I feel like a loser because everyone has started to settle down and I haven't even got a boyfriend at 29. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

[VanillaSalt]

If your single at 29 ask why… Maybe your ugly, maybe your fat, or maybe your personality sucks. To be honest statistically if YOU can’t find a man/woman it says more about you then everyone else.


Personally I find that most average women only have to smile and be friendly and make themselves appear single and open. If a woman’s single and don’t want to be it’s because either her standards are too high or the men she’s picking are the wrong kind.


Nobody’s telling women not to have standards but let’s consider standards… The married CEO in a suits probably going to get you wet but I doubt he’ll leave his wife for you and I doubt he considers you at his level. But I bet me all greased up in my work uniform and my factory jobs not going to quite have the same effect. To avoid any arguments ima say by “you” I mean most women and by “me” I mean most blue collar men.


The thing is… women’s standards are very high in many big cities and they want the things that won’t last and don’t matter. His looks ain’t getting you wet in 30 years… his penis will shrivel, his income might change, his 6packs gonna be able to hold a 6pack in his 50s… when his looks fail, his clouts gone, he’s having trouble getting it up, and he’s nothing anymore but his personality… will you still want him?


The biggest complaint I have about women is they seem to be doing a majority of the leaving. Women cannot commit to anything. They jump job to job, relationship to relationship… and then get upset they have nothing to show for it. My grandparents were together for 40 years before they died. They didn’t always get along but when shit hit the fan my grandfather had the money to keep them going and my grandmother was always there for me and my brother. Our family succeeded together because they were together. Proof is in when they died my family literally fell apart.


Take it from me. No career, amount of money, conquest, or accomplishment will ever exceed what you accomplish when you bring together a family. I tell men not to pursue women because you women aren’t worth it anymore. Your fat, on onlyfans, combative, disrespectful, and think you deserve everything you want if you put forth a little effort and sometimes without effort. Let these women know they can be replaced if they don’t shape up. If that sounds bad remember men can be replaced too. Wouldn’t it be better if we decided instead of replacing we will stay together and work through our problems understanding we will never fully agree but we can at least get along and work together to build successful lives off the blood, sweat, and tears of each other over what we can accomplish alone ourselves?

[Babeknows]

“You’re combative”

Then goes on to attack women in every paragraph 🤣

[VanillaSalt]

Not attack. Just pointing out point of view or attack if you want don’t care. Fact is many women just are what I said.

[Babeknows]

Sure they are 🤣

[VanillaSalt]

Point out the part of what I said that was wrong instead of attacking my character.

[Pandupillu]

I hate to admit it , but there is truth to your words!

[Pandupillu]

Your last paragraph is just spot-on. Yes it is better to work through things instead of replacing each other. Well said dude. Wise words.

[Babeknows]

@Pandupillu Okay kiss ass you are dismissed

@VanillaSalt Your points do become absolutely invalid when there’s an undertone of hate towards women that I’m sensing. Check yourself.

[Pandupillu]

@Babeknows
You dismissing me, doesn't change the facts. There is literal truth to what he has said. Just because we are defensive it does not change the facts. Sometimes we need to keep our gender biases aside and accept few things, regardless of whether we like it or not. Don't get too carried away with your emotions, it affects your rationality sometimes.

[VanillaSalt]

@pandupillu unfortunately Babeknows is right. I’m definitely a woman hater. I’m also a man hater. I just hate people and society all together. However. I give basic respect to basic people. And individuals that distinguish themselves get real respect. The kinda respect that women like this babeknows thinks she deserves. I don’t think other than basic respect anyone deserves respect and it’s sometimes a pill that’s hard to swallow.

[Steven8000]

Bro! Even though we disagreed on other posts, I definitely agree with everything you said here EXCEPT about the part, that if a man is struggling with dating, that it must be his fault. Men could be doing everything right and still struggle big time with dating due to women being so dam picky with dating. Even so many below average looking and overweight women are picky when it comes to looks, etc. There is no excuse for women to struggle with dating regardless how she looks like, cause like you said, she is being too picky most likely. Or she is just sitting in a corner hardly doing anything with her time. Heck, women don't even have to do anything. They can just go on a dating site and get blown up with messages.

[VanillaSalt]

Meanwhile men think they can get away with doing nothing but working and still land a girl because their good men and hard workers -.-

No you actually have to go to the gym and put real effort and then learn how to smooth talk me into your bed because if you can’t sleep with them… which is 100x easier than making them commit for life then your better off without a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Buy a few 23andMe or Ancestry tests, depending on your region, and go to a sperm bank. Take a few samples and send them to see the ancestors of the donor and chose the one which is very likely to be of royal blood, or related to Jeff Bezos, and after you have the kid find the donor and sue him if he doesn't want to stay with you and give you all his money. After this, I think you are pretty much done. Now, yes, there are simpler methods, but where is the fun in those?

Seriously though, you can't rush love, and it's better to wait for the right person instead of regretting later and having a toxic marriage. However, if I were you, I would start to actively seek guys, to try and speed up the process, instead of just waiting for them to notice you. And I don't mean to speed up the process as in to get married asap, but to be able to go through men as quickly as possible until you find the right guy for you. I just think, though, if you are gonna wait a long time, and you still want kids, you may wang to freeze a few of your eggs, so you could get a surrogate in case you take too long to find your guy.

[Mishan97]

I feel like that too even though I’m only 23! Lol seems like everyone is getting engaged these days and I don’t even have a boyfriend! But girl don’t stress about it! Your time will come! There’s nothing sad about being single. You can travel, focus on your career, make new friends, explore your passions! As long as you don’t get depressed and stay holed up in your house you will find someone. You just have to trust that your person is out there. Everyone’s timing is different and it doesn’t matter if you get married now or later. I mean who knows, your friends that are getting married now could easily end up divorced in a few years. It’s much better to take your time and marry the right person than to rush things and just marry someone because you think you have to. Anyways, these days people get married later in general. I know so many people who didn’t get married until their 30s. Just don’t stress about it, and make sure you are going out and putting yourself in situations where you can potentially meet someone. Maybe try to be a bit more outgoing and I’m sure you will meet someone but if you think about it too much it won’t happen. You have to let go and be happy in the now and that will attract more men. Desperate women usually scare guys away lol. Good luck!!

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Life is not a race or a competition, and there's nothing wrong with being single at any age. There are plenty of people who are still not settled down by that age as well.

You can do what you can to put yourself out there to meet more people and go on more dates. Whatever you do though, don't feel like you need to settle for a relationship that doesn't feel right for you.

[Explorer91]

I’d say your living in a backwards place. Move to a major city. Lots of singles in 30s living their life and enjoying it. Trust me when those people start having kids.. then get divorced.. you won’t feel like the loser. Not so much because of the divorce but because they lose their freedom. I have many female friends with children in mid 30s and divorced. They cry at me all the time being so jealous. They can’t even go to the gym because there’s no one to watch their children. And can’t go on dates often coz no one to watch their children.
enjoy your freedom and embrace the positives of being single at 29 rather than looking at the negatives xx

[Cowboy6666]

Well I am single and still searching for someone serious but I can't lose hope :)

[Explorer91]

@Cowboy6666 yea it will come to you when it’s meant to come to you. I know it’s cliché but getting upset won’t axtually change anything...

[Cowboy6666]

right, I dont feel negative usually :) I am not upset :)

[Explorer91]

@Cowboy6666 Okay. when someone says they feel like a loser generally that is an upsetting feeling lol... hope it works out for you x

[Cowboy6666]

I know, they shouldn't feel bad because there are people in their 40s and 50s and still single

[Explorer91]

@Cowboy6666 divorce rate very high. So people who marry in their 20s may not be married at 40. So there’s people looking for someone at every age nowadays.. not like in the past.

[Sohard]

Aww don't be so hard on yourself girl, you aren't everyone else. You can't settle down just because other people seem to be doing it. If you are still fooling around at 29 then that is natural. Just don't let loneliness set in. Don't let a void get created within you that makes you try fill it. K. Just take it as it comes, the right one will come where you will settle down. Don't rush it or try make it happen because then that isn't natural and in sync with the universe. K my friend. Don't feel like a loser. People that settle down found love.

[Anonymous]

Just because everyone else has doesn't mean you have to lol. But if you are wanting to, being 29 means that you might have to be a bit more proactive in your search. Example if you've never approached guys, start. Especially ones you are interested in. One thing I can tell you just myself as I got older, I've been (and still am) single, however I never approach. I just assume that a woman isn't available unless I find out differently (because in my experience, they always are). So if other guys are like me, many will just assume you're not single possibly, especially as you get older.

[Gingersnapz74]

I'm not saying this to pressure you, just to inform. If you're interested in having a family, know that as you get older, your chances are getting slimmer and slimmer. Guys age, but they will always want younger women. It's not impossible to find a mate, but it's just more difficult and normally has baggage.

If that's something you want, then there's nothing you can do except put yourself out there, date and try to find someone. You won't find anyone by not looking.

[Asker]

I'm struggling to find a spark with any guy I meet

[TallAnon]

What do you consider a spark?
Perhaps you just need to give things more time.

[Gingersnapz74]

I have the same questions as @TallAnon
I mean not everyone is going to have a fairytale. There are so many great guys out there that women pass over because they think they're not Prince Charming. Many women have priorities and "requirements" for their mates that it's pretty laughable especially considering the flipside for guys is like, a pulse, the willingness to touch their wiener, make them sandwiches and not bitch at them constantly is about it. Yes, I'm joking but men are overall pretty simple to please.

How long do you date someone before you give up because you think there's no spark?

[VanillaSalt]

Lmao ginger. I love your comment I’m so following you. This is true. Men have low standards and they still are more likely to stick with a relationship that’s spinning it’s wheels.

Some men are diamonds hidden in coal covered in soot and yet to be polished and appraised and though I don’t recommend marriage I also don’t recommend complete separation of the sexes. LTRs are good for people that want a marriage option minus the state being involved.

[Gingersnapz74]

@VanillaSalt I think marriage is great if you want a traditional family. Many people want that, some do not. I never wanted children, but I wanted a partner. I was married, made that mistake and now I realize I don't need to be married. I'd happily date and be with someone without the state's involvement. The only reason you need their involvement is if you have kids in my opinion.

[VanillaSalt]

With all due respect. Men get nothing from marriage unlike women. Marriage don’t mean anything anymore because nobody knows how to work through the tough times. Women are the only ones that gain from divorce except in very extreme circumstances.

[Christine8]

Not at all. You can start dating now and you still have time at 29. See if you can find a partner and look for good qualities. Now you are at an age you would know what you want for your future and can look for someone nice that you can spend your life with.

[Seinna]

At one point you need to stop spending all your time with friends, but with a partner. So create profiles on dating sites and go out with men as much as you can.

You don't need to do anything else, just try to meet as many men as you can and eventually you'll meet one who's right for you and you'll both know.

[Anonymous]

Well I think it's pretty clear. PANIC!
Go out and latch on to the first guy you meet. Get pregnant pop out a kid. He should be showing his alcohol by then maybe he's even abusive. Have another kid with him because in women logic you think it will fix everything. Finally after he goes to prison or leaves you you'll be a single mother. You can try and replace him with one tinder date after the next. But each one is going to stay just long enough to tap that ass and then run. So if you're lucky you'll arrive at 40-50 bitter and jaded towards men.

I'm just saying ya know being single isn't always the worst thing. I prefer it to what the female species has to offer.

[jshm2]

You are just having a midlife crisis. it happens to some. Get yourself comfortable and sit yourself down and write down your goals and achievements to date and until you're 40. If you cannot match the two then you need to make some serious changes.

But if your goals and career is in the right direction then you don't need to worry about relationships quite yet. Mainly as you're probably a late bloomer - or need to use a matchmaking service.

[Fireguy17]

without knowing more maybe it is because you chose to get your life together/in order before you were ready to pursue a relationship.
There is nothing wrong with waiting until you are ready.
You have plenty of time ahead of you, the right person will come along and you will be ready to accept it.

[exitseven]

Everyone has a different timetable. You lived a different life than your friends did. It is not a contest. You are not a loser.
I met my wife under very lucky circumstances. It was a longshot really. If I didn't , I would imagine I would be a 50 tear old single guy.

[Fromdusktilldawn]

That is a low self confidence issue, you shouldn't care about others lifes. See it from the positive side: you're single which means you are independent, no commitment, no fighting at home, no crying kids to look after, you have your money for yourself

[kc_4308]

Yes she’s sounds desperate and lonely

[pinaypixie]

You should honestly live your best life. I was on the same boat because I’m honestly such a workaholic. I know I might sound pathetic since I’m telling you this at 21 but my friend group is around your age if that is your actual age irl :)


But yes, I literally had people over at my place every night until I downloaded Hinge and met my husband lol

[Caunsos]

Step one do you want a relationship because your friends are in relationship? If yes check your self you maybe your happy and not leting your self seeing it.

Step 2 if do want a relationship figure out the kind of partner you and works for you. That makes easy to find what you looking for.

[SenseiSeptred]

You are nowhere near a lover, when I broke up with my first girlfriend back in 8th grade, I didn't end up with someone until last year. That was a 19 long years of solitude wait my lady. However it ended up becoming a polyamorous relationship between 3 guys and 3 women and still gets to have people added. One big happy family you know.

[Chris2769]

30 years ago people got married at 20 so who says what is normal? Everybody has a different path to “the one”. Take it easy and be sure to be happy with yourself to ensure you get someone you deserve vs feeling your nog good enough and settling for the first guy who looks your way.

[Ninani]

Relax and stop comparing yourself to others. Take a look at your life and the choices you've made so far. Are you content, happy with your situation? If not, figure out what you want to change (that is within your own power) and work on that.

[Hanmakev]

I’ll be your boyfriend I don’t talk much and I drink a lot but I’m not like an angry drunk or anything it just makes me sleepy and I don’t use my penis even tho it’s 9in I’m a strict bottom I’m 6’1 and okay looking I’m slim too most of my body fat is in my ass ( like I said strict bottom) it’s not like Kim k or anything I’m what they call slim thick

[Pandupillu]

Life is not the same for everyone, you need to stop comparing your behind the scenes with someone else's highlights. Some people get a partner a little later. It's perfect. Sometimes people who get a partner a little later remain happy together lifelong compared to those who were comitted from a very young age.

[Woke51]

What you should do is stop comparing yourself to others and focus on your own life journey.

[Steven8000]

Easy to say man for you. I never had a girlfriend in my life and I'm 30. I also only got laid one time for free so far.

[dustybiker]

How do you spend your free time? What are things you have always wanted to do or try but haven’t yet? Get out and try them. Be around new people. If we keep in consistent circles it can start to feel hopeless.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Don't rush it. Rushing things can land you into the hands of piece of trash. My advice will be find a good Christian church in your area and beg God to bring you a good and Godly man. Yes I said beg. Begging God daily works.

[VanillaSalt]

I hate god… either he’s an ideal which is dying or he’s an Omni-potent asshole that allows this shit to happen.

[Seinna]

It literary works, I've tried it XD

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

@Seinna: Congrats. 🙌

[kc_4308]

I’m 33 and have no experiences with men like that less more a date. Join the crowd honey - we’re in the same boat.

[kc_4308]

What I’m after is rare as most guys aren’t traditional anymore not in large numbers. It’s about sex and modern dating. It’s why I stopped dating collectively.

[Danish87]

@kc_4308 it's not so, you look around and you will find guys traditional only.

And may be it's just in our head, as our age people dealing with new generation too and thinking same. But our age is still traditional thinking.

[kc_4308]

I don’t say all @Danish87 I said most guys aren’t traditionally- for the few guys you’re outnumbered by guys of today. I’m not in the dating world anymore it’s depressing af

[Danish87]

@kc_4308 yeah I know, even I commented on most guys and not all. There are always exception so can't say 100%.

[Danish87]

@kc_4308 and don't lose hope, you will get one.

[kc_4308]

@Danish87 I’ve been single since 2013 and I’m fine if the right man shows up fine

[Danish87]

@kc_4308 hey Same here.

[kc_4308]

Not looking nothing at this point

[Hadyyy]

Hey. I'm 29 and still haven't had a girlfriend yet while most of my friends are or already have settled down but that doesn't mean that we are being left behind. or that we won't find love or the perfect partner. life is shit tbh. But you should it live it to the fullest

[bamesjond0069]

Maybe focus on providing value in things men actually care about. Lower your expectations. When you provide more value and less expectations you will find more men. Good luck.

[Asker]

What do guys value. Nah I just dodnt date at all I travelled and studied all my 20s but I feel ready for someone now

[bamesjond0069]

Sweet caring feminine cook clean not a slut (except for with him) submissive physically appealing. Hope that helps.

[Apple1996]

Best thing to do is not stress about it. I guarantee once you stop caring so much things will magically fall into place

[MotorcycleMan]

You don't need a boyfriend to be a whole person or to enjoy life. Just have fun enjoying life anyway :)

[VanillaSalt]

Correction. You don’t need anyone else to live but everybody needs someone at some point. Real friends you know will be there or family. Eventually these things are going to be less common with all the division being pushed.

[MotorcycleMan]

@VanillaSalt True. Human contact and intimacy are important parts of life, but I think if you focus more on enjoying life you'll be a happier person and a happier person is more likely to find a mate.

[VanillaSalt]

Then if you never found someone and never had any kids or family of your own you’d feel complete in your 60s?

[MotorcycleMan]

@VanillaSalt Yes, but that's me. I've just seen too many people obsess about finding a mate that they think they are in love and want to marry the first person to glance their way. I've never seen that lead to happiness. Being happy with your life regardless of your partner status make is more likely you'll find a partner too.

[hashimato]

I hope you find your soulmates , I can say just follow your dreams what you like, love , I assure you that you will find your soulmates

[ohshee]

Relax be patient and don't call yourself a loser. It will happen when you want it to or when you're absolutely ready for it

[forthright]

Why feel like a loser when you can also just pick someone to settle down with? You're not a fuckin alien mate! Go and find someone!

[IveGotNoName]

My brother met his now wife when he was 31 years old and he had never been in a relationship in his life prior to... don't lose hope.

[Jamie05rhs]

Where did he meet her? I need advice lol.

[IveGotNoName]

His workplace, she asked out him😂

[IveGotNoName]

No laughing emoji, I meant🙃

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh! That's really cool.

[Jamie05rhs]

Was she a coworker or a customer?

[IveGotNoName]

Coworker

[IveGotNoName]

But they're doctors so they move between hospitals a lot so they're not coworkers anymore

[Anonymous]

Sailing in the same boat
Don't have a girlfriend
No financial saving - as good as beggar
All friends are settled down and doing good in life
I feel like I have lost my value in this life
Just living for my mom and dog at the moment as they are my responsibility
Once they are gone - My plan is to go as well adios to this wasted life of mine :)

[LuketheDuke]

You sound like you are struggling. I am available to talk if you feel the need. Send me a message.

[Opinion Owner]

@LuketheDuke Thanks for being kind and offering your help.
Some people can't be helped that's the way it is.
But I really appreciate it, thank you so much. God bless :)

[Danish87]

There are many people on same boat. Just don't feel like loser. Engage with people on social site.

Or get registered on matrimonial, this will help you find partner.

[Browneye57]

Start with DATING. Seriously.
You have to BE a friend to HAVE a friend. Consider focusing less on YOU and more on what you'll DO for your man. You might even find a keeper.

[newboy78]

It's okay, just stay patient keep working hard, everything will fall in place at the right time

[FilmGuy93]

reevaluate your behavior and standards, then start getting intentional about dating men. Don't do that online dating bullshit.

[FunkyMonkee]

I'm twice your age and I still don't even have a girlfriend!!!

[zagor]

Do what you want. If you don't want to settle down then don't worry about it. Don't compare yourself to others, find what is right for you.

[Anonymous]

You're too old now. The market is saturated in young poon. Have you thought about adopting a cat or two? It's a viable option.

[DWornock]

At age 20, girls sell it. At 30, they give it away. At 40, they buy it. At her age, to believe she can sell it is delusional.

[Luckycharms12]

Relax and do you good few my friend are married and have kids I'm in no rush I'm doing me loads time to settle down

[Asker]

People keep pressuring to go out and date I'm not even one bit interested still. I just feel pressured that's why I asked this question

[Luckycharms12]

People ya they do that but fuck them it's your life you do you move when you're ready

[Gingersnapz74]

No one's making you date, and if you don't want to then don't! You don't have to have a partner to be happy. You may be one of those people who are loners, and will be happy single. There are people out there like that and again there's nothing wrong with it.

I said what I said just to tell you because many women do not realize that if they do want a family and kids and what not, that your time is kinda limited, women, unlike men have a shelf life. If you're not interested in a conventional family, then who even cares? You do whatever you wanna do that makes you happy! That's the #1 rule in life. You find your own happiness, you can't depend on others to find it for you.

[VanillaSalt]

@Gingersnapz74 yes but her shelf life’s coming up. If she can’t decide soon then she won’t have the chance so being Aires definitely best. Soon.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

We can be losers together? 😜 (28 and i feel your pain lol)

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

Jokes aside, I wouldn't fret too much. Try to see the funny side in it, life can get absurdly amusing when you're off the beaten path while those around you do the "done thing" and settle down at 25.

[emilym12345]

Consult a Wiccan and get a true love attraction spell

[Anon12897]

I’m going through the same thing, just remember that it’s a choice! You can get any half ass partner but you want someone who meets your standards and that’s why you’re single.

[kc_4308]

Bingo ! Standards!

[Pejtu]

Shit happens meaby just find urself friends with benefits or something?

[Raperonzolo_Viv]

Don't think that way. I'm sure you find the unique person for yourself.

[FreeOhSeven]

Be comfortable being yourself, don’t rush into anything trying to keep up with the Jones’s!

[najekim]

Be patient. One day you'll accidentally stumble across the love of your live.

[fred_durst]

why someone is loser because they dont have partner?

[EnglishEuropean]

Focus on your career. You can always become a crazy cat lady.

[OddBeMe]

Stop measuring your life by others. Just find happiness. It'll all be over too soon.

[Hillary86]

Your not a loser you just haven’t found the one yet.

[Youdumbeotch]

Hehehe cats and adoption.

Or

Sex change, maybe you’ll be more successful as a male?

[imbeingmyself]

u just have to understand that life isn't a race that u have to be first, every Person have his and her own race to win..

[Slim57]

Think about how the people in their 40s feel. But neither of you should worry about it, it will happen if you want it to bad enough

[KingDisease]

If you want a family and yoh value relationship then date!

[Anonymous]

the person i love is 29 i love them with all my heart and soul

[Anonymous]

Marry a redditor, some one with power like a mod on /r/news

[soe11]

Take your time, it is a life time decision.

[Schizoaffective]

Everyone has their own pace in life

[Iron_Man]

It’s OK you’re late bloomer not a problem

[Made4sex]

I mean you could except my date! Lol!