she were genuinely interested then things wouldn’t be this way. She would at least try, not flake/ignore/etc, apologize then do it again. You shouldn’t want to pursue someone who treats you like that anyway. Your time and presence is important as well.

[Cleverusername16]

For sure! I just don’t understand it, I made it clear from the very beginning I wasn’t looking for a friendship so she would have been leading me on for an entire year... she also has started and initiated some conversations in the past, though it has been mostly me...

I just hate that she can’t be direct in her feelings. I want to confront her on it and just lay it all out there, do you think she would react badly to that? As in, telling her she’s been giving me mixed signals and I need to know whether she’s interested or not?

[Opinion Owner]

I completely get it dude, and you have every right to feel upset. To be fair, she was probably on the same page about wanting a relationship in the beginning, maybe even for a few months. But clearly something has shifted or changed and at this point she’s just being completely ridiculous and inconsiderate. I’m sorry, I’m sure after investing time and energy into that situation then to wind up like this is frustrating, but what’s to be done? You can’t get that time back and even if you confront her about it she will not be straight with you. She’ll have some “oh I’m sorry, I’ve been busy etc etc” bs story and then go on to do keep doing this same thing. It will only frustrate you more. I say you’ve poured enough effort and energy into that situation and it’s time to move on.

[Ethelred]

Honestly man I have had texting and online relationships like this one and almost all have ended in disaster or simply disappointment. A girl that's truly interested will initiate contact at least half if not most of the time (she won't be able to help it). Women are also on their phones all day long so while sometimes a couple hours to reply might be ok (we all get busy), 2-3 days is unacceptable if she really likes you (and you can see she's fine and on her social media during this time). Also there isn't a girl alive who would wait two weeks to contact a guy she's romantically serious about if she hasn't heard from him. Also the fact that she said she'd inform you the details during the move but didn't is another red flag. I feel for you because I've been here many, many times. Obviously you want to see this through as it would seem like a year waisted but I would end this and start fresh. Also talking about future plans and using "we" doesn't mean much as all of these girls I've had disappointing "purely text" relationships with would use that to keep guys from pulling away (mainly to keep your attention and validation). I wish I had better news but this is unfortunately how it is.

[HollyK21]

Very well said and I completely agree, if she was truly interested, Asker would know. Not all this taking days to weeks to even reply, completely unacceptable behavior.

[Cleverusername16]

I just don’t understand what the reasoning would be... we go to the same school so we will absolutely run into each other, why do this instead of just ending it? This just makes it more awkward!

Also small correction, she hasn’t moved yet. She is supposed to move by the end of this month but hasn’t told me when... she supposed to let me know so we could actually schedule a day for the date.

Literally the week before our last convo she told me “see you soon! Can’t wait”... wtf.

[Ethelred]

If she was going to school at home (or just simply at home) for the past year because of Covid she probably wanted male attention she wasn't getting and used this whole online thing as an outlet while she was stuck in quarantine. Again I wish I had better news but this is the most probable answer. I'd just end the online stuff where it is and then if you run into her at school by chance after her move maybe see what her vibes are. I wouldn't pursue anything more though even once she gets to your school though.

[Cleverusername16]

@HollyK21 not so much taking days to reply... the longest it’s taken has been 2 days with the exception of one instance and she apologized...

But it has been 2 weeks and she hasn’t started a conversation like she said she would, (I. e. let me know the move date). Maybe she just do eat see that as importantly as I do?

[HollyK21]

Honestly Ethelred is just hitting the nail right on the head with his interpretation of this. Especially the fact that she was probably seeking attention (or bored) while locked down like so many people were last year. Like you said, why would she act this way if she knows she’ll see you at school? I bet she’s banking on your kindness and that you won’t chew her out if you see her around campus. She will also probably be super apologetic like she didn’t mean it or some such thing. It’s very dumb of her but hey, whatever floats her boat I guess..

[Cleverusername16]

@HollyK21 you don’t think it would be worth having a final conversation about it? Reach out one last time and see if she brings up the move herself? Either way I can confront her about why she didn’t reach out and The mixed signals, tell her either she needs to step up or I walk and see from there. If she doesn’t like me, she won’t not like me less and if she has some other issue going on or is playing some dumb game she will get set straight.

[HollyK21]

@Cleverusername16 personally I don’t think you should. Maybe you’re seeking closure or still really want things to work out, but I feel like you’re getting your answer based off her actions. Two weeks with not a word I think that’s far from a mixed signal. Doesn’t really matter what she’s said/done beforehand when this is what she’s resulted to. I’m sorry, I know it sucks to invest your time and feelings into a situation and have it not work out but that’s just life, dude. Unless she reaches out to you then leave it alone.

[DarkWinterNights]

Cut ties and move on. There is simply busy, there is playing hard to get and then there is ignoring you because she’s either inconsiderate or not sure how to let you down. Regardless she isn’t worth your time. Sorry bud.

[Avicenna]

Just ask her to confirm the date and see how she’s doing

[humanearth]

Sounds like it won't go no where, time to move on